Wednesday, February 28, 2007
This is from a documentary on the Rutgers Dance team but if focusses on their reactions to the Louisville/RU football game.
It brings back so many of the happy feelings that I had that night... amazazing (Thank you David Spade from Benchwarmers).
I was wary of the whole situation.
A significant part of my childhood and upbringing was to not waste money on superfluous items such as massages or dessert if I didn’t have the money. This was one of the major reasons that I have never had a massage before – aside from the … “Ick… no one else except muh lady should ever touch muh body” syndrome.
The massage came and went in January 2006 and I have to admit that I loved it. So much so that over the next year, muh wife and I splurged on two more at strategic points in the year. All massages were couple’s massages and were fantastic.
All were Swedish massages. For the uninitiated, Swedish massages essentially focus on all parts of the body but the tummy and private parts.
Then… recently on one of my many trips, muh wife and I got another massage. It was exceptional UNTIL… the massuese started rubbing my tummy.
“AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” went through muh head… and I was surprised that I didn’t say anything out loud… It was for two main reasons actually. 1. She didn’t speak English. 2. I was basically asleep since it was so good up to that point.
So what is the question and point to all of this?
I am curious… did anyone else ever have a Swedish massage where your tummy was rubbed like a troll?
I just want to know if it was a Dominican thing or not.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
One of the greatest mysteries to never be solved in the uber-popular Alex Cross series of books by James Patterson are the events that led up to him being a single dad. Over the years, he has been a psychologist, a psychologist who is also a cop for the DC police, and a psychologist that works for the FBI.
He has three kids, raised primarily by his Grandmother, who raised him as a kid.
None of the 15or so books ever really addressed what happened with his wife. They made passing references to the fact that she was shot, but never by whom and why.
Cross makes that connection. Finally.
As a mystery book itself, Cross falls squarely into the normal James Patterson mystery formula, but as someone who has read all the Alex Cross novels, the book was more of a history lesson. It filled in a lot of gaps and appropriately so.
Cross isn’t a major work of art, but it is fun.
Monday, February 26, 2007
The Red Carpet show started a little while ago, but because of the beauty of DVR, we are going to get caught up soon enough... dang those commercials and silly boring early celebrities.
We are eating a very yummy pot pie for dinner that muh wife made. She totally rocks the proverbial Kasbah.
Maggie Gyllenhaal is taller than Ryan Seacrest... that's not surprising... since everyone but Peter Dinklage is taller than Ryan Seacrest....
Gael Garcia Bernal is famous in his own right and very talented... ALL of Ryan's questions focussed on his relationship with Brad Pitt -- whom Bernal has never met. I wish I was drinking... I would be drunk if the game was how many times will Ryan mention Brad Pitt like he is some sort of a god.
"AHHH... oh my god... oh my god... it's Jennifer Lopez... Jenifer Lopez... " Shut up Giuliana. Is it that big of a deal.
I hope Ellen does well. I really do.
The director of the E! broadcast is apparently in love with Cameron Diaz... they cut to her a milliona nd a half times. Why.....
Gwyneth Paltrow's behavior with Ryan Seacrest is representative of why I can't stand her... You're on live with E! "oh...uhh... greaaat"
Rachel Weisz -- Was that a live bug?
Penelope Cruz -- Great dress, horrible hair
Emily Blunt -- Jennifer Love Hewitt without boobs and that's a shame since she is gorgeous.
Jennifer Hudson -- That dress also serves as a plane...or hand towels.
Jodie Foster -- Cmon... that should have fit better...
Helen Mirren -- Age appropriate and classy...
Best Dressed Male? Will Smith's kid.
Jessica Biehl -- Quite a pink...
Jackie Earle Haley -- Looks like he is on trial. Scary dude.
Djimon Honsou -- That guy's a stud.
Hey Spike Lee, Bono did that look already with... the Fly video.
Celine Dion -- She looked nice... but I think the dress maker took a toothpick cover off of a toothpick, painted it green, and slepped it over her.
Beyonce's dress was very Beyonce-ish
Nicole Kidman's dress was origianlly that ribbon wrapped around the Lexus in that Christmas commercial earlier this year.
Barbara Walters Oscar Special
Hey Barbara... we all know Ellen is gay... I think she made about 55 gay references.
Hey Barbara... yeah... we all know that Jennifer Hudson is overweight... I think she made about 55 fat-ish references.
