Monday, October 31, 2005

October is Adopt-a-Shelter-Dog Month

I know it is late... but you can do this all year round if you want!

I watched a documentary on HBO this weekend entitled "Shelter Dogs"

It was so hard to watch what they do with perfectly good dogs.

Try to adopt a shelter dog folks...and not a bred dog... they need your love too.

I am such a push over for dogs.

Happy Halloween -- Guess the Fake Item

How awesome is Halloween?

I love it... I don't do the whole dressing up thing, but I love the scary movies and moments and crunchy ground and mornings where there is a foggy breath but you just don't mind it.

Halloween season means haunted house & hayrides and good times for all the kiddies and adults alike.

Halloween ALSO means that people decorate their houses in the most absurd ways. I have seen a few this year that take the cake.

Only of the ones below is a fake display. Let's see who can tell me which one I made up.

1. In a small Middlesex town, I saw a life size Darth Vader lying back in a dentist's chair. I then saw two wacky crazy looking "monsters" with Dr.'s mirrors on their foreheads "working" on Darth Vader's teeth. This was...afterall... in front of a dentist's office.

2. Further down the road, my car spied the local funeral home. In front of the funeral home was a coffin propped up so you could see its resident -- Mr. T. He had a hatchet wound to the head and seemed to be bleeding all down the side of the coffin. What bothered me most was... I wanted to know who killed him...

3. As I headed home from my little trip, I passed a number of homes where they had big blown up air pumpkins and ghosts on the lawn. Each of these had a spotlight on them showing everyone... "YES! I DO HAVE THE WORST POSSIBLE LAWN ORNAMENT POSSIBLE ON MY LAWN....AND I TAKE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT A SPOTLIGHT ON IT TO SHOW YOU..."

4. See #3... Now...imagine it in the living room... I SH*T YOU NOT. I could see it from the street....

Now guess....

Happy Halloween



Can I have some candy... please???

Halloween Joke

Alright... I know it is stupid, but it really might be my favorite joke of all time... since I pretty much tell it all year round.

Why can't Frankenstein have any kids?


He has a Halloweenie.

Thank you... Thank you....

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Words Women Use -- At least I didn't forward it!

FINE -- This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES -- If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING -- This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD -- This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH -- This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"!

THAT'S OKAY -- This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS -- A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

The Game of Survivor Guatemala is STILL RAGING...

The Game of Survivor Guatemala is STILL RAGING...

I once again return to the world of blogging with an update into the MOST intense and the MOST interesting game on the INTERNET... an EPIC battle between the PORK CHOP EXPRESS with Jack Burton as the team captain against... ethe Evil and dark ASSSHHHFFAAUULLTTT!!! whose team captian is so dark and evil that the public has yet to lay an eye on him...

Since my last update where I had lost a SHOCKING FOUR IN A ROW, the game has made a dramatic turn. I am no longer the schlub... I refused to do an impression of my adversary who lost 8 of the first nine in Survivor All Stars to embarass himself in an absolute beating. I have seen THREE players get booted bring the score to an amazing tie.

This is the stuff that DREAMS are made of folks... DREAMS....

I will spare you all on many of my feelings on the individual players except for this short list.

Judd -- Why do you have to be so obnoxious AND from New Jersey?
Lydia -- Where are you? Smart move... you don't talk anymore.
Brandon -- I wanted to dislike him... but I can't...that hayseed act seems real.
Jamie -- Why did they edit you to be a psychotic this week?
Stephenie -- *vomit*
Bobby Jon -- A real whack job...
Gary -- JUST BOOT HIS LYING ASS ALREADY!
Danni -- I ams till liking her... even though I know I shouldn't...

These two are my current favorites...
Cindy -- She actually seems to be getting cuter as the games goes longer.
Rafe -- He could have been super annoying guy but has shown to be the biggest gentleman and smartest player out there... even though he is on the other team, I will not feel bad if I lose to Rafe.

SURVIVOR GUATEMALA

Tucker's Nuts
Judd (5)
Lydia (8)
Brandon (9)
Jamie (12)
Blake (13) -- Booted Week 5
Brooke (1) -- Booted Week 4
Brianna (4) -- Booted Week 3
Morgan (16)-- Booted Week 2

ASSSSHHHFFFAULT!!!
Gary (2)
Danni (3)
Rafe (6)
Cindy (11)
Amy (10) BOOTED WEEK SEVEN!!!!
Brian (7) BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!
Margaret (14) BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!
Jim (15) BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

NO ONE'S TEAM SINCE ASSSHHHHFFAULTTT IS A PUTZ!
Stephenie
Bobby Jon

Friday, October 28, 2005

Teaching an eBay Class -- The Good Times...

Last night, I have my best eBay class of them all.

To get many of you re-aquainted with me, here is a quick list of facts about me and a link for you to click on my latest eBay class.

1. I like eBay.
2. I have been selling a lot of stuff for a number of years.
3. I teach others how to sell their stuff on eBay.
4. I formalized the whole thing by actually convincing the Adult Education department of a local town to teach a class.
5. My class is the ONLY class in the entire structure that sells out and turns people away.
6. Click here.

