Thursday, September 28, 2006

Going to San Francisco

As I alluded to yesterday... I am off to San Francisco...

Have fun while I am gone. I will try to blog, but I doubt it.

On Sunday, I am going to the Raiders game.

I know they suck... but they are my team... and I may never be out there again.

I got a ticket -- single ticket, which makes it easier to shop for -- on the first level, row 40 something on the 45 yard line or so.

Very cool.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Buying a Plane Ticket -- Absurdity

I found out that I had to go to San Francisco in relatively short notice. I was scheduled to be there for two full days of meetings (Friday and Saturday). Translation -- Fly out Thursday and return on Sunday.

I pulled up a bunch of flights and found the following situations.

1. Flying out on Thursday was not going to be a problem at all. I pretty much could choose from a variety of flights.

2. Flying back on Sunday was going to be an issue. The airlines only had a pair of flights that flew out at around 10:00 pm. They were both "Red Eyes" and had a lay over in Detroit which were about 2 hours long. Both... give or take... would have put me back in New Jersey about 10-11 or in the morning. Ick.These tickets were also about $1100. Not a terrible issue since it was a last minute decision.

3. For S&G's I checked out an early flight on Monday morning. I could fly out at 7:00 am and arrive in Jersey at 3:00 pm. There would not be any layover. Perfect. It was also only $400.

Soooo..... I get in about 4 hours later than I would have... I have a direct flight... I have NO RED EYE...and... it is $700 cheaper?

What the F?

Best part about the whole thing is that on Sunday... I am going to go see the Oakland Raiders play at home... something that I have wanted to do since I became a fan in 1981. I know they suck...but it is a possible once in a lifetime opportunity. They are playing the Browns... one of the few teams they have a shot at beating this year.

Go Raiders!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Ernesto's Path of "Destruction"

I am pretty much the picture slacker recently. There used to be a time when I would take pictures, get home, and excitedly run to the computer and download them from the camera. I couldn't understand why people weren't like me when they would let pictures sit on their camera for weeks and even months at a time.

I did that recently. Muh wife and I went for a walk in town on the day after Ernesto ripped through New Jersey. We stayed home that day and watched RU Football and movies. We even tried to let Tucker out to pee, but he wouldn't have much of it and would always sprint back into the house.

The next morning was a gorgeous morning in terms of sunlight and temperature. We walked outside and looked around. There was nominal damage on our street, but there were leaves and sticks everywhere. I did my part in our lawn by picking up all the discarded sticks and junk and putting them in their correct place.

We decided that since we were so cooped up all day/night the day/night prior, we would go for a walk into town. We were shocked by all the damage and destruction, but also at all the debris in town.

Power lines were knocked down (we only lost power for a few minutes at a time). Trees were leaning on houses and had fallen through cars. Debris was everywhere.

I took some photos of the mess and decided to post some of them here. (I just wish that Blogger would let me put up more.) I didn't want to post any of house or car destruction because I don't want to take advantage of a horrible situation.

So what did we learn from all of this? We learned that Ernesto was a little blip in the world of storms coming about a year after Katrina. New Jersey has seen far worse and that we should feel lucky to all have our health and home in one piece.

I do.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Congrats Chris and Kelli...

... you know for what.


Teaching Muh Wife How To Do "Bad" Stuff

There are some things that I know how to do that I figure most people know how to do since I learned a long time ago how to do them.

They almost all involve gambling or some other type of "sin." No... I am not a hot dog deviant like the Steakbellie or dirty pig like ArtieLange, but I just learned to do a few things.

I have begun teaching these things to muh wife over the past five years and she normally does them pretty well.

1. Throw a football -- I can throw it pretty well. I don't have distance perfected, but I can pretty much hit most things or lead receivers within a 30 foot radius. I wanted to play catch one day so I taught Tangent Woman how to throw a football. She still needs a bit of practice, but she is far better than most women and better than she was that first day.

2. Read a Racing Program -- Since we go to Saratoga every year, it became imperative that I teach her how to read a racing program. She listened and I think she was just nice to me about it. I also think she bets and picks horses based on cute names.

3. Read Odds -- She wanted to play in a NFL Pick Em game that showed odds, but didn't know how to read the line.... so I taught her. Now... she can tell me who the favorite is in any game when I ask. That is very cool.

