Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Things I Want Bush To Talk About Tonight
1. What HE searches for on Google.
2. Tucker
3. Brokeback Mountain's lasting affects on the institution of the Wyoming cattle trade.
4. Jack Abramamoffadoodle's relationship with him and his gay son.
5. The appointment of Jim McGreevey to the Homeland Security Secretary position.

Top Five Moments (Good and Bad) About Brokeback Mountain
1. What the hell does Heath Ledger say for half the film?
2. That really talkative wife in the middle of the movie is the chick from the Scary Movie movies... I had no idea until I saw the credits.
3. Anne Hathaway FROM THE PRINCESS DIARIES shows her boobs and the only thing anyone talks about is that there are gay people in the movie... there's plenty of heterostuff too folks!
4. It took entirely too long for them to finally fall in love... and then...BLAMMO... they were a couple..and things seemed rushed.
5. I loved how when the story focussed on the two of them..and when they were together..the colors were bright and good but when they went to their respective other lives, it was filmed as dreary and yellow. Nice touch Ang.

Top Five Reasons To Watch Lost -- a.k.a. Reasons Why I Am Annoyed At Myself For Waiting This Long To Watch It... (I have only watched the first 15 episodes mind you.)
1. Charlie -- He was a hobbit for four years! Now... he is easily one of the most compelling characters on the show...
2. Evangeline Lilly -- She is a stunning beauty when she is in her flashback mode. On the island...she is just regular hot. :)
3. Party of Five guy -- He is cool.
4. Terry O'Quinn or John Locke -- I love this guy..even though every time I see him... all I can think of is how he was "The Stepfather" in a really really really bad horror movie. He was the bad guy... chopping people up pretty violently too.
5. The scenery is just amazing... I love Hawaii.

Top Five Worst Movies That I Saw in 2005 -- Movies That Were Billed to Be Commercially Successful (This is in honor of the Razzies being announced. Also... you ever notice that these movies always seem to come out early in the year?)
1. Son of the Mask
2. Bewitched
3. The Longest Yard
4. Boogeyman
5. Every Single Remake and Sequel...be original people...

Top Five Best Movies of 2005 That I Have Seen And In No Particular Order
1. You, Me, and Everyone We Know
2. March of the Penguins
3. Murderball
4. Walk The Line
5. Crash

Monday, January 30, 2006

Random Thoughts On A Monday.

Random Thoughts On A Monday

1. So.. I have finally broken down and begun to watch Lost on DVD. I am not ashamed to admit that this is pretty frigging cool and I can't believe that I haven't watched it from the beginning. Anyway... I have two questions. One -- Why isn't anyone losing weight? I have seen Survivor enough to know that it happens... and Two -- Why is everyone's hair the same length all the time? Is one of the no named 25 people or so a barber?

2. I frequent an office building for meetings. On the first floor of this building is a men's room and since I travel for almost an hour each time to get there... I often use the facilities. I am always surprised...even though I have seen it for 5 years now... that the CENTER urinal of three is the handicapped one. In all my bathroom experiences, this has NEVER been the case except at this office building. Weird.

3. When I was watching the SAG awards last night with my excited wife, I made an observation when Shirly Temple Black came on the screen. I have wondered this for awhile but it surprises me. Why .... when women get older... does their lipstick get brighter? It never seems to fail.

4. I might be a horrible human being, but I am having trouble feeling compassion for the reporters in Iraq who just got injured. I feel lots of compassion for their families and friends but those guys... not so much.

5. I went to see Brokeback Mountain this week... a review to come.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Rutgers Knocks Off #22/23 Louisville, 65-56

I know I said that beating Seton Hall was enough... but this was almost as good. I watched this game at the gym.

Sometimes... you hurt yourself when you pump your arm on an eliptical machine.

Rutgers Knocks Off #22/23 Louisville, 65-56

January 28, 2006

PISCATAWAY, NJ - Junior guard Quincy Douby netted a game-high 19 points as Rutgers held No. 22 Louisville scoreless in the final three minutes of the second half to register an impressive 65-56 victory over the Cardinals before a raucous, sold-out crowd of 8,096 at the RAC on Saturday afternoon.

The victory over the Cardinals marked the Scarlet Knights' first victory over a ranked opponent this season. It is Rutgers' eighth win over a top-25 foe under fifth-year head coach Gary Waters and the 25th win over a ranked opponent in school history.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

10 Months

It's been 10 months since Tucker moved into our house.

It's 10 months later... and now... we live in Tucker's house.

Friday, January 27, 2006


This makes me so happy for some reason...it makes my wife so sad...but I plan on having about 20 copies delivered....


