Things I Suggest to Make Political Conventions More Exciting

Things I Suggest to Make Political Conventions More Exciting

I read a disturbing article today that said that viewership for political conventions is on a steady decrease over the past 20 years.  Here are just a few of my mundane suggestions.

I would hand out BINGO cards to attendees with various pieces of rhetoric on them.  Every speaker that gets up there initiates a new BINGO card and if there is a winner, the convention comes to a halt while volunteers run out to the winner and announce the card.  For example, a winning card might read.  "Weapons of Mass Destruction, Environmental Destruction, Free Space, Evil Doers, and Osama."  BINGO!  You win a T-shirt.  T-shirts liven any live event up immediately.

Strippers -- Yeah...I know.. a convention isn't a convention without strippers, but imagine the possibilites if each speaker had two strippers on their arms?  I have seen movies like the Full Monty with male strippers and the women go bonkers!  That could happen in your own home!  A stripper comes out -- BAMN! Party in your house... and with 25,000 screaming folks?  Party in the world.

Puns -- I want to hear everyone refer to the Democratic party as they "ketch-up" in 57 different categories to the Republican Party. Ouch... that was just bad.

Top Five Tuesday -- We know how the Thoughts of the Smelmooo blog gets super exciting on Tuesdays...imagine what it could do for the political conventions!  Top Five Mispronunciations of W.  Top Five Ways Kerry and Edwards Will Show Their Love For Each This Week.  Top Five Methods of Public Manipulation.  I want Michael Moore to write at least two lists and David Sedaris to write the rest.

Public Beheadings -- No... scratch that idea.  I would hate to make the Republican convention more intelligent by lopping off all that unused space.

Trading Cards -- At many conventions, people trade lapel pins with others to come home with pin collections.  I don't get it, but they do.  Let's make political party trading cards!  Yes you too can get your Bill Clinton and W trading cards!  Collect Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell and re-enact your favorite testimony collusion session!  Collect Hillary Clinton and Rudy G cards to see who really is the most popular New York politcal powerhouse!  Not the best suggestion -- but as with everything else... it is what you make of it.  Perhaps these trading cards can be like Garbage Pail Kids and totally rip new ones of each of the great leaders...

Water Balloons -- I say that at random moments, giant water balloons should be dropped from the rafters... especially on any of those people from Mississippi.  I don't care what party convention it is.  Those people from Mississippi are extremely messed up.

Beer Funnelling -- A mandatory requirement for any future presidential candidate is the ability to funnel beer.  On the final night of the convention, the party's nominee must funnel an entire beer without spilling a drop.  This will help attract the coveted 18-22 age group.  They need a reason to vote...a reason to identify with the candidate...and I have found it.

Nap Time -- After all the stripper screaming, everyone will need a good 15 minute power nap to "sleep".  You tell me what you will do during that time.   

That's it for now.

What do you suggest?