Dancing With the Stars -- Week 2 Results

Let's start off the show with what? A RECAP!!!! If you are one of the awesome people reading this, then you should know where to read an awesome recap. :-P

Time to fast forward through the recap...

Fascinating... Tom lets us know that next week... there will be a "Dreaded Double Elimination!"

My prediction? Someone gets hurts... bails... and it will be a single elimination.

They are getting right into it with saving people... since we have the Dance Off function/component/aspect to get to!

The first four couples saved are:
1. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani
2. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas
4. Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- NICE! America really likes them and when they announce the by far last place performer for the week in terms of judges scores... Karina screams louder than I have ever heard.

How do we first kill some time? We get Samantha whose grasp of the English language keeps getting worse with each passing week... interview two non-stars, adorable pre-adult Shawn Johnson and then super duper geek and lovable dork Steve Wozniak. Of course, Steve is funny and charming in his own way.

Let's save four more!

5. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska
6. David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson
7. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
8. Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- Dammit... Blech... Gross...

We learn that they are adding two new dances... the Lindy Hop and Argentine Tango. In an interesting piece, we get the dances shown to us by Corky Ballas and Cloris Leachman... It's funny and Len basically does voice over of film of the other two as they basically perform in a silent film style movie.

Darryl Hall and John Oates are performing and I am sure as shit NOT fast forwarding for them. I will admit this to you... my readers... I like them a lot... They aren't doing as well as I would like them to, but hell... it's fun.

Is their drummer Admiral Adama? (Yay! Geek humor...)

Adele is up singing her "Chasing Pavements". No fast forwarding here either... She can sing and Edyta is on... in one of her classic outfits and she's dancing with her hubby Alec Manzo. Not bad to all... even though Adele looked really distracted as the audience reacted loudly to some of the moves of the married couple...

Video montage to apparently tell us ... the audience ... that the dance off is important. Heh heh... No shit Sherlock.

Time to reveal the two last people saved and the two in the dance off...

9. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- Huh? Oh well. :)Not Denise.
10. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

The two couples in the dance off are... Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin and Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks sooooo pissed off!)

Dance Off!!!!!!

Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin dance first. They are re-doing the Samba and got a 17 last night. Let's see if they can do it. They practiced all day and she has more confidence! Good for them... silly video packages... She sems to have improved some, but is still somewhat unsure and wooden... I am rooting for her though... :) The judges thought it was better and seemed to like it. The one thing I am not keen on is Holly's nervous laugh. It kind of makes me nervous. Her scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18. (One better than last night!)

Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy dance second. Denise was in the confession and seemed to blame it on her shoes? So they rehearse some more and it isn't fun to watch. She's not fun to watch. She just seems horrible and Maksim seems to want out, but oh well. She starts her dance and it's just so wooden.... but I am jaded by it. She got a 16 last night. Bruno thinks she was tons better... Dammit... Denise liked her better too. Blech. Len thought she deserves to stay too. ARGH. Her scores are 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20... an improvement of 4 points.

The couple getting booted is... Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy

God bless you America... I adore you and I thank you for putting her in the dance off... giving her a chance to improve greatly and then... booting her ass...

Thank you America!

Happy Birfday Smelmooo's Sistah....

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 2

Last week we saw Belinda Carlisle "go go " out of the ball room... REALLY TOM?... REALLY?

LIIIIIVE...

They all walk down the stairs... and "ALL" is the operative word since no one is too injured... GIlles fell a bit down the stairs... sucker...

Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy dance first and I can get my anomosity out of my system pretty early since I still can't stand her or him (sorry Megan *tag* and Lori). Maksim also wears a funny pink dress... uhh... Looks like you will never get him.... Lori... Megan..... :-P. They are dancing the Samba and I know I don't like her, but I am not impressed wit it at all... and the singing from the band... is just bad. Len liked it? GO BRUNO!!!! He hated it...and so did Carrie. The scores are 5, 6, 5 for a total of 16.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance second. We are reminded that he is a "potato farmer" and I am reminded that I don't like him because he is dating my girlfriend. TW is totally not jealous of this at all... Julianne speaks so nice of him... and is mean to him. They dance the Foxtrot and the music drives me nuts tonight. It's just bad! The dance ... to me was a big improvement for him. The judges felt that it was an improvement but still not great. The scores are 8, 7, 8 for a total of 23.

Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin dance third... and she looks fabulous. Of course she does... She is learning the Samba and we see lots of footage of her and Charlie Chaplin argue. It's somewhat entertaining... She has trouble being jiggly... really???? Her dance starts and she shakes her tassled boobies all around and the crowd goes nuts... (Yeah... it's the crowd...) Seriously... the crowd really does seem to like her and that is interesting to me. Carrie Ann didn't like it. Neither did Len or Bruno. The scores are 5, 6, 6 for a total of 17.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer decide to actually dance in the show! Steve-O has the most forced comment of the night... "I don't want to rest... I want to dance!!!!" Wow... that didn't sound forced or odd or anything... They are dancing the Foxtrot... yum yum... You can tell half way through the dance that he is in an incredible amount of pain and sort of pulls up. The judges think he started off so well... and then lost it. Backstage, we learn that he tried "too hard" and blanked during the dance. The scores are 5, 5, 5 for a total of 15.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska dance next and I still think that Edyta is the best... She is teaching LT the Samba... and he is stressing out big time. He seems to like it and wants to do it right. So he even gives up his golf game... and it makes me actually laugh out loud... :) and I never laugh at a New York Giant... :-P The judges like him for the most part... giving him some criticism, but it is something he will listen to anyway. The scores are 7, 6, 7 for a total of 20.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas is just toooo cute. We see her talk to her friends online and she is then stuck in a prom dress to dance the Foxtrot for a national audience. It's elegant, but I must really criticize the producers for dressing her in that dress. It's a bit too much adult for a 17 year old. Regardless... it was a super nice dance... and the judges agree... The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance next and must I remember you all that Gilles is not a star? I didn't think so. We meet Gilles French mother... and she watches him dance. He dedicates the dance to his mom. It's a bit early for the Mom.... Gilles. Time to dance the Samba... and he looks hot doing it and the ladies all show their excitement. Great dance and the judges like it a lot. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson dance next and they are going to try really really really hard and impress the judges. They are dancing hte Foxtrot... (Editor's note -- they got uber hosed last week with the judges and this week beter be better!) I liked it. Bruno liked it too. Carrie Ann gave him two snaps up. (Get it? They were both on In Livin' Colour)... The scores are 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff were in the dance off last week. He is having such a nice time doing this and it's somewhat infectious. During the video... we see him get ambulanced out. He pulled his hamstring.... and likes it so much that he dances through the pain. Here comes his live Samba. It's just not good, but damn... he enjoys himself. The end was a train wreck... with Wozniak doing the WORM. You read that right. He did the Worm. The judges are just horrible. The scores are 4, 3, 3 for a total of 10.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are third to last and she is NOT a star... but I suppose she will get tons of votes from the chicks that feel spurned... it's an audience I suppose. We get to see her actually say goodbye to her work and more. They are dancing the Foxtrot... and I am reminded again that she is not a star... Of course it is a good dance... of course. Judges like it and Carrie Ann brings her down to Earth a little bit. Good for her. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up second to last. I dislike her more than Denise. *SIGH* She is dancing the Samba. The judges liked her. *SIGH* The scores are 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance last. Alright... he's got such a simplistic charm that you have to like him. I just wish the cowboy hat wouldn't look so big on his head.They are dancing the Foxtrot tonight... and Chelsea looks nice... that's weird... Low middle of the pack and he's got maybe three to four weeks left... Carrie Ann thinks he is the most improved. The scores are 8, 8, 7 for a total of 23.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 27
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 27
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 27
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 25
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 24
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 23
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 23
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 20
Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin -- 17
Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- 16
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 15
Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- 10

Book 21 of 52 -- Bruce Campbell's Make Love: The Bruce Campbell Way

This is a great new book from Bruce "Don't Call Me Ash" Campbell, star of the Evil Dead films. This is quite different from his first title, "If Chins Could Kill, Confessions of a 'B' Movie Actor." Campbell's great sense of humor lifts this title above the average Hollywood trash. Plus, he played Ash, so ya gota love him.
While "Chins" was autobiographical, "Make Love" picks up where his first tome left off - present, day real life.

