Three months ago... 12 stars began their journey... 8 are gone... and we are down to 4 left... and it the SEMI FINALS.... Tom is full of his goofy charm... and I am forced to see a lot of attention paid to Wendie Joe Sperber.
The dances of the stars are chosen completely at random... and there are no lifts allowed this week...
Round One
Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Up first... they are excited that they picked the Foxtrot and the Paso Doble. (It's cold in my house... is it May?) Edyta decides that she will talk to Jason in football lingo and she gets tough with him by using a chalkboard and wooden stick. Nice and tough... She also pulls out a video of Dan Marino... it looks like everyone is wussing out...even one of the greatest football players of all time. Jason starts with the foxtrot and looks very dapper in a tux and Edyta is wearing a full dress! It's a purple theme and the dance is extremely graceful and Edyta has choreographed another sweet and fabulous dance.... TW would be very proud of Jason's arm extensions... The ending was nice and it was a great way to kick off the show. The judges? Len thought it was fantastic... Bruno liked it too... as did Carrie Ann... Their scores? 9, 10, 9 -- 28
Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- Marissa Jaret Winouker (her real crappy name... screamed a lot last week and SHIT... she called in Stacy Keibler, my ex-WWE girlfriend, to help her out. Wendy is having problems viewing Tony as sexy so they bond over that. That annoys me... and she didn't pull any cancer of ugly people card... she is just going to dance on behalf of everyone that believes in her. She is wearing a VERY purple dress and I am reminded of my desire for a McDonald's milkshake... Damn you Grimace!!! They dance the Quick Step... Please don't ask me to critique... I hate her so much. The judges... Bruno points out her errors and says that she needs to improve because she is in the Semi-Finals. Carrie says the same thing, but likes her more. Len finds some things wrong with it but still likes it... pansies... Her scores? 9, 9, 8 -- 26
Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Yay... go Cristian! They picked the Viennese Waltz and the Samba (the dance that hurt him). The Samba is in his head... He was walking around the beach...to drum up votes and I have already seen these outfits because my friend AO was down there and saw them... She took pictures and the outfits... are just in HD... that's it. He starts with the VW... Harold Wheeler is killing a song I don't even like... Satellite by the Dave Matthews Band... and two dance a beautiful dance without injuring his arm. Last week they compensated and Cristian did a lot of the work...but this week, it seems as though... Cheryl is doing a lot of the spins and stuff... (I wouldn't say this if I didn't know aobut his injury... The judges think? Carrie Ann loves it. Len says it was awesome. Bruno will give good scores... I know it. Their scores... Tom makes fun of Cheryl's dress and riles her all up... it was pretty funny. 9, 9, 9 -- 27
Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- Kristi hates being second and she and Mark have to dance a Tango and Jive this week. Jesus... can Kristi get any more boring in her interviews... They go to a real ballroom class to let lots and lots of professionals critique her and tell her that she is a boring face with no chemistry. Kristi says the same damn thing every week... "I am going to (Insert dance name here) to the top." Something seems off to me... she is trying to smile and looks like she wants to poop... but then... something else happens... she "perks" up a bit... Depends? The judges say? Len hated it in a weird way and that encourages Bruno to yell and scream about it. Carrie Ann loves it too... The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29
I forgot to mention that Samantha looks stuning tonight... You Go Girl!
Round Two -- Latin Round
Goofy video montage... Len is going around giving personal advice to each and make them do a step that he wants... interesting... or not... IT SUCKED.
Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Jason is dancing the Paso Doble... and Edyta is up to her old tricks by not wearing many clothes... Jason looks mean during the dance... and he should... He's dancing the Paso Doble. I think he just lifted Edyta... during a spin move... Carrie Ann will say it is... no matter what... Bruno says... awesome... LEn and Carrie Ann agree... The scores will be great. The scores? 9, 9, 9 -- 27
Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- They are dancing the Rumba and Wendy Joe has to lookk sexy during it... I quit... I quit on her... stop being such a shit America... just cut it out. I fast forwarded it... and it's a weird ending because her dress gets stuck on Tony... whatever... Carrie Ann hated it and she really does hate it. YAY!!!! Len... continues to fuel this bullshit and encourages her some more. Bruno does as well... blech... Her scores... 8, 9, 9 -- 26
Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- The one armed warrior is out to dance the Samba... why do I think this will be wonderful... even though it was the dance that hurt him... I was right... it was fun and there was good chemistry... and it seemed to be successful... plus the crowd liked it a whole bunch... Tom is right when he says... That left arm was holding him back... He was forced to do more with the adversity and it really has made him better. Len agrees. Bruno and Carrie loved it too. The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29 (Cristian was really excited... )
Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- For the final dance of the night... Kristi and Mark dance the Jive... and it is a good dance, but she is just too rigid... even though it is a really technically sound dance... I am slightly.... bored... to say the least... Her face never changed the entire time... like a creepy Barbie friend doll. Bruno loved it... Carrie saw it was out of sync... Len agrees with Carrie Ann. The scores? 9, 9, 10 -- 28
Final Scores
1. Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- 29 + 28 = 57
2. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- 27 + 29 = 56
3. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- 28 + 27 = 55
4. Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- 26 + 26 = 52
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