Dancing With the Stars -- Results Show

LIIIVEEEE!!!!

The Team Tango is the repeat dance... and my eyeballs begin to bleed from the horrific version of it.

Then... we are "treated" to a recap of last night's dances... including a sad looking plea from Tony about his injured Melissa.

Fantastic... a time filler! Our special guest for tonight is Robin THicke. Thank god for fast forward.

Samantha is allowed to interview again... DAMMIT ABC... Samantha interviewing the hooker named Lil Kim and the unfamous Melissa... it's a tremendous convergence of stuff that Smelmooo hates...

Let's save someone...
1.Lil Kim & Derek Hough... blech.

Video Montage! The judges tell us what it takes to win. ick.

Let's save a second couple...
2. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

Robin Thicke is hurting me again. If your father was still alive!

Let's save a third couple...
3. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke

It's time for the professional dancers to compete to be a star next week.

Fourth couple saved...
4. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough and Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are the last two couples left.

The couple booted is...

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

Dammit...

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 8

There's plenty of drama tonight as our stars have... uhh... drama... and a Team Dance to contend with. Yeah...

LLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

We are immediately told that Melissa suffered an injury and will NOT be with us!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke is up third and we were reminded that he still finished in third and he has no idea where he stands in the votes... so ... he has pressure. Gilles' shoulder hurts and will take cortizone shots so that he can continue to compete. I am tempted to think that the injury isn't real.. but faked just so he can take his shirt off. Rehearsal looks a bit rough, but he is ready to dance the Lindy Hop. Wow... what a start to the dance! His hair is a cartoon and his outfit is too, but it's funny. Who knew running in place could be so much fun? As the dance goes along, his stes seem good but the tosses and twists with Cheryl seem awkward. Still a fun dance though and it's good to see him so energetic. Len loved it. Bruno and Carrie Ann liked it too. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up second and I want to add something about Lil Kim. I watched "Notorious" a movie about the Notorious B.I.G. and Lil Kim was a featured part of his life... basically a dirty mouthed bitch whore in his life. I am seriously understating it. Screw you Lil Kim. May you fall down on your face. They are dancing the Paso Doble this week and the video was... a lot of her screwaming and being loud. It's a rather rigid interpretation. The crowd loved it and I feel as though Bruno is prone to liking her more than he/she should. All the judges liked it. Lil Kim goes up and kisses all the judges... much like a whore would. The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough did well last week. Remember? Way to settle Chuck! The video montage is an interesting one and Chuck actually has some personality. They are dancing the Cha Cha Cha this week. This is one reason I like Julianne. She choreographed a Cha Cha Cha that wasn't spectacular, but really showed off Chuck a lot. Carrie Ann thought it was fanastic. Bruno and Len gave some criticism. The scores are 9, 9, 8 for a total of 26.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas were second last week. They are going to dance the Samba. You gotta love how careful with Shawn's videos ABC is... Mark's mother is a three time Latin World Champion... so she comes onto the stage to teach her the girlie parts. End of video... boring. The dance was.... nice. That's all I got. Len didn't like it that much. Bruno was more infatuated with it. Carrie Ann thought it was really good. The scores are 10, 8, 9 for a total of 27.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are up next and they evoke sympathy from us by playing up her painful rib injury. Let's get the video montage for this week... Melissa is feeling pressure and they are going to dance the Jive. Tom tells us that after talking to the doctor, Melissa will probably be back to dance next week. Melissa is hurt... in the ribs. She's got a hairline fracture in her ribs. They are going to use her rehearsal... just as they did with Steve-O earlier. With this footage... a pretty naked Melissa dances. We also get to see her Tramp Stamp without a cover or sequins over it. It was a bit awkward... the judges are kind, but give her decent enough scores... even though she was going through the motions. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21. Heh heh... sucker. :)

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance the last single dance and we are reminded that the Waltz last week was great. They are dancing the Salsa... Ty tells us that he doesn't like the sun since he was burnt really badly as a kid... so... it's spray tan time! He's "way outside of (his) comfort zone" for the Salsa... and I laugh. The CROWD is going batshit for him. It's amazing..... Young men have a whole new appreciation for Chelsea too. When did she grow up? Carrie Ann loved it so much that she screams for 15 seconds straight. It was a great dance. Len gave it a mean review after raving about him for a bit. The scores are 9, 7, 8 for a total of 24.