"Make Love" starts in real life, but quickly takes a hilarious, fictional detour through the life of an "A" movie actor. It reads very much like the first book. It is in the first person, but nothing in MLTBCW actually happened. Bruce gets a part in a move with Richard (A**BAG) Gere and Rene Zellweger (sp?). He makes all sorts of very funny faux pas while researching the role (including an old-fashioned southern duel of all things). All the great comedy is there, and Campbell flashes back to many of his other films and TV shows, all within a fictional context.

A must read for any BC fan, especially if you liked "Chins." Campbell's Hollywood insight and humorous situations (and funny photos and graphics) make this a page-turner from start to finish.

Book 20 of 52 -- Stuart Woods' Mounting Fears

Stuart Woods is a skilled author, creative and interesting story lines.

He is creating the impression that he , like James Patterson are turning out "quickie" books, because they will sell and make money.

I would suggest that a return to the more detailed and deeper stories of the earlier Stuart Woods and fewer books will prevent Stuart Woods becoming just another mass producer of novels.

"Mounting Fears " was a good read but lacked some depth.

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 1 Elimination

Hey Kids!!!! We are about to boot our first dancer this seasons... this year... and it is time to woo hooooooo....

Before we begin... there is a new rule this season... it's a "Dance Off." Here are the official rules on the abc.com website. **On results night, the two couples with the lowest combined score from judges and viewer votes will compete in a "Dance Off" in the first weeks of competition. Their original set of judges scores will be tossed out and they will perform the same routine again for a new set of judges scores. The new set of scores will be combined with their viewer votes and the couple with the lowest combined total will be eliminated.

It's a neat idea... so let's get to the show!

The show starts off right away with Big Bad VooDoo Daddy performing... fun... but that is what fast forward is for...

It's time to hear from Steve-O to hear about his condition... he gave us an update and he is back and ready to dance. The images of him on the stretcher are common to many of us. Samantha WAS HORRIBLE IN THAT INTERVIEW... Argh...

It's time to save four couples...
1. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska
2. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas
3. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
4. David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson

Commercial... and then FOUR MORE SAVED!

5. Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy TRIPLE BLECH!!!!
6. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani
7. Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- BLECH!
8.Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke

We are treated to a Celebrity Survival Guide from Cameron Matheson... who offers a bunch of advice to the contestants. It is an attempt at humor and makes me cringe slightly.

We come back to the hosts and Samantha sure seems to have enjoyed it... so much so that she can't say the frigging word... CHOREOGRAPHY...

Jewel sings... and dammit... my distaste gets stronger since she butchers Somewhere Over the Rainbow... (No talent hack who only succeeds on other people's writing... You go Steve Poltz!)

Our next video package features the stars talking about their opponents... There are some interesting comments... and then... Lil Kim speaks and I want to gouge out my eyes. I like it when Holly speaks. *swoon*

Let's see who is lastly saved and won't be in the dance off...

9. Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin
10. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower
11. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer

In the dance off, we have... Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts VS. Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff

Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts are up first and are going to their Salsa again. We get a cheesy video montage and then their dance starts again. Jonathan Roberts is not a great choreographer... I agree with someone who said that to me recently. There are a number of mess ups in the dance... and we see why they might not be in the top 10. They got an 18 in this the last time. Their scores are 5, 6, 6 for a total of 17.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff dance second. They got a 17 on their Quick Step last night. It seems like Karina and Steve are getting along better. He's doing better tonight I think. Soo... I am now qualified to be a judge.... I thought it was actually better than last night. The judges rave about his enthusiasm. Their scores are 6, 5, 6 for a total of 17.

Who will be booted?

Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 1.5

They danced last week... we voted last week... they get to dance AGAIN this week... and we get to vote again this week... that's a lot of points and votes to count...

There are a ton of rumors that maybe more of these pseudo-stars might be hurt like reformed Jackass.. Steve-O, but we shall see what is going on... on the show itself...

We are.... LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not really... since we are watching it on DVR... a bit behind... )

It's a cold opening and Samantha Harris is wearing a god awful purple dress that totally covers an entire arm and exposes the monster muscle other arm. Time for the "stars" to walk in and Lacey walks in without her partner Steve-O... WHAT?!?!?!

Steve-O hurt himself earlier today... and Samantha forgot to remove whatever was in her mouth when she was speaking.

Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin are up first and it is good to see that Nancy O'Dell was replaced with a much hotter chick. Take that Nancy! They are going to learn the Quick Step, but they play a game of 20 Questions to get to know each other and learn that they are complete opposites... wow... so.. um... exciting. Her strategy is to have people look at her face... but I was watching her feet! and they were all over the place.... not in a good way... The judges were critical of her... but I bet they will give her decent scores regardless. The scores are (6, 6, 6 - 18) + 18 from last week for a total of 36.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson dance second. During his video segment, David is his normal hilarious self, but shows his willingness to learn and try things hard... so that's cool. It's the Salsa! (I like Tostito's with my salsa...) To my incredibly untrained eye... it looks great... but we shall see in about 30 seconds... The judges were rough... really rough... I cannot judge this shit. The scores are (6, 5, 6 - 17)+ 19 from last week for a total of 36.

Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy is third... and it kills me that they call her an actress, because she sucks... They are doing the Quick Step. She hates the creator of the Quick Step and frankly... shows me her shitty personality side.. since she wants to critique someone... Phew... She is dancing to Grease... I hate that too... Her mouth is open the entire time and my wife is yelling... "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" and she's not even talking... pretty damn awkward dance... The judges liked that?!?!?! blech. The scores are (7, 7, 7 - 21) + 18 from last weekfor a total of 39.

Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts dance fourth. Belinda took last week's criticism a bit to heart and uber nice Jonathan Roberts talks her off the ledge. They are going to add some Go-Go's moves into their Salsa (which I like with Tostitos) to make her feel more comfortable. They are all blue!... What?!?!??!?!?!?? Now... I thought the dance was a bit stilted, but we shall see. Uber moderate criticism... The scores are (6, 6, 6 - 18) + 17 from last week for a total of 35.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dances fifth and the rodeo champion was "roped in" to do this... get it?... Tom is so awesome. He claims that his Cha Cha Cha was just a Cha since he forgot half of it. I watch Ty speak and I am reminded of the Larry the Cable Guy roast I watched earlier. Early on.. they try to high five and they missed.. oof... that is an auspicious start... For him... the rest of the dance isn't that bad... and the crowd really likes him. The judges liked him too. The scores are (7, 6, 7 - 20) + 14 from last week for a total of 34.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas dance sixth and they are forced to show motion... and Shawn has to show a loose butt and hip... She can't do it. Mark dances female parts too... America is not surprised. More people would watch Olympic gymnastics if she wore outfits like that. The dance seemed fine, but not for first place... The judges think... it was good... The scores are (8, 8, 8 - 24) + 23 from last week for a total of 47.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff has at least one part of the pair who is enjoying himself tremendously. Steve... Karina doesn't seem to enjoy anything. Steve's foot hurts like hell and goes to practice anyway... even with a hurt foot... He dances the Quick Step... I think. He is soooo oenjoying himself... It's cute... The ending was awkward... The scores are (6, 5, 6 -17) + 13 from last week for a total of 30.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance the hump dance of the evening. Here's the point in the show where one member of the real life relationship is trying to teach the other one how to be sexy. I want them to break up so I can poke them in the eyes. Chuck is having trouble dancing the feminine dancing style... why do I not beleive that? Julianne's pants are... ummm... horrific... it's basically Julianne dancing around him.... not good. They agreed and were pissed! The scores are (6, 7, 7 - 20) + 20 from last week for a total of 40.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska dance ninth. LT was frustrated with his score... and announces that he will keep trying... and be there every week. He is dancing the Quick Step and Edyta is basically non existent in the video packaage. Edyta is completely covered in clothes... so I don't know what is going on... It seems good to me, but what the hell do I know tonight... The judges liked it better than last week. Good... even though I don't like him personally... I might actually change my mind. The scores are (7, 6, 7 - 20) + 16 from last week for a total of 36.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer are tenth. Tom announces that he hurt himself during the dress rehearsal by landing on his back... and landing on his microphone pack. He went to the hospital to get it checked out. We get to watch his video package. They are going to judge him based upon his performance during dress rehearsal. That almost doesn't seem fair. It's a Salsa and he does some weird things... but good for the most part... except for his couple of mess ups... They hated it... The scores are (5, 4, 5 - 14) + 17 from last week for a total of 31.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up eleventh... and I think I hate Lil Kim a great deal. Her speech pattern and her eyeballs annoy me. They are dancing the Quick Step. Good dance and the judges like it a lot. The scores are (8, 7, 8 - 23) + 21 from last week for a total of 44.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani dance second to last. Ok... here's my normal rant. SHE'S NOT A FRIGGING STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn't even acknowledge her, but she's actually pretty good so I better pay attention to her. She's really good and her Salsa seems the best of the night... and the judges agree... The scores are (9, 8, 9 - 26) + 23 from last week for a total of 49.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance last. Also... HE IS NOT A FRIGGING STAR EITHER. He is the guy who was sexy in a movie.... a chick flick. That doesn't make him a star... They are dancing the Quick Step... and of course he takes his shirt off... Also.. he hurt himself. Blah blah blah... pretty boy. It has a neat Superman theme and ends with him stripping. The scores are (9, 9, 9 - 27)+ 24 from last week for a total of 51.

I hate that the two people who are the LEAST on the level of stars... are the two front runners. It's just plain bullshit.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 51
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 49
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 47
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 44
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 40
Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- 39
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 36
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 36
Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin -- 36
Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts -- 35
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 34
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 31
Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- 30

Book 19 of 52 -- James Patterson's Run For Your Life

When I read Step on a Crack, the first novel featuring Michael Bennett, I did not know it was the start of a new series. Michael Bennett is a character that is easy to like. He's a dedicated police detective, but sometimes fantasizes about a career change. He's determined to make the streets of NYC safe. At the end of the day, Detective Bennett wants to be a great dad to his ten children. Having just lost his wife to cancer, Mike tries to pick up the pieces and move on while dealing with his grief. He stumbles and sometimes makes mistakes, but his family is his first priority.

While taking care of his sick children, he's also dealing with a serial killer: the Teacher. At first the string of murderers appear to be random, but soon Mike learns the victims were targeted. The question is why? As Mike races to find the answer to this question, little does he realize the Teacher just added a new name to his list.

True to Mr. Patterson's style, Run for Your Life is packed with suspense and twists and turns. The chapters are short, so it's easy to find yourself reading 50 pages before you know it.

Survivor Tocantins -- Episode Five!

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 18 of 52 -- Joe Torre & Tom Verducci's The Yankee Years

Though not the definitive look at the Yankees and how they have become the highest valued American sports franchise, this book is important and enjoyable. Should be read by all baseball fans. Torre comes across as, as you would guess, likable but a bit thin skinned, as he takes shots at players like A-Rod and Carl Pavano as well as current Yankee GM Brian Cashman. Come to think of it, Torre has very little good stuff to say about his former GM. That may be the number one reason that the man took off for the West Coast: the lack of support from his main connection to an unstable front office.

Very little insight is offered into George Steinbrenner's reign of terror. How was a man so universally disliked so successful? No insight is offered herein by either Verducci or Torre. The sporting world awaits the definitive bio of Yankee owner Steinbrenner. It's a big job, but hopefully someone can come along to tackle it.

Book 17 of 52 -- Janet Evanovich's Plum Spooky

Ugh...

She wrote this one for the paycheck...

Ugh...

Book 16 of 52 -- Bruce Campbell's If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a "B" Movie Actor

Okay, sure... you get some interesting insight into the struggles it takes to be a working actor in Stage, Film, TV and that spore-infested place called Hollywood. I certainly enjoyed anecdotes about the Evil Dead films, Brisco County Jr., Congo, Hercules, Xena, the X-files and more...

But lets face it, Bruce Campbell brings one thing to his roles that got me interested enough to buy the book in the first place: a sense of fun. And *that* is represented in his writing in spades. For proof, I merely had to catch my wife (whose usual reaction to any Bruce Campbell masterpiece is to groan in despair) happily reading this book herself... This turned out to be fairly easy, since every other page had her laughing out loud.

I didn't complain, since I had already finished it... I read the entire thing cover to cover (a fairly meaty 300 pages) within a couple of days. It's written in such a lively, engaging style that it was never put down for long.

If you're interested enough to read these reviews, then you're interested enough to buy the book and enjoy the heck out of it.

Dancing With the Stars Season Premiere!

So... here we are... at the beginning of another season and I am glad to see that ABC isn't doing a 40 night season premiere... Just one simple episode...

It's also to impress upon us that the dancing is incredibly dangerous and two people are already hurt... the anti-Christ Jewel (those who know me and my affinity for Steve Poltz... understand why I am saying that...) and the almost always endearing Nancy O'Dell. Let's get their pictures out of the way really quickly...



and



Ok... we are LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! So let's get through the superior rhetoric and crap to find out what the hosts are going to tell us they are going to do with these quitters... (As of the airing of this show... I do not know who or what ABC has in store for us...)

We get to meet the stars of Season 8... as they walk down the stairs!!!! oOOOohh... the extra fancy intro music and my expectations are here... and Shawn Johnson TRIPS!... Psst... Denise looks like a hooker... but more on that later.

Samantha is still stunning and I need a nap already... According to Tom... there are TWO brave stars who will be replacing them... but... that will be later in the show...

Lil Kim & Derek Hough bring in the season and Lil Kim is speaking to me as though she is a contestant on Flavor of Love... Skank. She learned to love the show when she was in prison and is dedicating her first dance to all her "girls" in the pen... I am not kidding folks... that seems like a pretty limited demographic to appeal to win this thingamajig. They dance the Cha Cha and Lil Kim's vacant eye stare... oh wait... I shouldn't say mean things... because I have a feeling that Chris Brown might kick my ass. Her dance is mediocre ... at best. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21. The judges must be scared too.

Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts come in second and Belinda is looking fantastic for her age. They are dancing the Waltz first and Belinda isn't a great spinner. Muh wife is mocking Belinda's grammar and I am distracted by Jonathan Roberts' suprime machismo. She's the negative nancy of this season already and she's only second. The dance seems stilted and I thought she would be better... Bruno was brutal and yelled at the crowd when boo'ed. I loved it! The scores are 6, 6, 5 for a total of 17.