They aren't much but they are something and I look forward to many more years of teaching muh wife totally useless crap.

Yaaaaaayyyyy wife!

Rutgers: Knights join the ranks of the ranked


No more talking about it.

I don't wanna jinx it.

Saturday, September 23, 2006


I am going to Dover tomorrow...

So I go sleepy early tonight and I leave you with nothing to do tomorrow.

Go outside.

Read a book.

Save a life or knit a sweater...

Try to do something productive with your life.

I am going to drink beer and go... "Vroom Vroom" a lot.

Friday, September 22, 2006


As an announcement...

I currently love the word.... "Fella"

I think it is a very funny word and I have been using it for about 6 months.

However, I am annoyed that Anthony from Opie and Anthony has been saying it a lot these past few weeks.


Thursday, September 21, 2006

Survivor Cook Islands Notes -- Week 1 Over

Week one of the controversial season of Survivor is over and I have one main thing to say about the controversy.


I saw that a bunch of writers are disgusted and offended that CBS would do something as horrible as this... give me a break. As someone who has seen every single moment of every single Survivor ... ever... I can't help but get annoyed at people who are getting annoyed at the program.

The fun part about Survivor is not the game playing. It's the human interaction between everyone and how they react to each other and their actions. It is a people watching game and the best one on television.

A few years ago, they broke the tribes up by gender to add a new dimension. Then last year, they broke them up by age and this year by ethnicity. What was the purpose? Nothing. The differences are already obvious and I want to poke people in the head for even caring.

The entire show is a contrived and controlled experiment and after watching the first episode of this controversial season, I say... it still is and that's what makes the show so great...

Enough of that... do I have any impressions of the contestants.... I sure do... Here are a few of them.

1. Early favorites are Jonathan, Yul, Oscar, and Becky.
2. Early people that I want to jam my finger in their eyes are Adam, Parvati, and Candice.
3. Early colorful people that I would like to see last awhile because they might be a lot of fun are Cao-Boi, Billy, and Stephanie.
4. I want to like Jessica, but as soon as she let the chickens out... she lost me.
5. I am still a bit confused by what tribe is which because they use the stupid tribe names and there are four of them. That's like trying to remember all 100 names of the in-laws you just met on your wedding day. It's tough. Callthem by the color names... no... not black, white, etc... but the tribal colors names you gave them. I would be less confused.
6. Cao-Boi will be his own worst enemy.
7. I read somewhere that Jeff Probst said that Jonathan would be a great narrator. That would be correct.

Tonight's Prediction for boot -- A White Chick....

Reminder -- (The number in parenthesis represents the position in the draft they were chosen.)

Adam (1)
Yul (4)
Jenny (5)
Becky (8)
Ozzy (Oscar) (9)
J.P. (12)
Candice (13)
Rebecca (17)
Brad (20)
Sekou (16) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE
Side Bet
Caucasian Americans
African Americans

Cecilia (2)
Sundra (3)
Nathan (6)
Anh-Tuah (Cao Boi) (7)
Christina (10)
Jonathan (11)
Jessica (14)
Parvati (15)
Stephanie (18)
Billy (19)
Side Bet
Hispanic Americans
Asian Americans

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Dancing With the Stars... Two Weeks Over

So... a friend of mine referred to me as a fag for watching Dancing With the Stars. Whatever... I must be a fag then. Doesn't bother me. Just remember this friends... I watch it with muh wife and... dancing chicks are hot... so there.

In honor of Jimmy's book "coming out" yesterday... I give you a few thoughts on a show that should suck, but rocks. Keep in m ind that many of these comments are very mean spirited and deserved.

Contestants (In alphabetical order)

Tucker Carlson -- Thank goodness he got voted out last week. He drove me absolutely nuts as his dance evoked memories of the class nerd getting a lap dance... for the first time. I think that was a boner when he stood up.

Monique Coleman -- You know her... yeah... she's the star of High School Musical... oh.. you don't have any kids? That explains your ignorance. She can shake her booty quite well but the chemistry that she has with her dancing partner is truly like an autopsy. Her booty dance reminded me of the train wreck that is Flavor of Love 2.

Sarah Evans -- I hear she is a country music star. Check. Two points less for her in my book. She is almost as boring as driving through North Dakota after a snow storm. Holy crap I want to nap when she dances.