The team dance is coming up and Team Tango (Lil Kim & Derek Hough, Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke, and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower) is dancing against Team Mambo (Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas, Melissa Rycroft -- Lacey filling in & Tony Dovolani, and Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough). They are going to get judge's scores to be added to their other scores.

Team Mambo (Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas, Melissa Rycroft -- Lacey filling in & Tony Dovolani, and Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough) is up first. Their video montage was a bunch of silly dancing... and mistakes.. uh oh... PRESSURE!... Better step it up. They are dancing to a Beyonce song. I gotta admit that I really liked the whole piece... especially the little head kick of Chuck's... and the ending was phenomenal... as a tribute to the Beyonce video. That was just plain fun. Len loved it. 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25 to be added to their other scores.

Team Tango (Lil Kim & Derek Hough, Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke, and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower) dance second. THe video montage bores me a bit... so let's get to the dance. They are dancing to a Britney Spears song. ... Womanizer... and the band is stinkin' it up out there. The judges liked it much better than the last group. The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28 to be added to their other scores.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 28 + 28 = 56
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 27 + 28 = 55
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 24 + 28 = 52
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 27 + 25 = 52
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 26 + 25 = 51
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 21 + 25 = 46

Rutgers in the Draft...

Before the draft began, I knew Kenny Britt was going to get drafted. I would also have bet that Tiquan Underwood and Jamaal Westerman would get drafted... so you can imagine my surprise when I saw that Mike Teel and Jason McCourty were drafted in the sixth round and TU and JW weren't drafted at that point.

Here is a video of Kenny getting drafted....



Here is the picture of Mike Teel being "chosen" for the Seattle Seahawks... (He has a very good shot at being the number two QB there. If you seriously think about it, there isn't a better team for him to go to. He had a really strong year in cold and wet weather and I look forward to hopefully watching him a bit.



Jason McCourty... on the other hand... was "chosen" off camera, so I don't have any pictures of that...

And.. with just a few picks left... TIQUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Courtney Greene was also drafted by the Seahawks... HOORAY!

I might have to switch allegiances from my beloved crappy drafting Raiders to the Titans and Seahawks this year.

Overall... this has been a great year...

Good luck Rutgers Scarlet Knights players!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

Why Parents Drink...

Why Parents Drink


A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.


Love, Your Son John



PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.


I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer.


I love you.


Call me when it's safe to come home.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week 9

Tucker’s Nuts
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Tyson Apostol (4) -- Booted Week Nine
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 27 of 52 -- Heat by Bill Buford

Lori told me to read this and let me borrow her copy and I set it aside until I finished another book.

Once I started reading it, I could not put it down!

If I was not particularly interested in whether pasta had an egg in it, I sucked up every word Buford wrote on the subject because he made the participants real -- people who I now know (and who I may think are ridiculous.)

When you read about some minor event such as him burning himself on the stove top, you are totally fascinated because you KNOW the cook who is standing next to him and taunting him.

Great book.

Great writer.

Dancing With the Stars Result Show

So we open to a cold opening with Tom and Samantha just standing there... and they kick it off by making us watch the Group Dance again... and then the interminable RECAP!!!!

VIDEO MONTAGE #1 -- We are treated to doctors and other experts like Dr. Gupta who tell us that this is tough on their bodies. No shit Sherlock...

Natasha Bedington or whatever... sings to us... and this reminds me that I hate the new Carrie Underwood destroying Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home...

Burn the Floor is opening on Broadway this summer and they are dancing a dance routine for us now... FF...

Samantha is interviewing again... Isn't she in a 12 step program for this? She's interviewing Chuck and J and Ty and Chelsie... No one is worth remembering...

