Reasons Why I Need To Never Watch Television

I really don't watch much television in the grand scheme of things. Muh wife and I may watch a lot of movies on television but when it comes to watching actual shows with beginnings and endings... it is rare. We even have a show... ER... where we aren't even sure why we watch it...but...we do.

However... when you are killing 35 minutes in a hotel room or have nothing to do for 45 minutes and don't want to start a project or get engrossed in a book, I will channel surf... and recently... I have found a variety of programming that really makes me question whether the world is coming to an end or not.

1. Flavor of Love -- Why can't I turn this off when it is on? The absurd idea that anyone would desire Flavor Flav as a friend let alone as a mate is beyond me. What really makes the show horribly inviting and fun are the women. Flavor Flav is gold in these shows.



He is hilarious and makes me laugh a lot because he is so undesirable...and freaky looking. I love a good viking hat on people. The women though... OH MY GOD... I have never wanted to smack more people in my entire life. They are real women who think they are better than they really are. One of the frustrating things about The Bachelor shows are that the women are so gorgeous and so athleticly perfect and so smart and perfect that it isn't realistic. Not that Flavor of Love is realistic...but damn... I feel so much better after watching the show.

2. Next -- This is the show where five people compete for the affection of another.



It could be five men vying for one woman, five women vying for a man, five men vying for a man or five women vying for a woman... The person meets and is set up in a contrived date. The person then decides if they want to keep spending time with the first contestant. If they decide they aren't enjoying themselves, they just say NEXT and a new person is available for another contrived date. The contestant earns a dollar for every minute they last. Long story short... if they have the right and extremely absurd people on the show... it is a classic example of train wreck television.

3. Date My Mom -- My love for this show is extremely well documented. I need a life... but whenever it is on... I can NOT turn it off.



I need my Date My Mom fix... it is a sick habit and I need a 12 step program... help... please...

4. Pet Star -- Even though I write almost obsessively about Tucker, I am not a huge ANimal Planet channel watcher. I forget that we even have the channel. Mario Lopez hosts an animal Star Search program where animals do funky tricks and get rated by even more mediocre stars ... i.e. Danica Kellar of Wonder Years fame.



The animals really are cute and I notice that trick involving dogs better be the greatest tricks in the world because they are judged the toughest. The show isn't that good if you were to evaluate it...but I can't turn it off. I recently stumbled across it when it did a 2 hour BEST OF CLIPS SHOW! I am in love.

I have figured it out... almost all of these shows are on MTV and VH1... please rediscover music videos... I beg of you...