Friday, September 30, 2005

Cameron Crowe's The Shining

Wow... this one snuck up on me.

I didn't realize that Cameron Crowe had made a remake of the Shining!

Check out this trailer -- It looks awesome!

Robbed! A Tale of One of the Biggest Dick Moves in History

Alright... so there I was... in Dover, Delaware. I was with my good friend Mike and 20 of his co-workers and friends. We were there to watch a NASCAR race. We arrived at the parking lot at 6:00 am after awaking at 2:15 am to do so. I was dragging a little bit, but I knew a strategiclly placed 30 minute nap in the morning and another one at night would get me through the day.

My morning nap went just as planned and I slipped it in between shopping and morning snacks.

We then ate lunch, went to the race and returned to the car where we had another three hour wait before we could even consider packing up the car to go home.

At some point, I decided that I was going to sit in one of the many available "chairs in a bag" that were unoccupied. It wasn't my chair as someone else had sat in it and fallen asleep in it. I didn't care as that is how things go when you tailgate. There is an inference of sharing.

I sat in the chair closest to me, put my head back, and drifted off.

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder startling me out of a satisfying "nap" sleep. There was one of Mike's co-workers looking at me straight in the face about 15 inches away. He was pretty close and he said, "Hey, you're in my chair."

I responded groggily as I was not sure what was going on, "Ok..."

He said, "Can you get out? I want to sit there."

I looked around and there were ... no joke... about 12 other open chairs. I also heard two of this guy's co-workers say... "What are you doing?" to him. It was a very surreal moment made even more surreal as the chair that I was occupying was a good 10 feet from other people (this was done by design)!

Since I didn't know him and since I didn't want to create any problems with Mike and his co-workers (as I wasn't sure who his peers, underlings, and supervisors were) I quietly and sleepily got up and moved to another chair.

This guy was called a few names by his coworkers that included "Asshole" and "dick" but I refrained and sat down.

He also sat down in his chair and tried to joke around with his friends. They didn't like his behavior and became friends with me.

Here's the kicker. He got up 3 minutes later to go cook food.

Bastard...and his stupid hat.

Super Sudoku

I think I just messed muhself

"It's bigger, it's tougher. Sudoku fans will love it. Only on Saturdays -- Only in the Star-Ledger."

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Heh heh... Bush = Dumb...

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" President Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as President Bush sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Random Thoughts of the Smelmooo

Here comes the triumphant return of a Smelmooo favortie... The Random Thoughts blog. That's right... I can't flesh any of these ideas out to a point where I should have a full blog... but what the heck... here are some of my randomish thoughts...because I don't want you to miss out on any of them.

1. When I was in AC... I asw the funniest and most wrong T-Shirt ever on one of the fattest people I have ever seen... "I have the dick, so I make the rules..." This shirt is fundamentally wrong but the guy was so BOLD about it that it impressed me and made me laugh out loud.

2. On Route 13 & 1 in Delaware, there is this really great bridge that looks really awesome when it is lit up. There are suspension cables that essentiall create two cone-ish type shapes. When they are lit up in the white light, they are really cool to look at. I see this bridge four times a year... twice on my way down to Dover and twice on the way back. All four times are in the dark. We figured out that the bridge is probably less climatic during the daytime.

3. I was recently invited to dinner at the House of Blues in Atlantic City. I was a bit hesitant but I accepted and went anyway. It turned out to not be dinner in the main restaurant but at their "Foundation Room." We were off to the side and our table was attended to as if we were the most important people in the place. Aside from all this, the food was top notch and perfect. This was one of those times where the meal and experience were just special. I am having too many of those meals recently.

4. I am announcing that today is an official Day of Mourning... my dear friend on IM his company has just pulled a meanie pants move by banning all messengers.

5. Go Toronto!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

That's Crazy...

...muh wife was travelling and she didn't blog.

Just nutty I tell you... nutty.

Why George and FEMA Never Quite Connected

Work has been an absolute bear the past two days.

I am completely drained...

I decided to just post a picture I got from at least 6 people today... including Eric and Sara.


Oh yeah... this happened today too.


"-- House Majority Leader Tom DeLay indicted on one count of criminal conspiracy by Texas grand jury, according to Travis County clerk's office."

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Names for Dwarves That I Would Like To See In An Updated Snow White Movie
1. Snotty
2. Cheeky
3. Spazzy
4. Chunky Monkey
5. Smurfy

Top Five Hollywood News Stories I Pretty Much Missed While Travelling/Working
1. Demi and Ashton got married.
2. Don Adams died.
3. Kate Moss takes DRUGS? WHAT? Are you kidding me?!?!?!?
4. Tyra Banks got felt up by a doctor on her show... on purpose...
5. Jennifer Aniston is publicly upset about the divorce now... I didn't see that coming.

Top Five Reasons That the Dancing With the Stars "Dance Off" Was Stupid
1. Kelly Monaco won originally...accept it ... you sore loser.
2. It was a total of TWO HOURS of television. WAY TOO MUCH.
3. The middle judge was just plain biased.
4. They took 30 minutes to tell us who won.
5. I can only sit through so many "This is what happened" five minutes ago montages....

Top Five Halloween Costumes For 2005
1. Britney's baby...
2. Louisiana
3. Puppy who swallows the 13 inch knife.
4. Kate Moss' nose.
5. Whatever Kelly Monaco wears......all the time....