Willa Ford -- I never realized how truly stunnning she was, but her outfit choices leave something to be desired. She must be some sort of good singer and seems like an intelligent Britney Spears.

Vivica A. Fox -- The oldest female in the competition and the best of them all. She is still stunning for over 40 and I knew this from Kill Bill when she could move and kick Uma's ass in their famous fight scene. She is the wild card in this competition and I wish her luck.

Harry Hamlin -- He seems like a nice enough fella. He does. I have no real problem with him as a person. I have always been jealous of him for marrying Nicollette Sheridan in her young hot stage not in her current plastic stage, but I was turned off eventually when he moved on to the annoying skank fest that is Lisa Rinna. I am rooting for him to get booted off just so I do not have to look at that big mouth skank...he calls his wife.

Joey Lawrence -- WHOA... I had to... Sorry. He's good, but dammit... grow your hair back in. You look like a jackass.

Mario Lopez is Slater from Saved By the Bell and the gay guy on The View. Oh wait... he is as ambiguously gay as Jim McGreevey for the last year of his gubernatorial term. You are pretty sure, but you just don't have the proof! He moves too well to be a stereotypically straight fella. I am too focussed on his sexuality. He just seems too talented to be on this show. His segments are funny and I know it was fake, but I really enjoyed watching his partner knock him out in a boxing match.

Shanna Moakler is a former model and I knew her best from Meet the Barkers where she was in a reality show about her and her husband from Blink 182, Sum 41, or WD40. She came across as the smarter of the two, but always looked emaciated. The show got annoying. They have since recently announced their divorce and a friend told me that it looked like she gained a lot of weight. My thought is that she is finally normal person weight instead of the heroin chic weight she was. Good luck, but she won't last to the finals.

Emmitt Smith -- He can dance. I wanted to think that he couldn't, but the more I think about it, he and Jerry Rice (finalist last year) have made a career of having tremendous footwork. Why shouldn't it translate to their dancing? Seriously. Emmit did the "Quick Step" and he was amazing... I think that he is an early favorite.

Jerry Springer -- He doesn't have a chance to win this thing. He is funny and will last a few weeks because... believe it or not... he is a pretty endearing character on the show. He is humble and a joy to watch. Now... let's discuss his dancing. Blech. I hope he lasts longer than Harry Hamlin.


Tom Bergeron used to be a dufus in my mind. He filled his Hollywood Squares and America's FUnniest Home Videos banter with contrived comments that made me suspicious of him. HOWEVER, he is my favorite character on the show as he seems natural and hilarious. His jokes are corny and smart at the same time. God bless him.

Last year, Samantha Harris -- Tom's co-host -- was stiff and seemed too skinny for her own good. She has a tremendously deep voice which I dig, but it didn't belong to her body. This year, her hair is different and great. It suits her well and she seems to have filled out a bit. She is much more endearing -- especially with dresses that fit.


Currently... barring some sort of major shake up. I think this might actually be an all male final (3 people) and it will be:

Joey Lawrence
Mario Lopez
Emmit Smith
Wild Card (Depending on a "mis-step" by any of these characters) -- Vivica A. Fox

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Happy Birthday Seth

He's 56 today.

Is it Just Me....

On Labor Day weekend, muh wife and I set out to buy some things for the house. We experienced some absolutely "amazing" (SARCASM ALERT) people that were confusing as heck to us... either because they were really weird or extremely rude.

One of the items that we purchased was in a very large and heavy box. It was large enough that I couldn't carry it without propping it up on my shoulder. It was heavy enough that when it was propped up on my shoulder, I didn't want to take it off without there being a purpose.

I walked up to the register with the box and a pair of clothing items that I wanted to purchase. I picked up the box and propped the UPC code up for the register person to scan. The guy wasn't that aware of the situation and spent a great deal of time folding one of my clothing items. It took me 20 seconds of struggle before I drew his attention to the box. He seemed annoyed that I would ruin the routine he was trying to follow. What? Pay attention folks.

After I was done, I took my receipt, put it into my wallet, and bent over to pick up the box. In the time it took me to do this, the next customer apparently walked up behind me. I found out he was behind me when I hit him with the box. He told me to watch out and be more careful next time. I kid you not when I say that there was not any room for me to move. I picked up the box and propped it up on my shoulder in the smallest amount of room possible. He was the problem in this one... and yet... spoke to me like I was the giant jack ass. I didn't know what to say to him... he had completley dumb founded me.

