Dancing With the Stars, Week 3 Dancing Episode

We are LIIIIIVVEEEEE!!!!! (on DVR of course...)

We are starting the episode with a major news item. Misty May Traenor and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are quitting since Misty May has hurt her Achilles' Tendon. She will no longer have to show us her creepy vacant eyes and my friend Lori will no longer have a guy to drool over as much as she does Maksim.

HOLY CRAP. Samantha looks fantastic in red -- even though you haters will hate her hair.

Susan Lucci & Tony Dovolani are up first and my venom will be directed at her from now on until she is voted off. She looks evil and someone needs to tie her down and shove about seven Big Macs down her throat... SO they start and they look all out of sorts doing hte Jive. Susan looks like she is on drugs and they are all out of sorts. MY wife pointed out that her legs are wimpy and I think there is no flair to them at all. Just to prove we are incredibly dopey... the judges seem to like her more than we did, even though they weren't 100% behind her. Susan's sympathy card for the night... she "rolled" her ankle... pushaw.. -- (Scores 7, 7, 7 - for a total of 21 -- TOO GENEROUS)

Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer come in second and Lacey refuses to bow down to classical ballroom technique. Will they finally bow down to Len? They are going to bow down and play by the rules. Good and bad from my point of view, but Lacey is still the most annoying dancer so to test their dancing skills and see if they are traditional, they go to a Senior Center. Really? They are dancing the Viennese Waltz. It's a really nice dance... I gotta admit. Bruno is disappointed and Carrie thought it was "fantastic." Len's turn. He hated it because of his flatfootedness, but called it his best dance so far. Smelmooo has a truly confused face right now. -- (Scores 8, 7, 7 - for a total of 22)

Maurice Greene & Cheryl Burke are third and they are the other team that I am not rooting for. Maurice is still just smiling all the time and cliche filled, but I am sure there are some people liking it. His footwork is his problem so Cheryl takes his frustrated ass to the outside and to try the tire drill and jump rope. They dance the Jive and look incredibly blue and sequiny. It isn't horrible, but it had tons of gimmicks. Carrie thinks he is exciting and fun... as does Len. Bruno chimes in for the trifecta. -- (Scores 8, 8, 8 - for a total of 24)

Rocco DiSpirito & Karina Smirnof slide in fourth. When Karina is acting normal, she is gorgeous, but when she is stressed or annoyed, she is incredibly scary looking. Karina makes Rocco wear a blindfold to break him out of his shyness. From what I can tell before they dance, it seems to work. They come out dancing the V. Waltz. He starts the dance with the blindfold and it eventually comes off. He is a classic case of someone who is trying incredibly hard, but can't quite do it. He's a mid rounder... and will probably make it through another round (KISS OF DEATH). Len liked parts of it. Bruno hated it comparing it to a pile of "mashed potatoes." Heh. Carrie loved it. -- (Scores 7, 7, 6 - for a total of 20)

Warren Sapp & Kym Johnson were awesome last week and I am still a big fan of Kym's look. They are dancing the V. Waltz and they are going to prove that a big 300 pound man can be soft and sweet. Let's see if he can. Football players are at an incredible advantage on a show like this. They really have to be light on their feet for the game and Warren.. looks fantastic as does Kym. The judges are in love with him too. They should be. -- (Scores 9, 8, 8 - for a total of 25)

SAMANTHA WHO!!!!!!!!

Cody Linley & Julianne Hough are up now... and now we get to see Cody at Miley Cyrus' Sweet 16 party. My level of tolerance for him and his youthful exuberance is at it's peak. Cody just gets younger looking to me each week and he keeps referring to that fact. Julianne is doing her best Cheryl Burke impression right now. I really can't tell you if I liked it or not. Carrie thinks it's nice, but isn't a fan. Len thinks it was a good first half and a boring second half. Bruno is last and agrees with Len. -- (Scores 7, 7, 7 - for a total of 21)

Toni Braxton & Alec Mazo can't be more boring. She was apparently the LEAST athletic person in school and she proves it tonight. Her outfit is unbelievably obnoxious. It's like she was in the movie Amadeus. The music starts off as classica nd then the electric guitars come in and save the song... It's a fine dance and classical, but I am just not awed by her at all. Len hated it. Bruno disliked it. Carrie Ann liked it. They all recognize the risk and only one person got it. -- (Scores 8, 7, 7 - for a total of 22)

Cloris Leachman & Corky Ballas comes on a bit strong next. They have decided to go back to being fun this week because they are doing the Jive. We get a funny montage of her building up endurance and stamina. Her laugh is just infectious. They are going to go for entertainment. Good. Now... that's good since there was almost no technique to her dance and while they are doing their limited technique... her wig comes off and she can't keep up. It almost seemed abusive to her. How is Misty May hurt and Cloris hasn't broken anything yet. After that dancing debacle she goes around high fiving people. Bruno thinks it was a "tad" wacky. Carrie Ann isn't as kind. Len is cut off... as Bruno hands the wig back in a genuinely funny moment. -- (Scores 6, 5, 5) - for a total of 16)

Brooke Burke & Derek Hough are in to perform last. In an effort to make her look less perfect, they are showing some interesting editting with the two of them both being tense and terse. It made me uncomfortable. Then.. they made up. Woo hoo... They are dancing the V. Waltz and look nice in pink. How can you not like this simply beautiful dance? Seriously. That was awesome. Carrie adores her and Len thinks it was the best dance of the season. -- (Scores 9, 10, 9 - for a total of 28)

Misty May whines and moans. Oh well... I am unfazed.

Just to remind you... of tonight's scores...

Brooke Burke & Derek Hough -- 28
Warren Sapp & Kym Johnson -- 25
Maurice Greene & Cheryl Burke -- 24
Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer -- 22
Toni Braxton & Alec Mazo -- 22
Susan Lucci & Tony Dovolani -- 21
Cody Linley & Julianne Hough -- 21
Rocco DiSpirito & Karina Smirnof -- 20
Cloris Leachman & Corky Ballas -- 16