Tuesday, November 30, 2004


My cousin (Nealie Baby!!!) has this up on his site and I would appreciate your help. I have them ALL figured out but the last one.

Post a comment when you think you have them all...

26 = L of the A Letters of the Alphabet
7 = W of the A W
1001 = A N
12 = S of the Z
54 = C in a D
9 = P in the S S
88 = P K
13 = S on the A F
32 = D at which W F
18 = H on a G C
90 = D in a R A
200 = D for P G in M
8 = S on a S S
3 = B M (S H T R)
4 = Q in a G
24 = H in a D
1 = W on a U
5 = D in a Z C
57 = H V
11 = P on a F T
1000 = W that a P is W
29 = D in F in a L Y
64 = S on a C B
40 = D and N of the G F
13 = BD
16 = W in a S

Top Five Tuesday Returns -- Ninja Style

Top Five Things You Say to Your Friend's New Boyfriend When You Meet Him For the First Time
1. What do you do? No ... really... not the politically correct crap description...what the hell do you do?
2. Will that growth on your face be a re-occuring item? I don't need muh friend here catching that.
3. When will you be proposing? I need to put it in muy calendar.
4. She is like a sister to me you know... a REALLY, REALLY CLOSE, UNRELATED sister...if you catch my West Virginian drift.
5. How tall are you? (5'8") And.. how many inches is it from your knees to the floor? (About 7)... So... you will be 5'1" tall when I break your knees if you touch her?

Top Five Methods of Openning a Jar
1. Forget about it... you don't need another pickle anyway...
2. Get yuh honey to do it.
3. With an electronic JAR OPENER. Yes... they exist and you can get one at Kohl's-- Can anyone say... GRAB BAG GIFT?!?!?!
4. With a hammer and a strategically placed screwdriver
5. Your Hands

Top Five Actors That I Don't Care What Movies They Make, I Will Probably Go See What They Make Anyway
1. Michael Keaton -- Beetlejuice is a fantastic flick...and Yes... I saw Jack Frost...and I contend that I loved it dammit.
2. Woody Allen -- Annie Hall rocked but can anyone say Shadows and Fog?
3. Kurt Russell -- Big Trouble In Little China REALLY is one of my favorites... but I had to go see Breakdown ... ooof.
4. James Spader -- Stargate was tremendous... but did anyone really NEED to see mannequin?
5. Michael Douglas -- Wall Street, Chorus Line and Fatal Attraction all made me happy... but why oh why oh why...did I go see It Runs in the Family?
Honorable Mention -- John Cusack

Top Five Reasons Why I Love Playing Poker
1. Comradery
2. Excuse to binge eat.
3. Excuse to binge drink.
4. I have at least two excuses as to why I don't win.
5. Telling stories about experiences with hookers in Taiwan

Top Five Reasons Why I Hate Playing Poker
1. Dan Wins
2. Adam Wins
3. Chris Wins
4. I Don't Win
5. Stupid Ace of Spades

Top Five Films That Make Me Want to Change My Career to NINJA
1. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
2. The Last Samurai
3. Spy Kids 1, 2 and 3
4. Beverly Hills Ninja -- I heart Chris Farley as a ninja.
5. Anything with Jean Claude Van Damme -- I know he wasn't a ninja.. but he sure beat up people in a kick ass way.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Oh My God


Also premiering in January will be Strange Love, a new ten episode reality series starring current Surreal Life 3 odd couple Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav. Looking to determine whether the two made a lasting love connection during their time on the show, Strange Love will follow Flavor and Brigitte as they travel to each other's hometowns and meet each other's families -- before travelling to Las Vegas to determine whether they will "get hitched or ditched."

People Watching is Fun...

One of my favorite things to do is watch people -- mostly those I do not know. I like to watch people go about their normal activities and act as though the odd things they are doing are in fact, normal. ( I may even make this a regular column...as I love watching people and their idiosyncracies....)

I just seem to have seen so many "odd" people recently that I feel that I need to share with you some of the totally insane things I have seen. I can sit back and notice people and they really have no idea of how much they are entertaining me.