P.S. High definition television is just plain mean to women... and men don't suffer from age in HD.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are up third and Edyta is one of my favorite dancers (Take that MS!). Lawrence Taylor is trying to be charming already... and I can't seem to get my extreme anti-Giants sentiments out of my mind. Edyta is wearing one of her normal dresses, but there is a ton of clothing on the bottom... weird. The Cha Cha... LT has a long way to go and should be much better if he tries. The judges were not enamoured. The scores are 6, 5, 5 for a total of 16.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer come up next and I am completely expecting NOTHING crazy to happen tonight or any night with Steve-O on this show. Johnny Knoxville and Wee Man are in the audience. These two rebels are up first and it's going to be easy to hate them... even though Steve-O insists that he is doing this because it is "wholesome..." but claims that he is disadvantaged because he is "very caucasion..." That was funny. They are dancing the Waltz and for what he lacks in style and grace, he is actually trying really hard and smiling the whole time... Will I actually like him? Not yet missies! The judges make some Jackass references and overall, they... kind of liked him. The scores are 6, 5, 6 for a total of 17.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke are up and Marini IS NOT A F&CKING STAR. I am not writing about him for awhile... Cheryl does keep tellign him that he looks like a woman. Cheryl is funny and she lost a lot of weight... and I only bring that up since she was on teh front cover of TV Guide announcing it. They are dancing the Cha Cha to Addicted to Love. His dance was classic Cheryl and very good. The judges... especially Carrie Ann liked them. The scores are 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough are a real life couple and Julianne is too cute and aging poorly. They are dancing the Waltz. They keep making funny boyfriend/girlfriend jokes and then Julianne finally starts yelling at him. This could be a very long season for them... The dance is pretty and twirly-y. LIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not going to like her anymore if they make out after each dance. The judges were kind but negative mostly. The scores are 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20.

It's time to reveal the two replacement stars who will have an incredibly short period of time to perform their first dances. The two quitters are interviewed first.

The first replacement is Holly Madison and Demetri Chaplin and they are dancing the Cha Cha... Good for her and her doing this in a short period of time. The judges don't like it a lot and hope that next week's is a lot better. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower are going to be intersting since Ty is going to pull the Aw Shucks element quite a bit and Chelsea is a whole bunch of annoyinf. She's from So You Think You Can Dance?.. . and ummm.... argh. Chelsea seems very young and although Ty is nice seeming... he probably own't win. He tried really hard though... and my wife groaned a lot during it. Bruno was rougher than he should have been. The scores are 5, 4, 5 for a total of 14.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas are next and Shawn is the youngest competitor ever. She is a competitor. Before the season began, I get the feeling that she is going to win. She's only 17 years old... Jesus...I forgot how young she was. She's not even old enough to be in Playboy... and Sh&t! Holly's been on the cover four times! I thought their Waltz was really good. The judges did too. The scores are 8, 8, 7 for a total of 23.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff are not compatible. He's not going to be good at all, but his dorkiness is going to be funny and odd enough to make me smile. I am also enjoying watching Karina be completely grossed out and disgusted by him... and she sucks big hairy moose nuts for that. He is bad though... and it is kind of cute how bad he is. The scores are 5, 4, 4 for a total of 13.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson are up to make me laugh... for the right reasons. AND HE IS WITH KYM!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! KYM. They are dancing the Waltz. Fantastic dance from the funnyman. BAM... I didn't expect that at all... so graceful. I am reminded that Carrie Ann used to be a Fly Girl. Len was the best... "Far more good in that than there was bad." The scores are 6, 7, 6 for a total of 19.

Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy are going to be the EASIEST TEAM IN THE WORLD TO HATE. Really... Lori... how can you really root for your beloved Maksim when he is dancing with this evil home wrecker? GO ahead... justify... or... accept defeat! I can't watch this or write about it. It's going to be all about her... isn't it? They are dancing the Cha Cha Cha and during the rehearsals she keeps saying "Sorry" so the tension is beginning... SHE IS ALREADY CRYING... Shut your frigging face... "COLON" It's Complicated. Thank god she isn't good. Her kicks are violent and I thought her leg ws going to fly off. The judges are confused... just like me. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18. Very appropriate score of 666.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are up last and she is more of a star than Gilles. Tony is the nicest person in the world. She had 48 hours to practice and good for her. She is dancing the Waltz and there is no introduction video. For such a short period of time, her dance is lovely... The scores are 8, 7, 8 for a total of 23.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 24
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 23
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 23
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 21
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 20
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 19
Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin -- 18
Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- 18
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 17
Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts -- 17
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 16
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 14
Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- 13

Early Predictions?

I have some high hopes for Shawn Johnson and I am hoping America does the right thing and gets rid of Denise Richards as early as possible.

Good night America!

Book 15 of 52 -- Ted Bell's Tsar

If you're looking for an easy read in a not-for-the-squeamish Tom Clancy meets Ian Flemming genre, then this is the book for you.

This is a present day cold war style story of Russian attempts to recapture the countries that were once part of the Soviet Union.

Lead by the behind the scenes "Tsar", Russia plans to expand beyond the old empire and is considering the rest of Europe too.

Enter Alex Hawke, a James Bond style character whose violence is a little more graphic, yet who womanizes and exudes that British secret agent charm that works so well in the novels.

A silent, mysterious man with a tragic past who is back on duty - the only man who can stop the Russians as he did the Soviet Union.

With Vladimir Putin in prison, any voice of reason has been silenced and the West is desperate to prevent their old nemesis from rising again.

The Evil Tsar has a flaw: his beautiful daughter...who just happens to have run into Hawke...and fallen for him...

As I said, while there are grains of modern day politics and current events in the book, it's a little far-fetched James Bond style where things come together when they need to...except does Hawke save the day?

You'll have to read more to find out.

If you're looking for an easy-to-pick-up and easy-to-put down novel that doesn't tax your brain too much, this might be good beach / vacation reading.

Survivor Tocantins -- Episode 4

With the beauty of the interwebs... I am able to watch Survivor a day removed while still hanging out here in San Diego ... yet again.

Alas... I get to go home tomorrow....

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Spencer Duhm (12)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quits in Week One.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 14 of 52 -- Michael Connelly's The Brass Verdict

What could be better than the "Lincoln Lawyer" and Harry Bosch in the same novel?

That's what happens in "The Brass Verdict" when their paths cross in more ways than one.

Mickey Haller, however, doesn't operate out of the back of one of his Lincoln Town Cars this time.

But he is back, in a high profile murder case after two years away getting over an addiction to pain killers.

Just as he was about to return to the practice of law, Mickey Haller's former colleague, Jerry Vincent, is murdered, and the Lincoln Lawyer inherits all his cases, including the high profile defense of a rich movie mogul accused of shooting his wife and her lover.

Harry Bosch is seeking Vincent's murderer and he and Haller sort of work together in solving the crime.

Meanwhile, we are greatly entertained with an interesting trial and a surprising verdict.

The intricate plot includes the fact that Haller and Bosch are half brothers, so we may expect to see them teamed up again (and then again, maybe not).

More importantly, the premise of the book is that everyone lies (and expects to be lied to), whether juror or lawyer or judge.

These two favorite Connelly protagonists are matched evenly (in fact, they may be a match made in heaven).

Each provides the author with a uniqueness and the ability to write so many unexpected twists, that the reader can't stop turning the pages.

Highly recommended.

Book 13 of 52 -- Martin Clark's The Many Aspects of Mobile Home Living

I purchased this book because my favorite librarian at the Metuchen library told me about it.

I discovered when I checked it out on Amazon that it had received a starred review from Publisher's Weekly and Kirkus.

After I bought the book, I also saw that Newsweek's reviewer liked it.

The bottom line: This novel had good word of mouth and excellent national reviews from the New York Times and Publisher's Weekly.

So I bought it and loved it.

This is a brilliant, funny book, part mystery, part legal thriller, part spiritual trip.

It's as good as the buzz.

Real Inappropriate Picture

I was at lunch at a pizza joint in Ewing, NJ and I found this on the menu.

