Book 28 of 52 -- Tom Perrotta's The Abstinence Teacher

As anyone who follows my reading patterns, I enjoy Tom Perrotta's books immensely...

All of the characters were interesting and well-developed.

You see them grow and change throughout the book.

I must admit, the book was much less interesting to me when told from Tim's point of view.

While none of the characters were really likeable to me, I found myself being drawn in and wanting to know what happens next.

There were times when I could not wait to get back to this book to see what happens next and other times when I thought of skipping ahead to get around slow, dull moments.

The ending leaves you hanging a bit.

I am not one of those readers who likes my stories tied up neatly at the end, but this one needed it to me.

An epilogue would have been wonderful and made the book more enjoyable for me.

Dancing With the Stars Week 9 Results

I am watching the results show alone and I can't help feel sad since Tucker is wearing his E-Collar since he was beaten up by another dog this weekend. Here's a picture of him in his collar... to make you feel bad for him.



Soo... it's time for an elongated hour of results... Will it be Jason, Kristi, Cristian or WENDY JOE... PLEASE... FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY.... LET IT BE WENDY JOE MARISSA JARET GRIMACE WINOUKER.

We get our normal recap and I am disgusting myself by making gross smells...

Argh... Wendy Joe is up and I want to shoot someone in the face. THey are also going to have the kid's dancing finale on... I hate those really creepy kids. Blech... This is NOT looking to be a good episode so far. Seriously.

I know I say it no matter what... but Samantha really does look stunning tonight. Red is her color.

Tom B is in ... Hyperbole mode... Usher is NOT one of the greatest performers... ever. Cmon Tom. Cmon...

For the repeat dance... Kristi and Mark are asked to dance the Tango again... She is still expressionless and boring... They finish and everyone loves them...

It's time for the kid's dancing... and Jon Benet Ramsey II and her partner -- the under 9 champions -- are dancing first... OH FUCK... I don't care... they are all just creepy and creepy and creepy... FAST FORWARD....

Time for Samantha to interview the final four dancers.... Let me sum it all up for you. Samantha's drunk and Kristi bores... Wendy is shocked she is still here... Cristian is hurt and Jason is ... friendless...

This week's special dance is a group of dancers doing a very energetic tribute to Thriller... or Michael Jackson in general... It was good until the stupid rapper joined it... Omarian ... I think his name is.... he was trying to upstage the dancers... stupid face.

More kids dance... This is just wrong... someone call DYFS.

A video montage!!!! We see that they all want to win... *yawn*

The first couple saved (This is at 9:52 -- ABC bastards) is... Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas (Duh)

Commercial! HA! DVR rules... :)

The next couple saved is... Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski

The last two couples (and not necessarily the bottom two are...
Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani and Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke

Which couple will leave one week short of the finals... ???

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani

Thank f&cking god... Get the hell off my television you obnoxious jerk. (I will miss you Tony)

Dancing With the Stars Week 9

Three months ago... 12 stars began their journey... 8 are gone... and we are down to 4 left... and it the SEMI FINALS.... Tom is full of his goofy charm... and I am forced to see a lot of attention paid to Wendie Joe Sperber.

The dances of the stars are chosen completely at random... and there are no lifts allowed this week...

Round One

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Up first... they are excited that they picked the Foxtrot and the Paso Doble. (It's cold in my house... is it May?) Edyta decides that she will talk to Jason in football lingo and she gets tough with him by using a chalkboard and wooden stick. Nice and tough... She also pulls out a video of Dan Marino... it looks like everyone is wussing out...even one of the greatest football players of all time. Jason starts with the foxtrot and looks very dapper in a tux and Edyta is wearing a full dress! It's a purple theme and the dance is extremely graceful and Edyta has choreographed another sweet and fabulous dance.... TW would be very proud of Jason's arm extensions... The ending was nice and it was a great way to kick off the show. The judges? Len thought it was fantastic... Bruno liked it too... as did Carrie Ann... Their scores? 9, 10, 9 -- 28

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- Marissa Jaret Winouker (her real crappy name... screamed a lot last week and SHIT... she called in Stacy Keibler, my ex-WWE girlfriend, to help her out. Wendy is having problems viewing Tony as sexy so they bond over that. That annoys me... and she didn't pull any cancer of ugly people card... she is just going to dance on behalf of everyone that believes in her. She is wearing a VERY purple dress and I am reminded of my desire for a McDonald's milkshake... Damn you Grimace!!! They dance the Quick Step... Please don't ask me to critique... I hate her so much. The judges... Bruno points out her errors and says that she needs to improve because she is in the Semi-Finals. Carrie says the same thing, but likes her more. Len finds some things wrong with it but still likes it... pansies... Her scores? 9, 9, 8 -- 26

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Yay... go Cristian! They picked the Viennese Waltz and the Samba (the dance that hurt him). The Samba is in his head... He was walking around the beach...to drum up votes and I have already seen these outfits because my friend AO was down there and saw them... She took pictures and the outfits... are just in HD... that's it. He starts with the VW... Harold Wheeler is killing a song I don't even like... Satellite by the Dave Matthews Band... and two dance a beautiful dance without injuring his arm. Last week they compensated and Cristian did a lot of the work...but this week, it seems as though... Cheryl is doing a lot of the spins and stuff... (I wouldn't say this if I didn't know aobut his injury... The judges think? Carrie Ann loves it. Len says it was awesome. Bruno will give good scores... I know it. Their scores... Tom makes fun of Cheryl's dress and riles her all up... it was pretty funny. 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- Kristi hates being second and she and Mark have to dance a Tango and Jive this week. Jesus... can Kristi get any more boring in her interviews... They go to a real ballroom class to let lots and lots of professionals critique her and tell her that she is a boring face with no chemistry. Kristi says the same damn thing every week... "I am going to (Insert dance name here) to the top." Something seems off to me... she is trying to smile and looks like she wants to poop... but then... something else happens... she "perks" up a bit... Depends? The judges say? Len hated it in a weird way and that encourages Bruno to yell and scream about it. Carrie Ann loves it too... The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29

I forgot to mention that Samantha looks stuning tonight... You Go Girl!

Round Two -- Latin Round

Goofy video montage... Len is going around giving personal advice to each and make them do a step that he wants... interesting... or not... IT SUCKED.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Jason is dancing the Paso Doble... and Edyta is up to her old tricks by not wearing many clothes... Jason looks mean during the dance... and he should... He's dancing the Paso Doble. I think he just lifted Edyta... during a spin move... Carrie Ann will say it is... no matter what... Bruno says... awesome... LEn and Carrie Ann agree... The scores will be great. The scores? 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- They are dancing the Rumba and Wendy Joe has to lookk sexy during it... I quit... I quit on her... stop being such a shit America... just cut it out. I fast forwarded it... and it's a weird ending because her dress gets stuck on Tony... whatever... Carrie Ann hated it and she really does hate it. YAY!!!! Len... continues to fuel this bullshit and encourages her some more. Bruno does as well... blech... Her scores... 8, 9, 9 -- 26

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- The one armed warrior is out to dance the Samba... why do I think this will be wonderful... even though it was the dance that hurt him... I was right... it was fun and there was good chemistry... and it seemed to be successful... plus the crowd liked it a whole bunch... Tom is right when he says... That left arm was holding him back... He was forced to do more with the adversity and it really has made him better. Len agrees. Bruno and Carrie loved it too. The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29 (Cristian was really excited... )

Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- For the final dance of the night... Kristi and Mark dance the Jive... and it is a good dance, but she is just too rigid... even though it is a really technically sound dance... I am slightly.... bored... to say the least... Her face never changed the entire time... like a creepy Barbie friend doll. Bruno loved it... Carrie saw it was out of sync... Len agrees with Carrie Ann. The scores? 9, 9, 10 -- 28

Final Scores

1. Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- 29 + 28 = 57
2. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- 27 + 29 = 56
3. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- 28 + 27 = 55
4. Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- 26 + 26 = 52

SURVIVOR COMPETITIONS -- AN UPDATE

SURVIVOR COMPETITIONS -- AN UPDATE

Survivor 1 in Borneo -- Richard Hatch (No Game)
Survivor 2 in Australia -- Tina Wesson (Ashfault!)
Survivor 3 in Africa -- Ethan Zohn (Ashfault!)
Survivor 4 in Marquesas -- Vecepia Towery (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 5 in Thailand -- Brian Heidik (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 6 in Amazon -- Jenna Morasca (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 7 in Pearl Islands -- Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 8 ALL STARS -- Amber Brkich (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 9 in Vanuatu -- Chris Daugherty (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 10 in Palau -- Tom Westman (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 11 in Guatemala -- Danni Boatwright (Ashfault!)
Survivor 12 in Panama (Exile Island) -- Aras Baskauskas (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 13 in the Cook Islands -- Yul Kwon (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 14 in Fiji -- Earl Cole (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 15 in China -- Todd Herzog (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 16 in Micronesia -- Parvati Shallow (Pork Chop Express)

Overall Totals

Pork Chop Express -- 12
Assshfault! -- 3

Tucker's Nuts -- 2
FBT -- ZERO

Survivor Micronesia Fans Vs. Favorites Comes To An End

Wow... another season is almost in the book.