Squeaky clean Jennifer Love Hewitt may soon be a centerfold, sources say. "Jennifer has received some really big-bucks offers for years from magazines, including Playboy, to pose nude," but she has always laughed off the idea, a close friend tells Star People. Although Hewitt, 26, has a hit with CBS's Ghost Whisperer, she still wants a film career and doesn't feel she's getting the right scripts. "She always gets offered a cute little sidekick role," another friend says. "She told me that maybe a sexy magazine layout with her showing her assets might give her a little edgier image and she might be considered for a femme fatale role. She knows she can pull it off, but she thinks casting directors aren't so sure."

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Upcoming Reads

I was offered a too good to be true offer from Quality Paperback books and I purchased a slew of best sellers for an obscenely low price.

I'll probably read them and re-sell them on eBay.

I plan on reading these over the next 6 months or so.

1. The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova The Historian has been a best seller for awhile now and I figured... what the heck? It's only a $1.

2. 1776 by David McCullough Pulitzer Prize winning book... and I like history... why not?

3. The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family by Dan Savage Savage is gay and he wrote a fantastic book with a tremendous amount of insight into the process of adopting a kid. That was 2001 and this book is from 2005. It should be good since he is pretty funny and honest.

4. Cell by Stephen King He is "retired" yet he came out with another book. I guess he must have nothing better to do. I think the "retired" was more of a getting out from under a contract thing.

5. Cheating Death, Stealing Life: The Eddie Guerrero Story I have written about how much I love this guy. I have to read more about his life.

But first... I need to finish Undue Influence by Steve Martini

Books 6 of 26 -- What Happens When You Go to a Convention

Sooo... I headed off to sunny Florida for five days. While I was there, I read another Steve Martini book and started another, which I am still reading and will review over the next few days once I finish it.

Prime Witness follows around uber lawyer Paul Madriani on yet another case. This time, Paul has volunteered to help out a friend in need and serve as a temporary District Attorney. Then... his friend up and dies just as a string of murders occur. Paul is forced to remain as a district attorney until the case is resolved.

I like to think that I am as smart as the author in many of the books that I read. My track record with murder mysteries of this sort is around 80%. I can usually pick the murderer in the first 1/3 of the book but I read anyway as I like to see how they develop the characters. For the purposes of my estimation, I don't count books that pull out a murderer in the last 50 pages of the book. I like it better when we meet a slew of characters in the beginning and one of them is the horrible murderer.

Steve Martini writes effortlessly and Prime Witness is a Prime Example of this.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Dopey Thing To Do

So... last night I went to a black tie affair.

I have known about it for a long time and I didn't do any preparation for it before I left on any of my trips.

I ran home yesterday at 4:00 p.m. to get dressed and then run into the city for this affair.

Since I own my own tuxedo AND I have worn it since I bought it, I figured that I would have put everything in one spot.

Silly me.

I rushed and put myself into the monkey suit, and I was annoyed that I couldn't find my windsor tie for my tuxedo. I got annoyed since I had my bow tie and cumberbun on. I didn't like the way it looked. I am a huge fan of vests.

I was in a hurry and I searched everywhere for the windsor tie. I couldn't find it. So... in a fit of annoyance at my cumberbund, I put on the vest to see how it would look with my bow tie. It looked lovely and I left the house 15 minutes later than I had planned.

2 hours and 45 minutes later I went to the bathroom.

That's when I realized that I still had the cumberbun on.

I wore it all night long because... as a guy without a PURSE or fag bag, I couldn't take it off and put it anywhere.

It was my secret... only I knew... now... you people know...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Ideas I Have For Better Flying
1. Feet massagers
2. Partitions so that if you get the chattiest people on the planet like I got on my flight down… you can just put the partition up.
3. Name tags. Yeah… we love our anonymity but really… how much fun would it be if you knew everyone's name on a plane… there would be a lot less stress I think. A lot less "looking over your shoulder" of sorts.
4. Have an election of all passengers about ¾ of the way through the flight. The person with the most votes as the most annoying passenger… gets booted…immediately. First class doesn't get you immunity either.
5. Nudity. Doesn't that make everything better though?

Top Five Things I Didn't Expect About Muh Trip To Florida
1. To bump into someone I work with in Florida at the hotel.
2. To see so much rain.
3. To want to return to the icy and frozen tundra of New Jersey.
4. To thoroughly be amazed at how the people I met down here that are from Jersey are so… "Jersey…"
5. The Westin was just not as nice as I thought it would be… people wise. It is not cool when the staff in NYC if far nicer than in Florida.

