Top Five Things You Say to Your Friend's New Boyfriend When You Meet Him For the First Time
1. What do you do? No ... really... not the politically correct crap description...what the hell do you do?
2. Will that growth on your face be a re-occuring item? I don't need muh friend here catching that.
3. When will you be proposing? I need to put it in muy calendar.
4. She is like a sister to me you know... a REALLY, REALLY CLOSE, UNRELATED sister...if you catch my West Virginian drift.
5. How tall are you? (5'8") And.. how many inches is it from your knees to the floor? (About 7)... So... you will be 5'1" tall when I break your knees if you touch her?
Top Five Methods of Openning a Jar
1. Forget about it... you don't need another pickle anyway...
2. Get yuh honey to do it.
3. With an electronic JAR OPENER. Yes... they exist and you can get one at Kohl's-- Can anyone say... GRAB BAG GIFT?!?!?!
4. With a hammer and a strategically placed screwdriver
5. Your Hands
Top Five Actors That I Don't Care What Movies They Make, I Will Probably Go See What They Make Anyway
1. Michael Keaton -- Beetlejuice is a fantastic flick...and Yes... I saw Jack Frost...and I contend that I loved it dammit.
2. Woody Allen -- Annie Hall rocked but can anyone say Shadows and Fog?
3. Kurt Russell -- Big Trouble In Little China REALLY is one of my favorites... but I had to go see Breakdown ... ooof.
4. James Spader -- Stargate was tremendous... but did anyone really NEED to see mannequin?
5. Michael Douglas -- Wall Street, Chorus Line and Fatal Attraction all made me happy... but why oh why oh why...did I go see It Runs in the Family?
Honorable Mention -- John Cusack
Top Five Reasons Why I Love Playing Poker
1. Comradery
2. Excuse to binge eat.
3. Excuse to binge drink.
4. I have at least two excuses as to why I don't win.
5. Telling stories about experiences with hookers in Taiwan
Top Five Reasons Why I Hate Playing Poker
1. Dan Wins
2. Adam Wins
3. Chris Wins
4. I Don't Win
5. Stupid Ace of Spades
Top Five Films That Make Me Want to Change My Career to NINJA
1. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
2. The Last Samurai
3. Spy Kids 1, 2 and 3
4. Beverly Hills Ninja -- I heart Chris Farley as a ninja.
5. Anything with Jean Claude Van Damme -- I know he wasn't a ninja.. but he sure beat up people in a kick ass way.
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