Dancing With the Stars Day Two Week One

Let's recap... Toy Boy... Grannies Gone Wild... Your mom ain't no Cloris Leachman. Somebody's going home tonight!

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They combine reviews from last night with saving/eliminating people and then... having them dance... CONFUSING!

First saved is Lance Bass & Lacey Schwimmer and they are dancing the QUick Step. Lacey's outfit is far more reserved than last night's interesting outfit... I don't mean to be rude, but is Lacey thick in the hips... and seems to have a Conehead? She's got a few more years of cute left in her. Now... loook at Lance dance do his moves... he is entirely in step with Lance and then the ending happened which was just plain anti-climatic and Lacey tried to kiss Lance. Lance's response to this was like a 4th grade boy who doesn't like girls. LEn hates young people while Bruno and Carrie liked it better. (Scores 7, 6, 8 - for a total of 21)

Second saved is Misty May Traenor & Maksim Chmerkovsky (swoon Lori). Her dead eyes are still creeping me out. Something just seems really creepy about her in her super girly outfits. She is awkward and claims to be which I almost find ironic because a big part of her success is how awesome she has looked in a bikini. They are dancing some Spanish dance... I didn't quite hear waht it was.... so when they start shaking their chests... I realize it's the Mambo and Misty's outfit is distracting... (Scores 7, 7, 7 - for a total of 21)

What the hell is on Samantha's head? I think her extensions have extensions.

Third saved is Maurice Greene & Cheryl Burke. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's... Cliche Man! The Mambo is his next dance. He is going to try hard and I am forced to think... Does Maurice have a day job that will get in the way? Seriously. The dance starts and Their outfits remind me of the Solid Gold dancers. Cheryl is an amazing choreographer and Maurice is asked to do the Worm regardless. Full of energy and fun. The judges thought it was fun too. (Scores 7, 7, 7 it's a theme - for a total of 21)

Fourth saved is Brooke Burke & Derek Hough. Derek was so excited that he lost his voice. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THe whole practice session was about making sure that Derek never felt her boobies against his chest so they use her new baby as a buffer and there was the sound of lots of jealous mommies who love her as a mommy. She and Derek are doing the Quick Step and looking fine in their whiteish outfits. The QS always throws me off because I am never quite sure who does a good or bad job. I think these two did a good job. Good... so did the judges. (Scores 9, 8, 9 - for a total of 26)

Fifth saved is Cloris Leachman & Corky Ballas. Cloris is insane and probably making me laugh even right now. She understands that she is older than the Mambo. Heh heh... There is the obligatory... old lady doing sexy things bit, but it is still cute. Cloris and Corky also remind me of the Solid Gold dancers... She shouldn't be on the show forever because this dance is horrible in terms of dancing, but there is an awful lot of entertainment factor going on here. (Scores 6, 5, 5 - for a total of 16)

Sixth saved is Toni Braxton & Alec Mazo. Toni is dancing again and she brought in her heart disease again so it is a sympathy card again. Alex notes that she doesn't breathe right. The drama! Will she make it all the way through the Quick Step? The blue is reminiscent of the Smurfs... but alas... it's all I have since the milk toast is good but not as good as earlier dances. Toni's kind of a boring interview. (Scores 8, 7, 8 - for a total of 23)

Seventh saved is Warren Sapp & Kym Johnson. Damn you Warren for you being so endearing. He's going to be doing the Quick Step and it's a big awkward dance for a 300 pound man. He keeps calling himself Fatboy though... that's a tad bit annoying. Grimace and his purple milshake friend are out there... Purple!!!!!!!! He's a bit stiff, but I gotta admit that I liked it a lot... Entertaining... (Scores 7, 7, 8 - for a total of 22)

Eighth saved is Ted McGinley & Inna Brayer. Ted's gonna Mambo and he thinks he is Mambo McGinley. What else am I going write about him? he is going to be an interesting dancer with lots of facial expressions and the likes. It looked like a fine little dance and I bet it gets lots of high marks. Apparently... I am going to be wrong. Carrie really was tough on him. (Scores 6, 6, 7 - for a total of 19)

Ninth saved is Cody Linley & Julianne Hough. The Quick Step is next for him. Julianne thinks her partner is too loose and it's because he's so young? Julianne... Juilanne... Julianne... The band reminds me of how much I hate them by butchering yet another song. Cody seems to be taking too many steps, and he smiles with his big white teeth... and the dance ends with me staring at Julianne. (Scores 8, 7, 8 - for a total of 23)

Tenth saved is Rocco DiSpirito & Karina Smirnof. They are dancing the Mambo Italiano. Rocco isn't much of a hip dancer so this will be horrible I predict. I think Karina has worn her yellow dress before.... Eh... and the improvement was evident from last night though, but not nearly as bad as last night.(Scores 7, 7, 7 - for a total of 21)

Eleventh saved is Susan Lucci & Tony Dovolani. I am not going to say much because she is insane and look at her fake reaction to everything. NUUUUUUUT JOB. (Scores 7, 7, 8 - for a total of 22)

The final saved is Kim Kardashian & Mark Ballas. It kills me that Kim keeps stating that she is best known for being a reality TV star. No.. (and I totally steal this from Joel McHale on Talk Soup. Kim is known for her big ass and for making a sex tape. Kiss my ass you hack. Now... no one vote for her... b/c she ... stinks... and that means you Danielle! (Scores 6, 6, 6 - for a total of 18)

Jeffrey Ross & Edyta Sliwinski are booted.

Bye Bye Jeffrey. Bye Bye Edyta... it was way out of your hands.



Let's recap for tomorrow night's elimination show...

Brooke Burke & Derek Hough -- 26
Cody Linley & Julianne Hough -- 23
Toni Braxton & Alec Mazo -- 23
Warren Sapp & Kym Johnson -- 22
Susan Lucci & Tony Dovolani -- 22
Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer -- 21
Misty May Traenor & Maksim Chmerkovsky -- 21
Maurice Greene & Cheryl Burke -- 21
Rocco DiSpirito & Karina Smirnof -- 21
Ted McGinley & Inna Brayer -- 19
Kim Kardashian & Mark Ballas -- 18
Cloris Leachman & Corky Ballas -- 16