Top Five Sights That Made Me Giggle
1. There were cabanas by the pool at the hotel I stayed at. On Sunday, one guy seriously had about 20 BRONCOS items waving in the wind. Sucker.
2. I saw this 400 pound woman get stuck in the revolving door. Thankfully, it was for only a few minutes… I would have felt bad about laughing if she hadn't gotten out.
3. I went to the Hard Rock Casino and there were a lot of scantily clad women there. I was sitting next to this fella who was a couple of years older than me. Every time a pretty good looking and dressed inappropriately woman walked by. He would say… "Holyfuckingshit…" all in one word. It was pretty funny… every single time. Guess you had to be there.
4. I had a corner room and the front of the hotel sticks out so you can see the other "corner rooms" in the other tower. Let's just say that I saw a lot of naked man ass. Some of it… comical.
5. I have a mirror… get it?

Top Five Things I Ate in Florida
1. Grilled Crusted Salmon
2. Filet Mignon Tips
3. Sushi & Pad Thai Combination Lunch
4. Pizza topped with pepperoni, sausage, and sliced tomatoes.
5. Blueberry yogurt… I really need to buy that more often…I love it so much.
Honorable Mention - 14 oz New York Strip Steak

Top Five Names For Our Next Dog
1. Oscar
2. Winnie
3. Shmoopy
4. Spazinator
5. Chuckie…that one's fer Tangent Woman

Monday, January 23, 2006

Florida is nice this time of year...

.... and I can't wait to be home in the comfort of my own house with muh wife and god.

Hotels are great... but I feel awfully limited and this place just doesn't compare with Puerto Rico last week.

Less than 20 hours until I am back in New Jersey...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Password Fun

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on to the computer.

The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:






His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:


Saturday, January 21, 2006

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

1. Your last name stays put.
2. The garage is all yours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. You can be President.
6. You can never be pregnant.
7. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
8. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
9. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
10. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
11. Same work, more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
15. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood all the time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
19. You know stuff about tanks.
20. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
21. You can open all your own jars.
22. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
23. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
24. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. You almost never have strap problems in public.
27. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
28. Everything on your face stays its original color.
29. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. You only have to shave your face and neck.
31. You can play with toys all your life.
32. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
33. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
34. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
35. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
36. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
37. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
38. No wonder men are happier.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Reasons Why I Need To Never Watch Television

I really don't watch much television in the grand scheme of things. Muh wife and I may watch a lot of movies on television but when it comes to watching actual shows with beginnings and endings... it is rare. We even have a show... ER... where we aren't even sure why we watch it...but...we do.

However... when you are killing 35 minutes in a hotel room or have nothing to do for 45 minutes and don't want to start a project or get engrossed in a book, I will channel surf... and recently... I have found a variety of programming that really makes me question whether the world is coming to an end or not.

1. Flavor of Love -- Why can't I turn this off when it is on? The absurd idea that anyone would desire Flavor Flav as a friend let alone as a mate is beyond me. What really makes the show horribly inviting and fun are the women. Flavor Flav is gold in these shows.

He is hilarious and makes me laugh a lot because he is so undesirable...and freaky looking. I love a good viking hat on people. The women though... OH MY GOD... I have never wanted to smack more people in my entire life. They are real women who think they are better than they really are. One of the frustrating things about The Bachelor shows are that the women are so gorgeous and so athleticly perfect and so smart and perfect that it isn't realistic. Not that Flavor of Love is realistic...but damn... I feel so much better after watching the show.

2. Next -- This is the show where five people compete for the affection of another.

It could be five men vying for one woman, five women vying for a man, five men vying for a man or five women vying for a woman... The person meets and is set up in a contrived date. The person then decides if they want to keep spending time with the first contestant. If they decide they aren't enjoying themselves, they just say NEXT and a new person is available for another contrived date. The contestant earns a dollar for every minute they last. Long story short... if they have the right and extremely absurd people on the show... it is a classic example of train wreck television.

3. Date My Mom -- My love for this show is extremely well documented. I need a life... but whenever it is on... I can NOT turn it off.

I need my Date My Mom fix... it is a sick habit and I need a 12 step program... help... please...

4. Pet Star -- Even though I write almost obsessively about Tucker, I am not a huge ANimal Planet channel watcher. I forget that we even have the channel. Mario Lopez hosts an animal Star Search program where animals do funky tricks and get rated by even more mediocre stars ... i.e. Danica Kellar of Wonder Years fame.

The animals really are cute and I notice that trick involving dogs better be the greatest tricks in the world because they are judged the toughest. The show isn't that good if you were to evaluate it...but I can't turn it off. I recently stumbled across it when it did a 2 hour BEST OF CLIPS SHOW! I am in love.

I have figured it out... almost all of these shows are on MTV and VH1... please rediscover music videos... I beg of you...

Thursday, January 19, 2006


I am flying to Florida today and this comes over the CNN Breaking News a couple of hours before I leave.

-- Al-Jazeera airs audiotaped message purportedly from Osama bin Laden warning that plans for attacks inside U.S. are under way.