We then headed over to a furniture store. As we looked around, we watched a young kid that was about... umm... 12 years old... wandering around the store asking the same 19 questions to every sales person that he could find. It really appeared that he was just left there at the store since we saw him all over the store and it didn't seem like he was anyone. He really liked the color of the swatches that he was carrying around. We weren't sure whether to laugh or feel really sad for him.

At the deli counter, I had another slicer tell me that the way I wanted my cheese wasn't good. I had to tell her straight to her face, "Please just cut it the way I asked. It is the way I like it and I would prefer it that way." I was polite as can be and she was equally offended. Whatever happened to the Customer is Always Right rule? All I wanted was for it to be sliced slightly thinner than she wanted.

That's enough for now... I really don't want to sound like I am complaining... but I have noticed that people have gotten crazier...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Shocking News -- Breaking Up With a Friend

When I first got involved with my wife, I had to tell her about one of my best friends that I thought she might not like. It turns out... she hated him with a passion in a short period of time, but to her credit, she let me continue hanging out with this friend for our entire relationship.

It is easy to see why she didn't like him. He doesn't have many redeeming qualities from her point of view, but I was alright with most of these.

He was loud...

He was threatening...

He was annoying...

He was expensive...

He used violence to solve his problems...

BUT I love(d) him anyway because he cracked me up all the time and could made me scream... "HOLY SHIT!" at any time with the stories he told.

He was one of my best friends, but now, in 2006, I am finally getting over him. His antics have become tiresome and needlesome. He seems loud and unconvincing. He also wastes much of my time.

That is why I am giving him up. Breaking up with him. Dropping him to the curb. the energy level and enthusiasm that I used to possess when he was around has gone by the wayside.

I break up with you now my former friend... Professional Wrestling... I break up with you and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours.

I might come back to you one day, but for now, I am putting my gear into a box and focussing on grown up things -- like Nip/Tuck and The Shield and Rescue Me.


Sunday, September 17, 2006

To Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her _expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb Jackass"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Go Rutgers

Let's go Rutgers... 3-0!!!!

The bandwagon jumping continues!!!

Worst Web Addresses... EVER.

Attn: Entrepreneurs

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today's world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn't give their domain names enough consideration:

1. A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name? wait for it? is

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company?

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their wacky

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at

Friday, September 15, 2006

Three Word Movie Reviews

The 4400 (Season One -- Five Episodes) -- Really... Really Spppooooooooky.

Akeelah and the Bee -- Spelling Movie ... C-O-O-L

Black. White. (Season One) -- Stupid Contrived... Interesting

The Closer (Season One) -- Kyra Deserved Emmy....

The Closer (Season Two) -- Thank you.... Great.

The Dead Zone (2002) -- Lots of Goodness

The Dead Zone (Season One) -- Creepy, Interesting... Provacative

Derailed -- Good Weekend Drivel

The Devil Wears Prada -- LIKE IT!... BITCH

Friends With Money -- Ummm... Good? .... (Shrug)

Groundhog Day -- Funny As Ever

Inside Man -- Man... It's Good.

Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector -- Bad.... but amusing...

Little Miss Sunshine -- Pretty Frigging Funny

Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World -- Absolutley Abysmal Crap

Nanny McPhee -- A Pleasant Surprise

Nip/Tuck (Season 3) -- Over Top... Great!

Oz (Season 3) -- Dark... Bizarre... Excellent

Poseidon -- Pretty DARN Stupid

Proof (GUEST THREE WORD REVIEW BY Tangent Woman!!!) -- Piece of Shit

The Producers -- Sing.... Dance.... Enjoy!

Scary Movie 4 -- Stupid... yet... entertaining...

The Sentinel -- Argh... Predictable... Mediocre

Silent Hill -- Intensely Horrific... Fast

Sleeper Cell (Season One) -- HOLY CRAP GOOD

South Park (Season Eight) -- Best Season Overall

30 Days (Season One) -- I Learned Lots

30 Days (Season Two) -- Thought provoking... Interesting

United 93 -- Must See Film

V for Vendetta -- S For Stupendous

Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit -- Claymation Is Cool

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Survivor Returns -- So Does Controversy and the Game!!!