Hey Barbara... yeah.. we all know that Helen Mirren used to do very sexy roles... I think she made about 55 Helen Mirren was sexy in her youth references...
Hey Barbara... yeah... we all know that Eddie Murphy... oh wait... that was actually a good interview... go figure..
The Actual Show Itself (on DVR!!!)
Ellen was charming and funny... short and sweet...
The Jennifer Hudson/Al Gore joke was classic. Paraphrase.... Jennifer Hudson is here and America didn't vote her, and Al Gore IS here and people DID vote for her.
I think we have a glimpse into the future of the Smith kid... did anyone else see how he ran out there and left poor Abigail Breslin hanging back? Bastard... I know.. he's a kid... but bastard nonetheless...
Am I the only one who loved the sound effects choir? I really liked it a lot.... no seriously... that isn't the sound of a pin dropping... that is that choir...and they were awesome.
CRAP -- So far... I am one for 6. This is so unlike me. I am usually first or second in this pool. I can only hope those that are also in it also stunk it up.
Alan Arkin.... big upset... but I am so excited for that one... Little Miss Sunshine really is my favorite movie this year I think.
That reading of the bits of script while they went over the Adapted Screenplays was both annoying and cool.
Puffy Chris Connelly and that goofy horserace prop embarrassed me... so I wonder if he was embarrassed.
Tom Cruise gave out the Humanitarian award... he sounded so absolutely sincere that I wanted to forgive all of his craziness and hug him. F*ck that... he's insane and needs to be eliminated with his self righteous smug attitude.
Sooo... I read a book once where an ingénue gets shot at the Academy Awards... I was reminded of that book when Gwenyth Paltrow took the stage....
Rob Downey Jr. -- I am ashamed of you. You looked a bit TOO shabby.
That woman that won for best Editting... she sure is a class act.
I love Helen Mirren... and have for awhile... but what the heck did she say during her speech...
Tangent Woman thought that Reece needed some makeup... but since she dumped that loser... she has never looked hotter... rowr... lipstick, smipstick.
Who would have thought that one of the best laughs of the night would have come from the Coppola, Lucas, and Spielberg comedy show?
P.S. George Lucas looked like a 6 foot something Pez dispenser.
Alright... SZG can watch the Oscars next year... neither Scorsese lost or Babel won.
Diane Keaton is always so cute....
Sunday, February 25, 2007
No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 7th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!"
She then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!"
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times it s size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."
Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy."
She turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say.
First, you have a dirty little mind.
Second, you didn't read your homework.
And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed!"
Saturday, February 24, 2007
The brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights.
You may choose any Item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited
Friday, February 23, 2007
Beneath the Planet of the Apes -- Good Enough Sequel
Boynton Beach Club -- Surprisingly Poignant... Fun
Bubba Ho-Tep -- Still B Classic
Catch a Fire -- Catch This... Later
Conquest For the Planet of the Apes -- Told Good Story
The Corner -- Insightful, Powerful Drama
Employee of the Month -- Dane Cook's Over
Escape From the Planet of the Apes -- Appropriate Story Continuation
Facing the Giants -- Praise Jesus! Average...
Flags of Our Fathers -- Must See Film
Flyboys -- Long and Overblown
Gridiron Gang -- Really Good Movie
The Grudge 2 -- Blech, it's Shit
The Guardian -- Cliched Cluster F*ck
Hard Candy -- Disturbing, Yet Entertaining
Jesus Camp -- Incredibly enlighteningly Scary
Kinky Boots -- Unfortunately Titled.... EXCELLENT
The Marine -- Typical Rambo-ish Flick
Marty -- Sweet, Sentimental Classic
Night at the Museum -- Amusing, Not Incredible
Open Season -- Certainly Entertained Us
Planet of the Apes -- Heston, McDowall... GENIUS!
The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio -- Sweet Funny Movie
Running With Scissors -- What Pretentious Drivel...
School For Scoundrels -- Entertaining Yet Slowish
Science of Sleep -- Visually Stunning... Draining
Separate Tables -- Good Solid Classic
Sherrybaby -- Powerful Harrowing Drama
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning -- Same Ole Gore
Trust the Man -- Trust Me... Mediocre
U.S. Vs John Lennon -- Mediocre Documentary Flick
The Wire (Season 3) -- Best Television Show...