Before we begin... TW predicts Cirie will win and I will go out on a limb ... even though I think Cirie will win, and I wil actually guess Natalie for the... anti-been here before -- argument. She is a "fan" and someone who fought hard and made it the farthest of them all.

Alright... it's time for the 15 minute recap of the entire season... We are reminded of several things:

It is hard to be outside in the raid...
Injuries suck and forced some people out of the game...
Women were the better alliance makers this season...
There were a series of blind sides that were awesome...

Now... who do we have left?
Cirie says some wise words.
Natalie is talking smack... finally... on day 35
Amanda is having fun...
Parvati is a no holds barred player...
One of them will be the SOLE SURVIVOR!!!!!!

(It doesn't matter to me because I have all four of them and Assshhhhfaulllt lost... again... MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA)

We get a few minutes of the "girls" bragging about how great they are and the Women's Movement is set back about 50 years with all these "girls" references.

Time for another challenge... an IMMUNITY challenge and no one wants to vote the other one's off because of the love fest that has been going on for the past 15 minutes... I am annoyed and it is editted 15 minutes... it was about 24 hours worth on the island... blech.

Once again... Immunity is up for grabs... They stand on a pole... oh wait... there's more! They fill a bucket... pour into a tube... keys float up... they swim back.. unlock a box and first one to finish the puzzle wins......

Lots of gratuitous boob and cleavage shots... and Natalie and Parvati dominate the challenge in the early part of the challenge... Cirie... is last.... There are 16 ladder wrungs... Amanda catches up and she is kicking some ass... but she gets near the end and realizes that she must have messed up... but it's a ruse and she wins immunity... I fear this means that Natalie is now going home...

It's Day 37 and they now have to negotiate some stuff... Natalie is going to calmly and cooly try to do some more manipulating... Good luck to her...

Look... I love my wife and I adore every second with her... but as I watch these women rationalize and manipulate, I can't help but be ecstatic that I don't have to date anymore...

Time for Tribal Council and I must admit that I really have no idea who is getting voted out of this one... It could be any of them but Amanda unless something with rocks happens... They keep talking about blindsides and they all have weird smiles on their faces... The entire Tribal Council... I have to look at Ozzy's goofy and smug face and it annoys me big time.

There is a lot of drama as Jeff teases that it might be a bottom two... tension between Cirie and Amanda builds and it becomes rather uncomfortable for everyone... Natalie caused this and it is amazing... you gotta give her "props" for this even if you don't like her... right TW?

Time to read the votes that were just cast...

Cirie
Natalie
Natalie
Natalie

Thanks for playing Natalie... you made a good show of it. The Tribe Has Spoken and TW stands up and cheers...

Jeff says... "Once again you have survived and made it to the Final Three." That's vague enough that I am not sure it is a real Final Three or just the last three players...

Amanda and Cirie continue their drama back at the beach.... there's yelling and screaming, but they all make up in the end and there's crying and hugging and then... the making out... oof... that was gross...

Much like last season... Amanda is breaking down in the final two days... This will probably lose it for her again...

Now... let's get on to Day 38... finally... They let the chicken free (Gloria is her name). What a good time... but the chicken sticks around. They go get Tree Mail... and they are to honor each of the Fallen Comrades... before they begin the FINAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE...

They are all upset because it will be a FINAL TWO... Jeff Probst is the greatest game show host of all time... and this all makes AMANDA cry again... I am so in love with her crying... not her... I just want to see her cry her stupid eyes out.

Cirie makes the greatest point of Survivor history... when she says that a Final Two is pretty poetic because they have been blindsiding everyone that they have now been blindsided... very true... very true...

Time to honor the fallen comrades... even though these three didn't know many of them... Johnny Fairplay, Mary Surtain, Yau Man, Mikey B., Joel (Meathead), Jonathan Penner, Chet, Kathy (Quitter), Tracy (Big Fake Hooters), Ami, Eliza, Ozzy, Jason, James, Alexis, Erik, and Natalie. This "tribute" was more annoying than usual since they didn't do anything but walk on the beach and pick up torches... and then lit them on fire... yawn... I have to pee...

So they arrive for their final IMMUNITY CHALLENGE and they walk up to some platforms... There are cylinders and balls... and they have to balance the ball on the cylinders... every few minutes... they add some more cylinders making it harder... I hope this one didn't go for hours...

Because I am sure he gets bored... Jeff constantly talks... and tells them all that they have to gut check themselves... Round two begins... Jeff... continues to talk...

It's almost ironic that all this "Girl Power" has to balance a ball... Jeff keeps saying... "Don't Blow It" and I am sure that that makes him giggle like a little boy.

Parvati drops her ball... hee hee... in a cool shot... we they zoom in on the metal balls that everyone is holding and you can see 3-4 people reflected in the ball... Pretty neat shot...

Last and final round... they are now to 9 pieces each and it is sudden death... no more five minute intervals... Jeff babbles.... and babbles... he is so amazing in that he is encouraging them and at the same time... fucking with their minds.

Cirie loses her concentration and Amanda is going to the finals... again... Both TW and I think that she HAS to boot Cirie in order to have a chance. I am sure they will all talk about it... a bunch... yap yap yap yap.........

We arrive at Tribal Council and what have I learned over the past 10 minutes? Amanda hates making any kind of decision.... Parvati and Cirie are trying to convince Amanda that they pissed off more people so she'll take her with her.

Amanda has to make a choice and is bawling her eyes out at Tribal Council and I want to vomit... she doesn't want to "hurt someone's feelings" and both TW and I are royally pissed off and annoyed at her. I hate her now...

Cirie is voted out so it comes down to two hotties in the final two and I am now firmly... FIRMLY rooting for Parvati to win.

Cirie has a really nice boot video that makes us both sad... she acts as though she really disappointed her family. That's not fun at all.

Day 38 took forever...

Day 39 finally begins... and the girls celebrate way too much... they are all huggy and kissy and I don't think that I am going to be able to type anything about their hanging out and self glorifying comments about how awesome they are.

Final Tribal Council begins... It's time for the other people to decide...

Opening Statements Begin... Amanda is first... and Parvati is second... They are both so nice that I am not amused by either of them.

Eliza is first... she doesn't ask a question and just takes personal shots at each of them.

Jason is up next and asks two decent questions to each of them that will probably shed some light for him... and... ummm.... him only.

Alexis is up third and she is looking lovely... She wants to know who is a better role model from Parvati and she chooses herself. She thinks Amanda is a faker and disingenuous.

Natalie is up next and she respects the other "women!!!!!" She confronts Parvati's flirt card and asks her how her flirtiness takes her into the bedroom... no one understands... but Natalie admits that Parvati even flirted with her! IT was awkward. She then asks a backhanded question at Amanda and basically insults her and calls void.

Erik is up fifth. He would have voted for Amanda... now... he is not so sure... and doesn't really do much but call Amanda a jerk.

James... comes in ... in sixth... and his feelings are hurt by Parvati. James walks away...