So yesterday, I had another one of these classes and nothing went wrong. The poewr projector was set up perfectly and the computer was all ready to go when I arrived. It was a pleasant experience.

The crowd was also different.

Usually, there is that one annoying person that sits in the front of the room and asks the most inane questions possible. This person is almost always "cold" and bundled up in a jacket while I am walking around in my T-shirt... This person dominates the conversation with tales of success or failure and actually drives other people in the class a bit bonkers as their eyes roll into the back of their heads.

The class was a cohesive unit this time. People asked questions and none of them were annoying and almost all were relevant to the discussion. It made for a very fruitful two hours and fifteen minutes of lessons.

When I noticed the clock at 9:00 in my previous classes, there were always a few people that were restless and ready to go home. You could tell that they didn't want to be there anymore and not necessarily because of my teaching but because of these annoying people. Muh wife still cringes at the thought of "Larry" the radio guy.

last night at 9:00 however, no one was ready to go. There were still questions and we had an interchange that was spectacular. Often, I feel drained after the class, but last night... I felt energized and excited abut the prospect of doing it again in the fall.

Here's to eBay, the great unifier.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Connecticut Campaign Signs

One of the things that always gives me great amusement especially when travelling to remote areas is that no matter where I am... no matter what state or community I travel to in October, the view is always the same.

The roads are LITTERED with campaign signs.

As a former campaign worker, I have my opinion on the effectiveness of these signs on the side of the road, but that is besides the point here.

When we were in Connecticut, we spent a lot of the time driving around looking at the pretty foilage and stuff. The campaign signs quickly became my biggest distraction.

We drove from town to town and I kept seeing the most amazing names and absurd claims...even in the remote mountaintops of Connecticut.

Here are just three of the signs that I saw while up there and I think different things about each.

Winner of the absolute WORST campaign name that you can have.



Nakhimovsky.

Really now... what kind of name is that?

Winner of the name that is the most French-ish...those Froggy Bastards!!!



Every time I saw that sign, it reminded me of that great moment in Pee Wee's Big Adventure of where Pee Wee kept trying to say French words..so he just went... "Blah...." I love that scene.

Winner of the Most Unfortunate Name Award



Bill Bonk. Need I say more?

I Feel Vindicated

-- President Bush "reluctantly" accepts Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers's request to withdraw her nomination.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Behold... The Power of WHO?!?!?!? Ummm... Ok...

It was really quite simple. Muh wife and I wanted to sneak off to the neighboring town of Burlington, Vermont one night so that we could find a tasty and quality dinner.

We drove the super duper blue Buick into a town that we had a little bit of experience with earlier that morning. With that earlier trip, we made an educated decision to park at the municipal garage in the center of town. Upon arriving at the garage, we were quickly disappointed as we discovered that the garage was completely full!

Full!

The horror!

The outrage!

How the hell could a municipal parking lot in a pretty sleepy college town be FULL on a Wednesday night at 6:45 in the evening?

HOW?!?!?

The answer?

At this point... we had no idea.. but we couldn't believe it... We still didn't realize what was THE problem as we drove around town until we happened upon a relatively tight street spot.

I managed to squeeze the Buick nicely into a tight spot without once hitting the curb or either of the other bumpers. (I had at least one major success that night!) We then made our way to the local brew pub in town as we were in the mood for some red meat. Our clothing wasn't right and we were glad to be in a warm room once we arrived.

The brew pub had a wait as well...a 30 minute wait to be exact. Now... we never mind that kind of a wait in Jersey as it is to be expected in a state that is more densely populated than India... (no joke....it is..officially...) but a 30 minute wait on a wednesday night? Oh well...

That's when we went to the bar to enjoy one of the local fares before being seated for dinner. Eavesdropping is a fun exercise and sitting at the bar provided us with the opportunity. We quickly found out that a good majority of the people in the place were there for a pre-show dinner...

Who would have the ability to sell out an entire town's parking structure... when there was no arena in sight?

Who would have the ability to completley incapacitate a local eatery.... in the middle of Vermont?

Who? Who I tell you?

Yes... Bonnie Raitt... Bonnie Frigging Raitt.

Behold ...people... Behold the Power of Bonnie Raitt!!!!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Now Introducing...

It is my super super pleasure to welcome "ArtieLange" as I know him to the world of blogdom.

You should check out his blog... it is already what I expected -- an interesting experiment in the slightly off-skew yet respectable...

God bless ArtieLange.

Click here now and be sure to check in with him regularly to the right...

Top Five Tuesday -- Vermont/Connecticut Style

Top Five Funnest Things About Our Trip To New England
1. The Ben and Jerry's Factory -- Aside from the free samples and the extreme glee and joy in muh wife's eyes, there was a Flavor Graveyard... that's right.. tombstones and everything describing the dead flavors. Pretty fun!
2. The road signs crack me up. "Moose Crossing" A Buckle Up sign with ET in a seat belt... are all very odd.
3. It was nice to not worry about anything but relaxing and a random email from work.
4. We went to a winery... there was literally a motorcycle gang in there doing a wine tasting... extremely surreal.
5. Our hotel accomodations... thanks to Minna and Dave!