Top Five NASCAR Thoughts of the Smelmooo... After Friday
1. There are far less mullets than there used to be... it is yuppifying...big time.
2. When it is gorgeous weather like yesterday... it is a fantastic day.
3. I never knew you could grill up beer marinated deer meat in the middle of a field.
4. It is fantastic when the driver you are rooting for... wins.
5. 22.5 hours on the road... is just too long.

Monday, September 26, 2005

A Story of Mistaken Identity

Yesterday, after I finished taking Tucker to his third most favorite place in the world -- the puppy resort, I stopped by the adjacent Krauzers.

(For the record, Tucker's favorite place in the world is our house and his second most favorite place in the world is the dog park.)

I walked into the establishment that I have been in maybe two times and each of those times have been at odd times on the weekend.

When I walked into the store with two other people, I was immediately singled out and greeted separately by the gentleman behind the case. I thought about how nice that was.

I then perused the store and took a look around making a mental note of the layout of the store. I needed to find a soda and something to nosh on before I drove to work.

After 30 seconds of perusing, the kind gentleman from behind the counter walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. I said I was fine... and then he asked me if he could help me with something.

My mind began to race... I wasn't dressed in a shady manner. I was wearing a short sleeved polo shirt and a pair of khakis. I didn't stick out. He continued to be nice to me and cater to my needs.

When I finally gathered up all my items, he pushed the clerk aside and rang up my order with the biggest grin I have ever seen.

After everything was in the bag, did I find out why he was treating me the way he was.

He thought I was a plains clothes cop. He actually thanked me for staking out his store. I told him I wasn't a cop and then... he winked at me.

I insisted that I wasn't a cop... and he... winked at me again.

I left........mildly annoyed.

At least he could have given me something free!

Sunday, September 25, 2005

All Day at Nascar.. in Dover...

... and Jimmie Johnson won.

My life is complete....

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Bachelor Party Planning

I am helping to plan a bachelor party for a good friend of mine.

In the planning process, I found this picture of a possibly great place to go.

They sure do look like they are having fun.

Friday, September 23, 2005

HELLBENT - Official Site - here! Films & Regent Releasing

This is going to be the most awesome movie ever.

Click here.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Ships In The Wind

My wife and I have become two ships in the wind recently and this week has proven that statement to a fault.

In the grand scheme of things, I really don't mind travelling for work. This mostly stems from my childhood where I didn't do much travelling at all. We drove a lot and went camping and it was a great way to vacation as a kid. To put it into perspective, I never flew in an airplane until I was 27 years old. I enjoyed going places that were within driving distance and had adjusted my life accordingly.

Then, my job required that I travel to attend meetings across the country. Once again... I re-iterate that in the long run, I really don't mind travelling as I am going places that I have never been before. Work has taken me to Vegas, Phoenix, Scottsdale, San Diego, and Palm Springs. In the next few months, it will be taking me to Burlington, VT, Puerto Rico, Miami, and Desert Springs, CA. Two of the trips will include my wife and for that I am grateful but this week, no such luck.

My wife and I are ships in the wind only meeting each other for a small time.

Let me show you... by showing you our schedule.

Muh beautiful wife dropped me off at the train station where I boarded a train for Washington, DC.
Total Wife Time -- 8 Hours but 6.5 of those were sleeping.

I remained in Washington, DC for the entire day.
Total Wife Time -- ZERO Hours

I returned from Washington, DC at the end of the day and was greeted by a happy puppy and a beautiful wife.
Total Wife Time -- 4 Hours but 1 of those was sleeping.

I worked all day, but muh wife left on a plane for San Francisco
Total Wife Time -- 7 Hours but 6.5 of those were sleeping.

I travelled down to Atlantic City for a convention. Muh wife remained in San Francisco.
Total Wife Time -- ZERO Hours

I will be in Atlantic City all day and muh wife will be arriving home from San Francisco.
Total Wife Time -- ZERO Hours

I will return home around 2:30 pm and then leave at 7:00 pm to sleep at my friend's house as we are leaving at 2:30 in the morning to go to the NASCAR race in Dover.
Total Wife Time -- 4.5 Hours

I will get home after midnight.
Total Wife Time -- ZERO Hours

The Dover race isn't work related but when I agreed to it in February, I didn't realize that all the work things would be around it.... so I don't expect any pity for it.

I just wanted to share with you how much I miss muh wife... and boy... I am really looking forward to Saturday.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Eli Manning and Chad Pennington... Are They Gay?

Over the weekend, when I was watching some football, I think I saw the most disturbing commercial of all time.

I will preface what I will write with the following -- I felt as though my eyes were burnt out of my head so I have absolutely NO IDEA what this commercial was for. All I know is that my face and brain all felt dirty after watching it.

I must also say that I cannot do this commercial the justice it deserves... but...I am sure as heck going to try!

There was a rather large fat Sopranos looking stereotypical New Yorkish/New Jerseyish guy moving into the neighborhood. Eli Manning - the overhyped quarterback of the New York Giants and Chad Pennington - the even more pathetic quarterback of the New York Jets walked up to the guy while wearing their uniforms.

They told the guy that they understood that he wasn't either a Giants or a Jets fan. They then spent the rest of the commercial trying to get the guy to be a fan of the Giants or the Jets.

Let's look at my first point of contention. Both Eli and Chad have disctinctively Southern accents. They are NOT from New York and they are both trying to convince this fat slob from my area that they should be fans of a New York team quarterbacked by THEM! It was just weird.

