Survivor Tocantins Team Rosters

With just the finale to go on Sunday... it ain't looking so good for me...

Tucker’s Nuts
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Benjamin Wade (13) -- Booted Week Twelve
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5) -- Booted Week Eleven
Tyson Apostol (4) -- Booted Week Nine
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sierra Reed (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN!!!!
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 31 of 52 -- Jonathan Kellerman's True Detectives

Kellerman + brother detectives - Alex Delware = not much fun

Could have been much better...

Dancing With the Stars Seminfinal Results

Here we are.... one hour until we find out who was booted. It should be pretty interesting to see how they fill in the blanks and the spaces on this episode.

Tonight... only THREE will survive...

We start with a cold opening and Tom and Samantha immediately introduce some Grammy winner named Raphael Sadiq or something.

RECAP! It's a time to reflect... pause... and... ummm... fast forward.

Time to see our ENCORE DANCE. It will be Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas dancing their Argentine Tango... and it is still pretty dang good.

Helio Castroneves, Brooke Burke, and Dew Lachey are up to review the Final Four. The filler VIDEO MONTAGE is full of Drewches, Vacant Brooke Stares, and Incomprehensible Accented Comments by Helio Castondafadafs...ves....

After a commercial, it's time to reveal what everyone has been waiting for! What two professional dancers survived last week's cut to win a guaranteed spot in Season 9! They will be dancing with pro stars tonight! I can't wait!... Uh... who cares... Fast Forward....

Hey... ! Only four times this season (out of 9) has the lowest score of the judges been voted out. I knew you cared. America is saving people... SAVING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's time for a Professionals dance... where America ALSO voted for the four professionals (Lacey, Mark, Julianne, and Derek). Shit... America voted a lot this week... That's asking a lot from a country that voted TWICE for George Bush the
Twit.

It's time for the Professionals to perform the LATIN dances... argh... zoom zoom zoom...

Time to save someone (or two)!
1. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
2. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

The bottom two are... Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

Who will be going home?

COMMERCIAL!!!!

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

Dancing With the Stars Semifinals

Ok... TWO HOURS? Last week was two hours and they reallllly stretched it. Now... there are two less dances to watch and it will still be two hours? Ooof.

Time to get me excited and it's... the week after they booted the BIONIC BOOTY! And... I am still giddy. :)

Sooo... Let's start killing time with some professional dancers ... and I know that we will be killing time by watching How I Met Your Mother and 24 in the middle... so this won't be too live... for us.

The parade of stars... just four of them and thankfully... none of them are Lil Kim... 9 have been booted and these four are dancing in the semi-finals.

MEMORY LANE.... UGH....

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are up first and Melissa and Tony are revewing their season and dances from the season. This is ridiculously boring and I want to poke Perez Hilton in the eye. Melissa is too wacky and Tony is too nice. They reviewed their Foxtrot and Samba. They are going to dance a Cha Cha tonight.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke review their season too. They liked their Fox Trot and their Paso Doble. Tonight... they will be dancing the Waltz.

Commercial? No Yankees game? This is bullshit.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas are up third... and what do they like? They liked their Quick Step. I keep hearing the words "Turning Point" being used. I am also getting to hear just how odd Mark Ballas is. He's incredibly talented and a great choreographer, but he's nuts. They also liked their Paso Doble... another "turning point... "

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower remember last... and they really liked their Quick Step... that's the dance that they missed their high five... and that's also the dance where Harold Wheeler's singers destroyed Life is a Highway. Assholes. The other dance they liked was the Lindy Hop.

BALLROOM ROUND

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are finally dancing at 8:30 and I am annoyed that I had to wait this long. They are dancing the Cha Cha and the Quick Step this week. Tony lets us know that this week is really really important becase it is the semi-finals. Duh... Mr. Vanilla Nicey Pants. They come out to the Quick Step first. It's a nice dance and she is really a great dancer, but she isn't a star ... and she admitted it herself. All the judges thought it was nice, but Bruno and Carrie Ann thought it was nice, but not great. The scores are 9, 10, 9 for a total of 28.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke are up to dance third and they will be dancing the Waltz and the Salsa. Cheryl brings in Jonathan Roberts to teach him how to be sexy. He might be the gayest straight man in the world. That is absurd to me. THe dance is sweet and slow and tender, but we shall see what the judges think. Bruno stood up and yelled incomprehensible words... which means he loved it. Carrie thought it was breathtaking. The scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas are up third. They took some gambles last week and got some decent scores and tried to impress the audience. This week, they are dancing the Jive and the Argentine Tango. To start the night, she is dancing the Argentine Tango. In her video montage, she was really nerbous about jumping at the right moments. She seemed to hit them all correctly during the dance... and it was kind of cool. Carrie Ann loved it. Len thought it was her best performance yet. Of course, Bruno loved it and somehow... in his ramblings he threw in a Falco reference. The scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower come in last for the night. Ty ... in his video... is so completely self aware of himself that it is cute and amusing (I know LA doesn't agree.) They are dancing the Samba and Ty is practicing shaking his butt. He will also be dancing the Viennese Waltz, which will be the first dance tonight. It was one of his best dances of teh year. Len gives some compliments and says it is nice. Bruno thinks it isn't a SemiFinal worthy dance and gets booed out of the room. Carrie Ann says some nice things and then throws in her "but" with some criticism. The scores are 8, 9, 8 for a total of 25.

VIDEO MONTAGE We are learning about heir backgrounds and family life. This is both interesting and annoying.

LATIN ROUND

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are up to dance the Cha Cha Cha. My wife and I are entertained tha they are working the costume around her tramp stamp. The dance didn't seem on at all... not very crisp. About a 1/2 step off the whole dance. Bruno admits that she was both sensational and yet... didn't keep her energy the whole song. Carrie Ann agrees. Len liked it, but not as much as he wanted to. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke are up next and we look into Gilles' life in France. They are dancing the Salsa. What the hell is this song? and what the hell did they do to it? Dance seemed perfectly good to me and TW, so let's see. Carrie Ann needs a pill. That was a stand up cheer for that. Len is "almost speechless" and he wishes that he had an "11 paddle." The scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas come in third and we learn that Shawn grew up in Des Moines, IA and her mom and dad are interviewed. The video of her as a tiny tiny tiny person doing gymnastics are adorable. They are dancing the Jive and her poor outfit is horrific. HORRIFIC. The dance starts and something seems pretty off... but it's still far better than I could ever do. Len thought it was good, but too much slapstick and messing about. Bruno likes it when she goes wild. Not perfect, but good. Carrie thought it ended in mud, but still a good performance. (slight boos.... hrmmm.... ) The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance last in the Season 8 Semi Finals. Time to get his history and Jewel actually seems like a pleasant individual. They are dancing the Samba and they are suffering from having to do it not too long after Gilles perfect one. Bruno is just mean and his jokes don't work. Carrie Ann thinks he tries so hard and says nothing about the dance. Len doesn't like the Latin dance here. The scores are 8, 7, 8 for a total of 23.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 30 + 30 = 60
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 30 + 26 = 56
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 28 + 27 = 55
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 25 + 23 = 48

Book 30 of 52 -- Russell Brand's My Booky Wook

I read a bunch of reviews on this book and it was even Entertainment Weekly's Book of the Week one week.