Top Five Best Things We Consumed On Our Trip
1. Free samples at the Ben and Jerry's factory
2. Food at the Grist Mill. This was a top notch place... http://www.gristmillrestaurant.com/
3. Hopkins Vineyard wine... yum yum in muh tum...
4. Cocoa Krispies.....why do I have to wait until Continental breakfasts to get that? Now really... I can go to a store and buy it... It isn't that hard!
5. Anything at SENOR PANCHOS! What a great name!

Top Five Reasons Why Getting "Lost" is Fun
1. We found a winery with a biker gang trying out wine.
2. We asked for assistance in a really local wine/beer shop for directions to any winery and they were in the middle of a wine tasting at 11:15 in the morning on a Friday! It was great.
3. We found a train museum of sorts...without anyone in it.
4. We found an old furnace inthe woods that led us to a path to a small white water rapids spot.
5. Senor Panchos... who knew... a chain could be so much fun.

Top Five Dead Ice Cream Flavors Inscriptions
1. White Russian
2. Holy Cannoli
3. Peanuts! Popcorn!
4. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Frozen Yogurt
5. Devil's Food Chocolate

Top Five Worst Candidate Names on Campaign Signs (How do you say some of these?)
1. Bill Bonk -- Just dumb...
2. Tim LeBouthillier -- Frenchie?
3. Zalman Nakhimovsky -- Umm... what?
4. Peter Bagdigian -- Planning and Zoning... planning to be second highest score in a Scrabble game?
5. Edward Giannaros -- I would like a side of penne please...

Top Five States We Visited
1. Connecticut... yeah... I know...
2. Vermont
3. Massachusetts
4. New York
5. Happiness

Monday, October 24, 2005

Blogger No Work Today...B*stardos

Random Thoughts On a ....

Random Thoughts On a ....


No fleshed out thoughts... in big long blog... waaaaaa....


1. Word Verifications -- Does anyone else feel that the hardest things to read on the internet are those word verifications that you have on blogger comments and on Ticketmaster? I thought so... I feel like it is those damn 3D pictures you are supposed to stare at and see a picture..which I just can't do... I have so much trouble reading those things... so much trouble.

2. Bank of America promotion -- I am a huge fan and have been for YEARS of never spending the change in my pocket. Even if I buy something and I know for a fact that I have enough change in my pocket to cover it, I won't. I simply put all the money in a jar and use it for myself and muh wife to buy something frivulous when the jar is full. Bank of America is offering a neat promotion called Keep the Change. Here's the gist. "Here’s how it works: every time you buy something with a Bank of America Visa® debit card, we’ll round up your purchase to the nearest dollar amount — and transfer the difference from your checking to your savings account.1 So you get to keep the change and grow your savings." So.. if your purchase is $3.43, then it will take out $4 from your checking and put $0.57 into your savings. Pretty neat...and it really does add up to a lot in the end... approximately $350 a year.

3. Terror Warning Leak to the Rich -- This whole idea that some of the well to do in NYC were tipped off EARLY about the terror warning...is really pissing me off.

4. Sink at work -- I hate waste... I really do... In the men's room at my office building, there are four sinks and all are automatic. You just put your hands under them and water comes out. Three of the four seem to operate correctly. You pull your hands out..and the water stops. The fourth faucet just runs for another 30 seconds or so .. and is often running when you finish drying your hands and leave the room. I know it does it... yet... for some reason... I CONTINUE TO GO TO THAT SINK. Duh dammit...

5. Daniel Craig -- James Bond is going to be played by a virtual no name... I have seen Daniel Craig in a bunch of stuff. He is cool and a bad ass so the new bond flicks should be good!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

HAPPY MOLE DAY

For those of you that are nerds like me...

REmember Chemistry... and what a mole is?

10 to the 23 power or something?

Well...Today is 10-23... International MOLE Day.

Kick ass... I love moles...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

I Still Hate Cats...

... This is my idea of a good cat carrier...



If we had a cat.... this is how I would carry it home.

Friday, October 21, 2005

CT and VT...

.... are cold...

I wish I packed smarter...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Highlight of Day 2 in Vermont

The work portion of the trip is finished...

Time to pack up and head to Connecticut... where... NO WORK AT ALL.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Highlight of Vermont

A tour of the Ben and Jerry's factory...

Free samples rock....

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Smelmooo.... OUT!

The Smelmooo and the Tangent Woman are off for a combined work/pleasure trip through New England... including stops in Vermont and Connecticut.

Enjoy time without me... even though... I will have the computer and possibly an urge to blog during "work" hours.