1. I was walking down my block when I saw a woman running. She was in her workout clothes and seemed to have worked up a good sweat. When she passed me, I noticed that she had on a telephone head set and was talking about some sort of transaction. That was the ultimate I have seen in saving time. She was working and working out. What a combination!

2. At the gym, I watched a gentleman completely disrespect the free towels that you are handed when you walk in the door. When you are finished working out, you return the towels and the gym will wash them and redistribute them to future people. I watched a guy completely jam it up his nose and blow all of the contents onto the towel. He then took said towel and tossed it into the "to be washed" container. Disgusting.

3. At the barber, I listened to my barber and a lawyer in town discuss the merits of a particular woman's breasts. The problem was... the woman they were discussing was in the barbershop. It made me cringe... yet they really think the woman had no idea... as do I or I would think she would have left.... or ....... maybe not.

You gotta know folks like these... what other wacky nut jobs have you seen?

Just chill out...

I mean... really....

Why I Love Where I Live

I was going to write a blog about this and why there are some small things about my town that make me happy to live there.

However... I would just like to relate ONE thing that makes me happy about living in our town.

Muh honey and I live about 1/10 of a mile from a "Duck Crossing" sign.

I love that about our town. Love it.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Survivor... Three Days Late...

This week's episode of Survivor was missed by the Smelmooo as his V.C.R. didn't tape. DVR cannot come fast enough to the house of the Smelmooo and his lovely wife!!!

MB's team made up another player this week as muh team lost another player. I think I am getting nervous that he might actually run the table and win the rest of the players...

CURRENT SCORE -- Pork Chop Express (5 Remaining) -- MB's team (1 Remaining) -- The number in parenthesis was the position that person was drafted.

Pork Chop Express (Smelmooo)
Ami Cusack (7)
Chris Daugherty (10)
Eliza Orlins (14)
Dr. Scout Cloud Lee (15)
Twila Tanner (18)
James 'Chad' Crittenden (11) BOOTED, WEEK TEN
Lisa Keiffer (3) BOOTED. WEEK SIX!
John Palyok (6) BOOTED. WEEK THREE!

Ashhhfault (MB)
Julie Berry (5)
Lea 'Sarge' Masters (4) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK NINE!!!
Rory Freeman (9) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK EIGHT!!!
John Kenney (16) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK SEVEN!!!
Travis 'Bubba' Sampson (17) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK FIVE!!!
Brady Finta (1) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK FOUR!!!!
Mia Galeotalanza (12) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK THREE!!!!
Dolly Neely (13) --- BOOTED!!!! WEEK TWO!!!!!
Brook Geraghty (8) --- BOOTED! WEEK ONE!!!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Saturday Morning Musings...

.... I turned on the TV this morning... and this is what I see and feel...

1. How bad is Meet the Fockers going to be? Barbara Streisand as the mother seemed like a good idea on paper I am sure.

2. On the other hand, Ocean's Twelve looks just as cool as the original was.

3. I really feel as though I should be taking some sort of drugs to watch Bob the Builder... but to watch it on TELEMUNDO is where I am missing something.

4. TV India .... rocks.

5. Fox News Channel continues to disappoint me.. yet.. I still turn it on...

6. I had no idea this was a real show. Alf's Hit Talk Show. That's right... ALF as in ALIEN LIFE FORM ALF. He has his own talk show on TV Land. This morning's episode had Ed McMahon (who I am not sure if he is a regular) and TOM ARNOLD. Look at that... it is a train crashing...

7. Sweet November is even bad as a Saturday Morning movie... it was the worst movie that year and continues that streak...

Friday, November 26, 2004

Looking Forward to the Day After Christmas...

... Happy Day After Thanksgiving everyone!

Let me tell you a quick story of something that happened to me this
weekend and you will see how thankful I am to have jokers like this
guy in my life to make me feel much better about myself.

Muh honey and I received a gift that was a double so I had to go to
Fortunoff to return the nice gift. At Fortunoff, there is a returns
line, so I got n the line that was 4 people deep and I waited
patiently through two people that took at least five minutes each.

My turn eventually came when a gentleman decided that he would cut the
line and be taken before me. By this point, the line was 7 people
deep and everyone's patience was running thin.

