Top Five Tuesday -- Better Late Than NEver Edition

Top Five Things I Wanted to Do to the Whiny Biache at the Other End of the Poker Table
1. I wanted to go all in with a fist to her head.
2. I wanted to take the fifth "Kettle One on the Rocks with a twist of lime and a splash of soda" I heard her order and introduce it to her cheekbone.
3. I wanted to ostracize her. When I asked her to "settle" down... she wasn't a fan of that at all.
4. I wanted to take a big pot from her.
5. I wanted to smear peanut butter on her head and let Tucker lose on her.

Top Five Porn Harry Potter Spin Offs
1. Harry Potter & HerHeiny
2. Harry Potter & The Dumbledoranating Dildo
3. Harry Potter & Hogwarts of Luuuuvvv....
4. Harry Potter & the Sorceror's Bone.
5. Harry Potter & Lesbian Outcast Island

Top Five Other Names for Hurricanes You Will Never See
1. Zelda
2. Zebadiah
3. Zeek
4. Zorba
5. Zurich

Top Five Words That Need to Be Used More -- NERD HUMOR!!!
1. Gauche
2. Flatulate
3. Asphyxiate
4. Reckoning
5. Transfix

Top Five Celebrities That if They Disappeared Tomorrow... Would Not Be Missed By My Small Brain...
1. Tom Cruise and I guess that would mean that Katie Holmes by natural extension...
2. Lindsay Lohan -- I don't want to admit this... but true...
3. Ben Affleck... and ... anyone he is married to, dating or banging.
4. Kevin Federline... why did he have to ruin a good thing for us... I mean... really..>
5. Michael Jackson... ummm... duh.

Top Five Saturday and Sunday Morning Guilty Pleasure Shows that I Just Can't Turn Off
1. Date My Mom -- This is truly train wreck television.
2. The Soup -- Joel McHale is the best smarmy fella on the telly.
3. Best Week Ever -- Sherrod wore a cap with a propeller this week folks...that's Q-T.
4. Any paid programming that involves thigh cream.
5. You know... that show... about that thing... what was that thing?