Smelmooo

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Reasons Why Trying To Watch Airwolf on DVD Was a Chore
1. There weren't really any action sequences. It was basically just a lot of stock footage, close ups of Jan Michael Vincent and sound effects thrown in. They TRICKED my little pre-teen brain!
2. Jan Michael Vincent... I now see why he didn't really get any work after Airwolf.
3. Ernest Borgnine was the comic relief... That's right... the guy that played Marty...
4. The whole premise of the show is that Vincent's character is holding Airwolf hostage from the CIA faction -- The Firm -- and he will do things for them while they search for his missing brother. HOW THE HELL DO YOU HIDE A HELICOPTER??!?!? Just follow him... he hid it in the frigging desert people!
5. I know that Airwolf was a super helicopter... but really now... fly all the way to Russia and back with only one refill of fuel? Come on....

Top Five Reasons Why the Three Volcanoes In Alaska Are Showing Signs of "Unrest"
1. The news that Bush won re-election has finally reached them.
2. Mount St. Helens made a "mother joke" about one of them.
3. Why the heck not have another natural disaster... we have had hurricanes, floods and earthquakes... an erupting volcano might be fun.
4. Somebody asked it too... It is more exciting than trying to watch an NBA game.
5. They are practicing their Halloween costume -- Active Volcano

Top Five Examples of One Camera Comedy and Why it Is the Future of Sitcoms
1. Arrested Development
2. The Office
3. My Name is Earl
4. Everyone Hates Chris...
5. Extras....

Top Five Hobbies of Mine That Some Would Say Make Me a Geek
1. Sudoku
2. Fantasy Football
3. Watching Greg the Bunny on IFC
4. Reading.... even though it is on hold right now...
5. Blogging... yeup... blogging....

Top Five Reasons Why I Am Glad That the Yankees Lost
1. I don't have it in my to cheer for them anymore...
2. Rutgers might have a winning season... so I can focus on that...
3. They did better than the Red Sox... let another team win... I think I will root for the Astros now...
4. I can focus more attention on my geek hobbies now...
5. No more staying up until 1 in the frigging morning to see who wins.

Top Five Celebrity Women That I Think Are the Hottest People in the Universe One Day and Then the Next... The Worst
1. Uma Thurman
2. Catherine Zeta Jones Gifford Douglas Smith
3. Robin Wright Penn
4. Katie Holmes
5. Cameron Diaz

Monday, October 17, 2005

Long... Day....At.... Work....

... all day in the car.....


I am tired....


I need a nap............

Go Stros....

Sunday, October 16, 2005

I Already Know More Than the President Shirt




One size fits the perfect person...

Friday, October 14, 2005

Winning the Lottery - A Tale of Dreaming a Dream of Dreams

Steakbellie has recently done a couple of really good and succint articles on winning the lottery. I really enjoyed his analysis about what happens when his friend talks about winning the lottery with his wife and how it inevitably ends up in a disagreement about what you will do with "fake" money. That just sounds so human.

Buying lottery tickets to me is an interesting concept as I don't buy them regularly. I usually buy them only when there is a pretty big jackpot. It just makes me feel as though my donation was more worth it. Mega Millions just reached $77 million... so I will probably give it a shot...this week.

Steakbellie discussed some of his plans for the money if he were to ever hit the lotto... and I think they are all admirable and fun.

I decided to think and write about osme of the things that I would do if it were me who won the lottery.

1. Debt -- The obvious and most responsible thing that I would do would be to pay off all debt that muh wife and i have incurred. It is limited so that is good. I might even consider paying off the debt of others that I know were financially responsible.

2. Responsibile Spending -- I would then put the money into an account to earn interest and probably live off the interest in terms of spending cash. I read about too many people that win the lottery and then lose all their money. Insane... be mature about it!

3. Job -- I would quit. I would not leave right awy but if I won enough money so that I never had to work again if I did it right, I would quit... and in a heart beat. I would be fair to my employer...but come on... I would stop working and do what I want...

4. Travel -- We would buy a pretty big SUV and just drive the United States for a year or more staying where ever our car would end up and going places we wanted to go. It wouldn't be hard... and it would be fun. Once we used up the United States, I could really see myself as being a permanent guest on some of these cruises around the world.

5. Being A Good Friend -- I think that the purchase of some remote property and opening it up for use by friends is another fun idea... thanks Steakbellie.

6. Lame... yeah... all of these are lame ideas... but I have a feeling that I would do a lot more fun stuff...

You got any good ideas?

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The Game of Survivor Guatemala is STILL RAGING...

AGAIN!... I forgot to post the results of last week, but let me tell you this...I simply cannot believe that I have lost FOUR weeks in a row... this is sick and insane... something must really be wrong with the way the planets are lining up or something. I simply can't believe this.

Stephenie LaGrossa -- I hate her. She is whiny and critical and people really love her... WHAT THE F?!?!?!

Brian is annoying ... still... but I hope he goes far..simply because he is annoying.

Danni -- I really want to dislike her... but alas... I cannot... she is far better spoken than I ever imagined...

Judd -- He is annoying... yet... he is raw and I can appreciate that.

Jamie is a big poopy pants whiner... but he is on my good side...

Brandon appears to be a hard worker and a ignorant fool. I love it.

This week... Cindy should have just shut her mouth.. It hink Judd's outburst on super boobies was justified.

I thought Brian and Rafe were the gay ones... but look at what Bobby Jon has been doing...1. shaking hands after taking a joint pee... ok... that's just gay enough....not htat there is anything wrong with that.................