Russell Brand's stage show is singularly his own, and so it would follow that his prose would be similarly unconventional.

I just didn't expect that it would be as good as it is.

How many working comedians have the time to write a 400+ page memoir at the outset of their careers?

For that matter, who has this much to talk about happening in their lives BEFORE stardom? Russell Brand, that's who.

The writing is pretty dense with English colloquialisms, so I'm not sure how those will translate for American readers.

Regardless, it's hilarious as hell, proving that Brand is a worthy successor to the outlaw comic crown previously worn by Richard Pryor and Bill Hicks.

The book's US subtitle is "Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up".

There's a fair amount of sex, but not as many drugs as you might expect (and very little stand-up, for that matter).

The book starts and ends with Brand's stay in a sex addiction clinic, but judging from his recent troubles with the BBC, he hasn't quite banished all of his sexual demons.

Can't wait for the sequel!

Happy Mother's Day Everyone.

Survivor Tocantins Week Eleven

Tucker’s Nuts
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5) -- Booted Week Eleven
Tyson Apostol (4) -- Booted Week Nine
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sierra Reed (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN!!!!
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 29 of 52 -- Spencer Quinn's Dog On It

A teenage girl goes missing and her mom hires a private eye to find her; though a very real scenario, this common theme gets turned on its mismatched ears in Dog On It, the new Chet and Bernie mystery by Spencer Quinn.

Told from the perspective of K-9 school dropout Chet, a dog with one white and one black ear, Dog On It moves at greyhound-like pace.

Chet, who has a problem with short-term memory, uses his uniquely canine abilities to help his human.

His sense of smell and ability to sort good people from bad, are keys as he and Bernie, a former cop and soldier, sort through a web of deceit surrounding the disappearance of Madison Chambliss from her home in an un-named Western state.

Chet's penchant for smelling out trouble, and snacks, lands him in some dicey situations.

The bad guys do their best to put down Chet and Bernie, who keep sticking their noses in the wrong spots.

Grab your snacks, find a shady spot outside and curl up for a good time reading Dog On It.

Flea collar not included.

Dancing With the Stars RESULTS WEEK NINE!

So the wife and I just finished a nice but sad movie called Last Chance Harvey. It is sad and yet... predictably happy.

Let's start right off with Samantha in black and Melissa...and Tony dancing their perfect dance from last night... the Samba.

While we are at it... LET'S FILL SOME TIME with a ... RECAP!... zoom zoom...

After the first commercial... we come back to hear Jamie Cullum rip off Harry Connick Jr. and Frank Sinatra by singing I Get A Kick Out of You....

Now it's time for the best way to fill an hour.... DANCE CENTER with Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice with Len Goodman. They rag on Ty Murray first, Lil Kim second, and Shawn Johnson third.

I didn't and won't comment because they are very funny and I don't want to miss anything.

Let's save someone... so they can compete in next week's SEMIFINALS!!!!!
1. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke

Dance Center Part II! (Melissa and Gilles are up next... )

Macy's Stars of Dance! -- Two people we have never heard of who are dancing to a Coldplay song... NOT BUTCHERED by Harold Wheeler's assholes...

Hey look! Some professionals are still competing to be on the show next season *sigh* PART ONE

Let's save another person... or two.
2. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani

Hey look! Some professionals are still competing to be on the show next season. *sigh* PART TWO

Hey look! Some professionals are still competing to be on the show next season and Lisa Rinna doesn't recognize that she is and looks like a fool. *sigh* PART THREE

Saving.....
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

BOTTOM TWO!!!!
They are... Lil Kim & Derek Hough & Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

After hearing that the judges will miss either of them... we eliminate one couple... and the couple going home this week is...

Lil Kim & Derek Hough



YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dancing WIth the Stars!!!!!!!!! (Week 9)

So I look at the DVR and I see that this episode is going to be back to the two hours that it was a few weeks ago Sometimes... I can only take so much... but I am reminded by my wife that these superstars of the world are going to be dancing two dances this week.

BBC AMERICA!?!?!?! I wish I had that... thanks for reminding me ABC that I don't have it...

LLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Tonight... in a Make or Break night... they will have to do two new dances AND they must dance a solo in the Latin Dance. Sucker bitches....

The night begins with some professional dancers dancing a simultaneous dance... sooo... Loyal Reader... this is how you fill two hours. (Currently... we are live and I can't fast forward... that will be rectified a little while later when we are watching How I Met Your Mother... )

And NOW... the dancers come down the stairs... starting with that turd... you know her as... Lil Kim... blech.

Sit back Loyal Reader... I am feeling somewhat vicious tonight because of a run-in at work.

WHAT THE F*CK? A Video Montage.... now? Screw you ABC! The judges are nitpicking and telling us what they are going to nitpick about tonight.

BALLROOM ROUND

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas come in first and they are dancing the Quick Step and Shawn is challenged to stay graceful and be fast. She cries a lot and I can't help but think.... "Baby..."... she is 1/2 my age.. ok... just left than half. They are dancing to a song from Aladdin... and I am annoyed at the butcherin' of a great song. "Friend Like Me" It does distract me from the dancing which I really liked. Len thought it was fun and entertaining. Good for her... but... he thinks they didn't follow the rules... about breaking the hold. Bruno liked it and Carrie Ann thought it was her best dance ever... but will give her a nine for breaking the rules. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower will be dancing the Argentine Tango first and his video was short and to the point. He's going to work really, really really hard. The whole dance was decent, but both TW and I were cringing at certain lifts. Bruno thought it was decent, and Carrie Ann comments about how he has come far, but he wasn't perfect. Len loved it. The scores are 8, 9, 8 for a total of 25.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up third and Lil Kim is a hooker based up her oufits. She doesn't want to dance ballroom dances like the Waltz, but she wants to be the "Complete Ballroom Package." Harold Wheeler and his merry band of misfits seems to be fucking with yet another song. It was boring and nothing special. Carrie Ann is ubercritical. Good for her. Bruno is DEAD ON..... "You tried to be a lady, but you are more comfortable being a tramp." Bless you Bruno... Bless you for saying it perfectly. The dance is boring and the scores are 8, 9, 8 for a total of 25.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke are up and I have turned 180 on Gilles. I like him, but I am hating on Cheryl. I would hate to be her partner. They go watch some professionals dance... and somehow... he is feeling more comfortable for his Foxtrot. 15 seconds into the dance, it's already better than Lil Kim's dance. It's slow and passionate. The song is the best one of the night so far... "Fever" and that is hard to do. Well done dance. It deserves some really high scores. Len isn't entirely favorable, even though he liked the dance. Of course Bruno liked it a lot as did Carrie Ann... The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

VIDEO MONTAGE... one I am excited about. It is a preview of tomorrow night's DanceCenter with Kenny Mayne.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are next... Hey... do you remember that she was hurt last week? I did... but yet... they keep reminding us... So... the whole video is about being delicate around her... Boooooooring... They are dancing the Viennese Waltz this week. It's a beautiful dance that just seems to be missing something... so I am sure she will get big scores for her "comeback." *yawn*... The judges liked it, but they were critical. Fantastic!!! Len was the nicest. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Some video about the pro's competing... fast forward!

