Trailer Park Boys

So I discovered this brilliant yet nutty Canadian show called Trailer Park Boys.

It's wrong and stupid and makes me laugh a whole bunch.

Bubbles is awesome.

Dancing With the Stars Week 5 (Five) Results!!!!

LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom seems especially perky tonight.

The TW and I are both going out on a limb and predicting (sarcasm) Priscilla will be booted.

Let's recap... Priscilla sucked and Kristi ruled... Shannon cried a bunch... so let's go to Len who will tell us who they want to see again... Kristi and Mark are asked to do the encore... and we both think it was better than the night before... and trust me... I just don't want to like Mark Ballas...

Samantha is in the back now interviewing Shannon and Marlee in the back and it just comes off so fake and I cannot get passed a dude being the voice for Marlee... I really can't.

Some Latin band is singing... and we are fast forwarding... It is 17 minutes into the show and we finally get soe results...

They are going to tell us one couple who is safe and a couple who is in the bottom two... That's a change!

First couple saved is Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas...

The first "bottom two" couple is Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke.

HOLY CRAP... THEY ARE SUBJECTING US TO TEN YEAR OLDS DANCING... AND TRYING TO GET ME TO CARE ABOUT THEM. HOLY CRAP. NOW... SAMANTHA IS HONING HER INTERVIEWING SKILLS BUT INTERVIEWING 10 YEARS OLDS IS EASIER THAN INTERVIEWING PRISCILLA. The judges actually picked one pair of kids...

We get a montage now... letting me know how hectic SHOW DAY is as they prepare for the live show. Priscilla says that she "...visualizes nailing every... " I giggle... "step in the routine..." oh no... I might be bored by this...

The second couple saved is Jason Taylor and Esyta Sliwinski...

James Blunt and his perfectly coiffed (sp) head and ideally shaved face are out to share one of his newest songs with us... while two unknown dancers are boogying it up... the dude is just plain tossing the chick around and it's pretty awesome...

Samantha is interviewing Cheryl and Cristian about how much it sucks to be in the bottom two... of course it does and damn... he must be sad...

The third couple saved is... Mario and Karina Smirnoff

The fourth couple saved is... Marissa Jaret Winouker and Tony Dovolani... F&CK

The fifth couple saved is... Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough...

The sixth couple saved is... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez...

The second "Bottom Two" couple joining Cristian and Cheryl is... Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van Amstel...

They go to Len... for his opinion... his heart wants Priscilla and his brain wants Crisitan...

Let's see who it is.... Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van Amstel are gone!

F&CK YEAH!!!!

BOO!

Dancing With the Stars -- Week Five!

LLLIIIIVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In case you didn't remember... they booted Adam Carolla...

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AMERICA, PLEASE KICK MARISSA JARET WINOUKER OFF PLEASE.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff start the show... Mario is feeling a bit upset since he can't quite dance well enough for the judges so he goes to speak with his idol and dance aficionado.. Stevie Wonder... I kid about about being a dance aficionado kids... I kid. Mario -- in the most contrived method possible -- is ready to impress... Samba... Karina is wearing an interesting cstume... and in HD... it almost doesn't exist... Mario smiles his best Chris Tucker smile... His dance is fine and I smile. The judges like him... and why not? 9, 9, 9 -- 27.

Samantha has looked better....

Priscilla Pressley and LOuis Van Amstel are up next and they are the other pair that I want booted out of this show... WHAT THE HELL IS "BUSINESSWOMAN"? To me... it's code for "SPENDING ELVIS' MONEY" but I digress... I bored myself and her video introduction is over... thank god... Oh god... Louis is wearing another outfit shere his collar is higher than his ears... that freaks me out... and they are doing the Rhumba and it is slow and as boring as Priscilla's wit... Boring.............................................................................................................................................................................................................. Judges were disappointed... 7, 7, 7

Marissa Ass Face Jaret Fucknuts is up now... with Tony Dovolani... I have to admit that she and Tony were on The SOup this week and they had the Tangentwoman and I laughing our asses off... It was more Tony than Marissa though. She practiced her Samba somewhere and annoyed me a bunch... They are wearing an awful lot of purple this week... Tony is showing off his chest again and Marissa is doing her best Grimace impression. It was... ummm... her best routine... and it made me cringe a bunch... 8, 8, 8 -- 24

Cristian De La Fuente and Cheryl Burke are like brother and sister and they are dancing a sexy dance. They pull out a rather amusing comedy routine by pretending to be in a sexy Telemundo type show... that made me laugh... This Rumba is just as slow as before and oh my goodness... so much less rigid than Priscilla... The judges thought it was technically correct and competent... Their scores... 7, 8, 8 -- 23....

Half way there... I hate the Rumba...

Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez are up... They are in a Central American country curing cancer... no wait... just deafness for little kids... and it's hard to learn a new routine in four days... I feel like I have heard this before... Time to dance chickadee... This is completely off... and the Samba might be the first dance for Marlee that kicks her... but by the end ... things seem to pick up after a cartwheel thing she did... the judges know she messed up a bunch and are giving her a "curve" type review because she can't hear... I almost don't think it's fair... but whatever... Their scores... 7, 7, 8 -- 22

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up next... they were on Ellen today... still boring... but she is so incredibly sweet that it's ridiculous... Rumba is up next. She can't be sexy since she is a mom... Sooo... Mark invites her kids to come watch her be sexy with sme young hot stud fella... JESUS... WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FRIGGING PURPLE THIS WEEK??!??? Kristi is amazing... as always... and I might actually like the Rumba after watching this... Judges dug her... well... at least the male ones did... 9, 10, 10 -- 29

Derek Hough & Shannon Elizabeth are up next. Derek can't keep healthy... He was taken to the hospital earlier tonight with a bout of food poisoning... Let's hope that he makes it thorugh the dance... while puking... that would be awesome. Shannon and Derek are really touchy touchy in the pre-video... to TW and I... there seems to be something not quite right... but she is still better than everyone else but Kristi... The judges ripped her apart... and she looked really upset... I liked it better than them. 8, 8, 7 -- 23...

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up last... Jason is not feeling it, but he is going to try. He frigging pulled it off... that was a great dance... it was the only ong of the night that the singers were actually good and didn't butcher a song... 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Please vote of Priscilla or Marissa... Please America... I beg of you...

Bret Picked Right

Yeup... he picked right.

Survivor Fans vs Favorites Micronesia Part 16 of 18

The wife was away on Thursday so we watched this episode late...

We are reminded that Erik remains in the game and I am annoyed out of my gourd that they booted Ami over this choad.

Yappy Mouth is shown in night vision and her huge eyes creep me out as she looks like a giant Dobby.

MERGE MERGE MERGE MERGE... yeah... they are merging...

"I am in such a hot pickle," Thank you Parvati for that awesome quote...

At the merge they were treated to a feast and there was a bowl of bats... of course... James ate them.

Dabu... that's the name of the new tribe... and Erik lied about the meaning of the word so that he could name it whatever he wanted. I actually almost liked him there... except... he used the word foschnizzle in his explanation so... buh bye.

Alexis is snuggling with Ozzy and Amanda is jealous... I am surprised that there is a player named Alexis... she and this Natalie broad seemed to have been forgotten so much since the beginning of the season... Alexis is a motivational speaker... what does she motivate...