Survivor Returns tonight and with some contrived controversy. The producers must have felt like they needed some added juice to pump up the ratings.

I have a better idea... how about trying to promote an extra long premiere episode or something. Make it feel important like you did the first few seasons... but I digress.

This season, there are four tribes and they are broken down into "ethnic tribes" including Caucasion Americans, African Americans, Asian Americans, and Hispanic Americans. My partner in crime and I decided to play our normal game -- drafting tribes before the season even began. Person who picks the winner gets a prize AND we added a new game.. Person who picks the winning Ethnic group gets a bonus prize (to be determined shortly.)

Reminder -- (The number in parenthesis represents the position in the draft they were chosen.)

1. Adam (1)
2. Yul (4)
3. Jenny (5)
4. Becky (8)
5. Ozzy (Oscar) (9)
6. J.P. (12)
7. Candice (13)
8. Sekou (16)
9. Rebecca (17)
10. Brad (20)
Side Bet
Caucasian Americans
African Americans

1. Cecilia (2)
2. Sundra (3)
3. Nathan (6)
4. Anh-Tuah (Cao Boi) (7)
5. Christina (10)
6. Jonathan (11)
7. Jessica (14)
8. Parvati (15)
9. Stephanie (18)
10. Billy (19)
Side Bet
Hispanic Americans
Asian Americans

GOOD LUCK TO him... but I still wanna win!


Survivor 1 in Borneo -- Richard Hatch (No Game)
Survivor 2 in Australia -- Tina Wesson (Ashfault!)
Survivor 3 in Africa -- Ethan Zohn (Ashfault!)
Survivor 4 in Marquesas -- Vecepia Towery (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 5 in Thailand -- Brian Heidik (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 6 in Amazon -- Jenna Morasca (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 7 in Pearl Islands -- Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 8 ALL STARS -- Amber Brkich (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 9 in Vanuatu -- Chris Daugherty (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 10 in Palau -- Tom Westman (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 11 in Guatemala -- Danni Boatwright (Ashfault!)
Survivor 12 in Panama (Exile Island) -- Aras Baskauskas (Pork Chop Express)

Overall Total
Pork Chop Express -- 8
Ashfault! -- 3

Really Really Cool Spider

Anyone know what kind of spider this is?

It was hanging out on our front steps.

Book 44 of 26 -- James Patterson's Judge and Jury

Labor Day weekend came and went and with the torrential downpours we had little to do.

The beach was out.

Hiking in the mountians was out.

Going to the dog park was out.

Reading and watching crappy television was in.

During my Labor Day weekend, I read the majority of James Patterson's Judge and Jury.

Rumor has it that he is going for a fifth release this year. This is the fourth one... and really... how does he do it?

He never disappoints really with his books. They pretty much always follow the same formula with a few twists and turns along the way. This book was no different... and a decent read.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


This frigging meritted an CNN Breaking News Email... What the hell is this earth coming to?

-- Grammy-winning singer Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from husband Bobby Brown, her publicist tells The Associated Press.

The Best and Best of South Park -- My Retrospective

(This is going to have pictures -- as soon as I get blogger to accept them...)

One of my favorite shows on television is South Park. For 9 1/2 seasons, I have been thoroughly entertained and completely wowed by one of the most innovative shows on television.

With the release of the 8th season on DVD, muh wife and I were watching some of the episodes that we have loved the most... the 8th season was a re-invigoration of the show and cracked us up as it got smart and fun again.

In honor of the show that is scheduled to finish up its tenth season in October with the next batch of episodes, I wanted to make a list of my favorite episode from each season.


Cartman Gets An Anal Probe -- There were a slew of great episodes in the inaugural season, but the first episode was the best. It was the most obscene and most shocking. It was the best one... period. Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride was great for its George Clooney guest star. Weight Gain 4000 was great because it generated "BEEFCAKE!!!" -- a classic line. And... how can we not mention the creation of Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo and Starvin Marvin... easily. The pilot episode is still one of the best episodes of all time.


Gnomes -- Of the 18 episodes, I think that there is one that still permeates my current vernacular. (Did I just use a big word... ??? ) Gnomes -- an episode the dealt with the sensitive subject of big businesses such as Starbucks -- featrued a sub plot of gnomes that steal people's underpants. The boys capture and learn about big business through the Underpants Gnomes that have the greatest business strategy of all time... if only they could articulate it. We also were introduced to TWEEK.