LATIN ROUND!!!! -- Time for some video thoughts and a reminder that each dancer has to do 15 seconds on their own.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas makes me giggly by trying out herself at the Paso Doble. She can't be cute doing this! She can't help but laugh a lot. This ought to be interesting. We think the dance started with her solo, but we aren't sure. She's certainly a lot meaner and stern duriong the dance. THe beginning WAS her solo and it was pretty good. Fierce... as LA would say... Carrie Ann loved it. Len thought the dancing was good, but didn't think it was over-exciting. Shawn is visibly upset by this and so was Mark. Len seems overly critical, but Bruno judges her correctly. The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29 (See the TOTAL total below... ).

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower are up again and they are dancing the Rumba. He doesn't feel strong about it, but let's get cracking. The video is actually hilarious. Ty has a good sense of humor... even though he has no delivery. This is the worst rendition of a Tom Petty song ever. He is trying so hard and itisn't working for him. He ends it on an awkward him shake in front of his wife... and yet... it is bad... but I get the feeling that he knows he is going out... so he goofed it out a bit... At least I am hoping so. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21(See the TOTAL total below... ).

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up for their second dance and they are dancing the Salsa. This should be a better dance for her since she can shake her crappy slutty moneymaker. She is gonna shake her "Bionic Booty." Fuck her... especially since she got mad about being called a tramp. She's just disgusting and I am going to have to disown you friends that like her. I really might have to. Bruno loved it. Carrie thought it was out of control. Len mentioned Spotted Dick... uhhh.... In all seriousness... the blacks in the audience unfairly tried to intimidate the judges with their chanting. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27(See the TOTAL total below... ).

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke will be trying out the Rumba. Frenchie can't wait to show us his Latin Lover... didn't he already do that in Sex and the City: The Movie? Get it? MWAH HA HA HA HA.... He gets a great song (still poorly performed).. Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing. Well done. Carrie Ann thought it was hot, but self indulgent. The other two weren't too enamoured either. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27(See the TOTAL total below... ).

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are dancing the Samba. The last dance of the night. WHAT?!?!!?!? During the video montage... Tony gives her the news about the 15 second solo. She says... "I am not a celebrity... so can I get out of this on a technicality?" Bingo. Enough said. Be back after the dance is over. Len loved it. Bruno loved it. Carrie Ann thought it was perfect. The scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30 (See the TOTAL total below... ).

Scores... Just a reminder!

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 27 + 30 = 57
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 29 + 27 = 56
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 27 + 29 = 56
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 25 + 27 = 52
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 25 + 21 = 46

Book 28 of 52 -- David Wild's He Is . . . I Say: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Neil Diamond

This book hits a truly sweet spot where the biography of Neil Diamond, the autobiography of David Wild and a critical appreciation of pop music's most enduring singer/songwriter overlap.

The author is the rarest of beasts - a fully-anointed Rolling Stone-certified rock critic who isn't too much a rock-snob to appreciate the full scope of Neil Diamond's unique talent and legacy.

And I'm not just talking about the early recordings that even the most staunch rock snobs seem to have finally embraced, but every stage of Diamond's career--Wild does casual fans the service of picking the great songs out of Neil's overlooked albums.

More importantly, though, Wild defends the career of the man himself in a measured but passionate book that incorporates his own feelings about Neil's music with his many encounters with the man himself.

He doesn't dig for dirt in Diamond's personal biographical details, nor does he go for cheap shots at some of the man's admittedly less-than-stellar work.

Instead he makes the case for a truly unique artist who, into his late 60s, is coming full-circle to his beginnings as a songwriter and, yes, even critical success.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week Ten

Phew!

The bloodletting was finally stopped.

Tucker’s Nuts
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Tyson Apostol (4) -- Booted Week Nine
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sierra Reed (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN!!!!
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Dancing With the Stars -- Results Show

LIIIVEEEE!!!!

The Team Tango is the repeat dance... and my eyeballs begin to bleed from the horrific version of it.

Then... we are "treated" to a recap of last night's dances... including a sad looking plea from Tony about his injured Melissa.

Fantastic... a time filler! Our special guest for tonight is Robin THicke. Thank god for fast forward.

Samantha is allowed to interview again... DAMMIT ABC... Samantha interviewing the hooker named Lil Kim and the unfamous Melissa... it's a tremendous convergence of stuff that Smelmooo hates...

Let's save someone...
1.Lil Kim & Derek Hough... blech.

Video Montage! The judges tell us what it takes to win. ick.

Let's save a second couple...
2. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

Robin Thicke is hurting me again. If your father was still alive!

Let's save a third couple...
3. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke

It's time for the professional dancers to compete to be a star next week.

Fourth couple saved...
4. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough and Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are the last two couples left.

The couple booted is...

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

Dammit...

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 8

There's plenty of drama tonight as our stars have... uhh... drama... and a Team Dance to contend with. Yeah...

LLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

We are immediately told that Melissa suffered an injury and will NOT be with us!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke is up third and we were reminded that he still finished in third and he has no idea where he stands in the votes... so ... he has pressure. Gilles' shoulder hurts and will take cortizone shots so that he can continue to compete. I am tempted to think that the injury isn't real.. but faked just so he can take his shirt off. Rehearsal looks a bit rough, but he is ready to dance the Lindy Hop. Wow... what a start to the dance! His hair is a cartoon and his outfit is too, but it's funny. Who knew running in place could be so much fun? As the dance goes along, his stes seem good but the tosses and twists with Cheryl seem awkward. Still a fun dance though and it's good to see him so energetic. Len loved it. Bruno and Carrie Ann liked it too. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up second and I want to add something about Lil Kim. I watched "Notorious" a movie about the Notorious B.I.G. and Lil Kim was a featured part of his life... basically a dirty mouthed bitch whore in his life. I am seriously understating it. Screw you Lil Kim. May you fall down on your face. They are dancing the Paso Doble this week and the video was... a lot of her screwaming and being loud. It's a rather rigid interpretation. The crowd loved it and I feel as though Bruno is prone to liking her more than he/she should. All the judges liked it. Lil Kim goes up and kisses all the judges... much like a whore would. The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough did well last week. Remember? Way to settle Chuck! The video montage is an interesting one and Chuck actually has some personality. They are dancing the Cha Cha Cha this week. This is one reason I like Julianne. She choreographed a Cha Cha Cha that wasn't spectacular, but really showed off Chuck a lot. Carrie Ann thought it was fanastic. Bruno and Len gave some criticism. The scores are 9, 9, 8 for a total of 26.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas were second last week. They are going to dance the Samba. You gotta love how careful with Shawn's videos ABC is... Mark's mother is a three time Latin World Champion... so she comes onto the stage to teach her the girlie parts. End of video... boring. The dance was.... nice. That's all I got. Len didn't like it that much. Bruno was more infatuated with it. Carrie Ann thought it was really good. The scores are 10, 8, 9 for a total of 27.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani are up next and they evoke sympathy from us by playing up her painful rib injury. Let's get the video montage for this week... Melissa is feeling pressure and they are going to dance the Jive. Tom tells us that after talking to the doctor, Melissa will probably be back to dance next week. Melissa is hurt... in the ribs. She's got a hairline fracture in her ribs. They are going to use her rehearsal... just as they did with Steve-O earlier. With this footage... a pretty naked Melissa dances. We also get to see her Tramp Stamp without a cover or sequins over it. It was a bit awkward... the judges are kind, but give her decent enough scores... even though she was going through the motions. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21. Heh heh... sucker. :)

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance the last single dance and we are reminded that the Waltz last week was great. They are dancing the Salsa... Ty tells us that he doesn't like the sun since he was burnt really badly as a kid... so... it's spray tan time! He's "way outside of (his) comfort zone" for the Salsa... and I laugh. The CROWD is going batshit for him. It's amazing..... Young men have a whole new appreciation for Chelsea too. When did she grow up? Carrie Ann loved it so much that she screams for 15 seconds straight. It was a great dance. Len gave it a mean review after raving about him for a bit. The scores are 9, 7, 8 for a total of 24.