Books 4 & 5 of 26 -- A Visit With Steve Martini

My trip to Puerto Rico enabled me to do some more reading.

As I have mentioned in posts over on the now defunct Smokable Clown, I like to discover a new author and read his or her books all at once. I read them in chronological order and I can generally find them all on eBay in a "lot" for an extremely discounted price. The author of the moment is Steve Martini. For trips such as this one, it is perfect to pack a few paperback books and read them.

I have never read Martini before. I knew that he writes legal thrillers -- a genre of book that I enjoy immensely, yet I have never and probably never will read a John Grisham book -- and I knew he was a pretty popular writer. His new books often appear on the New York Times Bestseller list. I figured...what the heck... I'll give him a shot.

Plus... his biography shows where he got his insight into the legal system. "In 1974 he entered private law practice in California where he appeared in both state and federal courts. During his law career he worked as a legislative representative for the State Bar of California , served as special counsel to the California Victims of Violent Crimes Program, and was an administrative law judge and supervising hearing officer."

Book 4 -- Simeon Chamber

As far as legal thrillers go, Simeon Chamber had a lot going for it. It was the first novel by a new writer and as most new writers do -- he pulled out all the literary tricks he could muster. It was a legalized version of the DaVinci Code written in 1980 something where a lawyer searched for the lost documents of Francis Drake -- a "pirate". The main character used cunning and his legal mind to win out in the end. Although I enjoyed the book I am about to write about better, I would recommend this book for any beach goer.

Book 5 -- Compelling Evidence

Often times, a writer such as Steve Martini discovers that one of his characters is more popular than they could have imagined. His character that fits the bill is Paul Madriani and Compelling Evidence was his debut novel. Of Martini's novels, the majority feature this character. What makes these characters more enjoyable to the mass public is that they are portrayed as every men. They are unique in their legla expertise, yet painted as underdogs that we can root for. The Madriani character is that way and since it is written in the first person, Madriani is easy to like and root for. I will also say one thing about this book. It is the first legal thriller I have read where the main character has a line of dialogue and then explains to the reader what the strategy is behind his comment. I enjoyed this a lot more than Simeon Chamber and I can see why this was the book that made Martini a star.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Random Thoughts on a ...Wednesday...

1. For Christmas, muh wife ordered Alien Nation -- the Complete Series on DVD. Yes... I am a complete nerd. It was based upon the movie starring James Caan and Mandy Patinkon and was pretty good but it was destined to doom as it was science fiction and on Fox.

I have watched a few episodes and it is as heartfelt and dopey as I remember it. Thanks to muh wife for bringing me joy with something that really was something I thoroughly enjoyed. Now... I just have to stay attuned to future movies that were made coming out. The show originally aired in 1989 and 1990. They made five made for TV movies over the next 7 years after that. VERY exciting... I hope those movies come out soon. Oh boy... I think I have hit some all time new geek level...more than when I was watching all the Buck Rogers' episodes.

2. I was so incredibly happy that muh wife and I used some Borders/Waldenbooks' gift cards to purchase a truly awesome book. It is entitled The Complete Calvin & Hobbes I LOVED this cartoon when I grew up and I am so glad to be rediscovering it.

The books are insanely heavy and muh wife and I each had to carry one side of the plastic bag in order to carry it comfortably... Calvin & Hobbes is the single greatest comic strip ever done and this book may be simply the best retrospective...ever.

3. One of my favorite bands in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD has a new single out. The name? The same as muh wife's real name. I got the single for her as a surprise. She should hang it up at work. If you want to know what it is... email me or something...and I will let you know.

4. I told someone recently that I am the new guy on my town's Zoning Board. I was appointed at the beginning of the year. This person asked me -- "What will you do when people offer you a bribe?" I jokingly pondered it and then said, "I won't take it." Five minutes later, she asked me... "What if it is $50,000?" I said..."Nope..." About 5 minutes later, she asked, "What if it is $250,000?" I said with my patience disappearing... "uhh... no...." Later in the day, she followed up with, "How about a million dollars?" I almost blew my stack with... "NO!!!!!!!!!!" Maybe I should.

5. I recently cleared out my IM listing. There were a lot of dead names on there or people that I haven't seen in years on there. It was good to just plain clear that stuff out.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A New Day and Look...

I gave you .... my 55 loyal readers... a new look...

Any problems with that?

Top Five Tuesday -- Post Puerto Rico Style

Top Five Things I Have Never Done Before That I Did in Puerto Rico
1. I got a massage -- it was a couples massage on top of that!
2. Went horse back riding as an adult -- the kid rides don't count.
3. Fell asleep at the pool for over an hour...
4. Played $5-$10 Texas Hold Em and won.
5. I threw a game of pool.

