Vintage Smelmooo

Vintage Smelmooo. Back in 2001, I wrote this rant about my lunch break. Please note that it still applies today.


Route 130 Stupidity…



Ya know...

When I go out and wander into the world, I am reminded of how being smart and efficient is sometimes a curse and a blessing.

I went wandering up and down the Route 130 corridor this afternoon getting chores done - just to get out of the office. Let's go over my hour. Shall we?

1. I had a coupon for a free Chef Boy Ar Dee meal so I went up to the MAMMOTH Pathmark up the road because I also wanted to get some iced tea mix.for some reason....I just like their fake iced tea better than the rest. During the day... I usually go to Shop-Rite (because their parent company, Wakefern, NEVER gives Herb money in times of political campaigns. I HAVE to support that initiative.) So..I do not know Path-Mark that well and I ask the front desk..in which of the 39 lanes are the cans of Chef Boy Ar Dee goodnesses(new word created for effect)? The third time I had to ask because the previous two attempts went miserably, I was pissed. Two attempts...two failures to determine the location BY THE EXPERT behind the counter. Thankfully, I finally found it myself. The expert was indignant when I went back to inform him that his two attempts at locations for the Chef Boy Ar Dee were wrong. For those who care, I am currently enjoying Chickien Parmesan out of a can. Not as good as lasagna out of a can, but hey...

2. True Value -- I need two copies of my house key made. They decided that this was the appropriate time to EDUCATE someone on the machine. Already annoyed with my previous visit... I inappropriately sighed and walked out to my car to get my book -- interestingly enough a story about the Black Market and terrorism. Why is that interesting? I will explain later. I have no problem with people being taught how to perform a skill on my dime, but this one went way too far...when the guy messed up his FOURTH key, I finally lost it enough to say. "Uh...guys?... uh... did we forget that I was actually here?" Their response...? "Oh...I sorry...I am lerning. (spelled wrong for purpose of effect.) I will go get the manager to do it." Ten minutes later..the manager finally shows up and does the keys...at least they were free and I got six chapters read.

3. Car Wash - For those of you that have been to a car wash before, you know there are three main types of employees. a) The Chick who takes your money. b) The poor unfortunate souls asked to towel down your glorious vehicle. c) The Fella assigned to driving the car into the place. In my experience, I would like to focus on PERSON C because the others performed their tasks to the best of their abilities and I am proud of them. Person C must have the following skills to perform his tasks. He must be able to GREET the customer. He then must be able to HEAR and MENTALLY PROCESS the customer's request to offer the customer his needed paperwork to approach Person A to complete the financial portion of the transaction. Person C must have one more skill. He must be able to Get the car from Point A to Point B. This usually involves igniting the car's engine and pressing his foot on the gas or putting the car into gear and releasing the clutch simultaneously pressing the accelerator in a standard shift vehicle. MY PERSON C WAS UNABLE TO MOVE THREE CARS IN A ROW BECAUSE HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A STANDARD SHIFT. I am a reasonable and tolerant man, but after watching the two cars in front of me go through this intolerable abuse, I wanted to NOT go through the car wash, but we all know about those LANES they get us in and we cannot excape (spelled wrong for effect). I was beyond the point of no return. Poor poor Skip (Agga name for my car..I know.) His heart was defibrulated three times before the guy jolted the car far enough to get it into the groove. Person C was a dufus.. plain and simple and should not have been given that prestigious position. I find it comparable to being promoted from fries to Burger Board but not being able to grasp the concept that the burger goes BETWEEN the buns.

Thank you for taking a quick ride on my afternoon...and my experiences with people who are not in skilled labor positions and are proving why they have those positions.

DUMB THEORY -- I am under the belief that there is a major international group working to dumbify the country with its inane thoughts and beliefs and practices. I have no proof, but someone is responsible for the dummification of the masses and simple tasks. There used to be a day, according to my dear father, when people worked hard for a living no matter WHAT their job was. I remember in Back to the Future when Marty McFly was walking through 1955 after being subjected to the Flux Capacitor. He passed a Texaco and the people RAN out to the car to take care of the huge 20 ton Buick. Where have those days gone?