The team dance is coming up and Team Tango (Lil Kim & Derek Hough, Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke, and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower) is dancing against Team Mambo (Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas, Melissa Rycroft -- Lacey filling in & Tony Dovolani, and Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough). They are going to get judge's scores to be added to their other scores.

Team Mambo (Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas, Melissa Rycroft -- Lacey filling in & Tony Dovolani, and Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough) is up first. Their video montage was a bunch of silly dancing... and mistakes.. uh oh... PRESSURE!... Better step it up. They are dancing to a Beyonce song. I gotta admit that I really liked the whole piece... especially the little head kick of Chuck's... and the ending was phenomenal... as a tribute to the Beyonce video. That was just plain fun. Len loved it. 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25 to be added to their other scores.

Team Tango (Lil Kim & Derek Hough, Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke, and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower) dance second. THe video montage bores me a bit... so let's get to the dance. They are dancing to a Britney Spears song. ... Womanizer... and the band is stinkin' it up out there. The judges liked it much better than the last group. The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28 to be added to their other scores.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 28 + 28 = 56
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 27 + 28 = 55
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 24 + 28 = 52
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 27 + 25 = 52
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 26 + 25 = 51
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 21 + 25 = 46

Rutgers in the Draft...

Before the draft began, I knew Kenny Britt was going to get drafted. I would also have bet that Tiquan Underwood and Jamaal Westerman would get drafted... so you can imagine my surprise when I saw that Mike Teel and Jason McCourty were drafted in the sixth round and TU and JW weren't drafted at that point.

Here is a video of Kenny getting drafted....



Here is the picture of Mike Teel being "chosen" for the Seattle Seahawks... (He has a very good shot at being the number two QB there. If you seriously think about it, there isn't a better team for him to go to. He had a really strong year in cold and wet weather and I look forward to hopefully watching him a bit.



Jason McCourty... on the other hand... was "chosen" off camera, so I don't have any pictures of that...

And.. with just a few picks left... TIQUAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Courtney Greene was also drafted by the Seahawks... HOORAY!

I might have to switch allegiances from my beloved crappy drafting Raiders to the Titans and Seahawks this year.

Overall... this has been a great year...

Good luck Rutgers Scarlet Knights players!!!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

Why Parents Drink...

Why Parents Drink


A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.


Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.


Love, Your Son John



PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.


I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer.


I love you.


Call me when it's safe to come home.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week 9

Tucker’s Nuts
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Tyson Apostol (4) -- Booted Week Nine
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 27 of 52 -- Heat by Bill Buford

Lori told me to read this and let me borrow her copy and I set it aside until I finished another book.

Once I started reading it, I could not put it down!

If I was not particularly interested in whether pasta had an egg in it, I sucked up every word Buford wrote on the subject because he made the participants real -- people who I now know (and who I may think are ridiculous.)

When you read about some minor event such as him burning himself on the stove top, you are totally fascinated because you KNOW the cook who is standing next to him and taunting him.

Great book.

Great writer.

Dancing With the Stars Result Show

So we open to a cold opening with Tom and Samantha just standing there... and they kick it off by making us watch the Group Dance again... and then the interminable RECAP!!!!

VIDEO MONTAGE #1 -- We are treated to doctors and other experts like Dr. Gupta who tell us that this is tough on their bodies. No shit Sherlock...

Natasha Bedington or whatever... sings to us... and this reminds me that I hate the new Carrie Underwood destroying Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home...

Burn the Floor is opening on Broadway this summer and they are dancing a dance routine for us now... FF...

Samantha is interviewing again... Isn't she in a 12 step program for this? She's interviewing Chuck and J and Ty and Chelsie... No one is worth remembering...

BUT... we learn that next week, there will be two TEAMS! Team Mambo and Team Tango... What teams doe people want to be on? Who cares?

TIME TO REVEAL THE FATES OF THREE COUPLES!

SAVED!
1. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
2. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Next.. six young dancers perform and get judged... and we ... AMERICA... will decide who will be added next year as a new professional judge. That kills a TON of time. Thank you ABC.

Celtic Woman performs... and that gets FF'ed... NICE.

It's the final segment... let's get to ruining someone's night...

SAVED!
4. Lil Kim & Derek Hough F-U-C-K-....
5. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- Why does Cheryl have to react so surprised every week? I mean... really...
6. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

BOOTED!

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

Dancing With the Stars Week 8ish...

It's Week Something Or Other and I am starting to feel tired for the stars this year. I am not feeling strongly (positively) about any of them... but I am actively rooting against a couple of them in my mind and in my catty little bitchy words on this blog.

LIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

When we see Edyta walk down the stairs... she is covered and this reminds us that their partners are dressing them this week.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani danced first and I lost all of my comments for her due to some sort of glitch in the program. BLECH. I am most annoyed that they keep referring to her as "The Bachelor Star." Didn't she lose? Seriously? She lost. THerefore... she is a loser and not the star. Screw her and her non-star status. After her lovely dance (Tango) though, she gets great marks from the judges... The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska dance second and they dance the Waltz. I lost my original free flowing thoughts on him too... but needless to say, their dance is somewhat nice, but he messes up a bunch. The highlight of the dance is that they danced to a Journey song that Jarold Wheeler and his crap singers somehow did not destroy. The judges were honest with him. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough dances third and instead of writing about this little turd, I re-wrote my comments for the first two. They danced the Rumba and thankfully... the judges didn't like her as much as they liked her in the past. Their scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Tom and Samantha keep reminding us that there is a GROUP DANCE later and it is a tribute to the 60s.

