DANCING WITH THE STARS FINALE PART ONE

Sooo... I am so sad... this will be my last night of watching dancing by C Level celebrities...

Yes... I must admit... I am voting on every possible phone I have for anything but Marie.... and I mean... anything...

LLLIIIIIIVEEEEE

Soooo... we are watching the opening credits and my comment is... Soo... ummm is "Who is Albert Reed?" Hee hee... I am funny.

In a ballroom dancing competition... should the words "No Holds Barred" ever be used?

Mel B and Maksim Stupid Face are up first... so... Mel B invited male Spice Girls to infuse style into a professional dancer's world. Stupid... I hope she falls down. She is exposing so much skin and that means that I have to look at her stupid tattoos and her huge ass and her stupid accent. She just looks British. The beginning of the dance was a bit gimmicky and I am not sure that Len is going to like it. They are dancing to "Car Wash." We went to Joe's Crab Shack this weekend and the dancers broke out in dance to the song. Dammit... Mel B danced better than the waiters... heh heh... Let's look at the scores! 28... THank you judges for being real-ish.

Marie Osmond and Jonathan Roberts are up next and she is wrestling with Jonathan and now spying on Julianne. Marie is getting hotter... and that is annoying me to pieces. So... she got one final reference to the passing out in... and muh wife asks... what are the odds that she passes out again? I say... 50-1. The dance looks awkward and even though she is getting cutre... she can't act that way... Let's see what the judges say.. WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! only a 24. Eat that Marie!!!

Helio Castroneves and super cute Julianne Hough are up next. They too are wrestling. That was the shortest video montage of all year. JUlianne is ridiculously cute and it is annoying me to pieces. I really liked the dance and I will be voting for them... the judges are totally hating the dance... OOF... That was some ROUGH critiquing and they were incredibly boo'ed. THeir score was 25... WOW... that was tough and makes me sad.

Mel B is up doing her freestyle dance... which has the possibility to be very exciting and currently... she is standing around a lot and Maksim keeps jumping over her and through her legs. This is a bad Spice Girls video. Boring and completely uninspired. Carrie Ann agreed with me...Len was sort of boring and Bruno was weird. Commercial....27 for a total of 55.

Marie is about to do her freestyle dance and I am scared as shit to watch this. How could I have known that it would be this horrific and terrible. She is doing a doll. No really... Her dancing is rigid and she doesn't have to be crisp... I am just trying to say something nice about it... really... I can't anymore. If she wins this thing... it really is the Mormons who won this for her. Bruno called it the "Loopiest thing he has ever seen and defies criticism... " He was speechless-ish. Carrie Ann could almost not say anything... People...that was the oddest choice of all time... it was horrible. Let's see what the scores were... She got an 8??!?!? her total was 22 and her total total is 46.

Helio is up last.... It is the best freestyle dance of the three... by far... even with the little itty bitty screw up in the middle. That was awesome... I can't say enough. They got a 29 for a grand total of 54.

Please America... Marie is off her frigging rocker... and do not vote for her... I will boycott America if she wins... or... I will just be really really really really really really really really really really MAD.