Zoom: Academy For Superheroes -- Entertaining Crap Pile
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Overall... I like this incarnation of Survivor a bunch and I will write more about it soon... however... Dre and Earl... they are a pair of cool cats...
SURVIVOR FIJI GAMES
Erica (11) -- Booted Week Two!!!!
Jessica (14) -- Booted Week One!!!!
GAME 2 With a New Victim
Yau Man (9)
Rita is a Smoking, Hot Milf
Erica (11) -- Booted Week Two
Jessica (6) -- Booted Week One
While I was in the Dominican, I read The Tenth Justice while sitting at the pool – next to Robinson Cano.
I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the book. The mystery was top notch and kept me guessing all the way to the end.
What makes me recommend the book is something unrelated to the mystery story itself – Meltzer, while establishing the bond between the four friends in the book, was able to write precisely how good guy friends talk to each other.
He perfectly hit the tone and mocking attitude that guy friends share. The more they tease, the more they love each other.
The friendship between the guys becomes one of the main characters of the book and plays a relevant part… as Meltzer ultimately questions the loyalties of each of the friends with each other….
Good fun book… with an ending that might actually make you shed a tear.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Lots of traveling over 4 weeks... and only one more trip over the next few weeks... and it's signigicantly shorter as well.
San Antonio is next... I'll let you know... you personally... you know... YOU know when I head out.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Wish us all the fun in the world as we hit the gorgeous Sonoma for two days and San Francisco for 3 and 5 days respectively.
I will have access to the internet the entire time and will probably write a blog or two.
I just want to get out of Jersey first... stupid weather...
P.S. Happy Valentine's Day!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Genius I tell you...
1. Edible Lottery Tickets -- One of the criticisms of the lottery is that it is a poor tax. Only the people that really need the money are the ones dishing out their little money to play. It's a sin. To counteract this, one of my friends (ArtieLange) suggested that all lottery tickets be edible so that the poor would at least get something out of it. It is a great idea in theory, but I envisioned a brand new "enemy" -- health advocates. Odds are that the lottery tickets were going to have to made from something that wasn't perishable like fruit rollups or beef jerky. Neither are healthy foods and would contribute to the further problems of the poor. Now... we don't need the lottery creating more diabetics... do we?
2. Mel Gibson/Tom Cruise Movie -- In an effort to rejuvenate the careers of Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise who have entered the worlds of weird and jackass over the past couple years, it was suggested by SZG that Tom Cruise use his enormous control to make a positive epic about Mel Gibson. It would serve a couple purposes... It would allow Tom Cruise to act weird and show that his behavior is actually normallerish than Mel and yet... have a happy ending to spin the Mel Gibson world back onto an axis that is more in line with the rest of the world.
3. Anonymous Lottery Tickets -- This is apparently already the case in Delaware. If you win... you can win anonymously... that is genius... God Bless Delware. I will probably never say that ever again!
Monday, February 12, 2007
I got to go skeet shooting.
The package included 25 free rounds and a lesson for “free.” I made my reservation and was pleased to hear that muh wife was going to cash in her round as well. We went together.
We were both excited by the idea and got up that morning ready to shoot some guns! (Neither of us had ever done it before…)
We drove on over to the Shooting Center, which was in the middle of nowhere. It was literally far away and in the middle of tons of wildlife. The trip was long and as we made the trip, we got more and more nervous about what we were about to do.
We pulled into the parking lot and walked into the massive shooting center. We told the front desk that we were there for our lesson and they gave us each a vest, ear plugs, and a big heavy box of “bullets” to shoot.
Our guide took us to the course and we were given a lesson. It was extremely scary the first two times that I shot the gun. The kickback was stronger than we expected and the loud noise of a large gun made while our faces were on the gun also scared us. It took two shots for me to get over it and begin to enjoy shooting at the clay disks.
I shot about half of my rounds and hit about 20% of my targets. Then muh wife stepped up and picked it up pretty quickly. She hit about 50% of his targets. She will claim that she was so successful because our guide had his hand on the gun, but he had his hand on my gun too. Whatever… She was much better about it than me and she should be commended.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said...
"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable,she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said.... "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response...
So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER.'
With a death grip in place, she said...
"You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!"