Sorry it is so blurry.



It says... Brocolli Rape.

Survivor Tocantins aka... 18th Freaking Season... Week Two....

Tucker’s Nuts
Jerry Simms (1)
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Spencer Duhm (12)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15)
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 12 of 52 -- Stephen King's Just After Sunset

I like Stephen King a boatload.

His writing is incredibly in depth and he is the master of fleshing out characters.

Short stories though do not allow him to fully flesh everything out... but they offer a much better ending...

He's good... and so is his return to short stories.

P.S.... the New York Times Subscription story was the best and most eerie... followed up by the Cat From Hell story.....

Book 11 of 52 -- Laura Pedersen's Last Call

Terrific characters, great dialogue, original story.

I read this book in two days and didn't want it to end, though the last few chapters were excellent.

It's rare that you come across a new plotline in fiction, but this definitely succeeds in originality.

Could it happen in real life? Maybe, but probably not. However that's why I read fiction and go to movies.

My guess is that this book will remain on the favorites shelf at the bookstore for a long time.

If you're a staunch Catholic then some of it may seem offensive, but by the time you reach the end you realize it's not at all, just questioning our faith the way most people do in real life.

Great Way To Say Thank You

We have a friend who had some big surgery done so we sent her a little "Get Well Gift."

She sent us a picture of them and said... thank you...



This is an awesome way to say thank you!

Deaf Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather learns that his bookkeeper has embezzled ten million dollars. The bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court.

So when the Godfather interrogates the bookkeeper about the missing $10 million, he brings along an attorney who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the bookkeeper, "Where's the 10 million you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million is hidden.

The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."


The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're
talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens !"

The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Valentine's Day Comedy

First Night Over... Tucker's Nuts... Takes the Lead

Tucker’s Nuts
Jerry Simms (1)
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Spencer Duhm (12)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Candace Smith (11)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15)
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!!!

Survivor Tocantins Starts Tonight

The game starts tonight and the draft occurred last night... Good luck to Tucker's Nuts (Nee Asphalt Warriors)...

Tucker’s Nuts
Jerry Simms (1)
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Spencer Duhm (12)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Carolina Eastwood (3)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Candace Smith (11)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15)

I am waaaay behind on cool videos... but this is still cool

Subject: Brilliant and Fascinating....Enjoy


At a meeting of the AARP (American Association of Retired People) they showed a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20 year old. The contest was Titled 'u @ 50'.

This video won second place. When they showed it , everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke into spontaneous applause.

So simple and yet so brilliant. Take a minute and watch it.



Thanks Chris B. for sending this to me.

Book 10 of 52 -- Kathy Reichs' Devil Bones

This is the 11th book in the series about Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist, who divides her time between Charlotte, North Carolina and Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

This tale of secret ceremonies and the religious rituals of Wicca, Santeria, Voodooism and Satanism takes place in North Carolina.

One part of the story line is about a skull and other artifacts found in a basement in an old house.

So many questions and only 300+ pages to answer them: Was a skull from a victim of sacrifice? A headless body of a young man is also found and his body bears markings of symbols of a religious ritual.

This book gets bogged down and is hard reading until the last few chapters when the pace picks up.

There are too many anthropological and crime scene details.

This is the least readable of all her books so far.

Let's hope she gets back on track with the next book in the series.

Book 9 of 52 -- Rob Sheffield's Love Is A Mix Tape‏

On a flight from San Diego to Newark, I sat down with light and fluffy Love Is A Mix Tape by Rolling Stone music writer Rob Sheffield.

Rob decided to write a tribute to his wife Renee through a gimmick ridden book.

I know that I am going to take some shit for writing that, but it's true.

Sheffield is a good writer who was forced to spend about 50 of the 209 pages making the gimmick of relating a mix tape made by him seem related to incidents in his life.

It all seemed like a stretch to me and distracted me from the stories he was telling.

The meat of the book comes in the last 65 pages and it is his best writing and had me extremely emotional.

Love is not a mix tape - it's the shared experiences of two people and that's what was interesting about the book.

Book 8 of 52 -- Laura Pedersen's The Big Shuffle

From the very first page I fell in love with this wonderful novel since it's chock full of humor, warmth, and family drama, with a subtle message about caring and the bonds of friendship carefully woven into the struggles of living and dying.

The main character, a young woman suddenly called home from college to care for her family in an emergency, is well-drawn and realistic, but she's not always the main event, thus widening the appeal of the novel to all ages.

Hallie often serves as ballast for the more memorable characters to swirl around her, including a local antiques dealer, his socially aware mother, their minister, the colorful sailor man Uncle Lenny, and a cadre of town poker players.

The twists and turns are familiar, but that's what makes the action so interesting and appealing, especially when everyone has a different view on how to resolve problems and attempt to move forward.

The author does a terrific job of interweaving these additional personalities along with their relationships so the main plotlines never become boring.

THE BIG SHUFFLE is never boring, even when the narrator is vacuuming Cheerios out of the rug or contemplating the provenance of candy corn at Halloween time.

Pedersen's standup comedy background sneaks in at all the right moments, and yet she also gets the heartbreak and confusion following the death of a loved one pitch perfect.

Book 7 of 52 -- Laura Pedersen's Heart's Desire

I really enjoyed BEGINNER'S LUCK, the first book in this projected four-book series by Laura Pedersen and I loved the intrepid teenage heroine, Hallie Palmer, and the author's straightforward, funny, clever writing style and turns-of-phrase.

Hallie's story continues in the second book, HEART'S DESIRE, during the summer after her first year away at college.

Hallie returns to the wildly eccentric, wonderful Stockton household, pre-occupied with (someday) losing her virginity, finding true love, and figuring out if the two are inextricably linked.

She's also faced with new crises to solve, both in her old family and in her new one, and another 60-second mystery, in addition to figuring out how to fund her second year of art school (legally).

The Sex issue comes up again; actually, it is pervasive throughout HEART'S DESIRE, as 17-year-old Hallie grapples with the complexities of love and sex.

Laura Pedersen again handles this subject exceptionally well, with humor and sensitivity.

I enjoyed the interviews with the author at the end of each book, and look forward to continuation of the Hallie Palmer series.

Even though it's fiction and a lot of the scenarios are perposterous, it's a fun and sweet book.

Super Bowl 43 -- Steelers vs Cardinals

Sooo... as I finish up Puppy Bowl V, my excitement for the Super Bowl starts to build and build...

Before it starts, I am going to admit that I would much prefer the Cardinals win since I sort of root for them during the year... but they always let me down.

I have been following them for years -- especially Larry Fitzgerald who made my Scarlet Knights look silly sometimes...

My wife and I are armed with a score sheet from Spotbowl.com and I intend to rate the commercials as well as I can... Last year... I rated them as... Stupid... Average ... and Noteworthy (Not really... but that was a year ago and this is what I have decided will be the way I will rate them this year... siince I honestly don't remember what I did last year.)

Official Coverage Begins

So the coverage officially kicks off at 6:00 and Faith Hill is singing th thme song as she has all season... and yet... I treat it as a new thing in my mind... I wish she didn't sing country... because she has a great set of pipes...

John Madden (blech) and Al Michaels arrive and they are probably going to annoy me the whole night... but alas... I digress...

The Steelers seem to be the team that the critics are picking and they ar a 7 point favorite... I am happy to see that the Steelers DO have an ex-Rutgers player on their team... Go Darnell Stapleton! They enter the field...and the Terrible Towels start swinging...

The Cardinals haven't been here in 47 years or so and no one predicts them to do well, but Kurt Warner is the story... so if he wins... he punches a ticket to the Hall of Fame... They enter the field with much tougher music and make me giddy on the inside.