The Red Badge of Gayness -- The boys get involved in a drunk Civil War re-enactment that turns into a real war when Cartman manipulates the adults. The premise itself isn't that funny, but the show is a classic with Cartman's reading letters that he has written to his friends much like Ken Burns in the Civil War documentary. "I hate you guys... I hate you so very much."


Do the Handicapped Go To Hell? -- This season was one of the weaker seasons for the South Park fellas. I had trouble picking out which one was my favorite one. I chose this one because Saddam Hussein was a sub-plot where he returned to hell and tried to "dispose" of Satan's new boyfriend. It was just plain... wrong.


Scott Tenorman Must Die -- This is easily a top three episode and possibly the best episode of all time. It is also easily the most F*CKED up episode. Simple plot... Cartman plans an elaborate revenge plot against a bigger kid named Scott Tenorman. The ending is amazing and odd as hell. I loved this episode and I still and shocked by the ending.... INCREDIBLE EPISODE that also features Radiohead... yeah... Radiohead.


The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers -- This episode was in time to make fun of the Lord of the Rings phenomenon. The boys played Lord of the Rings and had to return a movie to the video store... little did they know that it was their parent's porn flick. Classic use of situational irony. Best line of the whole episode is when Token announced that he was done playing the game.


Casa Bonita -- I almost picked the deranged Raisins episode where the boys discover a Hooters type restaurant for little kids, but I had to go with Casa Bonita as it was a Cartman episode. When Butters is invited to Kyle's birthday party instead of Cartman, Cartman kidnaps Butters and locks him in a bomb shelter. This sets off a chain reaction in town and Cartman is forced to lie and lie and lie in order to eventually get picked to go to Casa Bonita -- his favorite restaurant in the whole world. I really do love Cartman.


AWESOM-O -- Cartman dresses up in a robot outfit to play a trick on Butters. Soon after dressing up, he discovers that Butters has a hidden video of Cartman doing embarrassing things. He is forced to remain a robot in order to find the video. I still giggle every time I think of Cartman saying... "Lame"


Trapped in the Closet -- This is the famous episode that eventually led to Tom Cruise showing more of his crazy side and the voice of Chef quitting the show. This is a blantant mockery of Tom Cruise and should be watched over and over and over again.


The Return of Chef -- Chef returns to town after joining a group called The Super Adventure Club. However, when he begins to express an interest in molesting children, the boys suspect that the club has brainwashed him. Then... they kill him and you can say goodbye to Isaac Hayes forever. What I liked most about the episode is that even though they brutally skewered Hayes for his real life antics, the ending was surprisingly sweet.

There you have it folks...

Allow me to sum it all up. I love Cartman.

(What are some of your favorites?)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Book 43 of 26 -- Faye Kellerman's The Garden of Eden and Other Criminal Delights

Faye Kellerman's The Garden of Eden and Other Criminal Delights is a collection of Faye's stories over the past 20 years or so.

Kellerman is a famous mystery writer as is her husband. I have read and written about her books on this blog before.

Her mysteries are different because they mix religion with mystery and suspense. Her main characters are a police detective and his wife who are very religious. Their religion of choice is Judiasm.

That doesn't stop the stories from being pretty violent and thoughtful. She is a gifted writer and her mysteries are normally top notch. She seems to be taking some time off from her normal writing and produced this collection of her stories.

Many of the stories are not mysteries including a few essays that she has written about her family and religion.

The stories are decent and serve as a pretty good introduction for anyone who hasn't read any of her books.

The stories are short and move well enough that I was surprised at how easily and quickly I finished it.

Enjoy your impending Fall folks... it wouldn't hurt to pick up this book if you are bored.

Monday, September 11, 2006

September 11th -- Five Years Later

Eloquence has never been my strong point, but it seems appropriate to at least acknowledge this day.

Five years later... a day that I will never forget.

Five years later... I remember exactly what the weather was like, but I am unable to remember what it was a week ago.

Five years later... I remember that it was a Tuesday and yet, I can't remember what I did a year ago on my birthday.

Five years later... I can't see much difference in the way we do stuff. I know there have been changes, but really... what is different?

Five years later... I remember that people changed when it happened. They were nicer and treated each other with a little bit more respect. Five years later, we are assholes again.