BUT... we learn that next week, there will be two TEAMS! Team Mambo and Team Tango... What teams doe people want to be on? Who cares?

TIME TO REVEAL THE FATES OF THREE COUPLES!

SAVED!
1. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
2. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Next.. six young dancers perform and get judged... and we ... AMERICA... will decide who will be added next year as a new professional judge. That kills a TON of time. Thank you ABC.

Celtic Woman performs... and that gets FF'ed... NICE.

It's the final segment... let's get to ruining someone's night...

SAVED!
4. Lil Kim & Derek Hough F-U-C-K-....
5. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- Why does Cheryl have to react so surprised every week? I mean... really...
6. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

BOOTED!

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

Dancing With the Stars Week 8ish...

It's Week Something Or Other and I am starting to feel tired for the stars this year. I am not feeling strongly (positively) about any of them... but I am actively rooting against a couple of them in my mind and in my catty little bitchy words on this blog.

LIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

When we see Edyta walk down the stairs... she is covered and this reminds us that their partners are dressing them this week.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani danced first and I lost all of my comments for her due to some sort of glitch in the program. BLECH. I am most annoyed that they keep referring to her as "The Bachelor Star." Didn't she lose? Seriously? She lost. THerefore... she is a loser and not the star. Screw her and her non-star status. After her lovely dance (Tango) though, she gets great marks from the judges... The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska dance second and they dance the Waltz. I lost my original free flowing thoughts on him too... but needless to say, their dance is somewhat nice, but he messes up a bunch. The highlight of the dance is that they danced to a Journey song that Jarold Wheeler and his crap singers somehow did not destroy. The judges were honest with him. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough dances third and instead of writing about this little turd, I re-wrote my comments for the first two. They danced the Rumba and thankfully... the judges didn't like her as much as they liked her in the past. Their scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Tom and Samantha keep reminding us that there is a GROUP DANCE later and it is a tribute to the 60s.

We are also reminded that there is a new feature this week on the Results Show. America will get to choose who will be the new professional dancer this week. DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance the Hump Dance. They are dancing the Samba this week. In the video montage... Chuck all of a sudden starts talking about the fans. His concert in the middle of a field reveals that he has a total of about 55 fans! I hope they all vote! The Samba is a dance I hate. It's just not interesting. However, with Julianne as his partner and he seems to have listened to her this week... it seems really good to me. Len loved it and thought it was his best dance to date. Bruno loved it and Carrie did a standing dance cheer for him. That's nice... since he really did seem to want it. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dances fifth and we are reminded that he sucked last week in his Jive. He is doing the Waltz and he likes going back to Ballroom dances since he likes to "hold on"... As they practice... Jewel comes into practice to help make fun of him to loosen things up. I don't know what is going on in the dance. It seems good and awkward at the same time. This is why I am in my sweatpants in my house and not a judge on the show. Bruno loved it. So did the other two critics. The scores are 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas will be dancing the Cha Cha Cha... and I HATE the hair and make up she is wearing this week. I should leave a 17 year old alone, but I know I can be critical because it isn't her fault. It's some dopey professional who is taking advantage of her hair. Shawn is away all week and has limited amount of time to do anything... let alone learn two dances. They are dancing in Michael Jackson-esque moves as the band absolutely BUTCHERS PYT by Michael Jackson. Carrie Ann loved it. So do the other two. Samantha reminds us that they have never gotten a 10! The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke wasn't in first place last week! THE HORROR! How can someone so handsome be so boring? They play in the pool a bunch and then come out and dance a Waltz to the Pretenders!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I love the Pretenders... and the singer screws up a bunch of notes. It was a nice dance. End of story. The judges were mostly positive. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Group Dance!!!!!!!!!

Video montage! and... it's a tribute to the 1960s!!!!!! (*yawn*)

I am not going to write anything about the group dance.. because I will have a lot to absorb.

Ty isn't the best... I learned.
LT makes me nervous...
Chuck was fine...
Shawn was cute..
Melissa missed soemthing...
Lil Kim was out there...
Gilles was right on...

Scores... Just a reminder!

