Instead of giving you a half assed version of everyone's favorite column yesterday, I went with a half assed version of a stupid story. I do ask however... how stupid can any story be when I cause physical harm upon myself.
An all day work event yesterday kept me from the computer for most of the day... but I humbly submit Top Five Tuesday on... umm.. .Wednesday.
Top Five Reasons Why Yesterday Sucked
1. We had a raffle at the event. There were some kick ass prizes and handing them over to people was so depressing. I really wanted that portable DVD player and the gift certificates to Peter Luger's Steakhouse!
2. There was a cheese table, but I never made my way to it.
3. The stand up comic told a lot of the same jokes he told last year.
4. I don't care what anyone says... spending 6 hours on your feet just stinks.
5. It rained like Niagra Falls
Top Five Reasons Why the Star Ledger is Not My Favorite Newspaper Anymore
1. They want to charge us $250 to list our wedding announcement in the paper.
2. They do not have an application that spells out costs soooo... you fill out the application, send it in and then they try to bill you.
3. The delivery guy always seems to have it land in the one puddle. Double bag it for goodness sake!
4. They gave Blade Trinity 2 1/2 stars... what?
5. They want to charge us $250 to list our wedding announcement in the paper. (Can you tell that this really bothers me....)
Top Five Reasons Why Muh Honey and I Have Not Been Able to Attend Free Popcorn Tuesdays at Our Local Regal Theater
1. The movies this year just plain suck. We have seen all the good ones. (Incredibles is possibly the best main stream movie out there... maybe we will see it again...)
2. Longer Work Hours
3. Netflix. Last night, we watched Bottle Rocket. That wasn't Wes Anderson's best film, but dangit... it has to be better than "Closer."
4. It is getting colder...
5. It seems to rain every Tuesday...
Top Five People That Might Win Survivor This Year -- In the Order I Think (Happens This Sunday!!!)
1. Chris Daugherty -- I am rooting for him because he is the guy and a construction guy.
2. Twila Tanner -- I am rooting for her because of all of them, she deserves it the most.
3. Eliza Orlins -- MB and muh honey know what two reasons I would root for her.
4. Scout Cloud Lee -- She is annoying me... I want her to lose.
5. Julie Berry -- She gets booted tomorrow... I hope... she is MB's player...
Top Five Hypocritical Things I Have Seen Recently
1. You know those religious fish symbols that people put on the back of cars? That should mean you are a good person. Well... the lady who flipped me the bird and cut me off because I was apparently going to slowly for her good wasn't THAT good.
2. I saw someone get called "devious" by another person for something stupid. It really offended this person... so this person had to get even... and this person lied to the first person making the first person look stupid. That was planned... I would call that devious.
3. Who am I kidding? I only have 2... but I didn't think they merited their own blogs....
4. See Number 3
5. See Number 3
Top Five Ways of Falling on Your Ass
5. Tripping over an inanimate object...skateboard...rake... shoe...
4. Slipping on some ice in the driveway... where you inevitably do the ballerina I don't wanna fall on my ass... let me stop myself with my left mittened hand... fall.
3. Misjudging a step or walking on it with socked feet. As you all know... I have done that one.
2. Tripping over my own feet....
1. My favorite ... tripping over... nothing... how the hell did I just fall when there was nothing but an open field for miles? I think this generally happens when I am tired... I am just not THAT into lifting both of my feet off the ground!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
reminds me of a joke or maybe it was true...
Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn't move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash. The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the man. The man, looks up, sees the yellow light and accelerates through the intersection just as the light turns red. The woman is beside herself, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection.
As she is still in mid-rant she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very serious looking policeman. The policeman tells her to shut off her car while keeping both hands in sight. She complies, speechless at what is happening. After she shuts off the engine, the policeman orders her to exit her car with her hands up. She gets out of the car and he orders her to turn and place her hands on her car then handcuffs her and takes her to the Police station where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and placed in a cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the original officer is waiting with her personal effects and says, "I'm really sorry for this mistake. But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."
Post a Comment