Monday, November 16, 2009

Dancing With the Stars Semifinals!

Before we begin... we can be a bit creepy for a second and we can all take a moment to oooh and aaaah Joanna Krupa being naked in the new issue of Playboy.

Creepiness... over.

Second level of creepiness... Joanna Krupa is on Ellen today...

Borderline creepiness... over.

Tonight is the semi-finals and it is scheduled to run a full two hours so that means there is going to be a ton of filler in the show. They all have to perform three full individual routines... two dances and then their "knock Out" dances that none of these had to perform the week's before.

Round One

Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson are up first, but they were in last place after last week. For the practice of the Tango, Kym brings in the uber sexy Gilles Marini and he is teaching him to be sexy and passionate. GIlles tells him tha the has to make everyone uncomfortable. Donny wants to do that during his Tango. The music is a bit too light for me to feel uncomfortable, but it is a dcent enough dance... with a good ending. He wasn't happy with his own dance. THe judges agree that he lost itduring the middle of the dance somewhere.... He won't shut up about messing up and her dress got in the way. Their scores were 7, 7, 7 for a total of 21.

Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough dance second and were second last week by the judges. She is feeling pressure and Derek is being really hard on her during rehearsals. Where the happy go lucky Derek that we all love. Brooke Burke comes in and gets them to role play each other. Cute enough. The first dance is the Viennese Waltz. I am biassed, but I think it was lovely and worth all 9s. THe band killed the song Halleluah from Jeff Buckley and I couldn't get over it. The judges seem to be near what I think. Their scores are 9, 9, 9 for 27.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis Van Amstel is the only person that hasn't been at the top of the leaderboard left. Kelly's dog ... not her dog... one that she is helping ... died. So... let's dance... she's mature now! They are dancing the Rumba. She is "going to own it." I am going to puke because no matter how bad the dance is, the judges will continue to treat her differently. The dance was sweet enough. As my friend Lori thinks... Carrie Ann and Kelly need to get a room. Len thinks she is competent and Bruno is critical. Suck it Carrie Ann. Theirs scores are 8, 8, 8 for a total of 24.

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin dance last in the first round. Mya annoys me. That's it. I said it. Annnooooooooooooooyyyyying. The vdeo is an attempt to be funny and it is soooooo boring and forced. Blech. Boot camp! They are dancing the Waltz. Of course it is a nice dance. But I am bored. Len loved it and so did Bruno... and Carrie Ann gushed, but was critical. She treats them differently... and expects more. Their scores are 9, 9, 10 for a total of 28.


Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson have a great deal of pressure. The video shows us where he came from and his background. DRAMA!!! They are dancing the Samba. He has a smile on his face. This dance is far better and it is because he is smiling and seems to actually be enjoying the dance. Bruno thinks he nailed it. Carrie Ann thought it was better but she called it sloppy. Len disagrees completely with Carrie Ann and he loved it. Their scores are 8, 9, 9 for a total of 26.

Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough The video shows us where she came from and her background. DRAMA!!! They are dancing the Cha Cha Cha. Whoa. She is confident and looks good doing it. How is this going to be a bad score? Carrie Ann thinks it was great. Len thought it was clean and crisp. Bruno thinks she is "just natural sex." Awkward. Their scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis Van AmstelThe video shows us where she came from and her background. DRAMA!!! As her video ends... I am not sure what to say or do... except maybe gouge out my eyes and chop off my tongue. They are dancing the Quick Step to 99 Red Balloons. Dance was fine with a nunch of mis-steps and I thought the dance was going to end with a drop. They just don't treat her the same. I am not sure that she is going to lose this show... the crowd really does adore her. Her scores were 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin The video shows us where she came from and her background. DRAMA!!! Ugh... boring. Except the part about her mom almost dying. Their Samba is frenetic and good. Ok? I admit it. Give her her high scores so we can move on to seeing more Joanna please? Bruno stands and yells "Sensational." Carrie Ann loved it. Len says "Tutti Fuiti, What a Booty." That was a great dance. Her scores are 10, 10, 10 for a total of 30.

THIRD ROUND -- KNOCK OUT DANCES -- These dances were songs and dances chosen by the contestants and are only 30 seconds long.

VIDEO MONTAGE! We can see everyone's dance preparation.

Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson have chosen the Jitterbug. That was frigging awesome. Really really really great. The judges loved it. Their scores were 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough have chosen the Salsa. Great dance. What can you say about 30 second dances except good or bad? Great! Len loved it. Bruno thought it was delicious and flirtacious. Their scores were 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis Van Amstel have chosen the Cha Cha Cha. They waste a bunch of time in the beginning, but I am sure the judges will love her. I was right.... I just don't get it. Their scores are 9, 9, 9 for a total of 27.

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin have chosen the Cha Cha Cha... and it was frigging amazing but not perfect. Carrie Ann didn't like it. Len was disappointed it wasn't longer. Bruno loved it. Wacky. Their scores were 9, 10, 10 for 29.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin -- 28 + 30 + = 87
Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough -- 27 + 27 + 27 = 81
Kelly Osbourne & Louis Van Amstel -- 24 + 27 + 27 = 78
Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson -- 21 + 26 + 27 = 74

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