We are also reminded that there is a new feature this week on the Results Show. America will get to choose who will be the new professional dancer this week. DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance the Hump Dance. They are dancing the Samba this week. In the video montage... Chuck all of a sudden starts talking about the fans. His concert in the middle of a field reveals that he has a total of about 55 fans! I hope they all vote! The Samba is a dance I hate. It's just not interesting. However, with Julianne as his partner and he seems to have listened to her this week... it seems really good to me. Len loved it and thought it was his best dance to date. Bruno loved it and Carrie did a standing dance cheer for him. That's nice... since he really did seem to want it. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dances fifth and we are reminded that he sucked last week in his Jive. He is doing the Waltz and he likes going back to Ballroom dances since he likes to "hold on"... As they practice... Jewel comes into practice to help make fun of him to loosen things up. I don't know what is going on in the dance. It seems good and awkward at the same time. This is why I am in my sweatpants in my house and not a judge on the show. Bruno loved it. So did the other two critics. The scores are 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas will be dancing the Cha Cha Cha... and I HATE the hair and make up she is wearing this week. I should leave a 17 year old alone, but I know I can be critical because it isn't her fault. It's some dopey professional who is taking advantage of her hair. Shawn is away all week and has limited amount of time to do anything... let alone learn two dances. They are dancing in Michael Jackson-esque moves as the band absolutely BUTCHERS PYT by Michael Jackson. Carrie Ann loved it. So do the other two. Samantha reminds us that they have never gotten a 10! The scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke wasn't in first place last week! THE HORROR! How can someone so handsome be so boring? They play in the pool a bunch and then come out and dance a Waltz to the Pretenders!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 I love the Pretenders... and the singer screws up a bunch of notes. It was a nice dance. End of story. The judges were mostly positive. The scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Group Dance!!!!!!!!!

Video montage! and... it's a tribute to the 1960s!!!!!! (*yawn*)

I am not going to write anything about the group dance.. because I will have a lot to absorb.

Ty isn't the best... I learned.
LT makes me nervous...
Chuck was fine...
Shawn was cute..
Melissa missed soemthing...
Lil Kim was out there...
Gilles was right on...

Scores... Just a reminder!

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 29
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 28
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 27
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 27
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 26
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 24
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 21

Book 26 of 52 -- Dennis LeHane's A Drink Before the War

Based upon customer reviews of Dennis LeHane's series of novels featuring detectives Kenzie and Gennaro, I bought all of them at one time and have just finished this series debut.

I am mesmerized by the characters: the detectives are sharp, quirky, risk-taking folks most of the time; and they surround themselves with a wonderful assortment of cohorts from Bubba the bodyguard to Devin and Oscar the cops.

Throw in a sympathetic priest and you have an excellent mix of lovable, if not quite understandable, characters.

The story was gripping, terrifying and believable.

I can't wait to start "Darkness, Take my Hand," the second in the series, but I am going to hold off for a book or two that I plan on reading because others let me borrow it.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week Eight Results

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Brendan Synnott (9) -- Blindsided in Week Eight
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medevac-ed Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Dancing With the Stars Week SIX Boot!!!

We are before the show and trying to decide when to start this episode... because we don't really know or like the guest stars on the episode tonight...

I was told by my sister that there is NO DANCE OFF tonight... so that means we start the episode that much later.

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

For the record... our dog is adorable and playing an odd sort of fetch with TW... but he is adorable. I mention that... because I am annoyed that they chose Lil Kim to be the dance that they want to see again. I think Lil Kim has lost a ton of weight this eason.

Time for a recap... and I am reminded how great Julianne was... and we are treated to Samantha in purple. :)

For our special night of performance... we get the cast of West Side Story performing America... pretty cool since it's a great musical.

FINALLY! Some results...

First couple to be saved or removed... New way of doing it tonight... they invite Lil Kim and Derek and LT and Edyta down to the front of the stage.

Saved!!!!
1. Lil Kim & Derek Hough
2. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

Rascal Flatts performs and who really cares?

It's time for our first VIDEO MONTAGE!!!! This week, the stars are designing the costumes. The dancers are all nervous about what the stars will dress them in. Boring except when Steve-O speaks.

Let's get to revealing the fates of MORE couples!

Saved!!!!
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas
4. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani

After they are saved... we get to see the first two couples saved interviewed by Samantha. She is still adorable, but she speaks.

We get a special Superstars of Dance performance... with some olde looking costumes and dancers... with special guest Carmen Electra. She "might" not be the strongest of all the dancers out there... but she sure doesn know how to wave her arms around... crisply.

Rascal Flatts is on again! YAY! Dead time to fast forward through!!!

Video Montage #2!!!! -- We get to meet Dr. Lillian Glass who is a body language expert. Thanks Dr. Glass!

Time to determine some fates.

SAVED!
5. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
6. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

Bottom Two! or NOT! -- The other person might not necessarily be in the bottom two.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer and Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

The couple to be removed...

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer

Seriously? Finally... but he was entertaining...

Dancing With the Stars Week Six

We are reminded that this is the half way stage and that David Allan Grier's removal was "no laughing matter"... uh... thanks Tom.

LIIIIIIIVEEEE!!!! This is Dancingggggg With the Staaaaarrrsss!!!!

It's time for the walk down the stairs and let's see if anyone trips? DAMN... no one trips... Both TW and I essentially gasp at some of the outfits and I have to admit something out loud. Lacey is far more appealing this season... Sorry America... even I can change my bitchy little mind.

Tonight is Rumbas and Jives... Good for us.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower are up first and reminded that they were robotic. In the interview... Ty proves his awesomeness. He practices and can't seem to get out of the tightness and awkwardness he naturally possesses... His costume calls for him to wear a cowboy hat... interesting... The dance starts off slow and then he eventually kicks it in.... and then... hits the roadblock... and it goes to train wreck. The judges start with Len. They all think he is charming, but then criticize his dancing. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas dance second... and this week they are going to dance the Rumba. They have to be romantic through it. Of course... because she is only 17... she is giggly and nervous about showing her mature adult side. Mark tells us that she is missing her prom this year, so Mark recreates her prom for her in the ballroom practice room. The dance starts and it is super nice... The judges liked her and thought it was pretty nice. The scores are 8, 9, 9 for a total of 26.

The dances seem a lot longer tonight.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska was in the bottom two last week. They are dancing the Jive and it seems that this is the same video week to week. LT gets all pissed off at himself and storms off. Warren Sapp come in to cheer him up and make him move. The dance is somewhat decent and a lot of smiling is going on. It seems like a nice dance for someone who dances well on Saturday nights in any old club, but not good enough for this show. Carrie Ann thinks LT got Stella's possession (groove) back. Len and Bruno agree. The scores are 7, 7, 8 for a total of 22.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani dance fourth and we get the "I am so disappointed" video...*yawn*. I wish she was famous for being on Rock of Love Bus. They are dancing the Rumba and Melissa has to ooze... herpes... syphillis... no... romanticism. She is not a star.... blech. They come out in their yellow and Melissa has more sequins stuck to her bare back to cover up the obvious tramp stamp. The judges like her... The scores are 9. 9. 9 for a total of 27.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough is up next and I am IM'ing two different friends at teh same time. One friend refers to her as Lil Fucker and the other adores her. I love my friends. They are dancing the Jive and we learn that race relations are strong now... since Derek is so white and blonde. TW thinks it's funny that this hardened criminal is wearing prison outfits and dancing to Jailhouse Rock. She keeps making a face where I think she is actually pooping. The crowd likes it... and the judges? Bruno is nuts. Carrie Ann think it's mindblowing. Len didn't think there was enough "Jive" in it. Good for you Len. The scores are 10, 8, 10 for a total of 28.

*Side note* Samantha just called Len a "Poofy Head." God bless Samantha! (I have turned back to loving Samantha.)