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 29
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 28
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 27
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 27
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 26
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 24
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 21

Book 26 of 52 -- Dennis LeHane's A Drink Before the War

Based upon customer reviews of Dennis LeHane's series of novels featuring detectives Kenzie and Gennaro, I bought all of them at one time and have just finished this series debut.

I am mesmerized by the characters: the detectives are sharp, quirky, risk-taking folks most of the time; and they surround themselves with a wonderful assortment of cohorts from Bubba the bodyguard to Devin and Oscar the cops.

Throw in a sympathetic priest and you have an excellent mix of lovable, if not quite understandable, characters.

The story was gripping, terrifying and believable.

I can't wait to start "Darkness, Take my Hand," the second in the series, but I am going to hold off for a book or two that I plan on reading because others let me borrow it.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week Eight Results

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided in Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Dancing With the Stars Week SIX Boot!!!

We are before the show and trying to decide when to start this episode... because we don't really know or like the guest stars on the episode tonight...

I was told by my sister that there is NO DANCE OFF tonight... so that means we start the episode that much later.

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

For the record... our dog is adorable and playing an odd sort of fetch with TW... but he is adorable. I mention that... because I am annoyed that they chose Lil Kim to be the dance that they want to see again. I think Lil Kim has lost a ton of weight this eason.

Time for a recap... and I am reminded how great Julianne was... and we are treated to Samantha in purple. :)

For our special night of performance... we get the cast of West Side Story performing America... pretty cool since it's a great musical.

FINALLY! Some results...

First couple to be saved or removed... New way of doing it tonight... they invite Lil Kim and Derek and LT and Edyta down to the front of the stage.

Saved!!!!
1. Lil Kim & Derek Hough
2. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

Rascal Flatts performs and who really cares?

It's time for our first VIDEO MONTAGE!!!! This week, the stars are designing the costumes. The dancers are all nervous about what the stars will dress them in. Boring except when Steve-O speaks.

Let's get to revealing the fates of MORE couples!

Saved!!!!
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas
4. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani

After they are saved... we get to see the first two couples saved interviewed by Samantha. She is still adorable, but she speaks.

We get a special Superstars of Dance performance... with some olde looking costumes and dancers... with special guest Carmen Electra. She "might" not be the strongest of all the dancers out there... but she sure doesn know how to wave her arms around... crisply.

Rascal Flatts is on again! YAY! Dead time to fast forward through!!!

Video Montage #2!!!! -- We get to meet Dr. Lillian Glass who is a body language expert. Thanks Dr. Glass!

Time to determine some fates.

SAVED!
5. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
6. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

Bottom Two! or NOT! -- The other person might not necessarily be in the bottom two.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

The couple to be removed...

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer

Seriously? Finally... but he was entertaining...

Dancing With the Stars Week Six

We are reminded that this is the half way stage and that David Allan Grier's removal was "no laughing matter"... uh... thanks Tom.

LIIIIIIIVEEEE!!!! This is Dancingggggg With the Staaaaarrrsss!!!!

It's time for the walk down the stairs and let's see if anyone trips? DAMN... no one trips... Both TW and I essentially gasp at some of the outfits and I have to admit something out loud. Lacey is far more appealing this season... Sorry America... even I can change my bitchy little mind.

Tonight is Rumbas and Jives... Good for us.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower are up first and reminded that they were robotic. In the interview... Ty proves his awesomeness. He practices and can't seem to get out of the tightness and awkwardness he naturally possesses... His costume calls for him to wear a cowboy hat... interesting... The dance starts off slow and then he eventually kicks it in.... and then... hits the roadblock... and it goes to train wreck. The judges start with Len. They all think he is charming, but then criticize his dancing. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas dance second... and this week they are going to dance the Rumba. They have to be romantic through it. Of course... because she is only 17... she is giggly and nervous about showing her mature adult side. Mark tells us that she is missing her prom this year, so Mark recreates her prom for her in the ballroom practice room. The dance starts and it is super nice... The judges liked her and thought it was pretty nice. The scores are 8, 9, 9 for a total of 26.