The editting is brilliant with Jason as he hides his fake idol... hilarious... because the music is awesome...

Parvati is cool and not as smart as Eliza, but I like watching Parvati outwit Eliza in conversations...

Amanda's jealousy is seen as pretty jealous...and it looks awesome to watch her get so upset since I still don't like her from last season.

Jason now promises Eliza the hidden immunity idol if he wins the immunity challenge. TW and I are really hoping that he does win so that we can see the face of Eliza when she sees the fake stick.

Jeff asks about the new name and Alexis announces that it is Dabu and that Erik told them it meant good in Micronesian... (which remember... is a lie) Jeff did everything that he could possible do to not laugh at them...

Immunity Challenge -- They have to wait for the tide to come and are trapped under a grate so they will eventually not have any place to go and possibly drown. The final three are James, Ozzy and Jason... James bails first.... I am rooting for Jason... even though hs is a tool... The editting is hectic and annoying, but Ozzy finally quits... CMON! NO COMMERCIALS... JUST SHOW ELIZA THE FAKE IDOL!!!!

One of my favorite Survivor moments of all time just happened and Jason showed Eliza the immunity idol, which was the fake one that Ozzy put it in its place. Eliza gasped at him with the greatest... "YOU ARE A FRIGGING IDIIOT" voice... "That's... a stick." You had to be there moment... but it cracked my ass up. The rest of the exchange was awesome too...

In lame news... Amanda tries to boot Alexis... forget about it... Eliza is gone...

Tribal Council is bash Eliza Council night... Eliza is obviously the main vote getter... but will she play the fake Immunity Idol that she knows deep down in her heart is the fake idol. She does! She looks silly... actually... maybe not... it points out that Ozzy has the idol... now everyone knows...

Eliza
Ozzy
Ozzy
Eliza
Eliza
Eliza
Eliza
Eliza...... bye bye...

Prediction for next week -- Erik finally bites it... PLEASE?!?!?!?! (Third time voting for it...)

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15)
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Annoying Email

Why does this annoy me so much? Especially since I love my birthday so much? I actually received this earlier this week. The "_____" had my friend's name there earlier.

I can't believe its been a whole year -- just when you thought I forgot to remind you to remember my birthday ...

A little reminder that my birthday is today, April 9.

"Gosh ____ , why do you send out a birthday reminder every year. And why should I send you b-day wishes when you forgot mine, you little punk-ass!" Well, that's the whole point. Please remind me the day before your birthday so I can remember to wish you a happy birthday and seems as kind and considerate as you do now.

Also, let me know what's been going on with you since we last spoke!

Cut and paste:

->8----------------------------------

Happy 34th Birthday ____ !!!!

Fondly,

[Fill Your Name In Here]

->8----------------------------------

Garage Sale!

We're part of the townwide garage sale...

Wanna come?

Three Word Movie Reviews

Alvin and the Chipmunks -- Shoot.... Entertained Me!

The Apartment -- Fantastic Fantastic Film

Dan in Real Life -- Something's Missing......Decent

Donnie Darko -- Great Setup... Different

Enchanted -- Surprisingly Enchanting! Fun!

For Your Consideration -- Still Fun... Goofy

The Good Night -- Stupid Inanity... blech

In the Valley of Elah -- Emotionally Challenging.... Decent

Into the Wild -- That's Powerful Stuff

Jimmy Carter Man From Plains -- Slow but Interesting

Lions For Lambs -- Talented... wasted. Mediocre.

Lust, Caution -- Argh, Frustratingly BOOORRRRIINNNGGG

Purple Rose of Cairo -- Underrated Woody Allen

Resurrecting The Champ -- Jackson Good.... Interesting.

Revolver -- Fascinatlingly Confusing Boring

Run Fatboy Run -- Sweet, Nice, Clichety

Shaolin Soccer -- Funner in HD!

Things We Lost in the Fire -- Heavy Heavy Stuff

Trailer Park Boys Season 3 -- Inapproptiately Awesome Fun

Trailer Park Boys Season 4 -- Just Plain Brilliant

Trailer Park Boys Season 5 -- Cruising Along Nicely

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep -- Decent Kid's Flick

We Own The Night -- Been Done Better

Book 23 of 52 -- Stephen White's Dead Time

Dead Time by Stephen White is the most recent entry in the Dr. Alan Gregory series, and let me be the first to tell you that White is back on his game.

Alan and his wife Lauren are struggling to cope with all of the revelations from the previous book, Dry Ice, as well as their new adopted son.

Lauren and Grace, their daughter, go to the Netherlands to find the daughter Lauren put up for adoption years before.

Jonas, the new son, is going to spend a few weeks with his mother's relatives in New York, so Alan takes an apartment in NYC to be near him.

Merideth, Alan's ex, calls Alan and asks him to investigate the disappearance of the surrogate she's hired to carry her baby.

There are multiple storylines that weave in and out of each other, but White handles them all with style.

Sam and Alan's relationship is unsteady after the events of the previous book, and through their detective work, they come to a new and deeper friendship.

White's books about Alan were starting to get a little stale as he and Lauren were a little too happy, and nearly every book involved some kind of danger for Lauren and Grace.

While I wasn't thrilled with Dry Ice, it should be seen as a pivotal book in this series, because it's turned everything around.

Alan is no longer predictable, flirting with alcoholism and infidelity, and even Lauren is hiding some secrets.

The series suddenly seems fresh and full of possibility.

Too bad I have to wait another year to find out what's going to happen next.

Dancing With the Stars Results Show Week Four

LLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

TOnight... they bring back the "bottom two." In the past two weeks, they weren't told where they stood with the audience... they narrowed them down to two couples, but that didn't mean they were in the bottom two...

They go right into a singer? Sheryl Crow... WOW!!!! Why even do some dancing... just start with super Sheryl Crow...

So... from the balcony... Tom and Samantha smile and act natural as we review what happened last night....

Time to have the judges tell us who they want to see again... they all disagreed... so they picked Adam and Julianne to go because they are entertaining... oh... and Adam was riding a unicycle... fascinating... since they were the lowest score...

Samantha... in her awesome... I am a host yet can't speak voice... talks to Marissa and Shannon... and sounds like a f&cking idiot...

They are going to tell us the first two couples who are safe... at the 18 minute mark.

First couple saved? Jason Taylon and Edyta Sliwinski
Second couple saved? Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas

Thanks geniuses... like we didn't know they were safe..

Dancing kids... *sigh* I can't tell you how incredibly bored I am... and how incredibly inappropriate I think it is that they are dancing the Paso Doble with each other... since that is a dance of sexiness and passion and lust... ummm... ewww...

Sheryl Crow sings again... and then we get a piece about how the professional dancers have to work hard... dancing... whatever...

Third couple to be saved... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez...

More inane Samantha interviews... GOD SAMANTHA... I LOVE YOU... STOP!!!!

Fourth couple saved... Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
Fifth couple saved... Mario and Karina Smirnof

Sixth couple saved... Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough ...
Seventh couple saved... Marissa Jaret WInouker and Tony Dovolani...

Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough AND Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van AMstel are in the bottom two...

Let's see who bites it....

Adam and Julianne bite it.... Bye bye kiddies...