Kurt Warner kicks off... hopefully a night of winning ways... to be named as the Waltr Payton Man of the Year... He donated over 1 million dollars to Habitat for Humanity... That's cool.

Some songs are sung... and Jennifer Hudson finishes the National Anthem OVER the OVER/UNDER of two minuts and 5 seconds... you can bet on everything.

Coin Toss time... wow... The NFC has won 11 straight tosses... that's a cool statistic. Pittsburgh calls tails and they lose the toss... 12 straight tosss... fascinating... and Pittsburgh will get the ball first.

First Half

Let's focus on something important as names are read and Darnell Stapleton from Rutgrs says his name... My Super Bowl boxes... I have two boxes... 1. Steelers 4 and Cardinals 7 and 2. Steelers 9 and Cardinals 8.

Pittsburgh scores first... or do they... the TD is reversed... so they kick a field goal instead. Good reverse... but there is no way that the human eye could catch that on the field. That's what instant replay is really for.

The first quarter ends 3-0 and then the Steelers quickly score a TD after that to bring the game to 10-0.

Hey... fun fact... this is the same stadium that Rutgers made their statement against South Florida on my birthday weekend.

The Cardinals score and make it a game again... it was starting to feel like the Steelers were going to run away with this thing.

I also think it was funny on SNL's Weekend Update when Seth said something like... Super Bowl 43 features the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Arizona Cardinals opening for a guy named Bruce Springsteen.

The end of the first half gets exciting as Arizona threatens to score a TD... when Warner is picked off and the big goofy Pittsburgh defender Harrison returns the ball 100 yards for a TD... that is reviewed... and it counts! That was a crazy ending of the half and interesting...

Also... there are a whole bunch of people yelling at the tv about the boxes... that was a HUGE turn around...

Bridgestone Halftime Show

Aka... someone named Bruce is singing and I am not sure who that is...
He seems like an energtic guy and the crowd likes him... so he must be someone that people know.
Hey! It's the guy from The Sopranos...
Hey! It's the guy from the Conan O'Brien Show!
I know this song... Born to Run...
Working on a Dream(?)
Glory Days...

Sooo... I have now seen Bruce live... and I have to say... He isn't capable of singing... he's a yeller... not a singer. (Discuss and throw your venom right at me.)

Third Quarter

For what it's worth... this game was moving along incredibly fast... but the stupid halftime show got in the way... It actually got exciting at the end where I almost had my numbers come up twice. Dammit Big Ben... dammit.

The quarter ends... 20-7 and I am not sure if it matter right now...

Fourth Quarter

It.... was more fun to watch than to write about... the safety ruined any possible chance that I had for any win in the box pools... argh.

Holmes and Fitzgerald are amazing... or should I also say... Roethlisberger and Warner are amazing... ?

Great ending to a pretty bad starting game... Pittsburgh wins 27-23... and loses in Las Vegas.

My favorite commercial was the overambitious kid commercial... from cars.com.

Noteworthy
Cars.com "Overachiever Kid"
Coke Zero Polamalu Too Tall Jones Commercial Throwback
Priceline "Speak Like Me"

Memorable
Audi Stratharn Chase Scene
Bridgestone Jacked Tires
Bridgestone Mr. Potato Head
Budweiser Dating Horses
Cheetos "Pigeons"
Coke Insects
Denny's Mafia "Seriously"
Doritos Crystal Ball
Doritos Wishes
GE Ocean Wind in a Jar
Hulu.com
Hyundai "Car of the Year"
Monsters.com Deer Head
Pepsi MacGruber
Pepsi Max "I'm Good"
Teleflora Insulting Box of Flowers

Average
Acura TL Precision
Ax Men
AXA Gorilla
Bud Lite Conan O'Brien
Budweiser Ideas Meeting (Guy thrown out window)
Budweiser Fetching Horse
Budweiser Scottish Horse
Careerbuilder.com "It's Time"
Castrol Edge Grease Monkeys
Coke Cartoons
E*Trade Two Babies... singing
Frosted Flakes "Fields"
GE Wizard of Oz
NBC Shows LMAO Syndrome
Nextel Roadies
Pepsi Forever Young
Taco Bell "Call Me Sometime"
Universal Studios Inner Kid
Vizio "Smart Decision"

Stupid
Angels & Demons Movie Trailer
Bud Light Skiing Drinkability
Cash 4 Gold
Fast and the Furious Movie Trailer
Ford Edge "Jeter"
Gatorade G Commercial (These just plain stink.)
Go Daddy Danica Patrick
H&R Block "Death"
Heineken John Torturro
Honda Accord "Simple"
Hyundai Return Policy
Land of the Lost Movie Trailer
Monsters vs Aliens Movie Trailer
Overstock.com
Pedigree Wild Pets
Race to Witch Mountain
Sobe Ballet and Dancing Lizards
Star Trek Movie Trailer
Toyota Eli "You Traded Me"
Toyota Tundra Hauling
Toyota Venza
Transformers 2
Up Movie Trailer
Year One Movie Trailer

Happy Birthday to the Smelmooo's Brother

33?

Heh heh... welcome to the club.

Puppy Bowl Reminder

Let us not forget that about 3.5 hours before the Cardinals surprise the world... again... and beat the Steelers... Puppy Bowl V will be airing on Animal Planet.

Set your DVRs!!!

My early favorites... just by pictures are:

Candy Apple



and

Buster

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
With their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning

... Uphill... barefoot...

BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There was no way in hell I was going to lay

A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it

And how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old
age of Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my
Childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how
good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the
damn library and Look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write
Somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way
across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a
week to get there!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store
and shoplift it yourself!



Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd
usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!


We didn't have fancy crap like
Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

A nd we didn't have fancy
Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,
Your mom, your boss, the principal, the attendance office, 20 your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you Just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video
Games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!
With games
Like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You
Actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or
Screens, it was just one screen
Forever!

And you could never win. The game
just kept getting
Harder and harder and
Faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a Little book called a
TV Guide to find out what was
On! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off
Your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no
Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.
Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
For cartoons, you spoiled
LITTLE FARTS !!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
Something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
Today have got it too easy.
You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't
have lasted
Five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Taken Movie Going Experience

In The Motherhood trailer/behind the scenes look - Is Cheryl Hines getting prettier? Seriously.

Lumberjack show on the History Channel that looks cool called Ax Men.

He's Just Not THAT Into You has some behind the scenes shenanigans that we must watch...oooooh chick flick!

PREVIEWS

Miss March

I Love You, Man

Friday the 13th

The International

12 Rounds

Taken was pretty good and quite an experience at the movies....

Book 6 of 52 -- Kathy Reichs' Bones to Ashes

Her last book was a little better but this one is a lot.

Ms. Reichs is slowly getting back to her original writing style.

This book actually was more realistic than her previous two or three books since the characters seem to come alive more.

Unlike some others, I'm happy that Ms. Reichs took the time to tell us about some of Tempe's childhood.

I enjoy getting to know the characters and their reasoning behind their actions especially in a long series.

I loved that Ms. Reichs brought Tempe's sister, Harry about to meddle around some.

I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a medical mystery.

Book 5 of 52 -- Kathy Reichs' Break No Bones

BREAK NO BONES is definitely worth reading as it is a good mystery with good characters and lots of action.

Temperance Brennan is at it again, finding bones where they shouldn't be and then becoming a player in a pretty complicated plot.

Tempe deals with a county sheriff who is not a typical stereotype in that while he needs to convinced before he takes action, he does eventually act upon real facts and does seem competent in his job.

Tempe also has the awkward situation of having her estranged husband and her lover together with her in one house.

I believe this was supposed to be somewhat comic, but I just got the feeling that Kathy Reichs missed on this situation.

The climax just seemed too hard to believe for my taste.