The dances seem a lot longer tonight.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska was in the bottom two last week. They are dancing the Jive and it seems that this is the same video week to week. LT gets all pissed off at himself and storms off. Warren Sapp come in to cheer him up and make him move. The dance is somewhat decent and a lot of smiling is going on. It seems like a nice dance for someone who dances well on Saturday nights in any old club, but not good enough for this show. Carrie Ann thinks LT got Stella's possession (groove) back. Len and Bruno agree. The scores are 7, 7, 8 for a total of 22.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani dance fourth and we get the "I am so disappointed" video...*yawn*. I wish she was famous for being on Rock of Love Bus. They are dancing the Rumba and Melissa has to ooze... herpes... syphillis... no... romanticism. She is not a star.... blech. They come out in their yellow and Melissa has more sequins stuck to her bare back to cover up the obvious tramp stamp. The judges like her... The scores are 9. 9. 9 for a total of 27.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough is up next and I am IM'ing two different friends at teh same time. One friend refers to her as Lil Fucker and the other adores her. I love my friends. They are dancing the Jive and we learn that race relations are strong now... since Derek is so white and blonde. TW thinks it's funny that this hardened criminal is wearing prison outfits and dancing to Jailhouse Rock. She keeps making a face where I think she is actually pooping. The crowd likes it... and the judges? Bruno is nuts. Carrie Ann think it's mindblowing. Len didn't think there was enough "Jive" in it. Good for you Len. The scores are 10, 8, 10 for a total of 28.

*Side note* Samantha just called Len a "Poofy Head." God bless Samantha! (I have turned back to loving Samantha.)

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer dance next and he was last in teh judging last week, but not in the Bottom two! They are going to get romantic and dance the Rumba. The video is funny because Steve is a digusting fella and they are having trouble connecting. They bring the dog and Steve loves that dang dog... It's cute and I will vote for him now. The dance starts and it slowly builds into something... and I don't know what it is.. since the singing is so bad. During the dance... Lacey shows off that she can bend into many different positions. This is Steve-O's nicest dance so far, but he didn't do much either. The judges were mean, but Carrie Ann liked it best. The scores are 7, 4, 5 for a total of 16.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance next and they are dancing the Jive. They are supposed to be having fun and Gilles is having trouble. If only he was a ... STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The music seems really wrong and bit too hard for the Jive. It was very slick and fast and a lot of neat stuff was in there. Len is a bit critical. Bruno gets critical too. Carrie Ann actually teases him. Interesting... The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance last and will dance the Rumba this week. So... the real live couple gets to look all romantic like. Chuck says something very right. "They really do love each other in real life and she doesn't want the judges to say... that they don't have any chemistry." Their training is rough on Chuck so they go out on their first date again at the Santa Monica Pier. Awwwww... it's a bad Nicholas Sparks book.... on my television screen... It's definitely a dance where Julianne does most of the work. The judges all think it was a bit hot and erotic, but admit that there was some mistakes technically. The scores are 8, 7, 8 for a total of 26.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 28
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 27
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 26
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 26
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 23
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 22
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 18
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 16

Book 25 of 52 -- Martin Clark's Plain Heathen Mischief

One thing that I like to do for fun is read - and Martin Clark's "Plain Heathen Mischief" is just a plain fantastic read!

Clark is John Grisham with a Phd in life and the inner struggles of the soul.

Protagonist, the Rev. Joel King, is no cutout caricature cleric.

This man is real!

He, like the Old Testament's King David, is "a man after God's own heart".

A man who is flawed, yet faithful. Broken, yet not beyond repair.

A rascal, who like the prodigal son, comes to himself; and makes his way back to the loving Father.

Clark's book should be required reading in all theological seminaries as he deals with sin seriously, and with a sense of humor and hope and the gracious possibilities of redemption.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week Seven Game Update...

I have lost two players for medical reasons... I should get a bonus.

The way things are falling... my best shots are Tyson and Deborah.