Dancing With The Stars... Week Four!!!!!!!

LLLLiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeee

I am frigging furious... I accidentally deleted everything up until Marlee Matlin's dance...

HERE'S A MUCH QUICKER RECAP

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas were first and near perfection. 10, 9, 10

Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van Amstel danced with her stiff face and did alright herself... I already forget her score.

Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough were funny and goofy and they didn't score well. 6, 7, 6

I hate Harold Wheeler and how he and his shitty band keep killing all the awesome songs like Billy Joel's She's Always a Woman, Steve Wonder and Depeche Mode.

Marlee is still deaf and their dance made Carrie Ann cry and she still got 8's from them all -- 24

Mario and Karina Smirnoff dance with her annoying voice. They are boring and I can't bear to watch them entirely in their video intro. The dance seemed technically perfect and there was a flip/lift thing at the end... will they lose points? No! The judges are out of control here... 8, 7, 9 Bruno's delivery of the 9 was awesome.

Bruno's jacket is rather sparkly...

Jason Taylor and my girlfriend Edyta Sliwinki is up next. The man is an excellent person and football player, but apparently, he needs some lessons in how to treat a woman like a lady so they go to Medeval Times... pretty amusing. (I hate Harold Wheeler.) The dance was mesmerizing... and Carrie is turned on... Edyta is extremely not American... 10, 9, 10... 29...

Samantha is drunk...

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke are dancing the Paso Doble... so... I learned that Cristian is a really high ranking official in the Chilean Air Force. He is growing on me each week. LA agrees that Cheryl's costume is out of control. There was a lot of passion and sheer awesomeness in their dance. Len "liked" it and Bruno really liked it... Carrie Ann loved it... how appropriate... 9, 8, 9. -- 26

Samantha Elizabeth and Derek Hough danced next ... apparently, there was some drama during the week when Derek was taken out of practice in an ambulance. He hurt his next so he was not allowed to dance and Jonathan helped out the show again by filling in for him. THE DRAMA ON MY LIGHT HEARTED SHOW! Wow! So... Derek dances during the episode and the most painful thing is the singer from Harold Wheeler's band. (I hate you Harold Wheeler...) People liked it... Len thought it was the best dance of the night. 9, 10, 9 -- 28

Marissa Jaret Winouker and Tony Dovolani are dancing last...Marissa sucks and she is boring... Tony is wearing something really sexy for the ladies... He is super nice... caring... and sexy... The perfect fella. This season... he is totally taking one for the team. I can't watch this... the outfits are horrible and I need to pee. Damn being able to pause. The judges... umm... like her. Crap. They only encourage her insane reactions. Their scores... 8, 8, 8 -- 24!!!!

The show ends and I have a really bad taste in my mouth because I have to have that as one of my last images...

My prediction... Adam is going home and that makes me sadder than sad.

Grand Canyon Trip & Photos

While we were in Vegas, TW and I decided it would be fun to pay for a Pink Jeep tour, which entailed getting into a Pink Suburban with 4 other people and a private tour guide.

It was a good time for the most part even though we were a bit tired of the old and tired jokes of Bob the Tour Guide. (Bob's the guy pointing...)



At 7:30, we left the Bellagio and hit the road after picking up the rest of the passengers.

The first stop was the Hoover Dam where we looked at it in an ooh and ahhh mode for about 15 minutes -- just enough time to relax and get it all in.



The road and time were our friend as we got history lessons in Lake Mead and a variety of other barren land trivia until we arrived in Dolan Springs, AZ where Bob informed us that many of them had no teeth and liked to live in the middle of nowhere with little water -- even though he didn't know why.

Yet... he still stopped there so we could pee.



After desolate and dirty Dolan Springs, we made our way to the first stop in our tour of the Grand Canyon -- this was after we travelled about 20 miles on a "dirt" road that is regularly graded with a bulldozer so it is full of ruts.

We were loaded on a bus and driven to the first of two stops at the Grand Canyon -- Eagle Point. (In the picture below, you can see why it is called that as one of the rock formations is in the shape of an eagle with its wings spread wide.)



The big draw at Eagle Point is the newly opened SKYWALK, which is a glass walkway that juts itself out over the Grand Canyon. We did it and have very few photos of the SKYWALK since we were not allowed to take our camera on the SKYWALK because they didn't want us dropping it on the glass and to get us to purchase a picture with the Indians on the landing. (In the picture below, it is tough to really see how far over the edge the walk goes because the fence hangs out there, but it was out there pretty darn far.



After Eagle Point, we were shipped on a bus to Guano Point -- named as such because it was a point where bat guano (poop) was mined as it had many different uses in the olde days.

In the picture below, I have blurred out TW's face, but it is a great illustration of where we ate lunch that day -- right on the frigging edge!



The view was spectacular... simply spectacular...





After the Guano Point, we were shipped back to our Suburban where we eventually made our way back to our hotel.

All in all, it was a fantastic 10.5 hours of new knowledge and incredible views of one of God's great creations.

Including this ram near the Grand Canyon... just hanging on the side of the road...

Kittens

Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give
away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next to them.

Suddenly a big line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a
motorcycle in front.

The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car.

'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked.

'Kittens' Little Suzy says. 'They're so small, their eyes are not
even open yet.'

'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked.

'Republicans' says Little Suzy.

The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away.

Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. McCain called his campaign
manager and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the
media there and tell everyone about these great kittens.

The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box
of kittens with the 'FREE KITTENS' sign and the big motorcade of
black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS
and CNN.

Everyone had their cameras ready and then, Sen. McCain got out of his
limo and walked up to Little Suzy.

'Now, don't be frightened,' he said, 'I just want you to tell all
these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away
today.'

'Yes sir,' Suzy said, 'The are all DEMOCRAT kittens.'

Taken by surprise, Sen. McCain said, 'But yesterday, you told me that
they were REPUBLICANS.'

Little Suzy says, 'Yes, I know. But today, they have their eyes open.'

Heh heh

Survivor Micronesia Fans vs Favorites... Continues....

Just in case you forgot... Ozzy's still and asshole.... Jonathon is a hurt baby and Jason found the fake idol...

Side note -- I watched an episode of the live action Tick episode and Jonathan Penner was the main guest star on the show... He played an arrogant bad guy...now I am wondering... did he act?



Second side note... stupid DVR... frigging only taped 32 minutes of the episode for some reason... so now we are going to have to watch it online tomorrow morning...

Ami and Cirie are crab hunters and that was pretty cool.

Jason beats a rat with a paddle.

James and Parvati are complaining a whole bunch and James talks like a stereotype.

However... James and Parvati realize four people won't be strong in a merge of 10 so they are recruiting Alexis and Natalie...

Parvati is strategizing appropriately... because she knows she can't beat Ozzy or James in the final two.

No Reward Challenge this week... each tribe chooses one person from the other tribe to keep out of the challenge AND that person also gets individual immunity. There is lots and lots of strategizing... Erik talks and I learn to hate him more.

Ozzy and Alexis are chosen... weirdly interesting.

The balance beam challenge is interesting and Erik actually shines. Jason shines too. Eliza takes a beating and falls off twice. She later does something smart and outwits Erik... Silly Eliza. It comes down to one flag more each and Erik takes a rib shot... That really looked like it hurt a bunch. Erik, Ozzy, Cirie, Ami (not Ozzy) is going home.