His argument was that he waited on line and that he didn't want to
have to wait on such a long line again. His item problem was that he
was given the wrong merchandise and went home and realized it was
wrong. This gave him the authority to cut in front of everyone.... or
so he thought in his mind.

The part that gets me is that the clerk was going to let him go
straight to the front of the line.

Anyway... I, of course, did not want to wait any longer and expressed
my disbelief that he would think that he had earned his new place in
line. He told me his sob story...and when I replied with... "That's
not my problem. You left without the right stuff so YOU should wait
on line like the rest of us..." the rest of the line finally chimed in
and came to my aid.

Embarrassed, he went to the side and asked for a manager. 6 of the 7
people that would have been helped before him if he had gotten on line
were helped by the time time second cashier actually gave me my store
credit. Guess what? The manager still hadn't arrived. I wanted to
stay longer to see if he got help but I had to leave. I hope they
helped out everyone else.

P.S. I am still thankful for being alive and for many other things,
but this one just made me smile. Happy Day After Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I will keep it short today... as I expect most of you to be out and about visiting your families.

Have a tremendous Thanksgiving and may your football picks be correct!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

On the day before Thanksgiving...

On the day before Thanksgiving... I wanted to share with all of you something that I am very thankful for. I am thankful that the Amazing Kreskin meets the following criteria.

1. He is from NEW JERSEY.
2. He is concerned about corrupt government.
3. He is the "world's most foremost mentalist."
4. He is a absolute psychotic.
5. He is what I like to refer to as a "press whore."

With those qualifications... the below story is possible. Bless you Kreskin... bless you...

CNN has been gracious enough to report this news. Thankfully... they reported it on muh birfday. Silly news organizations... couldn't they have done something... I don't know... important...

ESPecially yours,

Kreskin pitches in
TRENTON, New Jersey (AP) -- Who'd a-thunk it?

The Amazing Kreskin, who bills himself as "the world's foremost mentalist," wants to help his home state of New Jersey stem the tide of shady practices in government, a problem U.S. Attorney Christopher Christie has called widespread.

Kreskin sent a letter to acting Gov. Richard J. Codey offering his nonpartisan services to help ferret out those who come to government with ulterior motives.

Kreskin, who lives in northern New Jersey, said he would monitor government meetings with a mind's eye toward keeping things above board.

"If a person is coming in with a strong hidden agenda, they're thinking about it. They're focusing on it," he said Wednesday in a phone interview. "I could get a ... strong sense (of that)."

Kreskin said he sent his letter to Codey's office Monday, signing it, "ESPecially, Kreskin." A spokeswoman for Codey, Kelley Heck, wasn't sure the letter had been received.

Codey, who has a penchant for one-liners, was shown a statement Kreskin provided to news reporters. The acting governor was "interested in hearing whether The Amazing Kreskin can read Chris Christie's mind," Heck said.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Top Five Tuesday Thanksgiving Edition

Top Five Uses for Leftover Turkey
1. Doorstop
2. Petrify it and use it as a weapon against unwanted intruders.
3. Turkey soup! -- Find a bone... go to bed early...
4. FOOTBALL!!!! Remember to have at least one "girl" play.
5. Cat food -- Special cat food... with arsenic... to keep that DAMN random cat out of our damn yard!

Top Five Things You Shouldn't Say at Thanksgiving With the Family
1. What is this? (Pointing at the food on the table.)
2. Ok... ummm.... tell me again...why do I care about you people?
3. Come here sis... give me a BIIIIG ole kiss.
4. !$$$%?@@)%#%#$?
5. Sperm (This is especially inappropriate when you just blurt it out after scooping mashed potatoes.)

Top Five Things You Shouldn't Say at Your New In-Laws Thanksgiving Dinner1. We've gotta go home... trying to make twins.
2. Your daughter is the best cook in the world... if you count people who never actually turn on the stove.
3. Why didn't you tell me she does that in the bathroom when I asked you if I could marry her? I would have reconsidered!!!
4. When I signed up for this detail... no one told me that "dish washing" was going to be involved.
5. I need a beer. Go get me one...