Secondly, both of them are completely uncomfortable in front of the camera so they are both meek and each time they try to convince this big and brash slob to be a fan, it comes off completely wussy and pansish. It bothers me.

Thirdly and most importantly, I have to scold them for my biggest point of contention. The last image of the commercial and the one that burned my retinas was one where this fat slob is standing with both hands pulling his shirt above his enormous belly. It is hairy and out for everyone to see. Eli and Chad are on their knees (I think) as their heads are at the same height as this big huge belly. They each hold a swatch of fabric corresponding to their respective team colors and they tell him how he would look great in their colors.

WHAT THE F?!?!?! You guys are FOOTBALL players in the NFL. Do not tell me that you didn't know what you were doing... argh... ick... blech...

Go Raiders!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Here Kitty Kitty....

For anyone that knows me, they know that I abhor cats.

They are horrible little creatures.... icky brats.

Anyway... I was so happy to read this story that Eric forwarded to me... I hope the guy in the story is lying....

Inventor denies dead cat fuel story

Thursday, September 15, 2005; Posted: 10:41 a.m. EDT (14:41 GMT)

BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) -- A German inventor said he has developed a method to produce crude oil products from waste that he believes can be an answer to the soaring costs of fuel, but denied a German newspaper story implying he also used dead cats.

Christian Koch, an inventor and patent holder of the "KDV 500" that he said produces high quality fuel, said he can transform waste products such as paper, rubbish and plastic materials into fuel.

But Koch, 55, said there was no truth to stories published in Bild newspaper on Tuesday and Wednesday that suggested he used dead cats as part of the mix for his organic diesel fuel.

"I use paper, plastics, textiles and rubbish," Koch told Reuters.

"It's an alternative fuel that is friendly for the environment. But it's complete nonsense to suggest dead cats. I've never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in."

Bild on Tuesday wrote a headline: "German inventor can turn cats into fuel -- for a tank he needs 20 cats." The paper on Wednesday followed up with a story entitled: "Can you really make fuel out of cats?"

A spokesman for Bild told Reuters the story was meant to show that cat remains could "in theory" be used to make fuel with Koch's patented method.

The author of the story said Koch had never told him directly that he had used dead cats as the story implied.

The Web site of Koch's firm, "Alphakat GmbH", says his patented "KDV 500" machine can produce what he calls the "bio-diesel" fuel at about 23 euro cents (30 cents) a liter, which is about one-fifth the price at petrol stations now.

"I drive my normal diesel-powered car with this mixture," Koch is quoted saying in Bild, next to a large picture of a kitten. "I have gone 170,000 km (106,000 miles) without a problem."

Monday, September 19, 2005

Top Five Tuesday... FROM WASHINGTON DC!!!

Top Five Reasons Why Writing a Top Five Tuesday From a Hotel Room Is Better Than Writing It From the Privacy of My Home
1. This may be the most comfy bed that I have ever slept in. It envelops me and I disappear. It must be a great bed…
2. Can anyone say… fig newtons?
3. 8 different ESPN channels.
4. Room Service
5. I can set the temperature to whatever I want… mmm… 59 degrees. Toes are numb…. Life is good.

Top Five Reasons Why Writing a Top Five Tuesday From a Hotel Room Is Worse Than Writing It From the Privacy of My Home
1. No Tucker
2. No Wife – Oh wait… shouldn’t this be number one? :-P It is.
3. 20 ounce bottles of soda are $2.50 a bottle here.
4. When you have that need to annoy your sleeping wife with a deep chest cough or a finger in the ear… she isn’t there.
5. I had to watch the end of the Raiders game all by myself….and it wasn’t a win.

Top Five “Highlights” of My Train Ride to Washington, D.C.
1. I sat next to this kid who was about 10 years old and all he did was sing with the music on his PSP
2. 2.5 hours of saved up Sudoku puzzles.
3. I really didn’t have to do anything that required thought or clarity.
4. It may be my imagination but I really think those chairs are much bigger and there is a ton of leg room. Seems too comfortable.
5. Union Station was empty. God bless America.

Top Five Highlights From Yesterday’s Day of Football
1. Peyton Manning is getting humbled.
2. In two games, the Minnesota Vikings have EIGHT interceptions and SEVEN punts. That is not a good statistic.
3. LJ Smith, from Rutgers, is quickly becoming the megastar Tight End he should be.
4. Brett Favre reached 50,000 yards. You go Brett… you go…
5. Randy Moss

Top Five Places To Travel To In The United States When We Win a Big Lottery
1. Napa Valley and Sonoma
2. Michigan – Near all the lakes and water and stuff…
3. Grand Canyon
4. Texas – I am not sure why… but it seems like someplace I want to see.
5. Alaska

Top Five Reasons that Tyra Banks’s Talk Show is a Train Wreck
1. She seems to really like herself.
2. She says “fierce” all the time. What?
3. She keeps parting her hair very delicately and dramatically with two hands that don’t look like they actually touch her hair.
4. This is bad necessarily but distracting… she seems to suffer from Cameron Diaz Syndrome in that she seems to focus the attention on her ass.
5. Umm… she is Tyra Banks….

Sunday, September 18, 2005

See ya....

Yesterday was the six month countdown for St. Patrick's Day... and... today is a day in which I am heading off to DC for a few days for work.