Stupid DVR is out... so we will have to wait until tomorrow morning.

We watched the end of the episode online... Sooo...a boring who cares recap for the rest...

Erik needs to go and I will miss Ami now that she was starting to look good again.

Prediction for next -- Erik finally bites it... PLEASE?!?!?!?!

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
8. Eliza Orlins (16)
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15)
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Survivor Fans vs Favorites -- Week Eight Debuts Tonight

Previously... wow... so there were some interesting developments this rehashed in the Previously... everyone seems to think that Ozzy runs the whole game and Tracy likes to annoy him...

So the episode starts and Kathy seems to be going crazy... why do I get a strange feeling that with her terse comments and violent bug eyed looks that she is going to kill someone... TW loves that she is more concerned about his washer and dryer than her husband and family.

Cirie is allowing herself to be funny again. She uses some of the best imagery that makes absolutely no sense that it makes sense... (much like my writing.) She has many funny things to say about Ozzy and his awesomeness and how she sees how crazy he might be....

Reward challenge has blindfolded people and loud people shouting directions and then they have to solve a puzzle at the end. The possibilitieis of collision are endless... and it doesn't happen, but blindfolds and screaming yappy princess directing them make me tense.

The puzzle comes and they start trying to punch in tiles that should just naturally fit in... Ozzy's team wins and we finally get to see a clean Amanda and Ami... yay... clean hot chicks. Tracy takes one for the team and doesn't get to go on the reward challenge with the team.

(Side Note -- Tangentwoman's venom right now for Ozzy is amazing... it is just getting rough and I am getting rather uncomfortable.)

As though I called it, Amanda and Ami get naked with Ozzy and they shower... It is somehow not nearly as hot as I was hoping for.

The other team has to suffer through a nasty rainstorm and Kathy seems to be going crazy again. She hates the rain... she hates the food... she hates the bats and rats and crawlie things... she hates everything... and thinks it is the dumbest thing that she has ever done. She keeps asking for hugs... I wonder if she hugs her washer and dryer... She is sending "hugs" and "signals" to her family.

What does all of this mean? She cuts off her hand and is forced to be medevac'ed out of the game. Did you believe me when I said that she cut off her hand? You're a frigging idiot. Everyone feels so sad for her and hugs her some more. Jeff arrives in his baseball hat (thankfully not one of his normally stupid hats) to accept her quitting of the game and be sure to talk to her on camera so America can see her mentally lose it.

Bye Bye Kathy... you are a quitter and sorry you couldn't take it but get the hell off my screen... She was on my team too, which makes me even more pissed off.

Eighth person out of the game -- Kathy

We are back and Cirie is stirring up the Ozzy is arrogant discussion with Amanda. Amanda -- Ozzy's new BFF and GF -- seems to be seeing it as well.

The Reward Challenge is next and Jeff updates everyone that Kathy is a silly quitty face. Another puzzle after some physical stuff.... Ozzy again shows his amazing physical prowess and seems to be dictating to everyone what to do... He is a bit over the top for my good. I hate the blur.... I really do. Ha Ha... Ozzy's team loses and has to vote someone off.

So... it's day 20 and we are about to lose another person. Ami is finally in the game vocally and has come up with a pretty good plan or so we think with the editting. Amanda is trying to repeat her dopey play from China as she becomes an annoying squirt who needs other people to dictate her votes and life. I really pity whomever she eventually marries.

I have no idea who is doing what when they enter Tribal Council... no idea.

Tribal Council comes up and Jeff leads another great one. Ozzy is identified as the leader and he shows himself to be the leader by denying it way too hard. Tracy makes a plea....

No one wants to play a hidden immunity idol.

Let's read the votes.

Tracy
Ozzy
Tracy
Tracy
Tracy

Bunch of cowards.

Ninth person out... Tracy Hughes-Wolf...

Prediction -- Erik finally bites it... the cute little puppy...

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
8. Eliza Orlins (16)
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
1. Ami Cusack (2)
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15)
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Update From Scranton

1. It's snowing.

2. It's not as nice as The Office makes it seem.

RU Women Had Their Chance and They Let It Slip

It's a 40 minute game and they played really well for 35 minutes.

Good season ladies.

Good season.

Dancing With the Stars Boot Three Results!!!

Ahhhhhh... much to LA's dismay... we are watching DWTS on delay as she watches it live... she can't tell me anything so it bugs her big time.... We both love you LA.

My early guesses are Mario or Marissa.... Mario is pretty low and probably doesn't have the fan base to make it through...

Samantha is wearing some odd brown contraption.... and it isn't quite right on her, but she is still lovely...

Last night... Steve's partner was pretty sick... so he practiced with her husband Jonathan Roberts... For the encore dance... Steve did it with Jonathan Roberts... proving to me once again that man people have a great sense of humor....

First team to be saved..... Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas
Second team to be saved .... Julianne Hough & Adam Carolla

Kylie Minouge sings and we fast forward...

Third team to be saved..... Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van Amstel...
Fourth team to be saved.... "YES! Marissa & Tony" Samantha is on my shit list now for getting excited. Plus... I wish Marissa was the first booted.

Adam is getting interviewed right now and is actually making me laugh... who knew?

Lots of dancing and stuff...and they interupt our broadcast in New Jersey to tell us to watch out for tornadoes...

We return to Kylie's second song and she is in a borderline dominatrix outfit that is incredibly hot... and I can't over Julianne's and Mark's wrestling boots dancing shoes...

Again.. the tornado warning got in the way.... at least it interupted some hack Matchmaker time filler... blech.... Dr. Pepper Shwartz says that Kristi and Mark is the perfect match and the couple to beat...

The fifth pair saved.... Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski...
The sixth pair saved.... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez...

Commercial...

The seventh pair saved....... Cristian de la Fuente (he is not related to Daisy on Rock of Love 2) and Cheryl Burke...
The eighth pair saved...... Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough...

The ninth pair saved .... Mario and Karina Smirnof

The Goot (Steve Guttenberg) is booted and Anna... again... can't make it far at all...

Not surprising actually....

Dancing With the Stars -- Week Three

Last week was marked by a double elimimation...

"Do they have the mirror balls to survive..." Thank you Tom Bergeron for the quote of the night in the first gasp of air that you took... You rule... (For those of you not in the know... the winner gets a mirror ball trophy that they all make fun of...) See? It's a play on words...

They get right into it and it is... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez... It creeps me out when the man is talking for Marlee... I really think she needs a female interpretor ... just for me. Fabian really is a pretty funny and infectious personality.... She can dance and although she seemed to get a lot of the moves right.... the beginning was a beat or two off... but by the middle of the dance, she was right on.... That's some skills that she has and she can't hear... (They told us that about 6 times this week.... ) Judges? Bruno agrees with me.. Let's check out the scores... 7, 7, 7 ----- 21 out of 30... not bad for Week 3...

Anna Trevunskia and Steve Guttenberg are up second and Anna is really sick so she sends in her husband Jonathan Roberts... and ther eis a lot of "gay" innuendos going on. Steve is still pretty excited to be dancing... good for him. TW says I am not allowed to make anymore gay jokes as The Gute is doing his tango with surprisingly pretty Anna. Poor Steve has such animated facial reactions that the judges remind him of that... so he prepares himself by wearing goggles and a metal bowl on his head... 7, 7, 7 ------ 21 out of 30 ... so a tie...