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medivac-ed in Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 24 of 52 -- James Patterson's Max

I must say, I was a little bit reluctant to pick up this book at first.

I was disappointed by Book Four, and when I read this book's descripton, I didn't think it was going to be much better.

Boy, was I wrong!

James Patterson has redeemed himself by giving us back all the action and adventure we have come to expect from Maximum Ride.

With plenty of action and just the right amount of romance, Patterson has regained my trust AND my interest.

If you were put off by the fourth book and were convinced not to give book five a try, well - it's not too late to change your mind!

Dancing With the Stars Result Show Recap

Only ONE of our stars (Steve-O) has been in the bottom two or three! The DRAMA!!!! Even more drama? Samantha has her voice and she immediately informs me that Lil Kim and Derek Hough will be dancing an encore dance... This is what the fast forward button is for... My wife complains about the singers again... and they should...

It's time for a recap... :-(. Fillers suck...

We are starting right away with the ELIMINATION!

Let's save two couples...

1. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas ... yay!
2. Lil Kim & Derek Hough ... F*ck...

It's time for a singer... Etta James is ont eh stage and she is going to sing AT LAST... and I am NOT going to fast forward this at all. Wow...

Let's save TWO MORE COUPLES!!!!

3. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke .. *sigh*
4. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer... SURPRISE!!!!!!!!

Commercial? Dammit...

But what the heck... we'll save two more right after the break!

5. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
6. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani... *sigh*... again...

It only took 24 minutes for us to reach the first video montage. The stars tell us how much the show has changed their lives. They also tell us how much it hurts and sucks to be a dancer.

It's time for a Macy's Dance special. It's a cast from a show at the Wynn... and it is weird from the get go... but pretty cool throughout. It must be... Samantha says so.

Some Disney Channel chick is up to sing..... and I want to shoot myself because it is quite obvious that she is not singing... blech... stupid American kids... promoting this shit.

Let's save one more couple...
7. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

The bottom two are David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson and Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska.

Time for the Dance Off!!!

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson is up and they are going to redo the Vienese Waltz. Last night, their scores were 7, 8, 7 for a total of 22. No video montage! They go right into the dance. Kym is still waving her big feathery things and it seems crisper from the start. I am in agreement that between these two, I want DAG to stay... Let's go to the judges. Len enjoyed it last night and again tonight. Bruno and Carrie Ann saw an improvement. Their scores are... 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are dancing the Paso Doble again. They had a bad night last night and scored 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20. LT was not a good dancer last night. Let's see about tonight. The judges saw an improvement, but it wasn't a rave review. Their scores are... 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20.

It's time to boot someone... let's see who goes home...

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson

DAMN

Dancing With the Stars Week ... Uhh... I Really Did Lose Track

Welcome to Scranton, PA my friends and neighbors. I am on a business trip and I am enjoying some quality time in my hotel room... knowing that many of you can't sleep at night without knowing what it is that I think of Dancing With the Stars.

We are LIIIIIIIVEEEEE literally ... and I am tired and excited... all at the same time. I was able to make it to a tv to see the Yankees' opener... only to watch Sabathia stink it up and the Yankees squander a bunch of opportunities... oh well.

Tonight... each dancer will either do the Paso Doble or the Viennese Waltz. We are also at the beginning of the 90 minute episodes... so it just seems like a more managable broadcast to watch.

Melissa Rycroft was just announced as "The Bachelor Star" Screw you ABC... she ain't no star.

HOLY CRAP! Samantha's voice is back and her hair is almost touching the ceiling!