Cirie... steps up to the niceness fest and speaks seventh... She pulls out a classic question and asks Amanda to tell her why the other one should win the million dollars. She then asks Parvati to tell the jury why Cirie should be there instead... and she gives her real answers.

Ozzy is up and it is going to be all drama with him. His feelings are hurt. You put a price on the friendship is his crazy card... Ozzy would have done the same thing. He hates Parvati. Oh shit... he's not even in it for the million and he's pulling some sympathy cards... The hardest part for him was that Parvati took away 14 days that he could have been spending with Amanda... Oh dear...

Eight jurors... that could be interesting since there could be a tie...

Time to get to the vote... after a 15 second long commerciall... (God bless DVR.)

Erik votes for Amanda for no smart reason...
Dopey Jason is confused.
Alexis loves Parvati.
Natalie might actually love Parvati.
Ozzy actually says he loves Amanda...
Eliza thinks and thinks... and thinks... the camera cuts and moves to her over and over again... she can't make up her damn mind.

Jeff will see us back in the US for the reading of the votes...

WE ARE LIVE.... Jeff has longer hair and he wants to start reading the votes... (Don't forget... you WANT to see your name on the paper now......)

Parvati
Amanda (stupid earrings)
Parvati
Amanda
Parvati
Amanda
Parvati (4-3)
Parvati....

I am strangely happy....

Parvati is genuinely happy and I think that is the first time that I have seen a winner actually thank the jury that way... The non-jurors walk in and it's time to begin the after show...

I am not going to post anymore... GO PARVATI!!!!!

Tucker's Nuts
6. Parvati Shallow (12) -- WINNER OF SURVIVOR 16
3. Amanda Kimmel (5) -- FINISHED IN SECOND PLACE
4. Cirie Fields (8) -- FINISHED IN THIRD PLACE
1. Natalie Bolton (1) -- FINISHED IN FOURTH PLACE
2. Alexis Jones (4) -- Booted Week 12
7. James Clement (13) -- Removed from Game by Medevac Week 12
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14) -- BOOTED WEEK THIRTEEN!!!!
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Oldie But Goodie -- The truth behind Mayo

Thanks Bowman.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course,


As Sinko De Mayo.

Smelmooo Equals Psychic?

I had a long sleeved shirt on this morning...

For some reason that I cannot explain, I switched to a short sleeved shirt.

Phew!

There is no A/C in the building because they are working on it.

HA!!!

Survivor Micronesia Fans vs Favorites Week 13

La la la la la la la la la la la.... previously... Amanda pulled some pretty awesome shit by pulling off the hidden immunity idol.

Who will be voted out tonight... only five are left...

I saw an interview this morning with Jeff Probst that said... Even after 15 other seasons of Survivor, this is the episode that makes you get angry at someone for being so naive... It's pretty much a spot where you just think someone is really really stupid.

We awake on day 34 of 39... and Erik is trying to make sense of everything... This is an interesting season because people WANT to get sent to Exile Island because they can find an idol for immunity. It's kind of funny. They are all trying to get people to send them there and not others.

Time for the reward challenge.

Cool challenge... they are getting asked questions based upon past seasons to test out who the real fans are... they get plane rides, meals, and times to clean up. Erik is best suited for this game... and that is right so he wins... First decision is who he is sending to Exile Island... he picks Parvati... exactly what the "female" alliance wanted. He then snubs Natalie and takes Amanda to reward.

What does this mean? Natalie gets to complain off camera and that is truly one of my guilty Survivor pleasures...

What else does this mean? Cirie gets to stealthily gloat to Natalie and make her stress out more...

Soooooooo..... we now get a lot of time of Erik and Amanda on the reward challenge and he wants to enjoy his time with Amanda... how cute...

We then get to Parvati on Exile Island who is sexing herself up and tanning herself... She brags about how she is only there to prevent others from getting the idol... (Others being Erik and Natalie) And she thinks so because she, Amanda, and Cirie are strong.

Erik is worried... b/c he tells all the women different things and now he knows that they have all talked and figured him out... so... like a shitty sports interview... he says that he needs to work really hard and win the Immunity Challenge to stick around.

Immunity Challenge is a three puzzle game. It involves placing ropes across some sand and using coordinates... I thoroughly enjoy these types of challenges... what makes this one different is that they are all digging near each other... Erik takes a huge lead... They then focus on Erik repeating the symbols out loud over and over again... That should mean that he won't find them... but alas... it is fake drama as he finishes his last puzzle and everyone else hasn't even found their second set of puzzle pieces. Loud music drama finish... and Erik wins... and he is "guaranteed a spot in the final four."

That guaranteed seems weird right now... since the women are smarter than him and will probably find a way to talk him out of it.

OH SHIT -- the women have a plan... convince Erik to give Natalie the necklace. Oh brother... I am totally believing that he is going to give her the necklace...

The discussion of Natalie and Erik begins and Erik actually starts to consider this... I am now in completely agreement with my brain that Erik is a f&cking moron and I need him to go because he is so frigging stupid...

Stupid is a bit strong... but he is just so incredibly NAIVE.

We go into Tribal Council not knowing if Erik is going to buy it and give the necklace to someone else....

Tribal Council begins and there are some questions asked... and the women berate him. This is so mean and manipulative because they are obviously trying to make him feel bad and guilty.... He now thinks that giving his idol to someone will give him a better shot at wining... to "make up for things"...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME... but ERIK GAVE THE IDOL TO NATALIE...

Both TW and I are annoyed and preturbed... that poor kid...

Here come the votes... like I need to read them... this is the first time that we know who is knocked out before Jeff counts the votes... We had to see all teh women invididually berate Erik... and even the jury knows how dumb Erik was in this one...

PREDICTION FOR THE FINALS... I think that Natalie is totally going to win this thing... for some reason ... I think the others have pissed off more people... ... Maybe Cirie... but Natalie wins and gets at least one vote because she is a fan and there are others who have had their "chance."

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
2. Alexis Jones (4) -- Boted Week 12
7. James Clement (13) -- Removed from Game by Medevac Week 12
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14) -- BOOTED WEEK THIRTEEN!!!! I wish I could say it was a boot... but oh my god....
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Shelley Duncan Signed My Ball

Heh heh...

Here's his autograph on my baseball and I tried to get him (17) in the picture as well.

WOOO HOOOO!!!!!

Boof 27 of 52 -- Jasper Fforde's The Big Over Easy: A Nursery Crime

I always had a thing against modern nursery rhymes, which is why I loved the super violent original ones instead since they were just so damn nice.

I thought they were just a little too "un-violent" for their intended audience.

Thankfully, Jasper Fforde had the mind to expose the seedy underbelly of Humpty Dumpty's world and the truth is finally out.

Oh, to get a peek inside of the creative and imaginative mind of Mr. Fforde.

"The Big Over Easy" is a skillful work of art and it was a pleasure to read although I did do a little too much eye-rolling.

It's a perfect summer read, full of satire, wit, and plenty to make you chuckle out loud. I loved it!

Yankees -- Smelmooo on the Telly?

If you are watching the Yankees game tonight and you see the Smelmooo on the telly with two attractive blondes and FBT...

Tangentwoman already knows.

We'll be sitting just to the left of the dugout next to Steinbrenner's tickets.

GO WANG!!!!!

UPDATE -- Actually... we were about 7 Rows back and really close.

Dancing With the Stars Week 8 Results

We start off with an hour long special episode where the judges go through their favorite ten dances of the first 6 seasons or 100 episodes. The judges introduced each dance and it was awkward and weird since they are far more interesting when they speak off the cuff.

10. Kelly Monaco and Alex doing their Mambo from Season 1
9. Sabrina Bryan and Mark Ballas' Paso Doble from Season 5
8. Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke's Cha Cha Cha from Season 3
7. Apollo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough's Quickstep from Season 4
6. Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson's Jive from Season 4
5. Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough's Quickstep from Season 5
4. Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke's Freestyle from Season 2
3. Stacy Keibler and Tony Dovolani's Samba from Season 2
2. Mel B and Maks Chmirkovsky's Paso Doble from Season 5
1. Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff's Tango from Season 3

and with that depressing final dance -- I abhor Mario... let's get to celebrating!