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Cristian is trying a bit too hard and Cheryl takes him to Sea World to meet a dancing sea lion... that's right... I said it... a dancing sea lion. That was fun.. he danced the Jive... and I thought he was good... and then he kicked the light right in front of the audience... Judges liked him... 8, 8, 9... 25 out of 30.... Cheryl acted surprised and screamed out loud... That was fun...

Mario and Karina Smirnof are up fourth and marioi looks crazily like Chris Rock right now... Mario performs at high schools and colleges. Basically... he is super busy... I am sure they will be good because he is talented...and although the outfits aren't that great... he seems to pull it off to me... (I am more concerned about how shitty this version of an already shitty song -- Roxanne by the Police -- is being butchered. Wow... Len hated it... "bitterly disappointed". Carrie Ann hated it too. 7, 6, 8 -- 21 out of 30... You hate it and you still give him a 6? Stupid Len.

Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough are fifth... busy busy busy... She's scared again.. and she is scared because she has to do the Jive and she is tall with long legs... Stacey Keibler didn't have a problem and she was the same physical type. I am afraid to make a guess about what the judges will say... TW and I both like Derek's choreography and I was about to be negative about it when he did a some pretty awesome final moves... Generally... they like her... 8, 8, 8 -- 24... and that puts her in second.

The Half Way Point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adam Carolla and my girlfriend in a surprisingly interesting brown wig Julianne Hough are sixth... Adam is feeling like he can't do and doesn't want to let Julianne down... it was surprisingly sweet.. and that pissed me off since he is supposed to be a smart ass funny man... I enjoyed it immensely.... Carrie Ann thought he was sexy out there... that's all I am going to say... 7, 7, 7 -- 21 out of 30... he's currently tied for last with 3 other people....

Marissa Janet Winouker is on!!!! Blech... eat poop. Tony says that he is the Badboy of Dancing... ummm... if you have to say it... you aren't... Boring as poop... and I feel bad that Tony has to be her partner... 6, 7 6 ... 19 out of 30... This annoys me more than you would imagine...

Priscilla Presley and Louis Van Amsel and her face are up and it is surprisingly amazingly not nearly as puffy. I described someone else as puffy today and made TW laugh out loud... I am proud of that... Ok.. back to the dance.... umm... eh... HD is TOTALLY not a friend to Priscilla... 8, 9, 9 -- 26 -- the highest score of the night... Priscilla is "shocked" and nothing on her face is able to move...

Jason Taylor and my other girlfriend Edyta Sliwinski are up... Again.. Edyta has the most amazing outfits... Good dance... something was technically right but to me... something was missing... He is good though.... 8, 7, 8 -- 23 out of 30...

Last and not least is Kristi Yamaguchi... She is taken to an acting/performance coach so that she can act during her Tango... Again... she and mark ballas can dance... but she has not much excitement to her... The judges want her to open up more and be moer nasty... interesting and 100% accurate... 9, 9, 9 -- 27... highest score...

RU Women Face Biggest Game of the Year... Tomorrow

Elite 8 baby...

Book 22 of 52 -- Michael Connelly's The Overlook

This felt like exactly what it was: An expanded serial.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, it just felt like it should be the first part of a larger set of stories regarding Bosch.

Actually by the time I had finished the book, which takes place over twelve hours, I felt more like I was reading an episode of the television show '24' complete with the terrorist angle to seal the deal.

For Bosch fans this is fine to pass a couple of hours until the next big case comes along, but like having a sundae and only getting a scoop of ice cream, it left me wanting more.

On a side note, and one that's completely fun, Harry leaves his phone number for another character in the book,and you can actually call it and hear his message machine.

In other words, it's a fine Harry Bosch story.

Sunshine and Tucker

He's just lying in the sun... and appears as happy as a dog... sitting in the sun.

Run Fat Boy Run Moviegoing Experience

Deadliest Catch is coming back on April 15th.

Sex and the City: The Movie
Deception
Son of Rambow -- oh god do I want to see this
Mongol

JEWNO!

Thank you for taking care of my bride... peasants....

That is totally the best line from Enchanted... and I am planning on including it in my vernacular from now on.

Three Word Movie Reviews

Alien -- Classic Top 10!!!

Aliens -- The Best One

Alien 3 -- Third Film Blues

The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford -- Gorgeous... Well Acted

Atonement -- Exceeded Expectations... Morbid

August Rush -- Surprisingly Sweet. Kind

Autism: The Musical -- Good but Long

Becoming Jane -- Ick... Couldn't Finish

Bee Movie -- Servicable Little Movie

The Business of Being Born -- Learned Lots. Informative

The Darwin Awards -- Kinda Stupid... Passable

Day Zero -- Surprisingly Entertaining Movie

D.C. Cab -- Just 80's Awesomeness

Death at a Funeral -- Made Me ... BORED!!!

Goya's Ghosts -- Slow, but Satisfactory

Hitman -- Served Purpose... Fun!

The Human Face -- Fun and Educational

The Kite Runner -- Just Like Book

Love in the Time of Cholera -- Couldn't Finish... Pretentious...

Margot at the Wedding -- Blech.. pretentious drivel...

The Mist -- Tense ... Awesome Flick

Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium -- Better Than Expected

Mr. Show (Season 1) -- Counter Culture Hilarity

Mr. Show (Season 2) -- Humor Getting Stale

My Kid Could Paint That -- Not Convinced.... Daaaaaaadddd!!!!!

Rendition -- Tough to Survive

Sleuth -- Decent Remake... Overacted...

Southland Tales -- Nice Try... Bad

Trailer Park Boys (Seasons 1 & 2) -- Irreverent, Bold Hilarity...

Wristcutters: A Love Story -- Thought Provoking... Interesting

Book 21 of 52 -- Michael Connelly's The Lincoln Lawyer

Connelly is usually very good.

His Bosch books are first-rate.

This one starts with Connelly's usual flair and finesse, but falters, haltingly, after about one-third of the way.

The plot becomes fairly predictable, and the "twists" are forced and strained, with the confluence of coincidences making "suspension of disbelief" unsustainable.

Additionally, his courtroom stuff in this book, as in his others, is weak.

(Connelly should stick with the police-procedurals at which he is so skilled.)

If Connelly wanted his hero to be a skilled trial lawyer, they both fail.

All in all, what started out very well done, petered out page-by-page.

Go back to Harry Bosch please.

Happy 33 L.A.!!!

Dancing With The Star's First and Second Boots! Results!

LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Damn ABC has an hour "recap" show before it... getting my hopes up when I popped open the DVR queue to see what was taping... ... Damn you ABC!!!!

But... alas... it's LIIIIIVVVVEEEEE....and it's the first EVER Double Elimination...

There are apparently some young girls in the audience because there is absolute shrieking when Tom announces that the "Red hot Jonas Brothers" will be doing two songs. I have EVERY single intention to fast forward through the Jonas Brothers.

Did I mention that they already had an HOUR long recap? Well... guess what? They recapped the shows at the beginning of the show.