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough are up first and they are teh first to dance the Vienese Waltz. It took this many weeks and Chuck is finally taking the competition seriously. The practice session video is pretty boring and tame... interesting... Julianne looks lovely in a long flowing pink outfit and the choreography is pretty energetic for a Waltz... There's even a significant "turn" and it looked like Julianne's foot came off the ground! Len loved it. He still gives him some pointers though. Bruno is ... uhhhh... I don't understand him all the time. Carrie Ann hated it... and boos came out of everywhere. The scores are 7, 8, 8 for a total of 23.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are up second... and they are dancing the Paso Doble. I can already tell ... just by watching LT that he is uncomfortable in his outfit... It is a little... unmasculine... but he is a former New York Giant... so that explains a lot. During the video, LT is concerned about his inability to find the "beat" but he thinks he can find it and be tough and aggressive again. Good luck Sweet Cheeks. The dance starts off with a lot of Edyta dancing all around LT... Not a good way to impress judges who are asking everyone to take more chances... Regardless... the dance ends pretty neatly... with LT throwing and then pulling back Edyta. Bruno thinks the end was better than the beginning. Carrie Ann was pretty brutal... Something's "special" about her tonight. The scores are 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas are up third and Shawn is not happy with having been in the middle of the pack.... so she's going to try really, really, really, really hard. You go girl... I wish the STALKER STUFF would ahve come out... She's a doll... but so young.. They are dancing the Viennese Waltz and they look nice. Really nice. It was simplistic and beautiful. Carrie Ann agrees! Len is a bit more critical, but I bet his score is good. The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani IS NOT A STAR AND I AM JUST GETTING IRRITATED WITH THIS BROAD. I think I have a thing against whomever is Tony's partner. He is just such a great person and he gets crappy people... or this white bread non-star. They come out to a really aggressive Paso Doble themed song and it's a great dance. She has experience in dancing... so it isn't totally fair. Good dance... Whatever... At least she isn't a star. The judges are a bit critical. I think she might have a TRAMP STAMP... It always seems to be sequinned over. The scores are 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson is dancing the HUMP DANCE of the night. David is dancing the Viennese Waltz. The video is a bit boring and David wants to COMPETE!... He should also think about entertaining... and then... I see him practice in PINK SWEATPANTS. Sexy... Sexy DAG... The dance is a weird high energy V.W. to some really slow music... I have no idea if that was good or not. Bruno thinks it is nice and then starts to rip him a new one... basically criticizing his trick moves. Carrie Ann says something weird and then Len gives him praise... The scores are 7, 8, 7 for a total of 22.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance sixth and we are reminded of his perfect score last week... in week four... Sabrina got a perfect score in week four and then was booted in week 6. It's week 5 and he already brings out his kids... They are dancing the Paso Doble and the non-star and his partner step out for a dance... which I know will be good, but he's not a star... He's an Antonio Banderas wannabe. As the dance finishes (It's really good.), Carrie Ann and Bruno are giving him a standing ovation. The judges love him and Len is a tad critical... The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

After Gilles gets his score... he apologizes to Samantha about being at a loss for words. Samantha replies with "We are all at a loss for words." NO SHIT Samantha... we know all about you and your speaking issues.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer come in next and they bring in the Jackass guys to come in and help out. It's a pretty funny video montage. He comes out to dance the Viennese Waltz and he starts doing some mime work while the singers butcher yet another song... but this time... IN FRENCH!!!! It's his nicest dance so far, but he just doesn't compare to Gilles and Melissa... Wee Man is in the front row clapping... That was sweet too... I bet he staples his balls to the table in the next ten minutes. Len thinks it is his best dance yet. Bruno thinks that he was much better. Carrie liked it better. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance second to last and I think that Ty and Jewel are going to the same dentist. Ty rides bulls for a living. Since this is a "Bullfighter" dance... he should do well... right? His video is charming and he is showing a funnier side. The band brutalizes Barracuda. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I was taking a peek at Chelsie here... She seems to be one of those women that are a bunch more cute when they aren't made up. I am impressed by Ty in this dance and he seems to really hit his spots. Jewel looks really uncomfortable about the whole thing. WOW! Bruno doesn't like it and neither does Carrie because it was "too stiff". Len adds to the criticism. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 24.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough were on Ellen late last week. She sucked there and I wanted to actually inflict harm on Tucker she was SOOOOOO bad. I would never do that... but we DID fast forward through the end of her gut wrenching horrific voice and terrible stories. ALSO... I found someone who dislikes her more than me... YOU GO DH!!!! She has a video... she does a dance... I wake up. The judges like it... and Lil Kim talks more nonsense than Samantha does in a whole season. The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 29
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 26
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 26
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 25
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 23
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 22
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 21
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 20
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 18

Book 23 of 52 -- Chris Moore's Fool

My review is jaded since Christopher Moore is my favorite author right now.