I want to poke out Gary and Lydia's eyes out... simply put.


SURVIVOR GUATEMALA

Tucker's Nuts
Judd (5)
Lydia (8)
Brandon (9)
Jamie (12)
Blake (13) -- Booted Week 5
Brooke (1) -- Booted Week 4
Brianna (4) -- Booted Week 3
Morgan (16)-- Booted Week 2

ASSSSHHHFFFAULT!!!
Gary (2)
Danni (3)
Rafe (6)
Brian (7)
Amy (10)
Cindy (11)
Margaret (14)
Jim (15) BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

NO ONE'S TEAM SINCE ASSSHHHHFFAULTTT IS A PUTZ!
Stephenie
Bobby Jon

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

March of the Dead Dog Toys -- Part Dos

Muh wife and I continue to buy Tucker toys for him to play with.

We continue to mull over every toy and evaluate how long it will take the fuzz machine to completely destroy the toy we buy him.

We continue to get frustrated at just how quickly he is able to destroy each toy we buy him.

I have even written about it in the past...

This will not deter us! But... here are the latest victims...

The tennis balls and squeaky football remain the premiere Tucker toys right now. He spends hours and hours with each of them and they work great.

I. The Hippo -- When I first started writing this blog, I had included his suaky hippo in the list of staple toys that Tucker likes to play with and doesn't destroy. That changed two nights ago when we found that Tucker had taken the gift from his foster father -- Bless you Ernie N.!!! -- and ripped out its intestines and innards. It made us both extremely sad. Much more than we could have imagained. It also was bittersweet in now that Tucker has no ties to the past except what we have given him....




II. Rope -- Muh wife and I bought this really great rope toy for Tucker. Tucker loved it. He played Tug of War and Fetch quite well with it. He seemed to take great pride and possession of the toy and wouldn't let anyone else play with it whenever he saw anyone near it. It was cute...

Then... one day... like the blonde girl in Aruba... it just disappeared...It was way too big for Tucker to have eaten (and we would have seen it in his poopies anyway...) and too big to not just be somewhere obvious... especially since Tucker doesn't go anywhere but the same four rooms!

Alas... after having turned the house on its ear for days... we bought him a new rope toy... a rope toy that he destroyed in about 1.5 hours. What is his deal?



3. Elephant -- I had such high expectations for this toy. He went nuts with it as it had three squeakies in it. After about a week and just when we started to feel comfortable with the toy's permanency... Tucker chewed the foot off and was chewing on a squeaky like a breath mint. ARGH!!!!



As you can probably tell, we are anxious about buying him new toys... but you know we are going to do it anyway... :)

In fact... we bought him a replacement rope toy ... the exact same one that just disappeared a month or so ago. He is already in love with it.

I give it... 10 more days.

Hilariously Wrong

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Days of the Week In No Particular Order
1. Friday
2. Saturday
3. Sunday
4. Thursday
5. Wednesday
Honorable Mentions: Monday & Tuesday

Top Five Results of Britney The Mom
1. Grown men can feel even less dirty about wanting to sleep with her since she now can be called a MILF.
2. More than one person in the house is now flinging "shit" around.
3. Before... we knew who sucked the most... now ... we have three people fighting for the title in the household.
4. The IQ in the house goes up to 3 digits cumulatively.
5. When she grabs her crotch, it isn't on stage anymore.

Top Five Ways To Torment Your Children For Life
1. Don't name them. Each day... assign them a number in order relative to how much you love them that day.
2. Feed them sugar for every meal.... diabetes teaches discipline.
3. Mohawks... give them one each night before school pictures are taken.
4. When they are developing, teach them the wrong colors and insist that the school is wrong when they bring their tests home. Nothing says love like fighting the system.
5. Tell your son that women have teeth down there.

Top Five Dressing Room Requirements of the Rolling Stones On Their Recent Tour
1. Prostate doctor...
2. Wheel Chairs
3. Embalming Fluid... Keith needs to drink....
4. Prune Juice....
5. (here comes the easy one.... ready?) CHAP STICK!!! MWAH HA HA HA HA

Top Five Current Obsessions
1. Sudoku... it is really bad... it's kind of like when I discovered Tetris... I could see it in my sleep... numbers are attacking my dreams.
2. Poker -- Enough said... at least #1 costs a lot less.
3. Tucker -- There are far more things that are more embarrassing to be obsessed with.
4. Harriet Miers' lack of qualifications
5. Our upcoming trip to Vermont.

Top Five Harriet Miers' Qualifications To Be a Supreme Court Justice
1. None... she has never been a judge
2. None... she has never been a judge
3. None... she has never been a judge
4. None... she has never been a judge
5. None... she has never been a judge

Monday, October 10, 2005

My Head...

... is killing me.

Random Thoughts On A ....Monday... Right Right...That's It...

Once again.. another edition of Random Thoughts On A.... by the Smelmooo!!!

Why do each of these items qualify for a Random Thoughts blog? It's because I can't flesh any of them out to the length that I want to. So there... Now... ENJOY IT DAMMIT!