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer dance next and he was last in teh judging last week, but not in the Bottom two! They are going to get romantic and dance the Rumba. The video is funny because Steve is a digusting fella and they are having trouble connecting. They bring the dog and Steve loves that dang dog... It's cute and I will vote for him now. The dance starts and it slowly builds into something... and I don't know what it is.. since the singing is so bad. During the dance... Lacey shows off that she can bend into many different positions. This is Steve-O's nicest dance so far, but he didn't do much either. The judges were mean, but Carrie Ann liked it best. The scores are 7, 4, 5 for a total of 16.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance next and they are dancing the Jive. They are supposed to be having fun and Gilles is having trouble. If only he was a ... STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The music seems really wrong and bit too hard for the Jive. It was very slick and fast and a lot of neat stuff was in there. Len is a bit critical. Bruno gets critical too. Carrie Ann actually teases him. Interesting... The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance last and will dance the Rumba this week. So... the real live couple gets to look all romantic like. Chuck says something very right. "They really do love each other in real life and she doesn't want the judges to say... that they don't have any chemistry." Their training is rough on Chuck so they go out on their first date again at the Santa Monica Pier. Awwwww... it's a bad Nicholas Sparks book.... on my television screen... It's definitely a dance where Julianne does most of the work. The judges all think it was a bit hot and erotic, but admit that there was some mistakes technically. The scores are 8, 7, 8 for a total of 26.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 28
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 27
Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 26
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 26
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 23
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 22
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 18
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 16

Book 25 of 52 -- Martin Clark's Plain Heathen Mischief

One thing that I like to do for fun is read - and Martin Clark's "Plain Heathen Mischief" is just a plain fantastic read!

Clark is John Grisham with a Phd in life and the inner struggles of the soul.

Protagonist, the Rev. Joel King, is no cutout caricature cleric.

This man is real!

He, like the Old Testament's King David, is "a man after God's own heart".

A man who is flawed, yet faithful. Broken, yet not beyond repair.

A rascal, who like the prodigal son, comes to himself; and makes his way back to the loving Father.

Clark's book should be required reading in all theological seminaries as he deals with sin seriously, and with a sense of humor and hope and the gracious possibilities of redemption.

Survivor Tocantins -- Week Seven Game Update...

I have lost two players for medical reasons... I should get a bonus.

The way things are falling... my best shots are Tyson and Deborah.

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Joe Dowdle (8) -- Medivac-ed in Week Seven
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 24 of 52 -- James Patterson's Max

I must say, I was a little bit reluctant to pick up this book at first.

I was disappointed by Book Four, and when I read this book's descripton, I didn't think it was going to be much better.

Boy, was I wrong!

James Patterson has redeemed himself by giving us back all the action and adventure we have come to expect from Maximum Ride.

With plenty of action and just the right amount of romance, Patterson has regained my trust AND my interest.

If you were put off by the fourth book and were convinced not to give book five a try, well - it's not too late to change your mind!

Dancing With the Stars Result Show Recap

Only ONE of our stars (Steve-O) has been in the bottom two or three! The DRAMA!!!! Even more drama? Samantha has her voice and she immediately informs me that Lil Kim and Derek Hough will be dancing an encore dance... This is what the fast forward button is for... My wife complains about the singers again... and they should...

It's time for a recap... :-(. Fillers suck...

We are starting right away with the ELIMINATION!

Let's save two couples...

1. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas ... yay!
2. Lil Kim & Derek Hough ... F*ck...

It's time for a singer... Etta James is ont eh stage and she is going to sing AT LAST... and I am NOT going to fast forward this at all. Wow...

Let's save TWO MORE COUPLES!!!!

3. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke .. *sigh*
4. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer... SURPRISE!!!!!!!!

Commercial? Dammit...

But what the heck... we'll save two more right after the break!

5. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough
6. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani... *sigh*... again...

It only took 24 minutes for us to reach the first video montage. The stars tell us how much the show has changed their lives. They also tell us how much it hurts and sucks to be a dancer.

It's time for a Macy's Dance special. It's a cast from a show at the Wynn... and it is weird from the get go... but pretty cool throughout. It must be... Samantha says so.

Some Disney Channel chick is up to sing..... and I want to shoot myself because it is quite obvious that she is not singing... blech... stupid American kids... promoting this shit.

Let's save one more couple...
7. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower

The bottom two are David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson and Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska.

Time for the Dance Off!!!

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson is up and they are going to redo the Vienese Waltz. Last night, their scores were 7, 8, 7 for a total of 22. No video montage! They go right into the dance. Kym is still waving her big feathery things and it seems crisper from the start. I am in agreement that between these two, I want DAG to stay... Let's go to the judges. Len enjoyed it last night and again tonight. Bruno and Carrie Ann saw an improvement. Their scores are... 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are dancing the Paso Doble again. They had a bad night last night and scored 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20. LT was not a good dancer last night. Let's see about tonight. The judges saw an improvement, but it wasn't a rave review. Their scores are... 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20.

It's time to boot someone... let's see who goes home...

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson

DAMN

Dancing With the Stars Week ... Uhh... I Really Did Lose Track

Welcome to Scranton, PA my friends and neighbors. I am on a business trip and I am enjoying some quality time in my hotel room... knowing that many of you can't sleep at night without knowing what it is that I think of Dancing With the Stars.

We are LIIIIIIIVEEEEE literally ... and I am tired and excited... all at the same time. I was able to make it to a tv to see the Yankees' opener... only to watch Sabathia stink it up and the Yankees squander a bunch of opportunities... oh well.

Tonight... each dancer will either do the Paso Doble or the Viennese Waltz. We are also at the beginning of the 90 minute episodes... so it just seems like a more managable broadcast to watch.

Melissa Rycroft was just announced as "The Bachelor Star" Screw you ABC... she ain't no star.

HOLY CRAP! Samantha's voice is back and her hair is almost touching the ceiling!