Time to kick off the show with a bunch of professionals and stuff... it looks like Ashley is back... that makes TW very happy.

Samantha's hair is HIGH as Doug Benson.

Samantha mumbles through interviews with Wendy Jo, Jason, Mario, Kristi (I am just going to dance as well as I can and see what happens... get boringer please), and Cristian.

The first special guest are Rascal Flatts and Julianne Hough is dancing with Apollo and god dammit.. .I have to fast forward just because I hate country music.

Time for Tom to improvise with stars that were on the show before... Lisa Rinna is still fake and Vivica Fox and others announce that they have gotten work because of their appearances...

ARE THEY STARS?!?!?!?!?!

Mario Lopez is dancing with the cast of A Chorus Line right now... I love A Chorus Line... it is one of my favorite shows.

We are now 35 minutes into the show and no one has been saved and no one has been booted and Rascal Flatts is goign to sing another song they covered.

Samantha is now interviewing Kelly Monaco, Apollo, and Drew... They all pick someone like them... sooo... woman (Kristi), athlete (Jason), and actor/Cheryl Burke partner (Cristian)...

The boring video montage of the week is what the current dancers can learn from past dancers and champions... I hate these video packages.

It only took 50 minutes... to get to the first saved couple and TW and I want to kill our families because ...

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani are saved.

The second couple saved is Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas.

Kristi and Wendy Jo are interviewed and I FUCKING HATE MARISSA JARET WINOUKER.

Fuck America... Fuck them all.

The third couple saved is...Cristian de la Fuente and Cherly Burke

It's down to the final two.... and the red lights come on to illuminate the possible losers....Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwnski OR Mario and Karina Smirnoff

The latest couple booted... is... (not wendy joe... screw you America...) Mario and Karina.

Dancing With the Stars Week Eight

Sooo ... before the show begins, all I can think about is how Cristian is doing since he hurt himself last week. I hope he heals nicely.

Also... don't forget... they get to do lifts this week... one lift each... in each dance...

LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Tom and Samantha are here and neither the TW or I are really sure what is going on with Samantha's hair...

The stars enter down the stairs and for some reason Cristian is wearing one sparkle glove so I make an early guess that he is doing a Michael Jackson song...

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up first and they remind us that they got their lowest scores of the year and yet... they finished in second place... what a tough chick... She is going to step it up... wow... can she be more boring? They start with the Quick Step. They do a lift at the end ... and always... the dance is nice and they can dance and are really the best of everyone... and the judges agree. Let's see what the scores are... 9, 10, 10 -- 29.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff are up next and I can't help but note that Karina wears too much really really red lipstick. They practice lifts in the pol and Karina is in an extremely revealing bikini... I wonder why they are doing that... interesting... He reminds us about 15 times that he is 21 years old... The first dance is the Viennese Waltz. The dance was good and the lift was really cool... The judges liked it and they were raving... The judges decide to give some scores after Samantha mumbles through another interview... 9, 9, 9 -- 27.

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani are up next and Wendy pulls out her battle with cancer! Fuck you Wendy for pulling that bullshit! That cancer card is absolute bullshit. Then... she babbles some more and there are stupid antics and then she pulls the ... "I am fat... and you don't have to be a size 2 to win this." Screw her... she is a turd... She gets to be lifted at the end of the dance... and the judges like her... Bruno liked it the least... 9, 8, 8 -- 25

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up fourth. Jason feels silly doing the samba so Edyta puts him in some funny clothes and gets a spray tan. why? He starts off doing the Tango and I am left wonder why Edyta bothers to wear any cloths at all? (Thanks LA -- I agree) The dance is crisp and good and if I were to score, I would give it a really high score. Edyta is my new favorite female dancer... oh who am I kidding... Julianne is my favorite. His scores -- 10, 9, 10 -- 29.

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Tom makes a very comment about Cristian in that... he is willing to risk further injury to win "our odd little trophy." You had to be there. I am laughing... even today. He is determined to do lifts even with his injury... okie dokie... they delay us by throwing us into commercial... hhhaaa hhhhaaaa we have DVR... I was right... they are dancing to a Michael Jackson sing... it's Beat It... Tango... The dance was really good with the limitation of only one arm. TW and I agree in that we think he is pretty brave for dancing like this and it was really good. His scores... 10, 9, 9 -- 28

It's the middle of the show... and we have Marissa in last place... thank god.

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up for their second dance and they are dancing the Samba... and oof... the outfits are simple and look a bit... extravagant. Something was missing in the dance for me, it seemed good... maybe I just don't like the Samba... Carrie didn't care for it. and the other two weren't entirely nice either... their scores were 8, 9, 9 -- 26 plus the 29 makes a total score of 55.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff step up to do the Jive. He messes up right away by missing his cartwheel.He somehow recovers and keeps ffering his infectious Chris Tucker face as he dances... I also notice something else... of all the dancers... he does the "white man overbite" the most... He ends really poorly by trying to overdo a lift and spin and stuff. I didn't like it at all. His scores 9, 9, 8 for 26 plus the 27 from earlier gives them a total of 53.

HEY HEY HEY HEY!!! THE MOLE... JUNE 2nd!!!!!

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani come out for their second dance doing the Mambo... I am not talking... since her parents are in the audience. Bruno liked it... Carrie Ann calls her on her crap. Sometimes I love her. Her scores are 8, 8, 9 (25) plus the 25 equal 50.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are dancing the Samba and Edyta somehow... is wearing less clothes... than before. How is that possible? It was a struggle and the ending was cool. Carrie was rough on him as were Bruno and Len. His scores were 8, 7, 8 (23) and combined with 29 give them... 52

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke dance their second dance... the Mambo. His bandage is the victim of the Bedazzler! There are a bunch of turns and such and I am reallly impressed with how Cheryl has worked around it. This has probably has made him a much better dancer. Len loves it... Bruno loves it... Carrie Ann loves it... His scores are 10, 9, 10 (29) plus the 28 give him 57 and put him in first.

Cristian & Cheryl -- 57
Kristi & Mark -- 55
Mario & Karina -- 53
Jason & Edyta -- 52
Wendy Jo & Tony -- 50

Book 26 of 52 -- Jonathan Kellerman's Compulsion

In Compulsion, one of the world's most popular authors returns with the twenty-second entry in the Alex Delaware series, a chilling tale about a
serial killer with an irresistible impulse to perform irrational acts.

When a young woman, Katrina Shonsky, disappears and a bloodstain is found in a stolen sedan, Lieutenant Milo Sturgis of the Los Angeles Police Department and his close friend and associate, psychological consultant Dr. Alex Delaware, investigate a case that turns out to be the brutal handiwork of a "shape-shifting" psychopath.

Paradoxically, a blatant oxymoron describes the killer's modus operandi: "evil altruism." With his rational side in control, he is a "do-gooder" whom everyone trusts and admires. Beware, however, his compulsive fascination with the macabre.

From the stately mansions in the hills above L.A. to the seamy haunts of the city's slums, Milo and Alex patiently and persistently gather information that points to other horrific crimes.

Early in this police procedural, it becomes apparent that the killer is a transvestite with thespian pretensions and a twisted sense of irony. If the world is a stage, he seeks to make it a bloody stage. We learn also that it's not prudent to attempt to stare down a cross-dresser or laugh at a psychopath.

Filled with fascinating characters, convoluted plot twists, and witty dialogue, Kellerman's latest entry will surely delight his many fans. As usual, Dr. Delaware brings his "shrink's deft touch" in theorizing a psychological profile of the killer.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha ha ha...

You have no idea what I am talking about...

Doctor Tim

Doctor Tim had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: 'Tim, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go Tim.' But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering:





Tim............




Tim............






YOU'RE A VETERINARIAN, YOU SICK BASTARD!!!

(Thanks Chris B... you sick bastard...)

Survivor Micronesia Fans vs. Favorites -- Week 12

Sooo... the recap shows me that women rule and boys drool... and medical is examining James' finger. It is exteremely discusting and I hope he's alright...