Hasta La Vista people...

Saturday, September 17, 2005

SURVIVOR RETURNS... and so does betting on it...

I am pretty excited folks... Survivor Guatemala has begun and the newly renamed TUCKER'S NUTS is looking for his 8th straight..that's right... EIGHTH STRAIGHT victory over his nemesis ASSSSHHHHFFFAAAUULLLTTT!!!! who won the first two contests.

It looks to be an interesting year as two survivors return (I hope JUST to be captains and not as contestants) and we have a former starting NFL quarterback (Gary) in the mix. We also have a couple of beauty queens and there are plenty of half naked pictures of them already on the internet.

This year, I am already putting the show in the hole one notch as I am NOT happy about the "twist" where they brought back Stephenie and Bobby Jon. They already lost and should not have a second shot at the money. Yeah... they were popular but come on.. these two should have been brought back as captains or something but not with a second shot.

The whole All Stars year bothered me and this is going to bother me as well since I might be the only person in the world who didn't like Stephenie the first time around as I found her to be full of herself and self righteous. Whiny brat.

Here are a few of my first impressions.

I really like Judd.
I know Danni is going to out Gary pretty quickly.
Brian is so weird that he is already creeping me out.
Brooke is my super duper sweetheart since she seems so down to earth as of now.
Blake is going to contract some sort of major disease... either from Danni or from the jungle.
I had Morgan pegged as some Diva superstar... she might go that way...
Lydia is going to grate my nerves....
Margaret with her nurse practitioner background is either going to drive me nuts or I am going to oooh and ahhh her to ASHFAULT'S victory and not mind losing if she wins.


Tucker's Nuts
Brooke (1)
Brianna (4)
Judd (5)
Lydia (8)
Brandon (9)
Jamie (12)
Blake (13)
Morgan (16)

Gary (2)
Danni (3)
Rafe (6)
Brian (7)
Amy (10)
Cindy (11)
Margaret (14)
Jim (15) BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Bobby Jon

Friday, September 16, 2005

MMMM... Fat Darrel...

This is why I love Shari... she just sent this to me from her phone.

It makes me think of the following.

1. I miss the Grease Trucks at Rutgers.
2. Fraternities will do anything to get pledges...
3. I miss the Grease Trucks at Rutgers.
4. Oh god... I am f*cking hungry... why is lunch so far away?

Need for acceptance at the Dog Park

We take Tucker to the dog park a lot more frequently now that he has had his testicles chopped off.

The dog park is an amazing place. The dogs all have interesting personalities and play together in groups akin to a high school cafeteria.

Last week, I took Tucker there on one of the days that muh honey was on a business trip. It was an amazing night -- about 70 degrees without any humidity. There was a slight breeze and the sun was setting in the distance.

When we arrived, there was only one other dog there -- Rusty -- one of the park's regular dogs and a favorite of Tucker. They like to play tug of war or just wrestle with each other.

Tucker is an extremely friendly dog. It doesn't matter if the other dogs are big or small or mean or nice, he runs up to them and sniffs and licks and plays with them. Other dogs aren't as friendly.

The dog park has an interesting dynamic. As a regular-ish now, I am able to see how the dogs interact with each other and with new dogs. There are some patterns of behavior -- For example, a particular border collie focusses on the exact same dog each time and "herds" her. The poor "herded" dog can't really run anywhere as the border collie keeps it in one place all the time.

In the beginning, the dogs weren't as friendly with Tucker as we would have liked. They basically ignored him. They would run off leaving him behind to try and make a friend with another dog. It was sad watching him run from dog to dog looking for someone to play with and constantly being rejected.

In the grand scheme of things, this was the better route as the regular dogs will initiate new dogs in one of two ways -- ignoring them or surrounding and barking at them loudly until the new dog cowers in fear.

Tucker worked his way through that and is now a member of the pack. He runs with them and the regular dogs roll around and play with him directly now. It made muh wife and I very happy as we really wanted him to be liked. We are excited that he is now.

He is so well liked that in one instance a new dog entered the park and chose Tucker to pick on. Four of the dogs led by a collie immediately jumped in between the new dog and Tucker and drove the new dog away. They continued to do so whenever the new dog would even think of getting close to Tucker.

Acceptance was so important to us. We aren't sure why... but we are glad that our nutless Tucker has friends...and a lot of them.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Poker Poker Everywhere....

This past Saturday, as you know, I hit Atlantic City with my friend Anthony to try our luck at some poker.

In preparation for our little trip, I played a few hours the week before on Party Poker and honed some of my skills. I have been playing really well as of late and I am proud to say that I was winning quite a bit.

We got to the Taj in separate cars and eventually were seated at a $3-$6 Hold 'Em table. One of the lower stakes tables in the place. We didn't want to get too crazy right away. Basically, if you can walk out with $100 more than you started then you have a really good run. The pots just don't get that huge.

When seated, we played for awhile watching our chip stacks going up and down and eventually it was time for Anthony to go home.

I decided that I was going to stay for a bit since I was doing extremely well.

It's a shame that he didn't stay longer because not too long after he left, a 50ish year old man sat down and pulled out 5 $100 bills. As you might imagine, that was way too much money to be playing with at this table. You need $100 maximum to give yourself a shot at winning anymore.

He claimed that he didn't know what he was doing. We all smirked and thought him a fool. Two hours later, we all realized that he wasn't lying. He really didn't know what he was doing.

