Dear Diary...

Dear Diary,

I had a super duper fun weekend this weekend. To sum it up, I drank lots of beer, ate LOTS of food, and watched women in stilletto heels and tight skirts pretend they were having a nice time in the humid sun in upstate New York.

In all seriousness however Dear Diary, I had a great weekend that taught me a lot. Here are some of the important lessons that I learned that I want to pass on to you Dear Diary.

1. When you go to the bathroom at 4:30 in the afternoon -- on a hot and humid afternoon -- at a race track, you are bound to meet interesting characters. The most interesting guy was a totally smashed fella that decided he would yell out to everyone on line the following line -- "Anyone want some steamed hot dogs? I've got one for you right here." My advice is to become this person's friend as he has the ability to make your life unpleasant...quickly.

2. Sometimes drunk people will bump into you as you walk through a mass of people. This mullet headed creep with tattoos that were more prevalent than clothing said to me after running smack iunto me. "Sorry... sorry... I am not lost and that is because I am lost." He actually appeared to think about his comment before he said it.

3. Apparently, if you are a big bald guy, you can take aluminum cans and use some sort of suction thingy to get them to stick out like horns from your own head. These guys are smart to think this stuff up. If you excitedly take their picture, they might even say... "If you send that picture to XXXX product, I want a check!" Yeah... what is your name and address...???

4. Australia is a land where wimps come from. Some would say criminals or scoundrels. I learned it is where wimps come from. They sure can't handle their beer. This comes straight from the mouth of guy married to one.

5. Damn Good Jerky has a website... damngoodjerky.com

6, We went on the busiest weekend of the year Dear Diary. It was the weekend of the Travers Stakes. There was an estimated 75,000 people packed into Saratoga racetrack and we were just a lowly group of 9. Because this is easily the biggest weekend of the year, the lot we normally park in that charges $10 on most weekends upped its price to $25 for our car. We hemmed and hawed but we dished out the money. It worked out to our benefit...as a torrential thunder and lightning storm hit the area and we had a extremely short walk tot he car while others walked literally a mile or so. This prompted a new theory. $25 was well worth it this year.

7. When you use a Brush Ups -- you know that lovely new product that lets you brush your teeth with a cardboard apparatus you put on your finger -- your finger gets sweaty. Almost gross that your finger actually is collecting sweat as it cleans.

8. You can hear voices when you sleep. They might even sound like the lady that talks to you on your cell phone voice mail. SHHHHUUUTTTT UUUUPPPP...

9. When they say no glass bottles, you can bet your ass that I am going to sneak in at least one bottle made of glass. VIVA LA PICKLES!!!!

With that Dear Diary, I will leave you. I hope to teach you many more lessons. Tomorrow, I hope to come up with some Top Five Lists. Also, if you want to see some of the fun pictures I took Dear Diary... you know what website to find them.

Love,

Smelmooo