Amanda -- the doctor -- is the storyteller about James' finger... God... I have absolutely no desire to ever see her dopey face again.... but somehow... she whines herself into the finals... and probably will again.

Alexis is the newest walking wounded as she fell down and bruised her knee and super Cirie talks smack about how it is good for her because she has two less people to worry about.

The challenge is awesome because the contestants answer questions about each other privately and then they try to make guesses about who everyone choose. THere is always one person who ends up crying in this episode and it will probably be more than one because they are all meeting their family members!!!

Cue Tangentwoman crying...

The winning group is going to Jellyfish Lake... didn't we see this before?

Who does the most for the tribe? (James is the answer.) Soooo... everyone chops someone's a piece of rope, but James.

Who never shuts up? (Parvati -- Five out of seven got it right.)

Who mistakenly thinks they are in control of this game? (Parvarti is the answer...) Big shot to her solar plexus and she doesn't cry... intersting...) Parvati is eliminated... in an awesome fashion.

Who is the most honest? (ALexis is the answer...) Cirie is the only one right... and she eliminates Erik.

Who are you least likely to invite a family dinner... (James is right) James is knocked out... so is Cirie... and Natalie's booted... Amanda is eliminated and Alexis wins reward... with her brother Nathan... She takes Cirie and Natalie with their loved ones to go with them. She chooses Amanda to go to Exile Island.

Medical looks at his finder again... his being James... she squeezes puss out of it and Jeff is now getting involved... MEdical removes James from the game... I would like to think that he would have made it farther, but I highly doubt it... THank goodness this season started with 20 people because so many people are quitting and breaking down...

whoa... they get to swim with stingless jellyfish... and pretty damn cool... then we get to see Amanda go back and forther looking for the damn idol of immunity... but remember kids... when you find the idol... you lose.. right Ozzy and Jason? Exactly...

Sooo... Day 32... Alexis, Parvati, and Natalie are talking about who to boot if Erik wins immunity and they seem to agree yet... NOT agree to boot Amanda...

The immunity challenge is up next and Erik relinquishes his idol... They shoot a high powered rifle to break their hanging sake bottles... No eliminating... Just about breaking your own shit...

The winner is... Erik -- Damn... I hate predicting him... the big lug.

So now we have 5 women who all have to eat each other alive... because they all can't vote for Erik. Amanda dumps her bag and shows that she doesn't have the curse idol. She lies to them about not having the idol...yet...

The planning and scheming leads us to believe that it will be Amanda or Alexis going home... and Cirie refuses to vote for a tie because she doesn't want to draw a rock and... DRAMA ensues... drama drama drama... We last see Amanda digging for the immunity idol right before we make it to Tribal Council... we don't know if Amanda finds the idol before heading to Council...

Amanda is asked about whether or not she found it by Probst and she kind of lies about not finding it... we think since she is pretty upset... Everyone is making excuses as to why they are voting to boot Amanda... some sound real... and some sound hollow... It's time to vote.

Jeff reminds them that this is the time to play the hidden immunity idol... and Amanda.... HAS IT!!! and reminds them that she didn't lie about it. The curse is over...

Here come the votes and here they come...

Amanda --- no count
Amanda -- no count
Amanda - no count
Amanda - no count
Alexis
Alexis

I can't believe with how much I couldn't stand Amanda last season and the beginning of this season... that I am proud of her for this. It's the first real Survivor moment i have seen from her in 20+ episodes...

Prediction for next week -- Erik finally bites it... PLEASE?!?!?!?! (Fourth time voting for it...)

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
2. Alexis Jones (4) -- Boted Week 12
7. James Clement (13) -- Removed from Game by Medevac Week 12
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Book 25 of 52 -- James Patterson's 7th Heaven

I have about given up Patterson, even the Alex Cross Books have gotten a bit stale.

However, the Woman's Murder Club Series continues to hold my interest (I have a feeling this has more to do with Maxine Paetro than Mr.Patterson?).

Quantity isn't as good as quality James.

As is typical San Francisco detective Lindsey Boxer has more than one case to deal with.

One is the death of Micheal Campion, who has been missing for over a month.

Silver spoon son of a wealthy politico, Michael was last seen leaving the house of a Prostitute.

The other case involves the death of a wealthy couple who's burned bodies are found after a house fire.

The two cases seem unrelated, but as the twists and turns develop they do intersect in a surprising way.

As the case in past books in the lives of the members of the Woman's Murder Club are woven into the story to great effect giving some interesting subplots and adding texture to the main plot line.

I'd love to see Ms. Paetro try her hand at a solo effort.

Dancing With the Stars Week Seven Results

So exicited.... Def Leppard and Dance Center is on tonight...

LLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I bet there is going to be some drama tonight...

I swoon for Samantha... windblown hair.... I think....

Let's recap for ten minutes what happened in about 72 minutes worth of television when all is said and done... no really....

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski have been asked to re-create their Quick Step... and Edyta found that classy and sexy dress from last night.... Just as good the second time... and Damn!!! Tom says the same thing...

We get to find out the fate of a couple pretty early in the show... yay! But first... Len tells us and the couples that next week, each of the stars is allowed to do one lift per dance each...

The first couple to be saved is Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas

Dance Center is up next... !!!!!!! I am not even going to recap this because this is really really really really funny. Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and Len Goodman all played well off each other. THis is a two part gag... and they tease Cristian, Mario, and Shannon.

Def Leppard ruins my childhood with a totally weak ass lip synched version of Pour Some Sugar on Me. Crap... The saving grace of the number is that the professional dancers are all wearing awesome leather outfits...

Time for my favorite drunk host to interview Kristi and Jason...

Dance Center Part Two is up and Jerry Rice has the best line f the night with Kristi YamaHoochie.... They resort to fart humor... and... it totally works...

The second couple who has been saved is... Mario and Karina Smirnoff

Def Leppard is back with one of their new songs... and I think he might be singing it... but alas... I doubt it... The most disturbing part of the performance is the "action camera angle" on the drummer who has one frigging arm and is 800 years old...

Let's look at a video montage... and we learn something... the stars are stressed out...

Time to learn the fate of our final four competitors.... Drama... Tom and Samantha talk to them and build up the drama... and then?!?!? COMMERCIAL! Pricks!!!

They bring Cristian and Cheryl down to give us an update on his arm... He's had an MRI and his tendon was ruptured but he needs surgery... the doctor will delay the surgery if Cristian isn't voted out... soooo he swings his ass back up on the stage...

Time to continue the elimination....

The third couple saved is... Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke
The fourth couple saved is... Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski

It is down to Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough and Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani

Shannon and Derek are eliminated but here is the good news... Wendy Jo was in the bottom two!!!!!

Bye Bye Nadia ....

Dancing With the Stars Week 7

And soooo we begin this episode at 10:00 at night because we were out at a family affair...

We have eliminated half the contestants and we have only 3 to 4 episodes left...

LLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Samantha is wearing a dress that is not normal for her... yet I think it works.

Everyone is doing two dances this week... We kick off the BALLROOM ROUND...

Marissa Janet Winouker and Tony Dovolani are up first and Marissa can't believe that she is still in the show... neither can I ... She has to do the Rumba where she has to do some sexy stuff... This ought to be good, but I am sure that the judges will like her... Tangent Woman thinks she is getting better... The judges adored her... I just don't get it...

It has taken me seven weeks, but I have finally figured out who Marissa Jaret Winouker reminds me of... Wendy Joe Sperber... you remember her... she was the fat annoying friend that loved Henry on Bosom Buddies...

Marissa's scores ARE good... let's see what she gets... 9, 9, 9 -- 27...

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke are up second. The Viennese Waltz and the Samba are in store for Cristian..... Each week... he actually cracks me up more... and I can't help buy like him more... He uses his daughter for a sympathy vote and it worked with me... cute little kid. The dance was awesome... that was an awesome spin with one hand and he so gracefully grabbed the second hand! The judges are hard on him... I don't like that at all. 8, 8, 9 -- 25... so harsh...