Five years later... we still haven't found Osama.

Five years later... we still have the same leadership.

Five years later... I wonder what is going on.

Five years later and I will never forget what happened and I will always remember those that lost their lives that day.

Five years later... I expect you to give a crap about what I think about this. Don't forget those that really mattered today... Don't make it about you. Remember them.... Remember them...

Sunday, September 10, 2006


... want something pretty badly?

I want to see a Polar Bear and a Cougar do battle in a tag team battle against a walrus and an elephant.

I think the Polar Bear is the biggest meanest animal out there... and could even take an elephant.

The picture below is how I envision the battle.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Bank Joke

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?"

"Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!"

Friday, September 08, 2006

Supermarket Frustration -- A Love Story

One glorious morning before work, I stopped into the local supermarket to purchase a few non-perishable items before work.

I walked around the store like Little Red Riding Hood -- skipping along with my little basket dropping the five items that I needed. I walked up to the registers to check out when I saw that only one register was open.

"Phew!" I thought. "There is only one person in front of me so this really shouldn't take that long... even though her cart is over flowing."

I patiently waited while the clerk began to ring up the woman's items. I wasn't in a rush so it didn't really matter to me to wait a few minutes more than I usually do. The woman in front of me had a wide variety of items in her cart -- a great many of them coming from the produce aisle. She must have had about 24 items from the produce aisle and almost NONE of them were identifiable by sight or by sticker. It took quite some time for the clerk to get through all of these items.

The line behind me began to build up even though the clerk had called for a manager a couple times during this situation.

"COME ON!" someone three people behind me finally shouted. I wasn't too keen on this but I wanted to find out who she was yelling at. It couldn't have been the clerk's fault... she was doing her job and well I might add. Some things just take time.

So... I asked her. "Who are you yelling at?"

She replied, "The girl ringing everyone up. Why?"

I informed her, "It's not her fault that there is a line. It's poor planning by the manager and we all decided to leave at the same time... so please... tell me how it is her fault..."

She replied, "Oh shut up."

I smiled. "I will be happy to oblige if you do the same."

She harumphed and shut her pie hole.

Two minutes later, a manager came out and started another line, but that was after I had finished checking out myself."

I can still see that lady fuming...

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Hypothetical Question of the Day

Who do you think would make a better bartender?

Stephen Hawking or George Bush?

I think it's a toss up...

Book 42 of 26 -- The Simple Truth by David Baldacci

I continue on the David Baldacci train of books. I really enjoyed the first three books that he wrote as you have no doubt ignored so far. His writing has tremendous pacing and leaves the reader wanting more. He hit some major success with a movie adaptation of his first novel and continued to put out books annually thereafter.

So... I picked up the fourth book he wrote.. chronologically... entitled The Simple Truth. It is centered in the deep political bowels of the United States Supreme Court. When they were discussing the inner workings of the court, I was fascinated, but when the goofy all too convenient layers of intrigue kicked in, I was... unimpressed. I have read enough of these books to have a good sense of how they should go.

This one was just missing something to me. The words and intrigue were all there, but it was missing something... that little extra special something that made me want to care... or even keep turning the pages...

So... for giggles, I went onto Baldacci's website where he has a website of all the praise from reviewers that his books have received.

I knew it!

All of the books had at least ten or so sources that raved about the book... but The Simple Truth which only had two.

It isn't a terrible book, it's just hard to care about it at the same time.

I think I will take a break and read the new Faye Kellerman book next.

So the moral of this whole story?

Smelmooo does not equal crazy....

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Be sure to wish her a very happy 29th birdday either right here or on her site.

She is off today...

May she have a super one.

Click here.

Asbury Park – A Walk in the Midst of Death

Muh wife and I decided to take a long walk while we spent a few days at the beach. We walked the “boards” whether they were made of wood, concrete, asphalt, or pavers, in 4 towns. I think all in all, we walked about 2-3 miles worth of coastline.

We have done this in years past and have always stopped at the border of Asbury Park. The towns immediately south of Asbury Park are very nice and have suffered a bit from their ill reputed gangland of a neighbor.

I never wanted to even walk up to the edge of the town because of all the crap we would hear about on the radio, television, and newspapers.

We would walk up to the edge of town and the boardwalk in Asbury Park was essentially blocked off anyway. If you wanted to enter the town, you had to go through a lot just to do so.

