Top Five Things I Am Looking Forward To On Christmas
1. Saying Happy Holidays to the people who are working on that day at whatever store I stop at. heh heh...
2. Celebrating the Baby Jesus' birth... oh wait... isn't that what Christmas is SUPPOSED to be about?
3. My mom's oatmeal butterscotch cookies.
4. Popping in Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics CD -- all day long... Cartman singing Oh Holy Night is the greatest Christmas song ever.
5. Spending it with muh hunny.
Top Five Reasons That I Will Never Want to Cook Christmas Din Din
1. Children are so damn messy....
2. It is too cold outside to send the kids out to draw on the ASPHALT driveway.
3. Do people really understand and appreciate how much cooking takes out of you? Yes... but do they understand the clean up afterwards? Noooooo...
4. If I am doing all the cleaning... I will miss Home Alone for the umteenth million time.
5. I want to eat it warm...
Top Five Christmas Porn Movies I Made Up
1. Oh Whole-ly Knight (Medieval setting...)
2. Oh Tan-em-bum
3. Deck the Balls
4. Rudolph the Red Nosed Porndeer (Not original... I know...)
5. Little Drummer Boy, Watch Him Beat It
Top Five Ways to Piss Off Your Family at Christmas
1. Announce that you will be joining a Pagan tribe in upstate North Dakota.
2. (If a family member is in Hawaii for work...) After the prayer... slip in under your breath... "and please... let (insert name here) get leighed."
3. Walk in with blood(ketchup) all over your shirt, a steering wheel around your neck, and a pair of antlers and announce... "I never saw the fat bastard coming..."
4. Tell everyone that you have a really good movie for everyone to watch... and "accidentally" slip in Little Drummer Boy, Watch Him Beat It.
5. Can anyone say... Christmas of DEATH!??!?!?! (Do it yourself!)
Top Five Christmas Songs and Who They Were Sung By
1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer -- Neil Diamond
2. O Holy Night -- Neil Diamond
3. Little Drummer Boy -- Neil Diamond
4. The First Noel -- Neil Diamond
5. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen -- Neil Diamond
Top Five Worst Christmas Songs and Who They Were Sung By
1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer -- Anybody who ISN'T Neil Diamond
2. O Holy Night -- Anybody who ISN'T Neil Diamond
3. Little Drummer Boy -- Anybody who ISN'T Neil Diamond
4. The First Noel -- Anybody who ISN'T Neil Diamond
5. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen -- Anybody who ISN'T Neil Diamond
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