For those of you that know poker, he was staying and raising when he had bottom pair. He would ride it all the way through even if the top card had paired on the board. He wasn't that good. I sometimes only had top pair and would play against him all the way to the end... just because I knew he was an idiot.

For that... I estimate that I took a couple hundred from him. My new tablemate did the same. We actually agreed to get out of each other's way whenever he would play.

It didn't hurt too that I was legitimately winning as well... the luck or the skill was on my side the other night.

Here's how it ended though. My chip stack was high and this guy's wife came over and asked him how he did. Now... with just $38 in front of him (a loss of $462), he replied with "Great!"


Wednesday, September 14, 2005

eBay: 1950-s SOVIET SPACE MONKEY'S FLIGHT PANTS (item 7710412382 end time Sep-11-05 12:39:32 PDT)

Cmon... someone out bid me!!!

Click here...

STOLEN George Bush Joke

Thanks Jamie :)

President Bush was recently asked his position on Roe v. Wade.

He replied...

"I really don't care how the folks get out of New Orleans."

Losing Your Man... Football Season is Here... ALL GARBAGE, GARBAGE I TELL YOU

Alright... football season is here and much is made of people saying that they are going to lose thier husbands or boyfriends during football season. Yeah... football season is the best season of the year because it represents so much. For example:

A. It means grilling excessive amounts of food in the COLD weather.
B. It means that you will hear the crinkle of leaves under your feet when you walk the dog.
C. It means watching possibly 12 hours of men playing the American (blech to baseball in comparison) game.
D. It means that Sundays are filled with crappy food and lots of beer and stupid commercials.

In other words, football season is great and it requires a change in the behavior that dominated so much of the summer.

I got into a conversation with a friend of mine about how she loses her husband during football season and she just hates it. She complained that he spends a lot of time watching the game and she doesn't get to spend much time with him. I am not going to get into what goes on in their home... as that is her own problem...

At the same time, when you talk to my secretary, she has a different take on the football season. Until last week, she was loud and proud of how her husband is NOT a football fan. She is glad that he is a baseball fan.

I was perplexed by this as I think that having a husband who is a football fan is much more desirable than having a husband who is a football fan.

I asked her, "Do you like seeing your husband..."

She said, "Yes I do..."

I said, "Then you WANT them to be a football fan... They only watch football for about 20 days of the year while baseball fans are watching for 190 days of the year."

She had nothing to say.

Regardless of where you stand on the whole football season issue, I like the way muh wife handles it. I am so surpised to hear male friends of mine who tell me horror stories of how their wives only "let: them watch "one game" per Sunday. What? That isn't too productive in the grand scheme of things.

She doesn't really care for football and if it is a choice between sitting with me and watching a game or getting her eyes poked out by hot skewers, she will take the game any day. Tangent Woman knows that I like football and if it is on, I will want to watch it. She doesn't fuss and doesn't complain. To be honest... because she has this respect for something I like, I am MUCH more willing to go out during the day with her on a Sunday afternoon or a Monday night and miss a game or two. It is just about being polite and I have the best wife in the world.

P.S. All rules are suspended when the Raiders are on television since it happens so rarely.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


So.. Thanks Shari for sending me this interesting tidbit. I then IM'ed it to several people to see the reaction.

Read the absurd blurb and then read the reactions... They say it all.

'Pat Robertson on Sunday said that Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of expressing its anger at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for its selection of Ellen Degeneres to host this year’s Emmy Awards. “By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God’s wrath,” Robertson said on “The 700 Club” on Sunday. “Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?” Robertson also noted that the last time Degeneres hosted the Emmys, in 2001, the September 11 terrorism attacks took place shortly before the ceremony. “This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.” Robertson added that other tragedies of the past several years can be linked to Degeneres’ growing national prominence. September, 2003, for example, is both the month that her talk show debuted and when insurgents first gained a foothold in Iraq following the successful March invasion. “Now we know why things took a turn for the worse,” he explained. In order to avoid further tragedy, Robertson called not only for the Television Academy to find a new heterosexual host, but to bar all homosexuals and bisexuals from taking part in the ceremony. He said employees at the Christian Broadcasting Network had put together a list of 283 nominees, presenters, and invited guests at the Emmys known to be of sexually deviant persuasions. “God already allows one awards show to promote the homosexual agenda,” Robertson declared. “But clearly He will not tolerate such sinful behavior to spread beyond the Tonys.”'

1. this guy is a friggin nutbag
2. man this just weeks after saying we should assassinate some foregin leaders
3. makes us look normal
4. what an ass and people believe that shit that makes me sad
5. Are you kidding!!!!??????
6. holy heaven what is that guy smoking
7. tha's sickening
8. he is fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all for summing up how I feel.

Ummm... He Didn't...

... uuuhhh... he actually admitted to doing something wrong?


CNN Breaking News -- President Bush says he takes responsibility for the federal government's failures in responding to Hurricane Katrina.

I hope CNN has its facts straight.

heh heh.

Top Five Tuesday -- Photo Edition

Top Five Stupid Lines I Heard Regarding Bob Denver's Death (All honest to goodness comments I heard people say or type.)
1. It is so sad that Gomer Pyle is dead.
2. Didn't he crash his own plane a few years ago?
3. Good bye little buddy.
4. He has set off for his own desert island of death.
5. Who was Gilligan?