Top Five Ways to Make Yams More A"peeling"
1. Add brown sugar.
2. Market them with those "twins."
3. Sell "pictures" of them to Playboy magazine. Everyone loves a good pair of yams.
4. Make jokes about them in the Smelmooo's blog.
5. Eat them... on national t.v.... in front of a live studio audience... in muh pajamas....while throwing confetti on a pair of puppies. (I went into a weird zone there...)

Top Five Inappropriate Things I Feel Like Doing In Public Sometimes (JUST FOR LAUGHS -- NOT BECAUSE I LIKE DOING THEM!)
1. Say "masturbation" in every single sentence. Proper term but still makes people cringe.
2. Pour sodas on people's shoes.
3. Eat with my mouth open... a cottage cheese and apple sauce mixture would be best....
4. Sing Christmas carols in July....
5. Stand in the middle of the mall and scream... "Where's my mommy!!! I CAN'T FIND MY MOMMYYY!!!!!"

Top Five Highlights of Seeing Our Friend's Band This Past Weekend
1. There was a one armed guy in the audience. When the band started playing "Pour Some Sugar on Me" my friend turned to me and said... "How can they play that song when the drummer is at the bar?"
2. Beer
3. Frank doing anything AC/DC.
4. Watching the woman in the neck brace keep turning her head just enough so she could suck on her cancer stick.
5. Surprised to see that some people might actually weigh 450 pounds. At least they didn't stand up front.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Exhibitting at a Convention

Sometimes for work, I am asked to go to conventions and represent the companies I work for. I suppose this is a compliment as I am well spoken and I do not drool. often. Overall, I really don't mind exhibiting at conventions as it is mindless work and I get to meet a whole bunch of new people. However, I also really mind exhibiting at conventions because it is mindless work and I get to meet a whole bunch of new idiots.

The most recent convention in Atlantic City that saw a few thousand people walk through the aisles and corridors was one I was asked to exhibit. I do this same convention every year and it is quite an experience. The delegates at the convention range from uniformed animal control officers to town clerks to Mayors. They wide variety of people means I get a wide variety of interactions with people that I may never see again.

As is the case with most exhibitors, I came armed with giveaways for people that I wanted to get the message out to like public works officials and township engineers - the people that have a direct influence into our industry. I am not at all interested in what tax auditors and town clerks really have to say about how great their neighbor's driveway looks since they went to a concrete driveway or hear the same joke used over and over again. "You guys want to do my driveway for free?" Ha ha ha. you people truly crack me up.

With that said, you can see why I might be a tad suspect of the delegates that go trolling around for as many free goodies as they can. The worst of these people have 5 or 6 huge tote bags full of paperwork and free knick knack giveaways. The TRULY experienced bring huge bags on wheels so they don't have to actually carry everything they are just randomly grabbing and putting in their bags. They are people that truly make me cringe and this week, I experienced some things that make me dislike the human species even more. Allow me to share with you.

1. When people go from table to table not caring what your booth is about or having it just not be relevant, they generally all behave the same way. First, these people need to evaluate if what you have is worthy of them picking it up. They generally pick up one of your informational brochures that they truly do not give a crap about and pretend that it is interesting to them. These people generally flip a few pages and then look up at the title of your group and recite under their breath but loud enough so you can hear it the most distinctive word in your group's name. In my case, they simply say "asphalt." They either hum and walk away or they hum and take your item. I am not a big fan of these people as they fake their way and think they are being suave and sneaky and original.

2. Why do these people who are truly the bottom feeders of the convention get to be the ones who JUDGE the worthiness of your item. Damn. does it make me happy or sad when someone has 8 full bags of essentially crap and decides that your giveaway is not good enough to be included, but those 18 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups you picked up were? Yeuppers.

3. I actually am a big fan of those people that just walk up and take and make no pretense about anything except wanting to take the stuff from you.

4. I was a little bit bored so I took my items and I made a pair of neat lines for them to sit in. Shortly thereafter, a woman walked up who I do
NOT know and actually said to me. "I am going to mess up your little line and take one of these. You are way too anal." To which I responded with. "Ummm. uhh.. What did you say?" She repeated herself and I declared, "Uh. no. you don't get any for being so rude." She walked off. Now. can you really blame her?

5. As I listen to how some people behave around free stuff, I am reminded at how my college education is being wasted on these people. My main job for the past few days aside from educating engineers is to be "Put Shit Out Guy." That is what I went to school for 17 years for? Yeuppers.