1. REVENGE ON A CAT -- For the past year, there has been this cat roaming around our yards... front and back. It annoys us and when Tucker came around, he would chase the cat away...so we started to see less of the cat. BUT... that was when I started to notice holes dug in our mulch in our flower beds with strategically placed pieces of shit in it. It had to be the cat.

The other day, I was on my way to work when I caught the cat shitting in the flower bed. FINALLY!!! I had proof. I also had... ANGER.. so I wound up, aimed and fired my keys right at the cat. They hit the cat squarely in the hip (while it was shitting). The cat squeaked and ran away... GOOD RIDDANCE!

2. I live in the New York area. I don't have an accent... so much so that when I meet people from around the country, no one can place me by my voice since I am accent free probably from growing up in Hunterdon County. I don't mind the accents around me but there is one element of the New York accent that drives me absoltuely insane and I am hearing it more and more each day. People add an "R" sound at the end of words. For example, Floridar. Atlantar. Stop it, stop it, stop it. It is probably bothering me most since there is a guy on the radio that I listen to all the time that does it. (Mike from Mike and the Mad Dog.)

3. South Park Season 6 comes out on DVD on October 11th...tomorrow... Kick ass....

4. What do you get when you combine Red Sox with the White Sox?











Pink socks....

Super Sudoku

The Star Ledger has SUPER SUDOKU now.

I finished it....

I am so proud of muhself.



Sunday, October 09, 2005

Aniversary

It's our anniversary...

Now... don't expect anything today.

I Heart Muh Wife on This Papery Day.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Moral Standing Survey

I need you all to post your answers in the comments section. (Thanks to Sara.)

This is an important question for the current political climate. And it helps to clarify your own moral standing: answer honestly!

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shootcareer-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under ! the water.

Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.

You move closer, somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.

You have two options--you can save the life of G.W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer :














Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

Friday, October 07, 2005

The Champ is Here....

As Inter Species Champion, I will defend muh title tonight against a worthy and scrappy four legged and furry opponent.

He is quick.

He is furry...

And....

if he has a drink right before wrestling, he will totally skeev me out when I touch his head... distracting me and possibly win!


Tucker is Sick -- An Analysis of How We Are Bad Parents

Last Friday, I noticed that something wasn't completely right about our little fuzz machine -- Tucker.

He seemed to be breathing heavily and his little face seemed depressed. His bark was also deeper. In two instances, Tucker seemed to want to throw up, would make the gag noise, and then "vomit" absolutely nothing. It really seemed as though he had something caught in his throat. I didn't ignore it as it didn't seem like something to react to yet. It was also late enough at nighat that it was right after the vet's office had closed...

During the night, his cough got persistent and it still sounded as though he had "something caught in his throat" that he was trying to puke up. He also seemed to be in pain.

Tucker and I "woke up" at 5:00 am and hung around as this persisted and got worse. It was about that time that he also started to cough. I was concerned all night but it was then that I got really concerned.

8:30 finally rolled around and I was able to sneak an appointment at the vet for 10:30 am.

After much prodding and poking and love from the technicians, Tucker was diagnosed with kennel cough by Dr. Rogan.

This diagnosis frustrated us because he was up to date on his shots and we couldn't believe that he was sick again. We should have known better to celebrate the fact that we hadn't been to the vet in almost 6 weeks a couple of days prior. It was something we should have just kept to ourselves.

We purchased the appropriate medicine and took our little buddy home.

As far as we can figure, he picked it up at the dog park. We go there a lot and he has a lot of interaction with a lot of dogs. We also did some research that even thought dogs have the shot, this derivation of the human whooping cough can still manifest itself in dogs.

Ok fine... but here's the other side.

I am extremely surprised by how bad I felt... I knew he was sick... and I was pretty sure that he was going to be diagnosed with kennel cough based on what I was reading on the internet... however... it seemed to hit me hard.

I took it personally as a failure of my own. I caused the problem since I take him to the dog park all the time. He does get real close to other dogs and he runs for hours... but somehow he got sick from it. What makes it worse is that it is really one of his favorite things in the world to do...

I felt horrible... and eventually... I am going to get over it and take him right back there!

Imagine how I would feel if this was an actual kid? damn!

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Jesus Sport Statues

The ballet one is my absolute favorite...

Click Here...

Netflix -- An Absolute Direct About Face!

Alright... for the past year, I have been complimenting and promoting the virtues of Netflix.

The original mail order DVD rental service has served us well for over a year now. I used to get pretty excited when I would see a blood red envelope peering at me above the other pieces of mail. I knew that it contained a new release, a classic, or another installment of one of my favorite old television shows...

Then... the service began to slack... it happened slowly and then it became prominent.

It was the small stuff and then all the small stuff began happening all the time... so... it is no longer the small stuff.

Here are my two biggest gripes:

1. Users of Netflix create a "queue" of DVDs and they are in a list format so that Netflix draws the next film on the list and mails it out to users. In the list, it supplies the user with the "status" of the film. Movies are available "Now" or there is a "Short Wait", "Long Wait", or "Very Long Wait." If there is any sort of wait, Netflix skips to the next movie on the list and mails it out.