Top Five Thoughts About Sunday's First Big Day of Football
1. Frigging Panthers... so much for Survivor Football this year...
2. New York fans really gotta be nervous about their QBs.
3. Willie Parker... who?
4. My Raiders sure didn't look that bad in comparison to some other teams.... oof.
5. Drew Bledsoe... washed up? Nah....

Top Five Things George Bush Was Doing During Hurricane Katrina
1. Playing golf
2. Staying on vacation
3. Picking a new friend to screw up FEMA.
4. Fishing in the bayou
5. Nothing

Top Five Experiences in AC This Weekend
1. Getting some time to spend with Anthony -- Haven't had hang out time in awhile.
2. Winning....and winning a lot at 3-6 poker.
3. Getting one whole side of the poker table to completely gang up on the jackass at the other end. We didn't care who won on our side as long as he didn't.
4. I had a chicken cheese steak made from an actually chicken breast. It was amazingly good.
5. Finally making it home to fall asleep right in muh comfy bed.

Top Five Shows I am Considering Watching This Fall Although I'll Probably Only Watch One or Two
1. Extras -- Ricky Gervais
2. Everybody Hates Chris
3. My Name is Earl
4. Twins (Cousin Larry is in it.... heh heh....)
5. yeah... that's it... tv sucks... DVDs rule.

Top Five Hurricane Names We May ACTUALLY SEE This Year Since We Are Already Just Three Below the Record
1. Xavier
2. Yasmine
3. Willie
4. Zed
5. Xander

Monday, September 12, 2005

Shame on Many of You

How dare you say that Meet The Fockers was a good movie.

Jesus C. that was long and unnecessary.


You all disappoint me....

Hurricane Names

I had a couple of Top Five Tuesdays that made fun of hurricane names a couple of months ago.

I used names that began with Z and X thinking that there was no way that a hurricane total could never reach 24 or 26 in one year. The record in one year is 18. It is the beginning of September and we are already at 15. Ophelia just popped up.

I did a bit of research into hurricane names and this is what I found.

2005 Names
1. Arlene
2. Bret
3. Cindy
4. Dennis
5. Emily
6. Franklin
7. Gert
8. Harvey
9. Irene
10. Jose
11. Katrina
12. Lee
13. Maria
14. Nate
15. Ophelia
16. Philippe
17. Rita
18. Stan
19. Tammy
20. Vince
21. Wilma

Military weather forecasters began giving women's names to significant storms during WWII, then in 1950 the World Meteorological Organization agreed to an alphabetical naming system, using the military's radio code. The first named Atlantic hurricane was Able in 1950.

Officials soon realized the naming convention would cause problems in the history books if more than one powerful Hurricane Able made landfall. So, in 1953 the organization adopted a rotating series of women's names, planning to retire names of significant storms.

Feminists urged the WMO to add men's names, which was done in 1979. The boy-girl-boy-girl naming convention evolved to include French and Spanish names in the Atlantic system, reflecting the languages of the nations affected by Carribean hurricanes.

Twenty-one names are reserved each year (the letters q, u, x, y and z are not used), and the names are recycled every six years, minus those retired. When a name is retired, the World Meteorological Organization chooses a new name to replace it.

My question then... is what will happen if we reach 22 hurricanes this year?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

September 11th

I was going to write a big tribute today on the 4th anniversary of the horrific day.

I can't do that after I spent 30 minutes yesterday with a man that fought in Afghanistan for 2 years -- 1 year longer than he was supposed to and he is only home because he got injured. He firmly believes that he would still be over there.

I just was moved by his heart and his emotions and I felt sorry for him.

HE will forever have a limp because of the war we are waging.

I then look at the footage of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and I have to ask...

How much of a superpower are we still?

Just curious...

Saturday, September 10, 2005

One of the Best Songs Ever...

... really has to be ....

Scotty Doesn't Know from Eurotrip.

I have it on repeat... and I don't wanna turn it off...

Friday, September 09, 2005

CNN Breaking News -- Umm... What?!?!?! Cmon...

I subscribe to an email service from CNN. They send me "Breaking News" whenever it happens.

Examples of the breaking news might range from a natural disaster like Katrina to the death of an important person like William Rhenquist. It is a great service and I often hear about news quickly that way since I do not watch television or listen to the radio all the time, but I might be at my dest at work reading email.

Overall, I am lucky to get 2 or 3 of these a week.

Over the Labor Day weekend, I got about 10. I don't mind them as they are usually very entertaining, but this weekend, was off its game. I feel as though they screwed up with the following two messages.

Sunday, September 04, 2005 6:06 PM-- AP: Army Corps of Engineers says police killed some of its workers as they crossed a bridge on the way to repair a canal.

Sunday, September 04, 2005 6:28 PM -- AP: Army Corps of Engineers says its contractors were not killed by police, but gunmen who fired at them were killed.

Both are factually correct and I am probably reading more into this than I need to, but why didn't they wait to find out the facts before sending out the first email?

It just seems a tad bit fishy to me that the first qualified as breaking news and they didn't have all the details. With all the news organizations competeing to get the news of tragedy into the ears of the American people first, they probably rushed to report this and assumed all the facts were true.

The tragedies in the southeast have been bad enough. At least report the facts correctly and not necessarily first.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Tucker Has Some New Toys - A Tale of Expectations

I wrote a blog recently about the March of the Dead Dog Toys... and how Tucker has an amazing ability to pretty destroy any toy that we give him within hours.

