Top Five Times of Day to Drink Beer at a NASCAR Race
1. 6:00 AM
2. 7:00 AM
3. 8:00 AM
4. 9:00 AM
5. 10:00 AM
Honorable Mentions -- 11:00 AM, Noon, 1:00 PM, 2:00 PM, 3:00 PM. 4:00 PM, 5:00 PM... oh.. you get the drift.
Top Five Most Interesting Choices for Outfits
1. A patch... on his eye.
2. I saw this one chick take her tank top and roll it up very carefully, then tuck it under her bra all the way around. Let's just say that because of who she was... this took a very long time.
3. There was a bald guy... without a shirt on... Let's just say that he was completely pink from the sun, but he chose to wear a VISOR. I wanted to see the strip of white around his big fat head.
4. I saw a chick with an extremely ample bosom wearing almost nothing up top. I also watched about 6 guys drop their ice cream turning their heads to stare at the ungodly set of hooters.
5. There was a guy wearing a leather coat...and nothing else up top. He also had on a pair of khakis. When his nipples popped out... I wanted to hurl.
Top Five Items You Can Put on Shish Kebabs
1. Chicken
2. Beef
3. Shrimp Wrapped in Bacon
4. Tomato
5. Red Pepper
Top Five Improvements From Last Year's Events
1. NINE urinals instead of 2 in the parking area where there was a huge line ... all the time!
2. The ladies at the exhibits were better looking this year... of course I will answer questions about Crown Royal!!!
3. They had Nestle ice cream snacks... dang...that Nestle Toll House cookie ice cream sandwich is pure heaven... HEAVEN I TELL YOU!
4. We upgraded our eating... no burgers or dogs here... none.
5. Mike bought a new kind of pork roll... mmmm...egg and pork roll sandwiches....
Top Five Cures For Self Pity
1. Go to a NASCAR race and see some of the winners there.
2. Meet a gentleman with his front two teeth missing, saggy boobs even though extremely thin, and a patch on his eye.
3. Hang out in the parking lot the faces the major interstate and watch the cars sitting there not moving and be happy that you have a beer in your hand and a steak kabob in your other hand thankful you are not sitting in that traffic.
4. Pee in a PortaPotty all day long... that'll make you realize how great your life is.
5. Drink Natural Light Ice... does it get worse than that?
Top Five Drivers to Be Boo'ed
1. Jeff Gordon -- when he crashed, the crowd erupted in applause. It was surreal.
2. Kyle Busch -- The venom spewed and the drunks spoke.
3. Jimmie Johnson -- That's muh boy. Fourth place.
4. Kurt Busch -- Hated... Just Plain hated.
5. Robby Gordon -- No relation... just sort of a whiny bitch.
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