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up next... Just a reminder... she got a perfect score last week... so they feel the pressure of the perfection as they prepare the Viennese Waltz and the Cha Cha.... Hey... here's an idea... do some figure skating in the intro... Voila! I am amazing... Here comes the dance... Ok ok ok... I get it... she is the best dancer by far... and in terms of dancing... she should win... The judges didn't like the props (umbrella) and thought it was a bit off... yet... they get 9, 8, 9 -- 26

Mario and Karina Smirnoff dance fourth as the show continues to push the time limits... getting in 12 dances in 1 hour and 38 minutes... Mario talks about how hard it is... as he prepares for the Foxtrot. Mario can dance because that's what he does for a living... why can't he practice full time? He has to learn new dance moves for his new music video... I mean... hello people... it's his career... They dance is good. The judges aren't big fans... 8, 8, 8 -- 24

Tomorrow is Def Leppard and Dance Center!!!!!!!

Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough are up... Don't forget that they had a mental breakdown on the show last week. They are doing the Tango and the music that they have to dance too is horrible...... I bet the judges will hate it and kill her for it. Bruno loved it... Carrie Ann loved it... Len adored it... 9, 9, 9 -- 27 HEr best score yet.

Their 100th episode is next week. Wow...

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinksa are up next. They are doing the Paso Doble and the Quick Step.... He goes with the Quick Step first... Edyta's dress is classy and revealing... How she pulls that off is amazing. Great dance... and the judges adored it. Their scores you ask? 10, 9, 10 -- 29...

Now... it's time for the LATIN ROUND...

Wendie Joe Sperber and Tony are up... dancing the Rumba... so she has to be sexy again... I can't stand her so much... that I cannot be objective on this... Their scores...9, 8, 8 (25) + the 27 is a total score of... 52.

Cristian and Cheryl are back with their Samba... Cristian is just pretty and he wears his sleeveless shirt with great hip action... or so Tangent Woman tells me... Wow... it was going well... and then the dance came to an end... and it was awkward because he seriously hurt his arm. They went to commercial to get him checked out... Just a severe muscle cramp... He is visibly upset... They get graded... His scores 7, 7, 7 (21) + 25 - totals a 46. This is just so unfortunate and he looks really sad... I feel really bad for him because I like him a bunch.

Kristi and Mark are up. They are doing the Cha Cha. It's a good dance and a lot different in terms of energy than the last one... Len hated it... and Bruno loved it... Carrie Ann adored it too with three "snaps up" -- oh brother... Their scores 10, 8, 10 (28) + 26 for a total of 54.

Mario and Karina finish up with the Mambo. I got distraced by Scrabble and missed the dance and the ability to comment.. The judges really liked it... 9, 9, 9 (27) + the 24 from before puts him at 51 for a total.

Shannon and Derek are also dancing the Mambo... and Shannon has tremendously huge hair... She might actually be enjoying herself for this dance... The song lends it self to lots of hard turns and expressions... and the judges aren't thrilled or hate it either... at least they don't ridicule her like in past episodes and then give her decent scores... 8, 8, 8 -- 24 + 27 is a 51 out of 60.

Jason and Edyta finish up the show with a Paso Doble. Their song is the MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL THEME SONG!!!! Finally... a song... I can love... He's wearing his totally gay and dopey Miami Dolphins colors... but he is a matador... I am not sure about it... it seems a bit stiff to me... He had a lift though... 9, 8, 9 (26) + 29 from before totals 55.

Feel better Cristian!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three Word Movie Reviews

April Fool's Day (2007) -- Unnecessary Remake... Passable

Awake -- Predictable, But Passable

Charlie Wilson's War -- Disappointed Me... Mediocre...

Christine -- Still Spooks Me

Cloverfield -- Completely... Thoroughly... Mediocre

Darkon -- Strange People.... Good

Day of the Dead (2008) -- Perfectly Suitable Distraction

Dedication -- Surprisingly Interesting, Decent

Fight Club -- One of Best

The Final Season -- Cliche, but Good

Hellraiser: Hellseeker -- Dumb, Dumb, Dumb

Hellraiser: Inferno -- Dumber, Dumber, Dumber

Lars and the Real Girl -- Great Acting... Good

The Memory Keeper's Daughter -- Dragged on.... Mediocre

The Killing Fields -- Truly Remarkable Film

The Music Within -- God Biopic... Enjoyed

Nancy Drew -- Dammit... I Enjoyed

One Missed Call -- Bad... Badder... Baddest....

The Orphanage -- Great Foreign THriller!!!

P2 -- Surprised Me! Good

The Seeker: The Dark is Rising -- OOf... Hurt.... Brain....

Sharkwater -- Powerful Little Doc

Sleepaway Camp -- Still BAD Fun

Starting Out in the Evening -- Surprisingly Sweet... Decent

Trailer Park Boys Season 4 -- Just Plain Brilliant

Trailer Park Boys Season 5 -- Cruising Along Nicely

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story -- Same Joke... Forever...

Witchboard -- Cheesy Horror Fun

Jeremy Zuttah is a.....

.... Tampa Bay Buccaneer.

Go Jeremy!!!!!!!!!!

Ray Rice Draft Compilation Video

Let's hope this works.

Ray Rice Gets Drafted

The Ravens aren't far at all....

Let's hope the video works.

Zuttah is next....

Squirrelly Star Wars

This picture just makes me smile.

Survivor Micronesia Fans Vs Favorites Week 11

Sooo... we get a quick recap... Jason's a dope but he made it through because Parvarti led a brilliant little coup on Ozzy... getting him booted from the game. Seriously... I have said it from the first time that she was on Survivor to now... Parvati is awesome and should be taken seriously...

So... we are here the next day... in camp and the fans are all hanging out... Amanda is pretty frigging upset right now and pulls out her whining side... and says stupid stuff like... now I know they are here to play this game... stupid dumb face... of course they are... THEY'RE FANS (Granted... they are "fans" who don't know how to make fire... but FANS NONETHELESS!!!)

I am selling something on eBay right now... and I can't stop myself from going and looking... my addiction is back since I haven't seriously sold anything in almost a year...

Day 28.... la la la la... there is lots of ominous music and now they are focussing on James' finger... it is pretty gross and infected... and then they bring it around to have Parvati doing damage control with James... and it's one of the most awkward conversations in Survivor history... I am not quite sure if James looked good or dopey after that conversation.

However... Parvati is obviously controlling this game. Fascinating...

Yay... Reward Challenge time and it is one of our favorite challenges... the Survivor auction! There is a new twist on this... Monday is not allowed to be shared and neither are items. What did they buy in Micronesia? Hotdogs... Bats... octopus... peanut butter and jelly sandwich... bottle with a note... Natalie gets teh opportunity to send someone to Exile Island and she chooses Jason and he learns that another idol is there...

Now... Natalie wins an entire chocolate cake and she is allowed to share with 3 others and they have 60 secs to eat as much as possible... that is going to be fun... Erik offered Cirie $40 to lick her chocolate covered fingers... and she let him... ICK.

Natalie is talking... and she is referring to Jason as a "bitch". who knew that she was able to talk and so meanly at the same time. Fascinating...

So now we get to Jason out on Exile Island and he seems to think that he is a lucky fella and that he can trust people like Natalie... who was just calling him a bitch. Jason is really just a dope... a silly dopey... dope.

Sooo... the ladies scheme... and I have a headache trying to figure it out... and somehow... this has become girls against the guys... so arbitrary... again...

It's Day 30 and Erik turns the ripe old age of 22 and shows every minute of it......

The crazieness that is this season is best portrayed of some sort of spider eating another spider... thank you Survivor for that imagery.

Immunity Challenge!!! The scheme involves getting Jason to throw the challenge so that they can get him to play his newly found immunity idol. Huh? Right.. so the challenge is based upon old challenges.... Jason doesn't win... but it comes down to Erik and James in the final part of the challenge... and Erik does win a nail biter... Happy Birthday Erik.

Still annoying... but Happy birthday...