With this in mind, we still try and buy him new toys. Our recent trip to Target proved successful as Tucker... has allowed both to last a few days and appear to be ones that will last a long time.

The first toy is a new squeaky elephant. It has THREE squeakies in it and he loves to go to town with it.

Who am I to judge what is and isn't a good toy. The elephant seems a bit thin.. but he likes it... so whatever...

The other fun toy is a rope. We play rounds and rounds of fetch and tug of war with this little sucker. It is so colorful... and he loves it. Here... he guards it from evil invaders.

And here is the necessary close up.

Tangent Woman and I can only pray to whatever god there is that Tucker is a good little puppy.

THe future of his toys depends on it.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

An Open Letter To Music Lovers

Twice a year, I coordinate a CD exchange. It's a simple concept really and I learned it from Karen A. You can read her blog to the left. The basic gist is simple. You put together a CD of songs, you create a CD cover and then you mail a copy of it to each of the other participants. Hopefully, you will learn some new music or have a new CD of some old favorites. This Fall was no different. I figured that I would share with you what it is that I cam up with this time around.

My liner notes read like this:
"I remember back to the old days when a Beatles song was used to advertise NIKE. There was a big uproar from my music snob friends, and it drove others batty. Today, famous songs are used so much in advertising that people take them for granted. In fact, I discover new music in commercials like the Von Bondies or the Zutons.

For the past year, I have been taking notes of songs that were in commercials that I either re-discovered or found. My inspiration was 'I Want to Be Free' by Queen. I saw it in a C2 commercial and I was so happy to have remembered an old friend that I forgot about.

Enjoy my collection of songs that were in commercials. I know I do."

And here is my CD...and how it played out.


INTRO -- If I Could Buy The World a Coke Original Theme
Queen -- I Want to Break Free -- (C2)
The Kinks -- Picture Book -- (HP)'s -- Woo Hoo -- (Vonage)
War -- Why Can't We Be Friends? - (XM Satellite Radio)
Harry Nilsson -- EVerybody's Talkin' -- (SBC)
Biz Markie -- Just a Friend -- (Pepsi)
Von Bondies -- C'Mon C'Mon -- (HBO)
John Sebastian -- Welcome Back -- (Mylanta)
The Zutons -- Pressure Point -- (Levi's)
Journey -- Don't Stop Believin' -- (Fedex/Kinko's)
The Vines -- Ride -- (Nissan)
Kenny Loggins -- I'm Alright -- (American Express)
U2 - Vertigo --(iPod)
Yaz -- Situation -- (Nintendo)
David Bowie -- Young Americans -- (Fidelity Investments)
Earth, Wind, & Fire -- Shining Star -- (Gap)
Lovin' Spoonful -- Do You Believe in Magic? -- (Kohl's)
Nazareth -- Love Hurts -- (Norelco)
Harry Nilsson -- Coconut -- (Coke with Lime)
The Who -- I Can See for Miles -- (Sylvania)
Willie Nelson -- Always On My Mind -- (Levi's)
Muppets -- Mahna Mahna -- (Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper)

I will be sending out another invite for one of these on or around December 1st. Let me know if you are interested in participating and I will send an invite to you as well.


The Smelmooo


I ignored this when I first read about it.

Sudoku is a new "game" that is hitting the world. It is a number puzzle.

I have been trying it out for a week or so and I always get stuck.

Today... I solved my first puzzle and I am proud of myself.

Let me prove it.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Tucker's Party for Tangent Woman's Birfday

Tucker knows how to party.


Top Five Colored Pants I Cannot Wear...Now That Labor Day Has Passed
1. White
2. Off-White
3. Eggshell White
4. Cream White
5. White-ish

Top Five Things I Am Going To Do This Week While Tangent Woman Is On A Business Trip
1. I am going to watch the Oakland Raiders beat up the New England Patriots in the first NFL game of the year.
2. I am going to prepare a fantasy football team that creams Seth.
3. I am going to play in my weekly pick up basketball game even though I am feeling like poop.
4. Watch Buck Rogers until really late at night... and maybe soem wrestling too.
5. Practice table tournament poker on

Top Five Things That Rocked About Labor Day Weekend 2005
1. It was a great weekend where I didn't have to think that much at all.
2. I solved my very first Sudoku game ever!
3. We took Tucker to a dog park where he licked more dog vagina than any other dog... ever. Good dog!
4. I didn't have to hear anyone say... "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays..."
5. We had perfect weather and perfect company.

Top Five Things That Sucked About Labor Day Weekend 2005
1. I was pretty much hacking up for most of the weekend.
2. Entourage Season 2 came to an end. Booo...
3. Muh wife is considering a secret shadow blog. I hope she doesn't write bad thingies.
4. I ran out of cheese on Sunday night...
5. It ended...

Top Five Things I/We Would When We Win the Mega Millions Tonight
1. I would quit my job after a replacement was found.
2. I would travel around the world with Tangent Woman -- never knowing where I was going to be the next week.
3. I would be sure that all debts for our immediate families were paid off. (This is open to discussion.)
4. I would probably want to open up a store of all the things we bought on our travels and sell them for whatever price I felt like at the time.
5. I would insist that I have an IV inserted ... with cheese.