As you can see, my week was pretty interesting. Anyone else ever show at a convention?

Bumper Sticker Idea

I want to market this phrase as a bumper sticker or T-Shirt... anyone got any ideas on how I can do that?

"High School Friends Don't Change... They Just Wear a Tie Now..."


I saw this sign while driving yesterday...

"Antiques... New and Used!"

Ummm... what?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

It was... a battle...

...of attrition this year as we played a rough and tough game of flag football. Many things were learned at the game.

1. GF learned that her boyfriend JB can actually do athletic things.

2. We all learned that muh honey probably had the best quarterback rating of everyone.

3. Some people like to say "go" instead of "hike" therefore confusing the hell out of some people.

4. We learned that muh honey shifted her bowling "hop" to a football "hop."

5. We learned that when you play ball, you get really warm and that people on the sidelines are still cold because they stood there and didn't do anything.

6. We learned that Hearthwood has a roaming gang of angst ridden white teenage kids.

7. We learned that proper stretching can help alleviate the pains and aches that result from football.

8. We learned that an hour and a half of constant running is enough.

9. We learned that Raiders fans rule.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Woo Hooo!!!!

Happy Day After Muh Birfday!!!

Just a Thought About Survivor Strategy

For those of you that watch Survivor, you know that there are 6
players left. There are five women and one man. I threw out the possible smart move that the women should possibly follow.

I think the women would be smart to agree to let Chris win the rest of the immunity challenges and have him go to the final two.

The women would then agree that no matter what... the woman that makes it to the final two will get the other four votes -- giving the million dollars to the woman that makes it.

It is kind of a goofy idea and I am positive that they will vote out Chris the next time but make it fun dangit!

Friday, November 19, 2004

OnStar Commercials

There is a new set of commercials on television and the radio that completely creep me out.

Yet... every single time one of those commercials comes on the air, I cannot stop listening to them. They are commercials for ONSTAR.

For those of you that do not know what I am talking about, ONSTAR is a subscription feature in your car. Their site describes the service as such -- "Using innovative technology, OnStar can provide you with the latest information and assistance. Just press the blue OnStar button and you'll be connected to the OnStar Center where trained, knowledgeable, live Advisors are ready to help. Plus, some OnStar vehicles give you the ability to send and receive calls like you would using a wireless phone minus inconvenient dialing."

It seems like a fantastic service. You can get information you want, you can make phone calls if necessary, and you can use it in times of emergency. The last part being what they advertise on their commercials...

Their commercials feature actual emergency phone calls. They feature the metallic voices of the stoic ONSTAR employees walking young children or soccer moms through emergency situations. They quickly contact 911 for the passenger and get help to the location... They are performing a truly great service for their customers.

However... the ads are creepy... The radio ads are bad enough in that they play the recording of the ONSTAR employee helping the customer. I get visuals of smashed up vehicles and small children with bloody heads and a guy talking to the customer until the paramedics arrive. It just gives me a gruesome image in my head while I am driving and sort of creeps me out.

The television commercials aren't much better. They essentially take their radio ads and put them on screen...without any images. This was especially pleasant during ER last night as they had just shown a patient having her lungs drained by suction.

Images...images...images....without showing one single image....all to sell a prduct. Keeps me up at night. It really does.


...IT's MUH BIRFDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Another Exciting Episode...

This week's episode of Survivor saw another fun bit of editting so I thought that it was quite possible that a man wasn't gettin' the boot. We all thought it was Chad going this week but we weren't sure. Ami, the Playboy model is SOOOO in charge of that tribe...much like Brian was a few episodes ago. No one really realizes how much control she really has over them!

I was bound to lose a player.. the odds were certainly in my favor to do so. I just want Julie taken out soon...she seems much too much of an underdog... she may just coast on through. Ihope not.

CURRENT SCORE -- Pork Chop Express (6 Remaining) -- MB's team (1 Remaining) -- The number in parenthesis was the position that person was drafted.