HOWEVER, we have been hearing of all the redevelopment work and improvements that they have been doing to the town, so we weren’t completely surprised when we walked up to the edge and saw that the “wall” was knocked down and that there were lots of people walking the boards in Asbury Park.

We were one of the people that walked onto the boards… or should I say… we didn’t make it all the way into the town, but we walked through the entrance warehouse that provided a rich history of the town from the turn of the 20th Century to the 1960s. Without the history of the 70s to present, it is safe to safe that that was the down turn period of Asbury Park.

We were pleasantly surprised by the increased work being done by the developers in Asbury Park and hope that in future years, we will be able to walk all the way through without any fear or trepidation.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A Sunday Walk With a Camera and A Sense of Humor

On a recent Sunday afternoon, muh wife and I tethered Tucker to our arms for a nice walk into town to buy a bagel sandwich or something. Every single time that we make this trek -- no matter what the destination is -- I always regret the fact that I do not have my camera with me. There are a number of things that either make me smile all the time or just plain snicker.

This one trip, I had the camera.

Let's start off simple. I got this great photo of Tucker -- not so much for a picture of his butt, but rather for the picture of his shadow. Muh wife and I think the shadow of his tongue is priceless.

There is a gas station smack in the center of town and with the recent increases in gas prices, they weren't quite sure what to do with the "2's" and "3's." You will note that the "1's" are permanently on there and this station didn't have the hardware to really change it all that much. The sign looks pretty bad and I am pretty surprised that they would allow the sign to look so horrible.

The JOY of Electrolysis. From what I can gather by the 10 or so women that work in my office, Electrolysis is anything but a joy. I want to go into this place every time I pass it to see if they have any fun promotional literature or something, but to no avail... I am a sissy.

There is an Afghan Kebab House in Metuchen and they are always having some sort of deal. Yet... their signs almost always have a glaring spelling mistake on them. This month's special is no different!

We finally made it to the bagel store and I can't help but snicker. It is the only place that I know of where the OWNERS do not speak any English. You have to order by pointing at what you want. I have no problem with this... even in this world of extreme nationalism.

Monday, September 04, 2006

R.I.P. -- Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin

He died from a sting ray sting while filming an episode of something.

Let's all cry crocodile tears for his family and friends.

Happy Labor Day Cheese Lovers!!!

Happy Labor Day!!!!

I want to share one of my favorite commercials of all time with you.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Rutgers Wins First Football Game of the Year

My beloved Rutgers Scarlet Knights won their first game against upstart University of North Carolina.

Click here for the complete story.

They were 4.5 point underdogs, but won it outright.

Only 3.5 hours of my life... completely worth it.

Bless you Rutgers and I am going to wish you much more success for the rest of the year.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Totally Unbelievable

So I was watching this mini-series that was on Showtime called Sleeper Cell.

Bowman got me into it and it is a really well made show that follows around a terrorist sleeper cell in Los Angeles.

The show is intense and powerful and you have to slightly check your reality at the door.

I was watching the finale when I got completely blown away by something that just seemed so completely unrealistic.

No... not the terrorist bombing...

No... not the lack of logic in how easily they were able to do some of the most absurd things...

No... I was amazed that they planned to blow up Dodger Stadium... and expected to kill at least 50,000 people.

Are there that many fans of the Los Angeles Dodgers...???

Completley unbelievable....

Funny Books -- Thanks Shari

Friday, September 01, 2006

Book 41 of 26 -- David Baldacci's The Winner

I have read 3 of David Baldacci's books. He has about 11 or so in print and is an international best seller.

I just found a silly bit of trivia about him. In 1997 or so, he was named one of People's 50 Most Beautiful People in the world.


His looks withstanding, his books are really good.

The Winner started with a pretty interesting premise. A young unwed mother in Georgia was literally offered something that she couldn't refuse... a guaranteed win of a National Lottery (her prize? $100 million).

A whole bunch of mystery and intrigue resulted and we were left with a 500 page thriller that hit upon all the major key components of death, sex, lies, and secrets to result in a finish of major proportions.

It's another "throw away" book in that you won't learn anything of major significance or even remember the characters in a week or so, but I can tell you that the ride was a fun one.

I am going to read the next book in the chronological list next -- The Simple Truth.

It should be fun...all the rest have been.