Top Five NFL Predictions That I Have Heard That Seem Absurd
1. Michael Vick will MVP
2. The Raiders will finish in last place in the AFC West.
3. The Redskins will make the playoffs.
4. Peyton Manning will break his leg (HOW DOYOU PREDICT THAT AND THEN USE IT AS A REASON THE COLTS WILL LOSE!?!?!?!)
5. John Madden will fly by 2007.

Happy Birfday Tangent Woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today marks her 28th birthday.

I wish her the bestest birfday ever....

Stay tuned for later today...

I will have a picture from the party that Tucker threw for the three of us.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Happy Labor Day!!!

Happy Labor Day Everybody (Said like Dr. Nick from The SImpsons...)

Today's agenda...

1. Go to dog park.
2. Buy photo albums with wife to put wedding proofs in them.
3. Hopefully get rid of whatever it is that has been kicking my ass all weekend so that I can go to work healthy tomorrow.
4. Wrestle the Tuck to see who will be World Interspecies Champion!

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Just How Frigging Hot Was It This Year?

Record Setting.

The charts don't lie.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sometimes.... I am Seven.

Sometimes.... I am Seven.

I am 31 years old and my wife is just about 28.

This stuff... still makes us giggle and bring home.

Lancaster is about families doing things together... hee hee... Intercourse News....

Friday, September 02, 2005

Portland, Portland Everywhere

It doesn't seem like much, but I have had an onslaught of Portland, Oregon recently.

Before the past few weeks, I had discussed the city maybe once or twice with my friend Renee and have had no other reason to ever be interested in it.

However, Portland has become a strong presence in my life as of late and here is why.

1. Muh wife went on a work trip there recently. That's right... people apparently work there! Click on these two links for stories of her trip. #1 and #2. She had an excellent time and has gone so far as to suggest that we go there on a trip someitme in the near future to explore the city.

2. I like to read and when I read, I like to pick up a new author and read all of his or her books in chronological order. I generally focus on mystery novels. A writer often writes about the same town as characters eventually become re-occuring characters. My current author is Phillip Margolin. He writes some pretty intensely graphic stuff AND it all takes place in Portland, Oregon. His books were so descriptive that I had 3% of me saying... be careful wife... Portland is dangerous. :)

3. We watched... and I am almost ashamed to admit this... "Are We There Yet?" with Ice Cube. The movie wasn't horrible BUT it took place in Portland, OR.

4. My friend R and her husband M just vacationed there. :)

Portland... in the span of three weeks has suddenly joined my list of places that I want to visit.

Who knew?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Did New Orleans Catastrophe Have to Happen?

I am infuriated now.

Let me sum up the article. (Thanks Matt)

About 2-3 years ago, money that was appropriated to New Orleans and the Army Corp of Engineers to shore up and improve the levees so they could withstand a Category 5 hurrican were slashed...know why?

The money was needed for the war

Click here...

March of the Dead Dog Toys

Because we are excellent pet owners, muh wife and I buy our cute little Tucker toys for him to play with.

With our experience, we have leared that the toys we buy have to meet some criteria.

1. They have to squeak or have a tennis ball attachement.

2. They can't be plastic anymore as Tucker has a fond desire to DESTROY toys that can be chewed up.

3. They should be soft.

An example of the most successful toy is his hippo. It is durable and it squeaks in the butt area. Tucker will play with that thing all night long...just squeaking it as much as possible. It also serves as his security blanket as it travels everywhere with him. He has it with him when he goes on trips or gets his nuts cut out. His other successful toy has been a squeaky football which squeaks and is made of a tough rubber as he has had it for a long time and has been unable to destroy it.

We discovered these psuedo guidelines through a series of failures. Now, we guess as to how long it takes for Tucker to destroy new toys. Until this past weekend, we had stored "destroyed" toys up on pieces of furniture and out of the Tucker's reach. They sat there -- mocking us as to our inability to purchase a good toy for Tucker. Muh wife finally got disgusted by our failures and suggested that we commence the "March of the Dead Dog Toys".

Let me show you a few of them.

A. Unidentifiable Toy -- This interesting looking toy is a... ummm... I have no idea what it is. Muh wife and I bought it on vacation as we felt guilty about leaving him alone for so long. It squeaked though. Tucker killed this one in a couple of days by yanking out the stuffing. Good job Tucker.

B. Popcorn and Soccer Ball -- As a present from a friend, these toys had a lot of promise. They squeaked and Tucker seemed to love them immediately. He chewed on them and focussed on the squeak. He then seemed intent on ripping all the stuffing out. It took him about... I don't know... an hour to ruin these toy. Good job Tucker.

C. Rope With Tennis Ball Attached -- This toy was a rope ring and the rope went through a tennis ball. It measured about 6 inches across. Tucker beat it up and threw it all over the place. In about 30 minutes, he chewed the tennis ball (A cheap one actually) right through ripping the toy apart. What a talented Tucker.

We will continue to buy him toys... and he will continue to destroy them. That's what puppies do... right?

Giddy With Glee

How excited am I to see the possible return of Mr. T to the big beautiful screen.

He has agreed to reprise his role of Clubber Lang from Rocky III in a possible Rocky VI. I don't care about Rocky anymore... but dammit.. I am all over a Clubber Lang appearance in anything... since he has one of the best movie lines ever.

Reporter -- (Clubber) What is you prediction for this fight?
Clubber -- My prediction? (pause and then with a snarl) PAIN.

Long Live Mr. T.