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough are up first and they are teh first to dance the Vienese Waltz. It took this many weeks and Chuck is finally taking the competition seriously. The practice session video is pretty boring and tame... interesting... Julianne looks lovely in a long flowing pink outfit and the choreography is pretty energetic for a Waltz... There's even a significant "turn" and it looked like Julianne's foot came off the ground! Len loved it. He still gives him some pointers though. Bruno is ... uhhhh... I don't understand him all the time. Carrie Ann hated it... and boos came out of everywhere. The scores are 7, 8, 8 for a total of 23.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are up second... and they are dancing the Paso Doble. I can already tell ... just by watching LT that he is uncomfortable in his outfit... It is a little... unmasculine... but he is a former New York Giant... so that explains a lot. During the video, LT is concerned about his inability to find the "beat" but he thinks he can find it and be tough and aggressive again. Good luck Sweet Cheeks. The dance starts off with a lot of Edyta dancing all around LT... Not a good way to impress judges who are asking everyone to take more chances... Regardless... the dance ends pretty neatly... with LT throwing and then pulling back Edyta. Bruno thinks the end was better than the beginning. Carrie Ann was pretty brutal... Something's "special" about her tonight. The scores are 6, 7, 7 for a total of 20.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas are up third and Shawn is not happy with having been in the middle of the pack.... so she's going to try really, really, really, really hard. You go girl... I wish the STALKER STUFF would ahve come out... She's a doll... but so young.. They are dancing the Viennese Waltz and they look nice. Really nice. It was simplistic and beautiful. Carrie Ann agrees! Len is a bit more critical, but I bet his score is good. The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani IS NOT A STAR AND I AM JUST GETTING IRRITATED WITH THIS BROAD. I think I have a thing against whomever is Tony's partner. He is just such a great person and he gets crappy people... or this white bread non-star. They come out to a really aggressive Paso Doble themed song and it's a great dance. She has experience in dancing... so it isn't totally fair. Good dance... Whatever... At least she isn't a star. The judges are a bit critical. I think she might have a TRAMP STAMP... It always seems to be sequinned over. The scores are 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson is dancing the HUMP DANCE of the night. David is dancing the Viennese Waltz. The video is a bit boring and David wants to COMPETE!... He should also think about entertaining... and then... I see him practice in PINK SWEATPANTS. Sexy... Sexy DAG... The dance is a weird high energy V.W. to some really slow music... I have no idea if that was good or not. Bruno thinks it is nice and then starts to rip him a new one... basically criticizing his trick moves. Carrie Ann says something weird and then Len gives him praise... The scores are 7, 8, 7 for a total of 22.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance sixth and we are reminded of his perfect score last week... in week four... Sabrina got a perfect score in week four and then was booted in week 6. It's week 5 and he already brings out his kids... They are dancing the Paso Doble and the non-star and his partner step out for a dance... which I know will be good, but he's not a star... He's an Antonio Banderas wannabe. As the dance finishes (It's really good.), Carrie Ann and Bruno are giving him a standing ovation. The judges love him and Len is a tad critical... The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

After Gilles gets his score... he apologizes to Samantha about being at a loss for words. Samantha replies with "We are all at a loss for words." NO SHIT Samantha... we know all about you and your speaking issues.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer come in next and they bring in the Jackass guys to come in and help out. It's a pretty funny video montage. He comes out to dance the Viennese Waltz and he starts doing some mime work while the singers butcher yet another song... but this time... IN FRENCH!!!! It's his nicest dance so far, but he just doesn't compare to Gilles and Melissa... Wee Man is in the front row clapping... That was sweet too... I bet he staples his balls to the table in the next ten minutes. Len thinks it is his best dance yet. Bruno thinks that he was much better. Carrie liked it better. The scores are 6, 6, 6 for a total of 18.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance second to last and I think that Ty and Jewel are going to the same dentist. Ty rides bulls for a living. Since this is a "Bullfighter" dance... he should do well... right? His video is charming and he is showing a funnier side. The band brutalizes Barracuda. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I was taking a peek at Chelsie here... She seems to be one of those women that are a bunch more cute when they aren't made up. I am impressed by Ty in this dance and he seems to really hit his spots. Jewel looks really uncomfortable about the whole thing. WOW! Bruno doesn't like it and neither does Carrie because it was "too stiff". Len adds to the criticism. The scores are 7, 7, 7 for a total of 24.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough were on Ellen late last week. She sucked there and I wanted to actually inflict harm on Tucker she was SOOOOOO bad. I would never do that... but we DID fast forward through the end of her gut wrenching horrific voice and terrible stories. ALSO... I found someone who dislikes her more than me... YOU GO DH!!!! She has a video... she does a dance... I wake up. The judges like it... and Lil Kim talks more nonsense than Samantha does in a whole season. The scores are 9, 8, 9 for a total of 26.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 29
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 26
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 26
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 25
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 23
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 22
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 21
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 20
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 18

Book 23 of 52 -- Chris Moore's Fool

My review is jaded since Christopher Moore is my favorite author right now.

Hands down... and GF and I went to see him in NYC a few weeks ago and had a blast.

:)

The first thing that I must say to any Christopher Moore fan who picks up this book is to put aside your expectations. I had assumed that this would be, as are Moore's other books, hysterically funny. It's not. That is not to say it's a bad book. But it did take me a while to get into it simply because I kept thinking, "When does it get funny?"

The answer is that it doesn't. This retelling of the story of King Lear from the point of view of the fool is very dark indeed, though there are certainly humorous bits scattered about the book. (I particularly like the recurring appearance of a ghost, at which someone is always bound to exclaim, "There's always a bloody ghost!") Pocket has been Lear's fool, and mentor to a dull-witted apprentice, Drool, for years, having been brought to the castle to amuse the baby princess, Cordelia, and now follows him on his peregrinations through his former kingdom. This is about as far as Moore resembles Shakespeare. Moore's fool engages in political intrigues, dalliances with the princesses, and is generally responsible (indirectly, if not directly) for a variety of deaths, dismemberments and an ultimately "happy" ending.

Would I recommend this to a Christopher Moore fan? A qualified "yes". It's not his best, it's certainly not typical of his work, but if you go into it knowing that, you'll be satisified. But I definitely would not suggest this as an introduction to Moore's work.

SURVIVOR TOCANTINS -- WEEK SIX

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sydney Wheeler (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 3 Double Elimination Episode Results Show

Time to get this party started!!!!!!!!!

We are LIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

The credits are on and I saw Denise Richards! Yay!!!! She got booted.

Samantha Harris has no voice tonight and America is happy since we can now focus on her best features... :) Her eyes and not her speaking talents.

It's time to bring back an old feature... the Encore Dance... It's Gilles and Cheryl's Argentine Tango... and we get a recap of the scores...

There will NOT be a dance off tonight because TWO couples will be booted this week.

Let's save a pair of couples and report the first couple in the bottom three.

SAFE
1. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke
2. Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska

BOTTOM THREE
A. Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin

Let's build up the drama and go to a commercial... to see/hear some fella (Kevin Rudolph)and Boyz II Men sing!

Kevin Rudolph sings and after hearing the song, I know the song and I remember how much I like it. During the song, the professionals are wearing some super sexy leather outfits and dance the Paso Doble... next wekk's dance.

Samantha is interviewing the three couples that are already safe and Holly who is still scared to be booted off at the end of the episode. Samantha has almost NO voice... God bless America.

SAFE!
3. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas

Next up is a professional dance sequence of the Viennese Waltz while the house band sings poorly again... at least the dance was gorgeous.

VIDEO MONTAGE!!!!!!!!! I am learning something about all the dancers... they are all nervous about the DOUBLE ELIMINATION.... Fascinating...

SAFE
4. Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough

BOTTOM THREE
B. Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer

Boyz II Men are up and they perform a medley of songs from Motown for us... and the professional dancers are performing in slinky outfits... Philly is in the hizouse...

It's time for Samantha to do her interviews with Chuck and Steve-O. Steve-O is hilarious... when he reminds us that he used to cope with drugs and alcohol... and he doesn't need it now. That's funny.

VIDEO MONTAGE #2!!!! The judges are giving us their opinions on what they have seen so far... and I took a nap... good nap.

SAFE
5. Lil Kim & Derek Hough Shit.......
6. Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani Blergh....

VIDEO MONTAGE #3
Each of the stars answers the question... "Are you dancing for the judges and the audience?" Der... At least we finally get a good description of how the rules and scoring work.

