Watching the Golden Globes -- Running Commentary

Armed with a pen and paper -- what are those? -- I watched the Golden Globes last night with my wife. Here is what I thought....

*Collective groan may commence right now...*

Overall comment -- This was probably the worst directed awards show that I have ever seen. We had shots of the backs of people's heads, shots of people not smiling, shots of people eating, and even shots of people being served their food by waiters. Sarah Jessica Parker chews with her mouth open, Minnie Driver was caught pouring water from a bottle of Evian three times, and the Desperate Housewives cast just love to hug and touch each other... Just poorly done... poorly done...

Biggest reminder that this is going to be a poorly written awards season -- Sideways is a well written movie with some incredible acting and emotion. It is a complex film that sets new ground for smart writing. It is also a movie that centers around a trip to wine country in California... The Golden Globes reminded me that there will be an analogy that will be used way too much. Allow me to paraphrase the analogy from last night... and I guarantee that this will NOT be the last time you hear it. "Sideways is like a bottle of wine... to be enjoyed in its entirety." Come on people... get creative...

As I sat there and watched all that crap, I was reminded that the Hollywood Foreign Press is only 93 people. That's right... 93 people created this mess.

The best part of the night was a Dr. Pepper commercial. There were a few funny ones, but the best one is the guy who does anything for love, but he won't give up his Dr. Pepper. His face is classic when he storms out of the door.

Jamie Foxx was nominated 3 times for 3 different acting gigs last year. He had one win... His speech was annoying me until he cried. My only response to that was... "Oh boy... he is so going to get laid...not because he won, but because he cried in front of millions of people!"

Lisa Marie Pressley presented. She was so stiff that she made a redwood tree look animated. She was either royally stoned, sedated, or a corpse.

You all heard of Spanglish... right? Well... it was NOMINATED!!!! Don't worry... it was just for Best Score.

I was really hoping that Christine Lahti would be a winner. I wanted to hear a joke from her about being in the bathroom the last time she won!

The biggest surprise of the night was Terri Hatcher's surprisingly self deprecating and sweet thank you speech.

Robin Williams was given a lifetime achievement award. They showed many of his best clips over the years. However, how DARE they NOT show any clips from his greatest film -- DEATH TO SMOOCHY!?!?!?!?

For me, the most surreal moment was when dopey Arnold Schwartzenegger and Prince were in the same frame. They were sitting one seat away from each other. Are there two more different people in the world?

Leonardo DiCaprio encouraged the audience to "keep contributing to the tsunami disaster..." Oops...

I am going to be brave here and go on the record. All you naysayers... listen up... Goldie Hawn has NEVER had a single bit of plastic surgery done... EVER. and I mean... EVER!!!