Jason and Edyta dance the repeat dance... Edyta is wearing her normal lack of clothes... right MS? Hot! :-P

Here's another recap as they go over the scores... My boy Penn is at the bottom and I voted for him a total of 36 times last night. It was really easy since I never got a busy signal... sooo... I bet he's a goner... that will make me sad-ish.

The Fellas are First...

Six fellas are standing up there... they are going to tell us who is safe...

1. Steve Guttenberg and Anna Trebunskaya... are safe....

(The Jonas Brothers destroy Take On Me.... Fuck you teenage heart throb Jonas Brothers.)

Samantha's dress isn't flattering, but her makeup, hair, and face look stunning.

2. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are saved...
3. Mario and Karina Smirnoff are also saved...

We get a montage of "stars" talking about how much it would suck that they might have to go home tonight.

4. Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough are saved...

Who will it be? Cristian or Penn? They ask the judges what they think and they nicely say that Cristian is better...

5. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke are saved....

BOOTED -- Penn Jillette and Kym Johnson are booted... I thought so... I will have to throw all those votes somewhere else now... :-(



Let's get on with the CHICKIDEES.

1. First couple saved is Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough...

Cameron Matheson is back on to interview people on the streets... it is mildly fun to watch and annoying...

Some aerial dancers are on now... and although the dancing and props are amazing... I can't help but want to kill the music choice of Meatloaf..................... Damn Meatloaf.

The Jonas Brothers make my ears bleed with another atrocious song and I am saddened to learn that they are Jersey boys... Crap. Screw you little 14 year old girls.

Time to get through the bullshit and start revealing who is safe.

2. Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez are staying
3. Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are safe...
4. Priscilla Pressley and Louis Van Amstel are safe...

They again go to the judges and who say nice things about both Marissa and Monica...

5. For some god forsaken reason Marissa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani are saved...

Monica Seles and Jonathan Roberts are booted...

Dancing With the Stars Week Two

So... here I go... here I go ... again... what's my weakness? DWTS! Ha Ha... you thought I was going to say something else.

Last week, we had three hours worth of dancing where the men danced on Monday and the women danced on Tuesday. No one was eliminated.

They all get to dance again tonight... (Good and the Bad) and TWO people get booted tomorrow night in a "Dancing With the Stars First... Two Boots! One male and one female." The anticipation is amazing and top notch...

LLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Samantha Harris is looking incredibly gorgeous tonight and I think she just stumbled over her words... but I am not actually listening to her.

First up tonight... Steve Guttenberg in a really pleasant green shirt. He's going to do the Mambo and he's really excited about it... In case you didn't see it last week, Steve was really "excited" about everything that he did... He's going to be "macho" and I am looking forward to it since he's pretty excited... (Side note... I never thought that anyone could make the song Mambo #5 worse... but the DWTS's band succeeded at it.) He may not be the best dancer in the world, but Steve Guttenberg's excitement and persona is pretty infectious. The judges don't like the dancing... oh well... The scores... 6, 5, 5 -- 16...

Cristian de la Fuente is up with home wrecker Cheryl Burke. They are doing the Quick Step... Crap... Cristian is the guy that I didn't want to like and he is charming me... Shit... I am impressed with the dancing... as I know that I am never going to dance this well... EVER. It seemed like they did well although the TW and I agree that they don't have much chemistry... the audience loves them. 7, 6, 7 -- 20... even with the kind words... it wasn't as high as I thought it would be.

Monica Seles is... ummm.... YAAAWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN OMG This is the least sext Mambo ever. Ouch. The judges think that something's wrong too... and they know that she is out of her comfort zone... Let's take a commercial break.. just to recover from this dance. 5, 5, 5 -- Worst score of the night.

YAY!!!!! Penn Jillette is up!!!! He was leaning against the railing in the dance studio and he broke it... it was one of the funniest spots ever... He used props and ... uh oh... Kym looks lovely... Penn isn't going to last... but I really like him and I know he is trying because he works hard on everything that he does... Teller is having a great time watching his business partner and friend have fun. Len is actually telling him that he is trying and appreciates it. Bruno will hate anything that Penn does and the chick judge loves him... The show is thrown for a love when Penn pretends to fall down. That was funny... Penn is funny... 6, 6, 5 for a total of 17.

Priscilla Pressley is up and her cat like plastic surgery is up next. I wouldn't make fun of someone who naturally looks like this but I can't help avoid it when they do it to themselves voluntarilly... Grandmother my ass... your Mambo looks like a bad cat and creepy midget man dance team. It's better than I can do... but something seems so wrong.. The song and dance seemed like it was 55 seconds long. Just to prove my creepy point... Louis did a split... icky. The judges liked her... WHY? (FBT's beautiful bride asked me that during the show... and I have no idea...) 7, 7, 7 -- 21 is the score... the highest score of the night so far.

Shannon Elizabeth is up with Jullianne's creepy brother. Shannon is out of shape so Derek makes her run up a hill... and that my friends is all there is to the pre-video. Shannon's dress is approprtiate for body and she remains the prettiest contestant on the show this season. I thought it was good, but watch me be wrong... The judges did a great job telling her that they loved her as well. 8, 8, 8 -- 24 Best dance of the night.

Jason Taylor is an NFL player who is dancing... and his partner is one of my absolute favorite ladies... Edyta... DOn't hurt her Jason... leave her be... oh wait... it's time for them to dance already... As always... Edyta wears a barely there dress... and lets Json throw her around... nicely done. The dance was choppy and good... but I like her. Scores... 9, 9, and 9... 27

Marissa Janet WInouker is up... f&ck... I really hate listening to her ocmplain about how horrible she is and was... while eating..... She has self esteem issues...of course she does... MS just pointed out to me that she's 35... are you kidding me? Is she aging backwards like Mork's kid did on MOrk and Mindy? (Jonathan Winters...) The dance is atrocious... and I can't believe that she is allowed to dance anymore. This dance is short... and mercifully so... the scores ... 7, 7, 7... I really think the judges gave her good scores because she cried a shitload.

Adam Carolla is up and she is dancing with my favorite dancer Julianne Hough... he is funny and will probably kick some Mambo ass... kidding... Oh Julianne... what is with the hair and eye makeup... She also has some interesting makeup up the side of her leg... I gorgot that she has a partner... it wasn't as bad as last week.. I can tell you that... The judges didn't like him... Carrie Ann Inaba... addressed him calling her a bitch last week... Len... liked it a lot more than anyone else... because he entertained him... The scores were... 6, 7, 6 and 19 is the final score...

I was thinking about Marlee Matlin a bunch this weekend... since I think that she is pretty amazing for doing this. I wonder if not being able to hear is really a disadvantage... she doesn't have to listen for the beats... it's all mathematical for her... 4 steps here.. 3 steps there... etc. etc. etc... Whatever... her time to dance... to start... it seems so much more crisp than the other Quick Steps... but again... I offer up.. what the hell do I know? Side note... I like Fabian Sanchez... The judges like her too...but felt that Fabian should have had her doing more of a traditional Quick Step... so it wasn't really all her fault... The scores were... 8, 8, 8 -- 24 is pretty darn good.