For the most part, Netflix recognizes the arrival of movies in the mail between 9 and 9:30 in the morning and your queue reflects this change. The old movie would be removed and the first movie on the list would move up to the DVDs That Are Out list. Netflix would then have 7.5 to 8 hours to find the next DVD on the list and throw it in the mail. For the majority of the day, our queue would read "Shipping Today" in the status column.

At 5:00, it would change to read "Shipping Tomorrow" Ok... I find that wrong on several levels. First of all, if it wasn't available "NOW" then it shouldn't be listed that way! Second of all, this is just a stall tactic to have to send out less DVDs per month. It was especially frustrating when we would set it up so that a movie I wanted to watch would come on a day when muh wife was traveling.

argh

2. This one boggles my mind as it has been happening a LOT recently. On Monday, they would send out a DVD. We would normally get it on Tuesday as the distribution center is only 2 towns away. On Tuesday, the DVD would NOT come. On Wednesday, Netflix would report it as arrived. We would then have them send it again. Yeup... you guessed it... the example above would happen and it wouldn't be sent out until Thursday... thus arriving Friday. I just don't/didn't get it.

When these seemingly small things happened too many times and our letters were not really addressed appropriately, I finally broke down and said that we had to try Blockbuster, which we are doing now.

I hope it works... so I can sleep better at night...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Tucker's Guest Blog -- A Day in the Dog Park

Mommy and Daddy are funny.

They think I can't spell.

I know what d-o-g p-a-r-k spells but I have to pretend that I don't so that they think I can't spell. I am cute and I respond to the actual words. That's the way I like it. If they think I can spell too, I have a feeling that they will start learning Swahili to fool me and my super puppy brain can't handle that.

I am giddy... super giddy... I am going to go to the dog park with Daddy as soon as he gets dressed in his jeans and sneakers. He gets so excited by these trips because he loves to ride in the car with me as I stand on the center console and guide the ship.



Daddy has given me the job of watching over the road -- navigating... if you will. I make sure that there aren't any bad drivers and I let him know when I am concerned by licking his ear.

He loves it...

There he goes... he is dressed... he is waggling the leash.. and he says the word RIDE... YES!!!! I am psyched... I have to jump now... phew... that was fun!

We walk to the car and I take my command post in the center of the car. "Drive Daddy... we only have so many hours in the day!"



I can see the dog park now! I can see lots of muh friends there too... I can't wait... let me run from back seat to front seat to back seat to front seat... always letting Daddy know how excited I am by smacking him in the face with my tail.... god he loves that!

I drag Daddy to the dog park where I can see two of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. Rusty and Medina. I didn't like Medina in the beginning as he was much bigger than me and his Daddy was a big jerk. Over time, Medina learned to like me and he actually protects me from the big mean dogs that want to bully me. She is big like them and has no problem telling them to leave me alone. I love it when he does that. I feel so welcome and protected.

I am almost through the maze of gates and doors! Oh sweet god... I can't wait to lick my friends and smell their butts! That is the best fun a dog can have.

*BLAM*

Wow... where the heck did that ugly waterdog come from? Thank god for Medina or he might have eaten me... don't they know that I am smaller than all of them and that I am cute? You can't do that to cute things... Just ask Nermal!



--- 49 Minutes Later --

My tongue hurts and my head is completely covered in drool. It is a perfect night. I put my mouth around the neck of 15 dogs... that is how we play... I am tired...but I know that as soon as we leave here, I am going to collapse and I can't have that... so I better run around some more...

Oh look! A new dog... he looks tough... I am going to go jump on him, throw him down and jump on him again while licking him.

WOO HOO!!! he loved it... his parents didn't like it so much... I think they were embarassed that me.. a cute little 24 pound puppy did this to their 80 pound 3 year old dog. heh heh... I have so many powers... Mommy doesn't call me Super Pup for no reason at all!



jeez... I am getting tired... I better sit down... no wait... other dogs want to play... but Daddy is calling my name... I better go with him... since he feeds me cheese doodles and pizza crusts. Mommy doesn't like the doodles and hoards all the crusts for herself so I should listen to him.

Ok Daddy! I am coming... I better save my strength if I am going to be a good co-pilot again.

look! It's home! WOO HOO!!!

*flop*

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Reasons Why Muh Wife Rocked This Past Weekend
1. She made cookies.
2. Two words -- Chicken Parmesan
3. She hung out with me while I waited to get our iPod fixed... above and beyond... above and beyond.
4. Can anyone say... Metuchen Country Fair? It is not exactly the most exciting thing in the world but she went with me anyway... mostly... because I was frigging hungry.
5. Football was on a lot... :)

Top Five News Stories That Pissed Me Off This Weekend
1. Seattle is considering a ban on lap dances! WE NEED THEM. It is an American right!
2. The Red Sox won the wild card spot. I would have loved for them to have missed the playoffs. FRIGGING INDIANS!!!
3. Any time I see a Desperate Housewives story on the front page. It is a television show... NOT A FRONT PAGE NEWS STORY!
4. Even with gas prices soaring... Detroit is going to produce a record number of SUVs. Umm... hello? priorities?
5. The Manning Brothers stories... can someone write about Carson Palmer or Brian Griese please?

