Dancing With the Stars Week Two

So... here I go... here I go ... again... what's my weakness? DWTS! Ha Ha... you thought I was going to say something else.

Last week, we had three hours worth of dancing where the men danced on Monday and the women danced on Tuesday. No one was eliminated.

They all get to dance again tonight... (Good and the Bad) and TWO people get booted tomorrow night in a "Dancing With the Stars First... Two Boots! One male and one female." The anticipation is amazing and top notch...

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Samantha Harris is looking incredibly gorgeous tonight and I think she just stumbled over her words... but I am not actually listening to her.

First up tonight... Steve Guttenberg in a really pleasant green shirt. He's going to do the Mambo and he's really excited about it... In case you didn't see it last week, Steve was really "excited" about everything that he did... He's going to be "macho" and I am looking forward to it since he's pretty excited... (Side note... I never thought that anyone could make the song Mambo #5 worse... but the DWTS's band succeeded at it.) He may not be the best dancer in the world, but Steve Guttenberg's excitement and persona is pretty infectious. The judges don't like the dancing... oh well... The scores... 6, 5, 5 -- 16...

Cristian de la Fuente is up with home wrecker Cheryl Burke. They are doing the Quick Step... Crap... Cristian is the guy that I didn't want to like and he is charming me... Shit... I am impressed with the dancing... as I know that I am never going to dance this well... EVER. It seemed like they did well although the TW and I agree that they don't have much chemistry... the audience loves them. 7, 6, 7 -- 20... even with the kind words... it wasn't as high as I thought it would be.

Monica Seles is... ummm.... YAAAWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OMG This is the least sext Mambo ever. Ouch. The judges think that something's wrong too... and they know that she is out of her comfort zone... Let's take a commercial break.. just to recover from this dance. 5, 5, 5 -- Worst score of the night.

YAY!!!!! Penn Jillette is up!!!! He was leaning against the railing in the dance studio and he broke it... it was one of the funniest spots ever... He used props and ... uh oh... Kym looks lovely... Penn isn't going to last... but I really like him and I know he is trying because he works hard on everything that he does... Teller is having a great time watching his business partner and friend have fun. Len is actually telling him that he is trying and appreciates it. Bruno will hate anything that Penn does and the chick judge loves him... The show is thrown for a love when Penn pretends to fall down. That was funny... Penn is funny... 6, 6, 5 for a total of 17.

Priscilla Pressley is up and her cat like plastic surgery is up next. I wouldn't make fun of someone who naturally looks like this but I can't help avoid it when they do it to themselves voluntarilly... Grandmother my ass... your Mambo looks like a bad cat and creepy midget man dance team. It's better than I can do... but something seems so wrong.. The song and dance seemed like it was 55 seconds long. Just to prove my creepy point... Louis did a split... icky. The judges liked her... WHY? (FBT's beautiful bride asked me that during the show... and I have no idea...) 7, 7, 7 -- 21 is the score... the highest score of the night so far.

Shannon Elizabeth is up with Jullianne's creepy brother. Shannon is out of shape so Derek makes her run up a hill... and that my friends is all there is to the pre-video. Shannon's dress is approprtiate for body and she remains the prettiest contestant on the show this season. I thought it was good, but watch me be wrong... The judges did a great job telling her that they loved her as well. 8, 8, 8 -- 24 Best dance of the night.

Jason Taylor is an NFL player who is dancing... and his partner is one of my absolute favorite ladies... Edyta... DOn't hurt her Jason... leave her be... oh wait... it's time for them to dance already... As always... Edyta wears a barely there dress... and lets Json throw her around... nicely done. The dance was choppy and good... but I like her. Scores... 9, 9, and 9... 27

Marissa Janet WInouker is up... f&ck... I really hate listening to her ocmplain about how horrible she is and was... while eating..... She has self esteem issues...of course she does... MS just pointed out to me that she's 35... are you kidding me? Is she aging backwards like Mork's kid did on MOrk and Mindy? (Jonathan Winters...) The dance is atrocious... and I can't believe that she is allowed to dance anymore. This dance is short... and mercifully so... the scores ... 7, 7, 7... I really think the judges gave her good scores because she cried a shitload.

Adam Carolla is up and she is dancing with my favorite dancer Julianne Hough... he is funny and will probably kick some Mambo ass... kidding... Oh Julianne... what is with the hair and eye makeup... She also has some interesting makeup up the side of her leg... I gorgot that she has a partner... it wasn't as bad as last week.. I can tell you that... The judges didn't like him... Carrie Ann Inaba... addressed him calling her a bitch last week... Len... liked it a lot more than anyone else... because he entertained him... The scores were... 6, 7, 6 and 19 is the final score...

I was thinking about Marlee Matlin a bunch this weekend... since I think that she is pretty amazing for doing this. I wonder if not being able to hear is really a disadvantage... she doesn't have to listen for the beats... it's all mathematical for her... 4 steps here.. 3 steps there... etc. etc. etc... Whatever... her time to dance... to start... it seems so much more crisp than the other Quick Steps... but again... I offer up.. what the hell do I know? Side note... I like Fabian Sanchez... The judges like her too...but felt that Fabian should have had her doing more of a traditional Quick Step... so it wasn't really all her fault... The scores were... 8, 8, 8 -- 24 is pretty darn good.

Kristi Yamaguchi is all about how she is an Olympic champion and blah blah blah blah... she is kind of boring, but dammit... the chick can dance... even though she can't loosen it up for a Latin dance... lots of giggling and goofiness. She was awesome... and I like her a bunch. Her scores... 9, 9, 9 -- they can't giver hert a ten just yet...but she deserved one.

Mario is up... he doesn't have a last name... Just Mario. He's going to dance now... and he sure does like the third person references to... Mario... Need I remind you... it's not fair that he is in this competition... he's a dancer.. "hip hop" my ass.... but he sure is good. Mario looks a little bit like Chris Rock when he speaks about Mario. The judges like him but criticize him a bit... the judges score him with... 9, 8, 9 -- 26... it puts him in second total... he's safe.

My thoughts remain the same... Kristi, Mario, and Marlee are the top three...

bye bye Samantha...