Kristi Yamaguchi is all about how she is an Olympic champion and blah blah blah blah... she is kind of boring, but dammit... the chick can dance... even though she can't loosen it up for a Latin dance... lots of giggling and goofiness. She was awesome... and I like her a bunch. Her scores... 9, 9, 9 -- they can't giver hert a ten just yet...but she deserved one.

Mario is up... he doesn't have a last name... Just Mario. He's going to dance now... and he sure does like the third person references to... Mario... Need I remind you... it's not fair that he is in this competition... he's a dancer.. "hip hop" my ass.... but he sure is good. Mario looks a little bit like Chris Rock when he speaks about Mario. The judges like him but criticize him a bit... the judges score him with... 9, 8, 9 -- 26... it puts him in second total... he's safe.

My thoughts remain the same... Kristi, Mario, and Marlee are the top three...

bye bye Samantha...

Lent -- Come and Gone... AGAIN.

Let me get a few things straight before I even think about writing this blog.

#1 -- I am NOT Catholic.
#2 -- I am not that religious. I have some basic spiritual beliefs about things and I believe in Christianity but I am not an avid church goer because of my issues with organized religion.
#3 -- Lent holds NO religious meaning to me.

Alright... now... with that said... I took part in Lent this year again. I gave up three things and I deprived myself for the 47 day period. (Yes... do the math... Lent is actually 47 days. There are a variety of reasons why... including this crap about how you can have what you gave up every Sunday during Lent... there are seven Sundays in Lent... bringing the total to 40 days... the number most people associate with Lent. I say it's all crap and if you are going to give something up...give it up dammit.)

This year... I went with three pretty darn big things AGAIN. Each of these things are major parts of my life... and it is usually a big deal to give up these things.

1. Soda -- Most people drink coffee in the morning... not me.. I drink soda. It provides me with my caffeine rush for the morning and throughout the day. Within the first 3 days of giving up soda, I had a humungous headache and noticed that I dragged a bunch. It was a tough sell, but now I am cleansing out my system and I am a much more pleasant person after some time of withdrawl.

2. Chocolate -- I love chocolate. If there are flavors of anything... chocolate is where I am going to go. Ice cream? Chocolate. Cake? Chocolate. Candy? Chocolate. This has been extremely difficult and I might lose a pound or two but what the heck!

3. Alcohol -- I don't drink excessively. I think the last time that I actually got drunk was a few years ago, but with the type of work that I do and with an active social life, I have plenty to drink. A beer here... or a glass of wine there... is all good. Giving up alcohol is always so amazing to friends and family.
"Want a beer Smelmooo?"
"No thank you.... "
"Why not?"
"Lent... "
"Really? Wow... bless your heart... I didn't know you were religious..."
"I'm not... "
"Oh... ummmm...."
"Don't worry about it... there are bigger things to think about... than my not having a beer."

So... there you have it... I am a good person now... and hopefully... I will cleanse out my system a bit from some of the harsh things I was putting into it regularly...

Happy Birthday to the Smelmooo's Sister

Ask her her age... She probably won't respond.

Happy Easter

Time to eat some chocolate...

Happy Birthday Sharico

Soo... I love Las Vegas poker

Soo... I love Las Vegas poker

I had a story book hand.

At Caesers Palace, I sat down at a No Limit 1-2 Texas Hold Em table

I had the runner getting me $200 in chips, so I physically had NO chips in front of me and was making bets and calls and raises by the dealer's memory.

First hand, I limped in with A-Q to get myself settled.

Flop comes A-A-Q

For the next two hands, I checked and called twice -- STILL WITH NO CHIPS YET! (I was now 100 bucks in the hole with the Nuts.)

Next two cards are irrelevant... so I have the nuts with no more cards to go.

Guy bets a big bet... and I say "All in..."

He replies.. "How much?"

I say... "I have no idea... I have no chips... dealer?"

The dealer announces how much I have remaining and after 3 minutes of thinking about it out loud, he calls...sees what I have and storms out of the casino.

Blammo... $260 just like that and without any chips.

As soon as I finish stacking all of these new chips... my other chips arrived.

You may ask... What did the other guy have? Did he show? Qs?

He had an ace and one of the irrelevant cards so my boat was better.

Book 20 of 52 -- Michael Connelly's Echo Park

Good old Harry Bosch does it again.

Connelly is lucky to have him in his team.

Who else would have carried the same old story with the same old dedication to upsetting his bosses and the same devotion to doing right at all cost?

It is amazing how often MC can repeat the same pattern, including the love interest stereotypes, without being boring.

Amazing.

Still, I would suggest that MC should seek his long term career plan more in the line of the Lincoln Lawyer.

For the medium term, Harry has to eradicate California's substantial serial killer population, plus do away with the supply of bad cops.

Hopefully.

Again...

Survivor Micronesia Fans vs Favorites Week Six

Previously.... ON SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and LIIIIIIIVEEEE all in a day or two apart.
Life is perfect. (Ozzy found the idol and replaced it with another fake one... things were all mixed up...)

Tracy and her flotation devices starts off scheming and planning lots of evil stuff. I can't get passed her flotation devices since they are obviously not real. She talks to this "Favorite" named Ami... who hasn't spoken since the season began. (Remember her... she is the ex-Playboy model... who has her own flotation devices.)

Princess Yippy aka Eliza is in rare form tonight... she just keeps yipping until my eyes bleed... and also... Jonathan is big time hurt. I don't want him to have to leave for being hurt last week.

Reward Challenge -- Build a blockade... then... when time is up... get through the blockade that was built for you... first team through... wins two "Micro"nesians... I swear I thought a couple midgets were going to come out... but then I remembered that this was filmed in Micronesia...

Sooo... the winner is Malakal... Penner looks awfully hurt and Chet and Jason are sent to Exile Island... the Micronesians will be going to camp.

Medical is brought out to look at Jonathan's horribly poked at knee. They tell him that he has a big absess in his knee. He is also told that he better go home or he will lose his knee and/or possibly his life.

In a surprisingly extremely sweet moment JOnathan quits and there is crying by everyone... including Tangentwoman... That was almost as sad as a family challenge episode.

Sixth Player out of the game... is Jonathan Penner.

The Micronesians are brought to the island and I get to hear Princess Yippy say the word Amazing... amazing... amazing over and over again. She is not one of my favorites.

For the fans... we have Alexis and Natalie continuously not saying much. I like that I picked them in the draft. Killer.

There is a lot cattiness about the fans and Ami is not pleased by it either so she starts to make an alliance with the Fans.

Dopey Jason looks for the idol on Exile Island and he finds the fake one that Ozzy has placed there. He is so super excited and I know that deep down, he can't really believe that it is real. You would be wrong to believe that... I don't call him Dopey Jason for no reason.

Immunity Challenge -- Stepping poles must be used in the water to get two people across a lot of water... then they must all be standing above each other on a platform together... I love these challenges because no one person can dominate it... and then... I am proven wrong as James basically carries Elza across and then carries Parvati across too. Then dominate and win the challenge. Well done... as Ozzy is forced to sit back and watch.

Oh... who to vote out... Chet hurts his little foot and wants to be voted out. If he goess... Erik and Tracy are pretty much goners so they are trying to get him to vote out Ozzy with them. Dramatic... only because of the music.