Top Five Reasons Why Flying Sucks

1. The engines were louder ..almost than our headphones for our portable DVD player... I eventually learned to turn on the subtitles just to re-emphasize what I was hearing.
2. A little bit of rain and snow can delay you for over two hours.
3. I hate...just hate... being stuck in a big iron box with a guy who coughs and "phlegms" for the entire trip. Too bad the engine wasn't loud enough to cover them.
4. My leg always ends up hurting and I can NEVER get the claims of broken blood vessels made by wife that are "supported" by her doctor sister... out of my head
5. The food.... it is just ... not good...

Top Five Things I Did In Puerto Rico -- All With Muh Beautiful Wife
1. Couples Massage.... nice....
2. Horseback Riding
3. Ate and Read and Slept and Stopped Thinking For A Bit
4. Gambled in the casino there... the only reason this is a top five thing is that it REALLY worked out to our benefit...
5. Hiked through a rainforest...

Top Five Things That We Found On Our DVR Queue Last Night
1. 24 -- WOO HOO
2. The Soup
3. My Name is Earl
4. Dancing WIth the Stars -- both original and the results show.
5. The Office

Top Five Biggest Headlines That We Missed and I COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT on cnn.com
1. Bradgelina is having a baby -- barf...
2. Birgit Nilsson's Dies -- She is actually an opera singer and not Flavor Flav's old flame.
3. David Hasselhoff Files for divorce...
4. Chad Lowe and Hillary Swank file for divorce...
5. Lohan -- Appalled by Vanity Fair article... In case you haven't realized it yet Lindsay... but ummm... you are a celebrity.. people might make shit up about you.

Top Five Things We Missed Due to Being on a Beach or in an Airport
1. Bettis fumble on the one
2. Vanderjagt missing a field goal
3. Stephen Alexander dropping all noteriety when finally shown nationwide by fumbling on one of his first real carries.
4. Venus was booted in the first round of the Australian Open -- Sucker.
5. Michelle Kwan stealing someone's spot to be on the Olympic team. Frigging sucks for that chick and is complete B.S.

Poor Little Cat

Now... I may not like cats... but this one is so sad... I took this from Jamie's blog.

Cy, short for Cyclopes, a kitten born with only one eye and no nose, is shown in this photo provided by its owner in Redmond, Oregon, on Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2005. The kitten, a ragdoll breed, which died after living for one day, was one of two in the litter. Its sibling was born normal and healthy.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Good to Be "Home" -- An Interesting Plane Ride

Muh wife and I had a great trip last night... and arrived home safely.

We were supposed to arrive at 10:00 pm, but the plane was delayed by 2 hours.

We landed at midnight (2 hours late...on the dot...) but were forced to wait another 20 minutes...


We had to wait until they arrested two people...

It made for a very exciting and late night that resulted in us getting home at 1:30 last night.

You may ask... why were they arrested?


Let this be a lesson to you all... DON'T SMOKE ON A FRIGGING AIRPLANE!!!

A Trip to a Diner -- An Experience in Patience

Not too long ago, muh wife and I decided that we didn't want to think about dinner and we didn't want or care about a nice dinner. We just wanted to head to a place that was going to make some easy and quick food.


We got it.

We headed over to a diner that was out of town as the diner in town is actually kind of good and wasn't ready to supply us with the white trash dining experience that we so desired.

Upon entering, we were treated to what we expected. Many of the folks eating were there in their best Friday night gear -- sweatpants and head bands. It was a sight for sore eyes.

We reviewed our 500 page menu and decided on some yummy foods. Muh wife an omellet and myself the Mahi Mahi special (Don't laugh... it wasn't as good as you might think. ;-))

After ordering, we reviewed our placemats. A typical Jersey diner placemat is an advertiser's dream. You can advertise your quality product and hopefully someone will entertain your business. We were entertained alright by an ad for the Gallery Motel in South Amboy, NJ. You can reserve their "Cave Room" or their "Jungle Suite." We couldn't possibly imagine what these were..so we ripped out the ad that featured a website and brought it home. This is what we found. I want to say so much about it... but I will let you peruse the site... as it is truly offensive... yet... intriguing... I have done some research into the place and discovered that they have two rates -- 4 hour rates or overnight. Nice.

About two tables over, a really crappy mother was out with her two children and another grown woman. The children were about 2 and 5. The baby started crying. I mean... SCREAMING... the mother literally just continued her conversation. It went on for a couple of minutes until the owner of the place finally brought a lollipop to the kid to shut it up. My question... why didn't the mother just pick up the baby or even acknowledge it? I am not a parent and I just don't understand...but I know I would be FAR MORE PATIENT AND TOLERANT if she was attempting to quiet the baby.

