Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Celebrity Crushes

1. Lindsay Lohan (come on... she is SOOOO much better than that Hillary Duff chick.) She is the most recent addition to the list.
2. Maura Tierney from ER -- She sits on the list as the "regular girl next door girl with the sarcastic I will break your face kind if you screw with me" attitude.
3. Jamie Priestly -- What is it about this chick? She has no talent at all, but she just gets me loving life when she takes the screen.
4. Alyssa Milano -- Let me show you who's the boss. Me... not Tony Banta.
5. Kiera Knightly -- Need I say more?
Extra Point -- Future Crush goes to Emma Watson. She plays Hermione in Harry Potter flicks. She will be a cutie patootie when she hits 18.

Top Five Overrated Celebrity Hotties

1. Julia Roberts -- She looks exactly like her brother Eric. Anyone drooling over him?
2. Jennifer Gardner -- The ickiness factor continues to creep into me whenever someone says she is hot. She is too skinny -- someone tie her down and feed her a cheeseburger!
3. Lara Flynn Boyle -- Speaking of skinny people, please god... someone feed this woman. I am not going to send 35 cents a day to adopt and feed her anymore.
4. Pam Anderson -- I am kidding... she is hot..but this "selection" is dedicated to the ladies that think by telling me that because she has had plastic surgery -- she isn't hot. What? Come on ladies... that shows commitment!
5. Cameron Diaz -- What does she really have but a fantastic butt?

Top Five Uses for a Rolled Up Wet Newspaper -- What is grosser than a newspaper that got caught in the rain?

1. Draft Blocker -- Yes you can use this congealed rolled up paper to stop that irritating winter draft.
2. Baseball Bat -- The paper seems to absorb water faster than a roll of bounty. The problem is... it can't get rid of it. Use it when you break your corked bat.
3. Weapon of Death -- Did you just call me an asshole? Come here.
4. Litter Box -- After you spread out each sheet and let it dry and stink up your hallway, slap it in a litterbox! It is wrinkled anyway!
5. Firewood -- Want some good old fashioned black smoke? Try to light this sucker up.

Top Five Things I Did When Muh Honey Left Me for Awhile

1. Watched WWE on the big TV
2. Watched as much women's beach volleyball as possible -- those uniforms are perfectly designed.
3. Cleaned out the refrigerator of evil things that have been there since June. How did I let it go? 4. I ate cheese in every meal. (I don't need her to be gone for that... but still...)
5. Nothing like a Freezer Pop for snacks... ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!

Top Five Rejected Olympic Events

1. Paper Boy Tossing -- I want to find that video game again...but why not find out who can toss the paper boys themselves the farthest?
2. Wheelbarrow Races -- with real wheelbarrows filled with bricks....
3. Stolen Sex Tape Making -- Paris Hilton couldn't figure out what country to compete on behalf -- The United States or Paris
4. Crucifixion -- Romanians would win. heh heh... see? I used the word Roman.
5. Crocheting -- It was determined by the Curling industry that this event was more boring than them...and they want to keep that title.

Top Five Dumbest Slogans/Bumper Stickers
1. Mean People Suck - This is just stupid. Put these to rest already.
2. _______ Rock (the one I saw today was... Short Chicks Rock -- If you need a bumper sticker to say it... you don't rock.)
3. Baby on Board -- We don't need these to tell us that you have a baby in there... we can tell by those silly window shades and HUMUNGOUS baby seats.
4. Shit Happens -- No Shit
5. I am a Gay American

Top Five Fantasy Football Requests

1. Priest Holmes staying healthy
2. Me winning... all the frigging time.
3. People drafting on a timely basis.
4. Good trash talking
5. Good football... all the time... fantasy or not.

Best Bumper Sticker Ever
"Jesus Loves You -- Everyone Else Thinks You Are An Asshole."