Nonetheless, this book was a page turner as I have found all the Temperance Brennan novels to be so far.

This isn't the best one, but it's much better than a lot of books I've read and so, I say, go ahead and give it a chance.

We also get to see a more human side of Brennan... that we haven't seen yet... so I was happy about that...

The Reader Moviegoing Experience

Hey! The lady next to me had surgery and dropped 50 pounds to get to 94 pounds.

She didn't know either of the two people on either side of her and yet -- we know more about her than Barack and Michelle combined.

Other highlights: She had two regular and one C-Section deliveries. She thought her doctor's first name was Chun and the last name was Lee, but god bless his soul - he was a great doctor no matter how he spells his name.

My wife is getting updates by me typing them into the Blackberry while the Rocky theme is blasting in the background.

Please start the movie!!!!

Duplicity

The Wrestler

Oh no! With 30 minutes left in the flick... the projector broke and we got to see a lot of stereotypes pop out of the audience.

They eventually started the film again and it was a good movie... definitely worth the accolades...

Book 4 of 52 -- J.K. Rowling's The Tales of Beedle the Bard

J.K. Rowling's The Tales of Beedle the Bard was created by J.K. Rowling to help satisfy the jonesing of Harry Potter fans and to raise money for a worthy cause.

The book was decent, in a cutesy kind of way.

It is a very quick read -- somewhere around 100 pages.

Being in my thirties, I think I was probably a little older than the intended audience.

I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed the Harry Potter series, but with one caveat: Don't get your hopes up too high.

It's good and provides some insight into "The Deathly Hallows," but it's no Harry Potter.

My favorite story was... Babbity Rabbity and her Cackling Stump... and I enjoyed Dumbledore's explanation of the story afterwards as well.

The Wrestler Moviegoing Experience‏

Fresh on the heels of the uber-uplifting Revolutionary Road, my wife and I bought more tickets to see The Wrestler and nestled down in the warmth of Cranford Theater.

We are well aware of Mickey Rourke's good reviews and the seriousness of the movie, but buckled down regardless.

The theater had a lot more people than we expected.

Terminator Salvation (looks cool... Christian Bale is awesome... )

X-Men Origins Wolverine (huh...)

WOW... Mickey Rourke deserves every single accolade...

Revolutionary Road Moviegoing Experience‏

Cranford Theater at noon is not as empty as we thought it might be, but we buckled down with full bellies and plenty of tissues for this pretty heavy flick.

One thing about the Cranford Theater is that their pre-show entertainment is really old and crappy slides - one advertises that Ratatouillie is coing soon to theaters!

The previews started 10 minutes late!

He's Just Not That Into You (Oh boy...)

The Soloist (Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. -- Sigh... I heart Downey, but am totally over Foxx... )

Bottle Shock Movie Going Experience‏

39,000 feet above the Earth

Conan O'Brien show sketch...

One of my favorite SNL digital shorts -- Kristen vs. Andy

The wrong movie! It was supposed to be The Duchess which I already saw on another flight!

Yay!

Not the greatest movie, but it was nice and about the rise of the California wine industry in 1976.

I'm Home....

Phew....

San Diego -- It's Warmer Than Where You Are

TW left me this morning and is on her way back to New Jersey.

I am stuck with 4 more days of nice weather, but indoor meetings all day.

We took a tour yesterday and that included stopping at Coronado Island...

Gorgeous beach...

Mahalo Maui

As we pack and soak in every last possible ray of sun... I leave you with a shot of a whale we saw yesterday...and were about 10 feet away from as it swam underneath our boat.



Very awe-inspiring...

San Diego is next!

Aloha -- Fun Shoes

I love how the staff here lines up our shoes every day... we sure as hell didn't do this.

Aloha -- View From My Room

Aloha....

... I'll be sure to drop some pictures into the blog for you to see in the near future. :)

Maui... Here we come!

Mahalo...

Book 3 of 52 -- Kathy Reichs' Cross Bones

One of the better parts about this time of year is the absolute crazy amount of nothing on television. There is tons of nothing!

Also... trying to keep up with the working out from the holidays provides me with time to read at the gym.

Sooo... on the eve before the TW and I set out on our annual short trip for TW and long trip for me... I read this hardcover book in faster time than I normally would so that I wouldn't have to bring it on the plane.

In 2005, Ms. Reichs' jumped on the Jesus is fact fiction bandwagon and wrote this book about some old bones that were found that might debunk the whole Jesus is awesome and religious belief... a la The DaVinci Code.

It is a decent story until the heroes head over to Israel where it all just seems a bit too contrived, but all in all, it's a standard Bones book

One more thing. In this book, Reichs wrote a lot of one sentence paragraphs... why the switch?

Doubt Moviegoing Experience

Here's something I learned.

When you go to the movies at 10 am on a Sunday, there are very few people there.

I also felt bad because I got all excited for the upcoming Friday the 13th movie after seeing a cardboard cut out for it.

Previews

Gran Torino

The Wrestler

Revolutionary Road

Duplicity (sigh - I want to see this b/c Clive Owen is in it with Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti, but Julia Roberts might ruin all of that).

Adventureland

Great movie and phenomenal acting.

Book 2 of 52 -- David Baldacci's Divine Justice

Divine Justice, as the other Camel Club books, is an exciting read.

As the book progresses, there are two plots that we know will come together at the end.

As the story unfolds it becomes like old home week with characters from earlier Camel Clubs joining in.

Having said all of this I felt the dialogue was not as sharp as the earlier efforts.

It was less of a Club effort and the club members were not as believable.

It was a fair Baldacci but a good mystery by most standards.

Book 1 of 52 -- Laura Pedersen's Beginner's Luck

Thanks to Gina, I was treated to this author who writes in a fun and fresh way.

The protagonist of this novel is a 16 year old girl who arrives in my world in a cute and fun way.

She deals with her problems like a regular person and not finding her solutions in a cult or with vampires...

I liked it a lot and I loved the cast of characters that she meets when she moves in with the Stockton family...

Even the chimp...

Frost/Nixon Movie Going Experience

Wow! We drove all the way up to Paramus Mall to see this and the sheer magnitude and scope of that mall AND the movie theater were beyond what I am used to around here and we have some big movie theaters around here!

Best movie of the year so far... and I really liked Milk and Slumdog Millionaire too.

Previews...

The Beast

Beyond the Secret

Angels and Demons

The Wrestler (Why oh Why isn't this playing anywhere around here...)

Disneynature EARTH

State of Play

Duplicity

The Smelmooo Goes to AC...

... and experiences a crazy up and down day of bad beats and great wins...

... to finish even.

Blargh.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Movie Going Experience

So we showed up to the theater on the first about 20 minutes before the movie was supposed to start in arctic chills and winds ablowin' and the theater wasn't even open!

Like dopes, we stood outside with a few other people until it finally opened 10 minutes later.

Blech...

Duplicity

The Ugly Truth

The Proposal

Revolutionary Road

The Soloist (ARE YOU REALLY KIDDING ME?)

Plus... TCCOBB was just shy of three hours long... and it was about 68 minutes longer than it needed to be.

Argh.

Happy New Year Kids!

Book 80 of 52 -- Nelson DeMille's The Gate House

The world of Nelson DeMille is apparently full of way too much detail.

It would help Mr. DeMille if someone would just plain edit him.

I was looking forward to this one too since it was a sequel to a book that I really liked... The Gold Coast.

Death Pool Recruitment

2009 CELEBRITY DEATH POOL OFFICIAL RULES
(SEVENTH ANNUAL) OFFICIAL RULES

Welcome to the official 2009 Celebrity Death Pool game! For those of you that are new to the concept, it is our time to take back from the celebrities and famous people out there that do nothing but take our money, sweat and tears as we buy their music, watch their games, read about them in the paper, or purchase their movie tickets. The object of the game is simple – Be the contestant at 12:00 Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) on December 31, 2009 to have accumulated the most amount of points. How easy is that?