The diner did have an incredibly awesome upside. It had the full sized version of Ms. PacMan. I guess it's because we were in public, but muh wife didn't curse once... not once.... we actually played for about 15 minutes... we are that good.

My time for sleeping is at hand... I wish you all the best.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Off for awhile...

... muh wife and I are heading off to beautiful Puerto Rico for a work trip for a few days.

We will be back late on Sunday night.

I am anticipating taking some time to write a few things as I will be on a work trip and not a vacation.

I wish you luck from gorgeous and sunny Puerto Rico.

I also leave you with this parting shot at the Giants before I go...

One of you tremendously devoted Giants' fans and Eli butt lovers told me that I shouldn't make fun of Eli since Kerry Collins "blew up" in front of my eyes...

I offer this statistical evidence.

Kerry didn't blow up at all... the rest of the team sucks though...specifically the secondary and the offensive line. The team is not good...

Kerry threw for 3759 yards in only 15 games and 20 TDs... and 12 INTs... with a passer rating of 77.3

Eli threw for 3762 yards in 16 games and 24 TDs...and 17 INTs...with a passer rating of 75.9

Now... come on...don't try to convince me that Eli is better...

The real question is... who's better? Tiki or Lamont Jordan? Tiki...and that's why the Giants are as good as they are.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Bowman's Superbowl Boxes Game

This is run by my buddy Chris. Get a box and make a donation to my winnings.



"Hey All,

It is that time of year again. The playoffs have started, my team is out BUT that doesn't mean we can't have fun! With that said, the 2006 Super Bowl Box Pool is open. For those of you who have entered before, you know mine won't hurt the wallet and is easy to follow. For those who still are unsure here's a quick breakdown.

You take the score at the end of each quarter of the SuperBowl. The last digit of each team's score is the important thing. You then find the team and that number and match it up with the other team's last digit.

For example: When the Bears play the Patriots in the SuperBowl this year, the score at the end of the 1st quarter is 10-7 Patriots. You would take the 0 for the Patriots and the 7 for the Bears and see where they meet on the chart. That box wins that quarter. We repeat this for all the rest of the quarters. Halftime and the end of the game are worth the most.

The website is up and running to track what boxes are available. All you have to do is let me know what box you want via email or phone.


Just click on the Super Bowl Box Game. If demand is high we will open a second game.


Top Five Tuesday -- Giants Got Reamed Style

Top Five Reasons Why Eli Was a Joke on Sunday
1. Interception #1
2. Interception #2
3. Interception #3
4. Fumble #1
5. He is over rated.

Top Five Stars of Dancing With the Stars (In order of how I am rooting...)
1. Stacey Keibler
2. Jerry Rice
3. Tia Carrere
4. Tatum O'Neal
5. George Hamilton
Honorable Mention and Unfair Advantage -- Lisa Rinna's lips

Top Five Reasons Why Our DVR Queue Will Fill Up On Thursdays (It Really is insane...since there is almost nothing else on for the rest of the week.)
1. Survivor
2. My Name is Earl
3. The Office
4. ER
5. Dancing With the Stars

Top Five Howard Stern Whack Packers (This is a bit late... but it is due. These are MY favorites...in no particular order...and the ones that made ME laugh the most.)
1. Captain Janks
2. Beetlejuice
3. Daniel Carver
4. Gary the Retard
5. Nicole Bass -- So bad she was good.

Top Five Reasons Why This Is Awesome -- (Porn stars strut their stuff at Vegas awards)
1. This was actually reported on by MSNBC.
2. The ceremonies brought "tears" to people.
3. The AVN awards are actually referred to as... "The Oscars of Porn."
4. This line is a classic! 'Best Film Actress winner Savanna Samson was cheered when she recognized the support of her peers as crucial because "most of my family is pretty ashamed of what I do."'
5. It is porn...and I love saying that word.

Top Five Questions of 2006
1. Will the world be rid of Paris Hilton?
2. Will the world be rid of Tom Cruise?
3. Will the world be rid of Pat Robertson?
4. Will the world be rid of the NHL?
5. Will the world be rid of Hillary Duff? (This one is for muh wife.)

Congrats to Tangent Woman

Muh beautiful wife is a published author.

Her super duper journal article is available and I will share it with you if you ask.

(The abstract is available now...)

Tucker loves you toots and congrats!

Book 3 of 26 -- Heartbreak & Triumph : The Shawn Michaels Story

Ahhh... for someone who said that he just wants to read 26 books this year, I have been awfully busy. I picked up another book from the library the other day and it was completely a selfish read. It was entitled Heartbreak & Triumph : The Shawn Michaels Story

Before you start shaking your head in disbelief...let me say something.

