Top 5 Tuesday!

Top 5 Tuesday!

Top Five Things I Learned From My Conversation With Four Old Ladies From Oregon in Central New York

1. Rest stops in New Jersey are so much better than those in Oregon because they offer restaurants. Rest stops in Oregon are primarilly outhouses. According to them, even old ladies would prefer to pee in the woods than in the "stinky outhouses."

2. Oregon is also a state with Full Service only. They like to beckon someone else to pump their gas.

3. Politically speaking, Oregon's biggest problem is that they had some dopes that ruined the last election by voting for Nader. They identified me quickly as having a gay governor, but felt that Oregon's problems with the Nader issue were more dramatic.

4. Oregon is big.

5. Oregon is the fastest growing state in the nation, but it also has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country. Go figure.

Top Five Improvements I Would Make to the Complimentary ContinentalBreakfast at the Wolf Road Days Inn

1. I would buy the food fresh that day, not go to the bread outlet and serve that food.

2. I would have fresh bagels served. Have you ever noticed that bagels that are not made in the New York metropolitan area seem to suck? My old college roommate believed it was the salt water. He figured if he bottled it and took it someplace south, he could make a mint.

3. Can anyone say Make Your Own Waffles??!?!?!

4. Fresh fruit. Often times, these places have old fruit. This place had no fruit at all.

5. This isn't an improvement but something we noticed. There were people who didn't know how to operate a bagel slicer. AMAZING!!!!!!!

Top Five Ways to Shut Up Muh Honey

1. Mention porn and my desire to purchase it...especially if it features anything with Shana Hiatt.

2. Ask her what kind of mustard she wants on her sandwich. She loves mustard so much it is tough for her to even decide.

3. Tell her that she can't have any pickle slices.

4. Pop in a horror movie.

5. Turn on WWE.

Top Five Reasons Why Summer is the Worst Season

1. Belly Shirts -- Yes... when worn by the right person, these are incredibly sexy, but TOO MANY PEOPLE WHO WEAR THESE SHOULD NOT!

2. My eyeballs sometimes sweat.

3. That irritating way my glasses fog up when I walk outside. I HATE THAT.

4. Sleeping in sweat.

5. Stepping out of a shower and gettting wet again within 15 seconds.

Top Five TV Series Coming Out on DVD This Month That I am Excited About

1. Mork and Mindy -- Who doesn't love Robin Williams during his crack years.

2. Laverne and Shirley -- Who doesn't love miss Kitty and milk and Pepsi let alone the Big Ragu...

3. Knight Rider -- Who doesn't love David Hasselhoff when he was only a mediocre sex symbol?

4. Three's Company -- Need I say anything else? Season Two this time around.

5. Who's the Boss or Punky Brewster -- The choice is so damn hard.

Top Five Merits of a Buick over a Miata

1. The sheer size.

2. Coolness Factor

3. On moving day, you can actually put stuff in it.

4. A Buick has never been regarded as an extension of a middle aged guy's penis.

5. Chicks Dig Buicks

Hasta La Vista