Tribal Council comes up and they review the relationships of the past few weeks. Not an exciting week, but Ozzy says that if Chet is not voted out... he will get naked and jump off the pier. Lots of blindsides already this season... will this be another one?

No one wants to play a hidden immunity idol.

Chet
Chet
Chet
Chet

Seventh person out... Chet

Prediction -- Kathy... just to give ASSSHFAULT a chance.

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
8. Eliza Orlins (16)
9. Kathy Sleckman (17)
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20)

ASSSHHHHFAULT
1. Ami Cusack (2)
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15)
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 19 of 52 -- Michael Connelly's Void Moon

I admit that I enjoyed Void Moon, but I didn't absolutely love it, the way I did such books as Angels Flight and Blood Work.

This is an interesting deviation from the sorts of material--police procedurals, serial killers, intricate plots, etc.--that Michael Connelly usually presents in his books.

Cassie Black, the protagonist in Void Moon, is an ex-convict who once specialized in burglarizing the casino/hotel rooms of high rollers, with her lover, Max.

Some years ago, the two of them ran into some misfortune and, due to the Byzantine laws in effect in Las Vegas, Cassie was imprisoned for manslaughter in Max's death, even though she was waiting for him in a casino lobby at the time.

Now out on parole and working in a Porsche dealership (a pretty comfortable, high-profile gig for an ex-con), she's inexplicably drawn back to attempt one more job, in the same casino where things went so wrong.

On the whole, though, this wasn't as ingenious a plot as I'm used to with Michael Connelly.

I guess I've come to expect more twists and turns, a more carefully, deviously plotted story.

This is a good book, don't misunderstand me, but I just don't feel that it lives up to some of his previous novels.

Dancing With the Stars Debut Part II (Chicks Only)

Chicks only... the men were last night and they all get to dance again next week as we will have two people booted... next week. This is quite a build up.

Weird montage to start... but hey.. this is cheese televistion at its best.

LLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEEE This is Dancing With the Stars!!!!

Oh god... how much do I love Samantha? Sooooo very much. She is lovely... and even more lovely in High Definition. The recap and intros are taking fooooorrreeever... God... I love Samantha.

Let's review the women that are about to dance. We have an Oscar winner, a Grand Slam winner, an Olympic Gold medalist, a Broadway star, a poker winner, and a chick who is famous for fucking Elvis.

Shannon Elizabeth -- American Pie "Star" Shannon Elizabeth was paired with Derek Hough. She's won some poker tournaments recently and is actually highly regarded as a woman's poker player.



In the practice sessions, it was kind of fun to watch Shannon falling down in her heels. Derek is still grating and I want to hang out with his sister far more than I would ever want to hang out with her.

So yeah... Shannon is a cutie patootie. This dance was better than 4 of the guys yesterday, but I wonder what the judges will think as TW and I liked it................................ wow... that's a lot of fans that liked it. The judges thought she was pretty good too.

Her scores are... 7, 7, 7 -- 21 Great for this stage.

Jeez.... Samantha is... LOVELY.

Monica Seles -- I am excited by this one and I really hope that she and her partner Jonathan Roberts grunt a bunch during the hard movies in the Waltz.



Monica is best known -- according to her -- for her power on the court. That sounds silly since most people I talk to remember her for getting stabbed on the court. Her introduction was pretty brutal and I like her and her perfect English accent which also surprises me so I really hope that her dance is good.

They told us that they had to soften her a bit. (Colbie Callie has made it to the big time -- now that she has had her song butchered by the abysmal Dancing with the Stars orchestra and band.) The dance was sweet and nice and not perfect but it will be interesting if she makes it further.

Her scores are... 5, 5, 5 -- 15... not ideal.

Oh boy... Samantha reviews her loveliness simply by being... Samantha.

Marissa Jaret Winokur -- The originator of the lead character in the musical Hairspray is on the show and dancing with Tony Dovolani -- the nicest person on the planet.



She spoke for 4 seconds and I immediately realized that... I hate her. I am sorry for Tony Dovolani. I want to take an uncooked fish and slap her directly in her face with it until the scales start to come off. Then... I want to take the descaled fish and drop it in her pants and have her sit down 120 times in a row.

Her biggest problem is "containing (her) energy." She has other problems. The dance begins and Tony is sparkly and wearing and an outfit that shows off his assets. Marissa just sort of moves around a bunch. This is just one of the worst dances ever... in my book and of course the audience is rooting for her.

The judges hated her dancing. They liked her personality a bunch and her dancing was beaten up.

Their scores were... 6, 6, 6 -- 18 What a load of bullshit.

Samantha who? Samantha Lovely...

Priscilla Presley -- She is paired up with Louis Van Amstel. My first thought? They both scare the hell out of me.



She looooooooks like a frigging train wreck. Louis Van Amstel has annoyed me since he was dancing with Lisa Rinna... and he continues to annoy me. Priscilla has had so much work done that I am not sure what to do with my eyes right now. I don't want to look, but I have to look, but it actually hurts my eyeballs to look. Her voice creeps me out as well. High Definition is really a huge curse to these women. Sorry women.

Priscilla dances... wow... that was better than I expected.... wow... I am not sure what to say. Louis is annoying but he does do one thing well... he recognizes the need to show off his partner since his partner is the "star" on the show.

The judges liked her a lot... her scores are 8, 8, 8 24 total. Seriously... who knew?

I am so surprised by all of this that I forgot to notice how lovely Samantha was.

Kristi Yamaguchi -- The Olympic gold medalist is dancing with Mark Ballas. I had no pre-conceptions about this when the episode started.



Hey! She's a gold medalist... fascinating... she'sa baby factory now... good for her. Mark Ballast was annoying last season because of his partner Sabrina... and now... he remains annoying... After watching her interviews and previews, I have to admit that there is something really endearing about her and I like her. Her dance was spectacular and she has to be the current favorite.

The judges were enthusiastic... 9, 9, 9 -- 27 and so were their scores.

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Marlee Matlin -- That's right... the deaf Oscar winner is paired up with a newbie in Fabian Sanchez. This will bug me, but not nearly as much as the fake leg of the creepy old british lady from a couple seasons ago. I actually really like Marlee.



What? Huh? Speak up! Oh wait... you are deaf? How the hell are you going to do this? his should be interesting. Fabian -- a newbie to the DWTS show -- is almost more excited to be doing this than Marissa and Marissa was excited. I have seen marleee around for years and I have always loved her so I hope that she does well in this. Plenty of hand signals and some great mouthings to each other later and the dance ended well enough. The lack of hearing will certainly hurt her in the long run, but that was well done. Why is the audience cheering? She can't hear it. The judges say she is inspiring and she moves well.

Her scores are ... 7, 7, 8 -- 22 total.

Psssst.... Samantha is simply... ? ??? lovely!

Final Analysis

For the men, watch out for Mario and Christian de la Fuente...

For the chickies... Priscilla showed her class and Shannon showed that she has a lot of possibilities, but Kristi is the one to watch and seems to be the early favorite for this show.

Join us next week for the booting of two people... on fella and one chickie...


Samantha kicks touche.

10 Year Anniversary

I accidentally clicked on a link in Hotmail last night and I realized that March 18, 2008 is the 10-year anniversary of my using Hotmail.

I can't believe that it has been 10 years.

I love the internet...