I have been a huge fan of professional wrestling for a very long time. I continue to watch it -- even though most of it is on Fast Forward with the DVR, but I love it. I enjoy the escapism and I enjoy the "Holy Shit" moments that some wrestlers are still committed to providing me.

One of the highlights of my year is driving down to E.P. to my friend Chris' house and watching Wrestlemania with his friends -- other big wrestling fans. We all mark out and cheer for our favorite wrestlers. They all generally boo and hiss me as my favorite wrestlers are always the bad guys. They just seem to be having so much fun being bad guys and it cracks me up.

Wrestling is a great distraction and it makes me laugh.

....And for some reason... it has a tremendous calming affect on Tucker...who will sit next to me on the floor and watch the television when it is on. This happens about 1/2 the time it is on.

One of my favorite wrestlers is Sean Michaels. If asked, I would say that he is my brother's favorite wrestler of all time. Sean recetnly put out an autobiography and I just finished reading the 345 page book. It was what I expected and provided a great deal of insight into "wrestling" events that I have always wondered about.

This is obviously a book for fans and I would completely recommend it to any fan.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Follow Up Random Thought

8. We participated in a "Game Night" with a pair of couples over the weekend. It was a good time and I actually have to repeat something muh wife said.

Often times, when we are introduced to new people like this, one of the two people is much more likable. In the case of A & J, they were both awesome.

Now... if we could just do something about the male host of the evening.... ;-)

Random and Minimal Thoughts On a Monday

1. So...muh wife and I are headed to Puerto Rico on Wednesday until Sunday night. (Go ahead...rob our house... it's ok.) I was looking forward to rubbing it in to a bunch of folks about how much warmer it is than Jersey... but..alas... it doesn't matter since it has been and will be much warmer than normal this time of year here.

2. Muh wife and I watched two unbearable movies this weekend. In fact... we had to turn one off since it made both of our heads hurt. "Yes" Blech. The other movie with no point was Broken Flowers with Bill Murray. That one actually pissed us off since there wasn't any point at all!

3. I am pretty bummed to be leaving Tucker for 6 days. The little fuzz butt has been unusually cute... especially this past weekend.

4. Does anyone have the answer to this question? "What Jamestown hero may have poisoned many of the first English settlers there, according to the TV documentary Secrets of the Dead? "

5. I really must ask all people that support Pat Robertson's recent charge to post a comment. I need to know who believes this stuff... I want to ask you questions so that I can understand you better... PLEASE.

6. Marcus Vick = Humungous Asshole... and as my brother put it last night... I hope that there isn't a single team in the NFL that would consider drafting this S.O.B. until late...just to make a f-ing point.

7. Kenny Mayne is off Dancing With the Stars. I must shift all my attention to Stacey Keibler now.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Giants Took One Up the Ole Pooper Today

I have never been happier to see the Panthers win.

Eli was a SUPERSTAR today.

3 INTs and a fumble.

Good work Eli... good work.

Friday, January 06, 2006

The End of Smokable Clown

I was inspired last year by a friend of mine to start up Smokable Clown. It was supposed to be a site where we put our impressions of things... entertainment. We were going to write movie and book reviews and talk about what we were watching and reading and listening to.

The site became a chronology for a goal that we both decided to try. That was to read 52 books in a year. I was able to do so and a lot of the books I read were what I enjoy reading -- crap. I generally don't read the "important" books nor do I want to.

I have decided to officially announce that I will not be contributing anymore to the site and refocus all my efforts to this site. I will let you know what I am reading -- after I read it. Every once in awhile, I might even let you know what I am reading BEFORE I read it.

I have made a new goal for myself in 2006. I want to read 26 books. I don't want to force myself to read and I want to enjoy reading more this year. I have recently picked up my first book and finished it in 3 days. I started a second book on the 4th and finished that in 2 days. The rest of the year won't be that easy, but I will be focussed on it.

My first book of the year and a book that typifies my desire to read drivel was "At First Sight" (by master of schmaltz -- Nicholas Sparks. It has been sitting on my desk for a couple of months and I finally decided to clear it off by reading it. I was surprised by it. The book was centered around a man who was making some huge life choices by getting married to a completely different woman than he expected. He from NYC and her from a very small and intimate Southern town. The stereotypes you would expect were present, but the book focused more on his inner feelings and doubts about others. I found it extremely insightful. Even though the situations were taken to dramatically hyperbolic standards, I felt a kinship with him. It was a gentle and harmless read.

My second book of the year was by former President Jimmy Carter and it was entitled Sharing Good Times. This is my first book by the President and I was impressed at how easily he writes. He has a simplicity about it and he just seems to enjoy writing. This book is a collection of some of his most enjoyable memories. The catch is that in all of these memories, he has shared them with someone else... from the leader of Israel to his wife Rosalyn, Carter brings us on a journey through his life. It was a feel good book and I feel good about recommending it to you all.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

So... I Was Shaken Up From Almost Dying...