Selection of Celebrities – Think long and hard about the current health or possible health of our society’s famous folks. Choose the 20 of these famous people that you think will die in the year 2007 and write their names in a list. They can be from any forum. They can be athletes, entertainers, heads of state, writers or just folks who have garnered large scale media attention. They can be from any continent. The main criterion is that someone else can be identified by name and his or her death will be reported in a published account.

The operators of the pool will review your list and objectively accept or reject the players on your list. We are attempting to limit obscure people. Our judgments are based on results from Internet search engines and this definition of celebrity: A celebrity is a widely recognized or famous person who has commanded a high degree of public and media attention. If we reject a person on your list, you will have the opportunity to replace that person with a new choice.

Example of What We Accept and Not Accept – If they are foreign born and involved in politics, they have to be a head of state. So… Saddam Hussein would count, but you cannot pick any of his cabinet officials anymore.

This system isn’t perfect, but it is the fairest way to make sure that everyone is playing on the same level.

Entry Fee – The Entry Fee is nominal. (20 "beans" per entry. You can enter as many times as you want. It is just going to cost you 20 beans per entry.) If you are a past player, we will give you a 10% break from the fee if you sign up someone new.

Point Structure – The Point Structure is simple, and it remains the most exciting way of scoring the game. Points are determined by beginning with a 100 base point system. The age of the deceased celebrity will be deducted from the base score of 100 and a final number will be achieved. For example, if Britney Spears were to die on January 16, 2009, she would be worth 72 points. 100 base points MINUS 28 years old = 72 points.

Prize Breakdown – The most important part of this game is the prize! The total prize will be determined by how many people enter and dollar values will be determined from the following percentages: First Place will receive 80% of the final money pool and Second Place will receive 20% of the final money pool. 10% will be subtracted from the final pool total for operating expenses.

Tie Breakers – In case of a tie, there will be a tiebreaker -- whoever has chosen the most amounts of deceased celebrities. If two players tie for first with the same players, they will split the entire pot. If two players still tie for second, they will split the second place pot.

Website/Blog - The league will have a website that will be updated on a periodical basis. It will contain team choices and as many updates as we can of those that have deceased. The web address is: http://kickedthebucket.blogspot.com/ Feel free to visit the website now to see how the current year is going.

Time Frame - The official length of the contest will run from Monday, January 12, 2009 between 00:00:01 EST (12:00 AM plus one second on January 12, 2009) and 23:59:59 EST Thursday, December 31, 2009 (11:59 PM plus 59 seconds).

Submission of Picks – All submissions must be received or postmarked by Sunday, January 11, 2009 at 23:59:59 EST. They must be sent to either me through my normal hotmail address, my gmail account, or mailed to me at my home OR sent to Chris Bowman at his points of contact. Feel free to email me for that information.

The important fact is that we need the money by January 15, 2009 or your submission doesn't count. Payments can be cash, check or paypal.

Good Luck

WINNER! Papajohns.com Bowl Champions

The game was representative of the whole season... a slow start and a strong exciting finish.



I love that Mulcahy was on the field and that Schiano gave him a game ball. You go Greg.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.........

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU........

Grab some pizza and have fun kids.

Slumdog Millionairre Moviegoing Experience‏

Isn't it insulting when movie theaters have those crappy dated screen gems?

Pretentious Van Heusen commercial

Milk

Frost/Nixon

The Wrestler (God... I really want to see this...)

The movie itself was just plain awesome.

Smelmooo Survives...

TW and I went shopping today and I was shocked at how empty the stores were...e ven though we parked in Georgia at each of the malls.

Fascinating.

Book 79 of 52 -- Artie Lange's Too Fat To Fish

Artie Lange is a frigging mess and his self destruction is a point of entretainment for me every single morning on the Sirius Howard Stern show.

This book ocntains stories that I have already heard on the show before so I am not entirely shocked by any of it.

However... it's a good read even though it's just another junkie talking.

Merry Christmas

Book 78 of 52 -- Jonathan Kellerman's Bones

I really love Jonathan Kellerman and he writes so well that you can often take his writing for granted...

His latest Alex Delaware novel is one of two things and it has been a couple weeks since I finished it.

1. Interesting...
2. Nothing new...

Whatever it is... it's a better read than other authors...

Book 77 of 52 -- James Patterson's Cross Country

I stole this from someone else... since I was pissed off at the book.

"As a long-time fan of the Alex Cross series from Patterson, I had high hopes for Cross Country. Sadly, I was thoroughly disappointed with this book. The gruesome, sadistic murders that launch the story (and continue throughout) were over the top and clearly beyond what was necessary. I suppose the horrific nature of the content could have been forgiven if the plot itself was within the realm of believability. Although some authors push the envelope on what is plausible, Patterson's premise in Cross Country is beyond believable. The whole idea of having Alex Cross go to Africa without official sanction, support structure or even any fundamental understanding of the situation on the ground is just ridiculous. If you are a long-time Alex Cross fan, you might want to take a pass on Cross Country. If you are contemplating giving the character a try for the first time, start elsewhere - there are many in the Cross series that are far better. "

Book 76 of 52 -- Denis Leary's Why We Suck

Pretty funny...

A bit long in the tooth... but funny.

Every once in a while, in life you run into a genius with true talent......

(Thanks Bowman... )

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. KFC? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hat e to look like a fool!
9. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Happy BIrthday Gina!

Book 75 of 52 -- Kathy Reichs' Monday Mourning

Short and sweet...

Appropriate sequel to all the other novels...

It is fun and good...

Happy Birthday Tucker!!!!

Four great years... :)

Book 74 of 52 -- Stuart Woods' Hot Mahogany

An amusing romp through the surprisingly intriguing world of antiques and coin collecting, Woods' latest Stone Barrington mystery finds the popular sleuth back from the Caribbean at his favorite Manhattan eatery, Elaine's.

There, he is approached by his CIA pal Lance Cabot, who asks him to keep an eye on his brother, Barton Cabot, an antique restorer who has partial amnesia after recently falling victim to a violent crime.

Barton's former career in Army intelligence makes him a risk given his current affliction, but the plot takes a different turn when one of his pieces, worth tens of millions, is stolen from his workshop, a theft that might be related to a cache of gold coins smuggled out of Vietnam by Barton's old unit over thirty years ago during the war.

An interesting premise paired with Woods' engaging cast of regulars make Hot Mahogany another winner in the Stone Barrington series.

SURVIVOR COMPETITIONS -- AN UPDATE

Survivor 1 in Borneo -- Richard Hatch (No Game)
Survivor 2 in Australia -- Tina Wesson (Ashfault!)
Survivor 3 in Africa -- Ethan Zohn (Ashfault!)
Survivor 4 in Marquesas -- Vecepia Towery (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 5 in Thailand -- Brian Heidik (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 6 in Amazon -- Jenna Morasca (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 7 in Pearl Islands -- Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 8 ALL STARS -- Amber Brkich (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 9 in Vanuatu -- Chris Daugherty (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 10 in Palau -- Tom Westman (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 11 in Guatemala -- Danni Boatwright (Ashfault!)
Survivor 12 in Panama (Exile Island) -- Aras Baskauskas (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 13 in the Cook Islands -- Yul Kwon (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 14 in Fiji -- Earl Cole (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 15 in China -- Todd Herzog (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 16 in Micronesia (All Stars-ish) -- Parvati Shallow (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 17 in Gabon -- Bob Crowley (Pork Chop Express)

Overall Totals

Pork Chop Express -- 13
Assshfault! -- 3

Tucker's Nuts -- 2
FBT -- ZERO