Sooooo... sooooo the scheming begins... and the scheme of complexity is apparently working because they are all celebrating something.... a bit later on... they search his bag and I hate to admit this, but I think that's wrong that they found it. He's a dope and will tell you anyway...

Natalie admits to being evil and she is having a lot more fun... as her strategy in this game switches from lying low to being a crazy bitch (by her own admission)...

James says to Amanda... "There is no way that dummy (Jason) is not not going to play his idol tonight..."

What do you think small universe of America? I bet he doesn't play it.

Quick recap kids -- At the beginning of the episode, I completely didn't know or care about Natalie... by the end of the episode, she is a crazy faced crazy face.

At tribal council... Yappy and Ozzy appear and the conversations continue to provide little to no substance except that James sells out Parvati to Ozzy as the traitor...

So they vote....

Jason does NOT play his idol.

James
Jason
James
Parvati
James
Jason
Jason

Final vote?

Jason

Sucker bites it... seemed like way too much scheming to boot a big dope from the challenge. Oh well.

Welcome Home Survivor Jason...

Prediction for next week -- Erik finally bites it... PLEASE?!?!?!?! (FOURTH TIME... REALLY????)

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Trip to Scranton -- My Highlights...

So... as you may or may not remember, I had to go to Scranton recently for a work trip -- I drove in and drove out on the same day.

My event was at the Raddissan in Scranton and I live 2 hours away.

I first noticed that it was snowing in Scranton and a bunch of the people on the street were walking around in shorts and t-shirts. It was frigging 70 degrees the day before and many of the locals were wearing shorts during the snow!

I parked in the lot out front and went to find the meeting room where I would be holed up for 7 hours. I noticed that they didn't have any soda for me -- only coffee -- so I went on a search to find a bottle of Diet Coke.

I asked at the front desk -- where two cute girls with a discernible accent like Pam in The Office were greeting people. They informed me that the hotel with three restaurants had no store and you could only find a soda if you went up to the third floor to the hotel's "vending machine." I hoped that was a mistake.

I found my soda.

Eventually, I made my way to the meeting room where the table was set up in a large U shape to accomodate the 40 people, and I couldn't help but notice that there were salt and pepper shakers every four chairs or so... I must honestly admit that I had never seen that before and I have been to a shit load of meetings.

I also learned a new word -- escarpment. Go ahead... learn it too. Look it up.

Scranton isn't as much fun as Michael Scott wants me to believe, but hey... what is?

Just Getting My Goat

I seriously am going to say that I think this is a long overdue category... I am dead serious.

However... will the dude from Amazing Race and Jeff Probst probably lose to the douche bag known as Ryan Seacrest?

Yes.

Reality Hosts Get Emmy Category -- Award will be part of primetime ceremony


'American Idol' host Ryan Seacrest, Phil Keoghan, Tyra Banks and their reality-hosting brethren have been granted entry into TV's awards ...

The Academy of Television Arts and Sciences has added a new category to honor their work. The inaugural award for "Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program" will be presented at 60th Primetime Emmys this fall. The awards are scheduled for Sunday, Sept. 21 on ABC.

"Reality television has become such an integral part of television and our culture, so it only made sense for us to create this new, highly competitive category," says John Shaffner, chairman and CEO of the academy.

Dancing With the Stars Week Six Results

Sooo... it's some sort of odd overly dramatic introduction... and Tom BARELY says my favorite line...

LIIIVEEE (That's all he gets tonight... phoning it in Tom... .phoning it in...)

Sooo... as filler... they have Ashlee Simpson, Riverdance and more creepy little bastard children dancing for judges' approval. I keep thinking that Chris Hanson will come out of the back to arrest Bruno for looking at the kids too creepily.

Look... as I watch the recaps... I really think that the judges are being overly critical of Shannon. She gets good/decent scores and they rip her apart yet they make excuses for Marlee and Marissa...

For the repeat dance... my eyes are once again raped with the group dance...

Ashlee sings... I barf... no wait... that's her... she's preggers...

First couple saved is... Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough

First couple in tonight's bottom two... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez

Samantha is drunk as she fails to succeed in asking a succinct and clear question of the two couples who just got good or bad news...

Tap Tap Tap -- that's not the sound of the Riverdance shoes... that's the sound of me hurriedly hitting the Fast Forward button.

And... the little kids dance and they make me feel as though JonBenet Ramsey is about to happen all over again.

We get a montage about how hard it is for the judges to .... judge. boo hoo...

Second couple saved is... Marissa Jaret Winouker and Tony Dovolani -- CRAPPPPPPPPPP

Third couple saved is... Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke

SUCH DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we go to commercial... DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA....

Fourth couple saved is... Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas (Like they really had to worry.)

Fifth couple saved is... Jason Taylor and Edita Sliwinski

Second couple in the bottom two is... Mario and Karina Smirnoff

It comes down to Marlee Matlin & Fabian Sanchez OR Mario and Karina Smirnoff

Cue dramatic music and uncomfortable silence....

Sixth couple saved is... Mario and Karina Smirnoff

Tonight's boot is............ Marlee & Fabian...



I will actually miss her...

Dancing WIth the Stars -- Week Six

Quick recap -- Priscilla's boot has left everyone... ummm... "All Shook Up." Really Tom? Reeeeeeally?

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I am watching sans TW tonight as she is on a business trip and that will not STOP me from watching this... Marlee Matlin and Edyta have the same dress designer this week... fascinating...

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up first... and let me tell you how incredibly adorable Tucker is. I am sitting on the floor with him and he keeps begging me for a head rub. Fun... EDYTA IS ON!!!! CHA CHA CHA!!! Jason was taught how to freestyle dance, yet it looks like everyone is doing the same dance... Oh lordy... Edyta's outfit might be her most revealing yet... (Hey TW -- I know you will read this as soon as you wake up... but ummm.... yeah...) and... that ending was... ummm ... Edyta...defined... I forgot to watch the actual dancing... the judges are complimentary yet... critical... weird... I can't predict their scores... 8, 8, 8 -- 24...

Samantha's drunk...again...but cute...

Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough are up next and by the way they touch and smooch, they are totally doing it... they are hugging and wrestling on the beach at sunset... it is making me somewhat uncomfortable... Rumba... dammit... I hate it... and they are killing True Colors by Cyndi Lauper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a pretty dance... mostly because the two dancers are so pretty... even in HD. The judges are somewhat critical but they are honest with them... I wonder if she will cry this week. THEY HAVE GREAT CHEMISTRY. Yeup... because they are banging... Judges score... 8, 8, 8 -- 24. It's all about tone as they were really rough on them verbally but the same score as Jason... Tone... Tone... TOne...

Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez... Fabian was the world Mambo champ and uh oh... Henry Winkler was brought in to be the exact opposite of the Fonz... a big steaming pile of pansy. Hey... Marlee's deaf... Her outfit is incredibly small and tight and I really think that now the dancers are being expectd to do more... the deafness might really be getting in the way. It seeemed like a pretty safe dance and I noticed a few mess ups along the way... The judges are not as mean to her and they keep talking about her handicap... Their scores.... 7, 7, 7 -- 21...

Cristian de la Fuenta and Cheryl Burke are up next... let me remind you that they were in the bottom two last week and they are doing the Foxtrot... they are practicing in the pool and I am incredibly bored... Let's see the dance... Cheryl is wearing Snuffalupagus and I can't help but giggle my face off. It seems good and lots of fake feathers are flying off Cheryl. The judges finally really like a performer tonight... The scores -- 9, 9, 9 -- 27! They are leading so far...

Marissa Jaret Winouker and Tony Dovoloani are up next... BLECH. They are doing the Viennese Waltz. I really really really hate her. LA made a funny joke that they got the Count from Sesame Street to sing her song and I thought... hey... that dress is the same pattern as Charlie Brown... The judges love her... SHIT F&CK DAMN. I want to throw my shoe at the television. F&ck this... I am really pissed (for real)... 9, 8, 9 -- 26

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up. Can she be any less exciting... WOW!!! She is now more exciting, because she was born with CLUB FRICKING FEET!!!! They are doing the Jive and in the first 10 seconds, Kristi is already better than everyone else... That was an amazing dance... I predict... 3 10s and I am sure the judges will match it with their raves... 10, 10, 10 -- 30 Well deserved.