Saturday, February 10, 2007
There have been hundreds of Playboy Playmates, but the wire services don’t put out new stories every time one of them appears at an event. Countless beautiful young women have married rich old men, but you never hear about them on national TV. Reality show stars are a dime a dozen, but seldom make the cover of supermarket tabloids.
Perhaps it was that she was many things -- and not quite anything. She was Forrest Gump, wandering from one spotlight to the next (the Playboy Mansion? Billionaire's ranch? The Supreme Court?). She was a national Rorschach blot, in which various constituencies -– breast-loving men, money-loving hangers-on, the celebrity media –- saw what they wanted. She was presented as a cartoon character, two-dimensional and not quite real.
She was also a mother who lost a son and leaves behind a 5-month-old daughter. That, too, echoes.
She was a beautiful woman... (when she wanted to be) and she was a regular woman/person. Her weight fluctuated... her intelligence wasn't top notch. She was... herself.
Friday, February 09, 2007
As a follow up to Bloodsucking Fiends, Chris Moore wrote You Suck! As the vampires in San Francisco continued their wacky adventures against new and old enemies, the book follows the same characters through another set of adventures.
This book is not one of Chris Moore’s best books. It is, however, an incredible follow up to the book I love – Bloodsucking Fiends. I suppose that a better way of saying it is… that it is an appropriate follow up to the original book.
Chris Moore is a funny writer.
He is a great writer… and even his weaker books such as You Suck! are still great books.
Interestingly enough...both of my opponents have never met each other and yet... the teams are almost identical. You will see them laid out below...
I don't know much about the players yet, but I have some initial impressions about some of the players...
Yao-Man is awesome... and I hope he stays around for awhile.
Rocky/James/Jackass... is ummm... not fun colorful... he is jackass colorful.
Earl seems like a good, gentle soul for a big guy.
Erica is going to get on my nerves... quickly... I predict an early exit for her.
Jeff Probst is smugger than usual. I can't wait until he lightens up.
I am going to reserve a lot of comments until after I watch the next episode.
So... to the teams... you will note that I have 8 of the same players on each team... so I might as well just combine the teams... but what the heck... I split them up... (anyone know how to do columns in Blogger?) The number in the parenthesis is when they were drafted!
SURVIVOR FIJI GAMES
Jessica (14) -- Booted Week One!!!!
GAME 2 With a New Victim
Yau Man (9)
Rita is a Smoking, Hot Milf
Jessica (6) -- Booted Week One
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Bloodsucking Fiends was one of the first novels that he ever wrote. It is the story of vampires in San Francisco. A million funny things happen in the novel and it is chock full of details and humorous stuff.
This is the second time that I have read this novel and I picked it up again because Chris Moore just released another one of his novels and it is the sequel of Bloodsucking Fiends.
Bloodsucking Fiends was chock full of details and plot that I completely forgot. I literally was reading and laughing out loud again and again. This is a fantastic book… it really is… and I was so happy to discover it all over again.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Jeremiah Trotter is a top shelf linebacker who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles. He was with his family and several folks took pictures with him ON THE PLANE and in the AIRPORT.
It drove me nuts.
Then… while at the resort, the hubbub was all about three baseball players that various folks in our group had seen throughout the resort. They were Robinson Cano, Pedro Martinez, and David Ortiz.
There were a variety of meetings and confrontations reported through the rumor mill of our group including the most impressive of all – one of the people I was with tracked down David Ortiz through the caddy he was using and got an autographed baseball hat.
That drove me nuts… it’s all about the Star F*cking folks…
Then my turn came on the second to last day of our trip. I was at the pool with my wife when I realized that… OH CRAP! It’s Robinson Cano sitting right there in the chair next to me. He was built and had his signature look… He was reading and had his MP3 player in his ears…
That was my moment… I had my pen and camera and paper in my bag… and… I left it there. I acknowledged him, said hello, and congratulated him on a great season. I also said something to the effect that I looked forward to the 2007 season. He smiled and thanked me and went back to his business.
We hung out next to each other for 2 hours and that was the entire exchange.
No Star F*cking for me folks… none of it.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
There really is something to be said about watching MTV's crappy dating programs called Next and Exposed.
So... I picked up Philip Roth's The Plot Against America a little while ago without knowing what it was about -- simply on the recommendation of a friend. Simply, the book follows an alternate historical path by turning Lindbergh into a political triumph in the US. The catch though is that Lindbergh is a nazi sympathizer and wins the Presidency in 1940.