...so... I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write about this but I guess mostly because it really shook me up.

It isn't as dramatic as I made the title sound, but I can still see it happening in my head and my back is still a bit tight from it.

On a rainy Tuesday afternoon at 1:50 p.m., I pulled up to an intersection and was the first one at the light. I was on a road that spills onto a major county road.

Sitting at the light, I watched the cross traffic come to a stop as their light turned red.

The light is delayed, so I waited for the oncoming traffic to cross and make their appropriate turns. My light eventually turned and I hit the gas. When I was about half way through the traffic, the cross traffic lane was the host of a speeding and oncoming car. He swerved and slid on the wet ground. The back of his swerved out and he came within two feet from hitting my Big Blue Buick.

It was scary as I froze there in the middle of the intersection. The Asshole waved at me like..."My Bad" and then sped off after narrowly missing the car in the other turning lane as well.

What the hell?


WOW! That was really awesome.

What a game.... I wish I had stayed up to see the end.

Go Texas....

Did Vince Young just move up in the draft... like ... 10 spots or what?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Random Thoughts On A Wednesday

1. So... much like muh wife likes to do...I was looking at the "Visitor Paths" section of my stat counter for the blog. Someone found my blog by searching "testicles chopped"

2. Muh wife and I caught the most recent episode of the World Poker Tour over the weekend. We noticed that the sexy female host is different than normal. It is normally Shana Hiatt -- who has been on the show for over 3 years.

I have/had a small crush on her as I think she is cute and silly. She isn't drop dead gorgeous nor the brightest, but she seemed like a girl next door type. The new chick -- Courtney Friel -- is a much hotter woman and she seems very down to earth too... but I am torn... as I will just plain miss Shana.

Funny thing is... if you go to the WPT site, you will see Shana is still all over the site.

3. I was hanging out somewhere over the holidays and I heard the funniest thing ever. Someone described their fart as "hot." Hot? I have heard of smelly or powerful or even warm... but never as HOT. That just sounded painful.

4. So ... for tonight's championship game, I am rooting for Texas. It isn't that I really care who will win this point fest... it's that I am in a College Bowl pool. I am currently vying for WORST pool. If Texas beats USC, I will get my money back. It was a bad year for me for picking teams in college AND the NFL. At least all my fantasy teams were winners.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Top Five Tuesday -- 2006 Style

Top Five College Football Game Moments From Yesterday
1. The Big East finally got a win by beating up on Georgia in its home stadium. Go WVU!
2. Notre Dame losing... I am not sure why this is good... but I can't stand them.
3. I don't think that Ohio State has an 3 or 4 yard plays in its game book.
4. That field goal that won for Alabama was truly the closest field goal I have ever seen. Did anyone else see that live... like I did?
5. Florida can play huh?

Top Five Chores I Did Yesterday Since I Was Left To My Own Devices For Most of It
1. Repaired all the chew marks of Tucker on the molding in the kitchen. If you look real close, you will see what I did.
2. Did three loads of laundry... including the dreaded whites.
3. Rearranged all the furniture in the dining room without damaging the floor...
4. Brushed out the Tuckmeister... just because he was sleeping.
5. Cleaned out the fireplace.

Top Five Things We Watched This Weekend
1. The Raiders covering a spread I had set up so that I could win a bet with someone for lunch.
2. Airplane!
3. College Football... it really is super awesome when it is done right.
4. Dark Water -- I really expected to hate this movie more than I did.
5. Grizzly Man -- Muh wife and I are split on this one. I liked the movie and didn't like the guy. Muh wife didn't like either.

Top Five Reasons Why I Am Excited For Next Week
1. We will be in a very warm place.
2. "Work" will consist of being in a very warm place.
3. We will be getting a massage in a very warm place.
4. Tucker will also be in a very warm place.
5. Did I mention that we will be in a very warm place?

Top Five Reasons Why New Year's Eve Was Great This Year
1. Friends
2. Karoake -- Yes... I did a rather stirring rendition of We're Not Gonna Take It AND Oops... I Did It Again... I am truly a performer... not a singer... but a performer....
3. Our very successful "Regift/$1 Store" Gift presentation was fantastic.
4. We didn't have to drive anywhere.

5. Tucker was with us. He is just cute.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Day Off...

... I had it off today.

All is/was good in the world as me and the Tuckmeister did some big stuff around the house...

Let's see if the wife notices the big thing I did...

I bet she doesn't notice for two days.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

Proud or embarrassed?

I don't know if I shuold be super excited or super embarrassed to have won the Death Pool.

I rock.