Top Five Reasons Why Harriet Miers is Unqualified
1. She has never been a judge.
2. She just looks creepy.
3. Bush keeps telling us that she will not "legislate from the bench." That sure makes me nervous... whenever he is that adamant about stuff then we need to worry... since that is how he lies best.
4. She is from Texas... and we see how smart people are from... Texas...
5. Did I mention the real reason? She has never been a judge before!

Top Five Entertainment Stories That Made Me Dumber
1. Jennifer Gardner's baby is a girl... she blew it on Leno last week.
2. Paris broke off her engagement with Paris....
3. Demi and Ashton are still married... shocking.
4. Kate Moss' boyfriend (Rock singer Pete Doherty) was held by authorities because of drugs... no shit...
5. You can buy Johnny Carson's Tonight Show desk... jesus...

Top Five Highlights of Muh/Our Weekend of NOTHING
1. Metuchen Country Fair... it was a fun walk around...
2. Getting to actually get caught up on all of our chores this weekend.
3. Muh wife's chicken parmesan and cookies... Thank you wonder wife!
4. Tucker was all cuddly...even if he is sick.
5. House of Flying Daggers

Top Five Reasons To Watch the Office
1. Steve Carrell
2. Rainn Wilson (He plays Schrute)
3. Cringe humor...
4. The character "Jim"
5. Pam....

God Bless Ichabod II

The best part about having the iPod back is hearing fun songs I forgot all about.

I am currently bopping to DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince's "Girls Ain't Nothing But Trouble"

yes... BOPPING

Monday, October 03, 2005

World War II Exhibit



When I was in DC last week, I was able to sneak a couple hours on the brightest day imaginable to go see the recently opened World War II exhibit.

Holy crap was it an incredibly large and impressive monument.



Unlike the Korean War monument that went for subtlety, the WWII exhibit smacks you over the head with its grandioseness (new word) and meaning, but it works...

It is all so incredible and inclusive as well.



These pictures do not really do it much justice at all.

I really recommend checking it out if you can.



Now... why don't we have a WWI monument?

Ichabod iPod Update

I finally got an appointment to take our boy Ichapod to the Apple store.

The "Genius" looked him over and noticed a dent in the back.

After fiddling for about ten minutes, she came back and said. "Since you use a protective case, I will give you a new one."

That totally rocked especially since I don't have any sort of protection plan.

I never ever thought I would say this... but... Apple rocks.

Good Sports Weekend

I am not sure what to do with myself.

All three of my sports teams did what they were supposed to do.

1. The Yanks won the AL East.
2. The Raiders finally won.
3. Rutgers is on its way to a bowl game... no ... seriously...

Sunday, October 02, 2005

SURVIVOR GUATEMALA -- The Game is ON!

I forgot to post the results of last week, but let me tell you this...the game was tied up as both of our last picks were booted in the first two weeks. Perhaps my opponent and I are on some sort of amazing plain where we can pick... or perhaps... it was coincidental....

So... I was wrong... they brought back Stephenie and Bobby Jon to be competitors and I will re-iterate that I am unhappy with this twist but whatever. One of the primary reasons I am annoyed is that I truly, truly, truly dislike Stephenie. She is a bully and a big cry baby. Those women that "worship" her that I read about... have problems as all she does is essentially whine to be left alone.

Is Rafe gay? and if so... he is a mormon? Isn't that committing like 85 sins at once?

I thought Brian was going to be a big whiny baby... but he has shown himself to be extremely smart and manipulative already. GO SMELMOOO SAKE!

I still really like Judd. I hope they don't portray him to be a fat assh*le.

I said this two weeks ago... "I know Danni is going to out Gary pretty quickly." HA! I was right... you go girl...

Lydia is going to grate my nerves.... and she does...

Margaret with her nurse practitioner background is either going to drive me nuts or I am going to oooh and ahhh her to ASHFAULT'S victory and not mind losing if she wins.

SURVIVOR GUATEMALA

Tucker's Nuts
Brooke (1)
Judd (5)
Lydia (8)
Brandon (9)
Jamie (12)
Blake (13)
Brianna (4) -- Booted Week 3
Morgan (16)-- Booted Week 2

ASSSSHHHFFFAULT!!!
Gary (2)
Danni (3)
Rafe (6)
Brian (7)
Amy (10)
Cindy (11)
Margaret (14)
Jim (15) BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

NO ONE'S TEAM SINCE ASSSHHHHFFAULTTT IS A PUTZ!
Stephenie
Bobby Jon

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Ahhhh... it only...

.... took 161 games.

I don't even care if they win the World Series...

The Sox not winning the AL East is satisfaction enough for me.

Click here....

How About a Giggle? The Gender Of Non-Living Things

You may not know that many non-living things have a gender; for example;

1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) Remote Control -- Female...... You'd think it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.