I grew up in the Flemington/Hopewell area (right in the middle of the two) so I was exposed to a lot of the Lindbergh trivia and history growing up.
The story focuses on Philip Roth, a young jewish boy in New Jersey, who watches his family and society react to this sudden rise in power by a Nazi in the American democratic republic. It is a powerful and gut renching tale....
BUT... I had bigger problems with the book.
I never looked at the cover when I borrowed the book and when I read the first 50 pages -- enough to get me vested.
On the cover is a small swastika and it made me uncomfortable when I realized it... especially since I was taking it to the gym with me to read -- a place I haven't been to in a long time.
I survived the book and the trips to the gym... and I recommend that you survive the reading of the book as alternate history books are fascinating...
Monday, February 05, 2007
I do not like CBS's coverage so far (5 minutes into the game... ) There are too many pauses and empty spots. C'mon Simms... stop bringing Super Nance down!
By the way... in one of the football pools I am in... I just won $50 on the first play!!!!
What a hilarious first commercial... "I threw paper... I threw a rock..."
Four turnovers in the first quarter. This is the Super Bowl folks.
I can't believe that Viniateri would miss a field goal...CUT HIM!!!!
STOP LETTING CARLOS MENCIA ON TELEVISION. HE IS THE LEAST FUNNY PERSON ON THE FRIGGING PLANET WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY.
It's halftime and there are 6 turnovers so far... are you frigging kidding me?
I loved the David Letterman commercial where he said... "I am rooting for Indy and you are rooting for the Bears, but at least we love each other..." and then the camera panned out to Oprah being the chick. That was funny.
Yes... that Federline commercial is probably the greatest artisic thing that he has ever done.
It's amazing how different Rex Grossman is with each possession. There really are two Rex Grossmans.
It's the fourth quarter... and I am thinking ... ummm... crap... I gotta go to work tomorrow... and ummm... this is close... but getting boring. It is such a one sided game and somehow... the Bears can easily win this...argh...
When my wife was actually awake... she asked me why are they booing for the Chicago touchdown right after I said there are definitely more Bears fans at the game... Cute... it was because they were saying "Moooooose."
Oooohhh... it's 17-29. If the scores stays this way... I win another $50. (each box touching the final box gets $50) 11:44 left... what are the odds with the way both teams are playing? not good. Oh crap... another Grossman INT.
Ahhh... Flomax... must be another asthma or allergy related commercial... pretty scenery... umm... wait a minute... this is going horribly wrong... CRAP... it's about male peeing. ick.
30 seconds left... to keep it 17-29!!!! YES!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sunday, February 04, 2007
I just hope for a good game... and some good commercials...
If it matters... I have a 10 cent double or nothing bet on the Colts with muh wife.
I had the underdogs at a nickel a piece in the conference championships... so she graciously offered me a double or nothing bet for the favorite in the Super Bowl... since... for some reason... I think she wants the Bears to win...
So torn am I... since I am not a big fan of the Colts (not hate like I hate the Giants) and I already rooted for the Bears once... when they played the Giants... I don't know who to root for... I guess I will just have to root for whatever gives me money in the Super Bowl boxes games I am in...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
"Well, years ago I might have..."
"The main thing I learned in college was..."
"As soon as I get done here I'm gonna .... "
"The coroner told me that it looked like he had been hit in the head several times with a ..."
"Not only has my rear been itchin', on closer inspection I find my .... "
"It figures, right after I got my Butts-McCracken condition cleared up, now I've got an ...."
"Honest Judge, I'm not really a ...."
"My Doctor told me the best way to get rid of my Aikin-Johnson was to .... "
"After I get all of these medical problems taken care of, I think I'll go get a ... "
Friday, February 02, 2007
Muh wife and I went to the movies a couple weeks ago and there were FIVE previews before the movie. For the first time, I wanted to see almost all of them in the theaters (one can wait until DVD)... They were:
Spider Man 3
Fantastic Four 2
Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4)
I have no problem with sequels or cashing in on a good thing, but what I have a significant problem is with Hollywood. Can you be a bit more creative? All five movies are either sequels or big movie versions of television shows.
What was the best movie of 2006 for me so far?
Little Miss Sunshine -- A completely original and innovative film.
Come on Hollywood... suck it up and be original a bit!