SAFE
7. Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower
8. David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson

Final Couple in the Bottom Three
C. Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff

After the final commercial... we go through the drama... and we are told the bottom two couples and eliminated...

First couple booted is.... Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin



Second couple booted is... Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff



Really?

Not surprising... see you next week.

Dancing With the Stars... Week THREE! (DOUBLE ELIMINATION WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

This is being watched after getting home from a Nets game... a Nets game that had two players on the Bucks beating the entire Nets team after three quarters... Naturally... we left.

We are now LIIIIIVEEE... on DVR...

On tonight's episode... we have TWO new dances that have never been on the show before... The Argentine Tango and the LindyHop. Fun.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson dance first... and they are the first people to do the Lindy Hop. This is a dance that is apparently a lot of fun and energetic... so they go and watch it live at a hall. Time to dance live... and DAG isn't as funny as he could be. I find Kym's faces so infectious... and DAG ain't so bad himself... It all seemed good to me... The judges are up and Bruno looks like he fell into a tanning booth and slept there for three hours. They thought it was nice, but some of their timing is off. Carrie Ann is of course glowing over her former In Livin' Color star... The scores are 8, 7, 7 for a total of 22.

Samantha has a cold and her voice is deep and awesome... speaking whatever language she is speaking ...

ABC is kind to me and gets Lil Kim out of the way for me early... as... Lil Kim & Derek Hough dance second. I can't help but notice that Derek Hough's hair keeps growing and growing... I am a Lil Kim hater... and my name is Smelmooo (Hellooooo Smelmooooo.... ) They are learning the dance together and it drives me nuts to listen to this woman!!! (Catty little bitch side comes out again... ) They dance the Argentine Tango... and... I yawn. Bruno adored it... of course... The scores are 9, 8, 10 for a total of 27. (I hate Bruno...)

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance third and they are doing the Lindy Hop. The video montage comes up next and we see an interesting and sissy side of Chuck Wicks. He hates landing on his head and is totally scared. She changes the choreography and all is good in teh world.... They look silly as waiter and waitress and kick and jump and wail and hop. :) I digress. It was fun with lots of flipping and high energy stuff. Carrie Ann wants her to go ove rthe edge more... he's too safe. Len agrees. The scores are 8, 7, 7 for a total of 22.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska are up to dance the Argentine Tango. They are having a hard time practicing this because LT cannot visualize it so they bring in Edyta's hubby to help him visualize it. He is just so nice sounding that I might actually start liking this brute. They do a sweet dance... even though the music is just plain horrible... My one main complaint is that Edyta did all the dancing around LT, but we shall see...The judges are all ove rthe place with their criticism. The scores are 7, 5, 7 for a total of 19.

Just remember that next week is a double elimination and we will hve a bottom three dance off!

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dance fifth... They quickly recount their slip last week and Ty was a hero... Let's get it into the dance... The high energy Lindy Hop! Mr. Excitement is going to need a lot work dacing with high energy. It's a great start. And I am more pleased with this than I thought I would be. Nice dance... and I mean that. Carrie Ann is so excited in her praise that I am actually scared... The scores are 9, 8, 8 for a total of 25.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff are doing the Hump Dance. His video montage is awkwardly funny and makes me laugh. They are doing the Argetine Tango and the first third is done on a chair. uh oh... time for the judges who were just brutal last week. Still brutal. The scores are 4, 4, 4 for a total of 12.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani dance fifth to last... and I want to remind you... again... SHE IS NOT A STAR... Melissa and Tony are friends, brothers, and instructor/teacher. Tony is just so damn nice. They are going to dance the Lindy Hop... and I am worried that they are going to get all 10's. HA! There was a couple mess ups. The scores are 10, 9, 10 for a total of 29.

Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin dance eighth. We are reminded that Holly hurt her ribs last week. She only strained her muscles. She's going to fightr through the pain and work it girl! They are dancing the Argentine Tango. The Fem-Bot is really trying hard during the dance, but it makes me uncomfortable for some reason until they come to a realllly interesting twist and turn move near the end. Bruno hated it.... and so did everyone else. The scores are 5, 6, 5 for a total of 16.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer whack their bag and remind us how bad they were last week. Steve-O can't stop beating himself up... so Lacey makes him dress up as a clown like the old days and they practice in that. Hopefully... that will loosen him up for the Lindy Hop. Carrie Ann hated it. Len and Bruno did too. It wasn't a great dance... The scores are 5, 5, 5 for a total of 15.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke IS NOT A STAR and yet... he remains so incredibly handsome and the ladies love him. He had a video and I was distracted by something shiny. He did his dance and I was distracted by Tucker... but because of his handsomeness... he got good scores from Carrie Ann and Bruno (wink). Carrie Ann is fanning herself with a book... so there. The scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas dance last and have to dance after the first perfect 30 of the season. Shawn is going to do a bunch of flips and jumps during the Lindy Hop. They do a lot of practicing in the gymnastics realm... so now it's time to practice in the actual studio. It sure is a fun dance to watch even though they totally dressed her in an outfit that isn't really appropriate for a 17 year old. Bruno starts it off and likes it, but thinks she should have danced more. The other two agree.... The scores are 8, 8, 9 for a total of 25.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 30
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 29
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 27
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 25
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 25
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 22
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 22
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 19
Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin -- 16
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 15
Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- 12

Book 22 of 52 -- Laura Pedersen's Going Away Party

I dove into this after enjoying Pedersen's wonderfully heartbreaking but humorous novel "Last Call."

Now we move from Brooklyn, NY, to the Midwest.

Anyone who has ever been a teenager or attempted to raise one will love "Going Away Party," which sums up so many of the conflicts inherent in coming of age today.

Technology and the high cost of education have changed the landscape and not always for the better.

It also contains a romance with an age difference that serves to show how our perspective on life changes as we mature.

What I especially enjoyed was that drugs, abuse, and violence were not needed to make the passage to adulthood dramatic and fraught.

It's angst filled enough without those and Pedersen also uses deft humor to keep things moving toward a surprising and touching ending.

I Love You, Man Movie Going Experience

Nice quiet movie during a peaceful New Jersey rainy Saturday.

Silence is Golden

Star Trek -- Oh boy....

Dance Flick -- Oh boy times two...

Funny People -- Judd Apatow AND Adam Sandler... how good can that really be?

Year One -- I do like Michael Cera...

Observe and Report -- Ergh

Crank 2 -- You thought the first one looked over the top....

Survivor Tocantins -- Week 6 of the Game!

So they tricked me.

There wasn't a REAL episode...

Bastards tricked me.

Tucker’s Nuts
Tyson Apostol (4)
Deborah “Bubbles” Beebe (5)
Joe Dowdle (8)
Brendan Synnott (9)
Benjamin Wade (13)
Tamara “Taj” Johnson-George (16)
Spencer Duhm (12) -- Wrongfully booted Week Five
Jerry Simms (1) -- Unfortunately... he basically quit in Week Three.

Asshfault!
Stephen Fishbach (2)
Sierra Reed (6)
Sydney Wheeler (7)
James Thomas, Jr. (10)
Erinn Lobdell (14)
Sandy Burgin (15) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
Candace Smith (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!!
Carolina Eastwood (3) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!