Mario and Karina Smirnof are up last. I hate to say this... but Karina is much prettier now that she had the nose job... Mario pulls out the cell phone and talks to his brother... his 6 year old brother... so he dedicates the song/dance to him... yeah... "Let's Get it On" to a 6 year old... and it is an extremely sensual dance too... It was a bit to sexy... fr a 6 year old boy!... 9, 9, 10 -- 28...

Time for the Group Dance... The video montage is a bit to much of COUNTRY MUSIC theme... I totally need to stop writing and kill my eyeballs for witnessing this...

Now... it's time for the dance and it is unfortunately a truly horrrible song being done and MURDERED by the crappy Harold Wheeler band -- COTTON EYED JOE.... The highlight was Shannon wearing pigtails... and por Tony had to lift Marisssa... Mario did an awesme lift with Karina and we ended it with Jason doing some sort of awesome cartwheel thingy...... with everyone else... but I only saw Jason.

Prediction? Marlee or Shannon is on her way out...

Book 24 of 52 -- Blame It on the Dog: A Modern History of the Fart

I couldn't write the review of this book since it was such a fun book to read... so I stole this extremely accurate review.

After experiencing the sweet smell of success from his previous book on flatulence, "Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart," crepitus king Jim Dawson has cut loose again with a sequel that manages at the same time to be hilarious and scholarly. Dawson's good-natured tone also keeps "Blame it on the Dog" away from being a bathroom book in questionable or sophomoric taste.
If you think that Dawson wrote in his first book everything known about flatulence, think again. You'll read about a modern-day Le Petomane (read the first book if you haven't yet), farting among the famous, farting among the fish, and a canine invention that Dawson is afraid will render invalid his brand-new book--or at least its title.

The book is so engaging that, after reading a couple of chapters (like the subject, the chapters pass quickly but their effects linger long after), I picked up the newspaper and read the headline "Spectre of the Future" as "Sphincter of the Future." That concept prevails in the chapter on flatulent robots, but you'll have to read it for yourself. "Blame It on the Dog" and its predecessor will make the perfect combination on your silly shelf--sort of like corned beef and cabbage. As Dawson said, bad taste [and I mean that in a good way] and worse puns prevail throughout. And it's all about flatulence. What more could you want?

Great Musicality VEN Diagrams or Charts Part II

Great Musicality VEN Diagrams or Charts Part I

Thanks LA...

SURVIVOR Micronesia Fans Vs Favorites Week Ten in the books...

So let's review... Jason is a dope and had a fake immunity idol for many weeks' worth of episodes... the dopiness continues... as the Merge continues....

We are now... right after the Tribal Council... and they are all talking about it... I am bored by that talk...

Ooooh... pretty credits... they sparkle AND shine...

We get right to a challenge... It involves placing a bunch of symbols on a wall and they pick their teams in a school yard pick em... I love these... Cirie is teamless and she is sent to Exile Island already... sucker...

There is a lot going on with this challenge and I am both impressed and annoyed at what I am trying to watch here... Jason screws up right away and because I can't get a good look at the patterns on the board... I remain frustrated... but the orange team wins reward... three dudes and Amanda are heading out on a reward... so many jokes... so little time.

They are going to "Yap" to get a little culture and a little food. They ... includes... Amanda... Jason... Erik... and Ozzy... I have decided that these are my least favorite four of the 8 remaining... and now I have to watch them enjoy themselves and it gives me a frigging headache...

So the natives are feeding them and treatng them well... and all the women were topless... Erik... can't handle it... he sees lots of boobs now.... and he giggles his way through it... There was a tribal dance and again... contestants are incapable of explaining why an experience was powerful, but they are on TV so they have to say that.

That night... Erik is puking his brains out... why? he.. "partied a little too hard Micronesian style." They really want me to like this kid... and I ahve the following words for you Mr. Editors... "No... no I won't."

Cut to Cirie all by herself at Exile Island on one of the worst weather nights of the season... I actually felt bad for her.

We wake up on Day 26 and James is making noise... which Parvati chastizes... James gets pissed off at her.... uh oh... the talk is now about Parvati... oh wait... it's pretty much just Amanda talking about Parvati... as she remains jealous...

"Once again... immunity is back up for grabs." Easy challenge... they stand on a post... and their hand is tied to a bucket... if they get tired and the arm drops... the water will fall on their heads and... LOOOOOSER.... Evil Jeff offers candy and Cirie and Erik take him up on the offer and drop out... Out comes EVIL JEFF again and Alexis gets excited before he announces what it is and falls... Alexis and James screw up and they are out too. (Ozzy, Jason, Amanda, and Parvati are still in)

SUPER EVIL JEFF offers three chocolate donuts and Ozzy takes them.... cocky f&cker. It starts to POUR and five hours eventually comes... Amanda quits because she has to pee. Parvati and Jason.. the two girliest competitors are left... 6 hours is elapsed. Jeff comes out with an obscene amount of food and if one of them steps down, everyone will eat well. He is getting guarantees that he won't be voted out... Everyone guarantees that they won't vote them out. The camera shows a bunch of them crossing their fingers...

Jason steps down so Parvati wins... and I get a sick feeling that all of these people are going to lie like shit and Jason is going home.

Jason makes a lot of stupid comments and everyone talks about how he was outwitted... and it seems like everyone is ready to vote him off regardless.

Regardless... Cirie is trying to lead a rebellion against Ozzy and it's fun to watch... as Parvati has gotten herself into a quandry... and is making herself a swing vote.

Hey look! That's Natalie... she CAN talk... I told you TW!

James and Ozzy are feeling funny and Ozzy will probably bring the idol to Tribal Council. *Yawn* I hate Ozzy...

Tribal Council is here and James makes some sort of donut analogy and this is when the light goes on that he is going home tonight.

Time to tally the votes... but Jeff asks if anyone wants to play the hidden immunity idol and Ozzy doesn't...

Jason
Jason
Ozzy
Jason
Jason
Ozzy
Ozzy
(Shot of YAPPY with her mouth wide open from the bench...)
Ozzy
Ozzy

BLINDSIDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prediction for next week -- Erik finally bites it... PLEASE?!?!?!?! (Third time voting for it...)

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
2. Alexis Jones (4)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
7. James Clement (13)
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14)
8. Jason Siska (15) --
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

One of My Heroes -- Dith Pran -- RIP

On March 30, 2008, Dith Pran of Cambodia passed away.

Most of you are probably wondering who Dith Pran is and I am not really surprised even though an Academy Award winning film was made about his life -- The Killing Fields.

His entry on Wikipedia starts as follows "Dith Pran (September 27, 1942 – March 30, 2008) was a Cambodian photojournalist best known as a refugee and Cambodian Genocide survivor and was the subject of the Academy Award-winning film The Killing Fields. He was portrayed in the movie by first-time actor Haing S. Ngor, who won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for his performance."

During high school, one of my classes required that we focus on the world's genecide atrocities -- Cambodia's is regarded as one of the most devastating in world history.

Some say more devastating than the German Holocaust of the Jews in terms of % of population wiped out.

Dith Pran's story is amazing in that he survived the Khmer Rogue's destruction of the Cambodian people under the regime of Pol Pot.

It fascinated me then and it fascinated so much that I read everything that I could find on the genocide and became a bit of an expert in comparison to my high school friends.

I was asked to speak about the Cambodian genocide at classes throughout my high school.

Dith Pran's story meant so much to me that I researched as much as I could and even followed the history of the country for years to come.

I read a couple of weeks ago that Dith Pran had passed away and that he actually had spent much of his American life in the United States in the town a couple of miles from where I sit right now.

Dith Pran's story made me study history and I couldn't stop studying it -- so much so that I became a History major in College...

If I really examine the many reasons I have chosen the paths I have chosen, I have to give Dith Pran a lot of credit.

Rest in Peace Dith Pran and I apologize for not being able to express myself enough to give you the due that you deserve.

Please watch The Killing Fields as soon as you can.