Top Five Reasons Why I Might Start Watching "The View" Now
1. Rosie O'Donnell will be on it now... I hope she re-introduces the Koosh Ball... Watch Barbara slap her silly for that.
2. I need to know how the egos of Starr Jones and Rosie O'Donnell will fit into one studio.
3. I can't wait to finally see Starr get bitch slapped by someone else. I love watching clips of Joy Behar do it to her... Beware of the Rosie...
4. I will want to try and predict what Joel McHale will fun of this week.
5. DVR is so easy to erase...
Top Five Rejected Children's Books About Homosexuality
1. My Daddy F-ed Your Daddy
2. Sandbox? Let's Watch Mommy Munch On Another Box
3. Bob The Builder Does Boston
4. Sponge Bob Fag Pants
5. Strawberry Shorts Off
Top Five Rejected Theme Park Rides
1. Flu Shot of Death
2. United Flight 93 -- It wasn't accepted as a tie-in
3. Snakes on a Plane
4. Dodge Ball -- Wrench Training
5. Paper Mache... of Death!
Top Five Ways to Save Gas Money
1. Ride a bike to work. Be sure to not sweat or catch your pants on the chain.
2. Carpool. Try to do it with that hot number in your office. Perhaps she has a tattoo above her ass. That should make the ride more interesting.
3. Get a solar powered car... they work great with screen windows.
4. Electric car.. who cares about that bill!
5. Eat a homemade lunch every day.
Top Five Reasons Why Self Service Gas is Better Than Full Service Gas
1. I love the smell of gas on my fingers.
2. You have to get up!!
3. You have to walk around and poke dirty buttons on the machine...
4. Dropping gas on your shoe is always a plus!
5. It is faster than full serve...
Honorable Mention -- Who needs awkward conversation with people that don't speak English very well.
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