Hands down... and GF and I went to see him in NYC a few weeks ago and had a blast.

:)

The first thing that I must say to any Christopher Moore fan who picks up this book is to put aside your expectations. I had assumed that this would be, as are Moore's other books, hysterically funny. It's not. That is not to say it's a bad book. But it did take me a while to get into it simply because I kept thinking, "When does it get funny?"

The answer is that it doesn't. This retelling of the story of King Lear from the point of view of the fool is very dark indeed, though there are certainly humorous bits scattered about the book. (I particularly like the recurring appearance of a ghost, at which someone is always bound to exclaim, "There's always a bloody ghost!") Pocket has been Lear's fool, and mentor to a dull-witted apprentice, Drool, for years, having been brought to the castle to amuse the baby princess, Cordelia, and now follows him on his peregrinations through his former kingdom. This is about as far as Moore resembles Shakespeare. Moore's fool engages in political intrigues, dalliances with the princesses, and is generally responsible (indirectly, if not directly) for a variety of deaths, dismemberments and an ultimately "happy" ending.

Would I recommend this to a Christopher Moore fan? A qualified "yes". It's not his best, it's certainly not typical of his work, but if you go into it knowing that, you'll be satisified. But I definitely would not suggest this as an introduction to Moore's work.

SURVIVOR TOCANTINS -- WEEK SIX

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 3 Double Elimination Episode Results Show

Time to get this party started!!!!!!!!!

We are LIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The credits are on and I saw Denise Richards! Yay!!!! She got booted.

Samantha Harris has no voice tonight and America is happy since we can now focus on her best features... :) Her eyes and not her speaking talents.

It's time to bring back an old feature... the Encore Dance... It's Gilles and Cheryl's Argentine Tango... and we get a recap of the scores...

There will NOT be a dance off tonight because TWO couples will be booted this week.

Let's save a pair of couples and report the first couple in the bottom three.

SAFE
1. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
2. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

BOTTOM THREE
A. Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin

Let's build up the drama and go to a commercial... to see/hear some fella (Kevin Rudolph)and Boyz II Men sing!

Kevin Rudolph sings and after hearing the song, I know the song and I remember how much I like it. During the song, the professionals are wearing some super sexy leather outfits and dance the Paso Doble... next wekk's dance.

Samantha is interviewing the three couples that are already safe and Holly who is still scared to be booted off at the end of the episode. Samantha has almost NO voice... God bless America.

SAFE!
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Next up is a professional dance sequence of the Viennese Waltz while the house band sings poorly again... at least the dance was gorgeous.

VIDEO MONTAGE!!!!!!!!! I am learning something about all the dancers... they are all nervous about the DOUBLE ELIMINATION.... Fascinating...

SAFE
4. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

BOTTOM THREE
B. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer

Boyz II Men are up and they perform a medley of songs from Motown for us... and the professional dancers are performing in slinky outfits... Philly is in the hizouse...

It's time for Samantha to do her interviews with Chuck and Steve-O. Steve-O is hilarious... when he reminds us that he used to cope with drugs and alcohol... and he doesn't need it now. That's funny.

VIDEO MONTAGE #2!!!! The judges are giving us their opinions on what they have seen so far... and I took a nap... good nap.

SAFE
5. Lil Kim & Derek Hough Shit.......
6. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani Blergh....

VIDEO MONTAGE #3
Each of the stars answers the question... "Are you dancing for the judges and the audience?" Der... At least we finally get a good description of how the rules and scoring work.

SAFE
7. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower
8. David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson

Final Couple in the Bottom Three
C. Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff

After the final commercial... we go through the drama... and we are told the bottom two couples and eliminated...

First couple booted is.... Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin



Second couple booted is... Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff



Really?

Not surprising... see you next week.