Pork Chop Express (Smelmooo)
Leann Slaby (2)
Ami Cusack (7)
Chris Daugherty (10)
Eliza Orlins (14)
Dr. Scout Cloud Lee (15)
Twila Tanner (18)
James 'Chad' Crittenden (11) BOOTED, WEEK TEN
Lisa Keiffer (3) BOOTED. WEEK SIX!
John Palyok (6) BOOTED. WEEK THREE!

Ashhhfault (MB)
Julie Berry (5)
Lea 'Sarge' Masters (4) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK NINE!!!
Rory Freeman (9) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK EIGHT!!!
John Kenney (16) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK SEVEN!!!
Travis 'Bubba' Sampson (17) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK FIVE!!!
Brady Finta (1) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK FOUR!!!!
Mia Galeotalanza (12) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK THREE!!!!
Dolly Neely (13) --- BOOTED!!!! WEEK TWO!!!!!
Brook Geraghty (8) --- BOOTED! WEEK ONE!!!

Just One More Day!

Just One More Day!

In one more day, the Smelmooo will enter his 32nd year of existence by celebrating his 31st birfday. That's right folks, he said birfday. 31 years old and he still considers birfday to be an entertaining and amusing word -- much like "muh."

Every year, the Smelmooo hosts a birfday bash and this year was no different. Granted, this year didn't feature a T-Shirt for charity item, but we still have next year! It also isn't featuring a giant eating fest at Anthony's Trattoria, but there is always next year!

This year, the Smelmooo is hosting a big game of football. At least in theory, it is supposed to be big. There will be about ten people playing so far and if it is anything like last year, we will play until it gets very very dark.

Last year's game saw the mighty Safety Barrels lose a close contest with the Asphalt Warriors, but at least everyone looked good in their orange t-shirts even though many of the shirts were completely ruined in the mud piles we were playing in.

It had torrentially rained a couple of days prior to the game and the field was still soggy. After having 16 people run around like morons all over the field, it became a mud pit. God bless the Mud Bowl. It certainly made it a weekend to remember!

This year, according to weather.com, the last time it rains before the game will be 8 full days prior so there should be a lot less mud. That is partially a shame and partially a blessing as I was looking forward to dropping some people in the mud... but of course... I would NEEEEVER do that on purpose!

Only one more day until muh birfday...and two more days until the game... anyone need directions?

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Ok... Ok... It isn't right.. but..

.... my friend and I run a Death Pool. That's right... you pick celebrities and if you get the most amount of points by the end of the year... you win... This year's first prize is worth almost 300 beans but we would love to see many more people participate thus ensuring a much higher first prize. I have posted the rules below for your benefit. Feel free to enter... as many times as you want... each entry will cost ya 20 beans.
ANYONE CAN ENTER! Even if I don't know you... you just need to be very clear about your contact information!

Welcome to the official 2005 Celebrity Death Pool game! For those of you that are new to the concept, it is our time to take back from the celebrities and famous people out there that do nothing but take our money, sweat and tears as we buy their music, watch their games, read about them in the paper, or purchase their movie tickets. The object of the game is simple – Be the contestant at 12:00 Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) on December 31, 2005 to have accumulated the most amount of points. How easy is that?

Let's Get Started -- Think long and hard about the current health or possible health of our society’s famous folks. They can be from any forum. They can be athletes, entertainers, politicians, writers or just folks who are famous for being… famous. They can be from any continent. The main criteria is that someone else can identify who they are by name only and their death will be reported in a published account. Choose the 20 of these famous people that you think will die in the year 2005 and write their names in a list.

The Entry Fee is nominal. (20 "beans" per entry. You can enter as many times as you want. It is just going to cost you 20 beans per entry.)

The Point Structure is simple although it has been deated by some of my friends as being goofy, it remains the most exciting way of scoring the game. Points are determined by beginning with a 100 base point system. The age of the deceased celebrity will be deducted from the base score of 100 and a final number will be achieved. For example, if Britney Spears were to die on January 6, 2004, she would be worth 77 points. 100 base points MINUS 23 years old = 77 points.

The most important part of this game is the prize! The total prize will be determined by how many people enter and dollar values will be determined from the following percentages: First Place will receive 80% of the money and Second Place will receive 20% of the money.

In case of a tie, there will be two tiebreakers. The first is whoever has chosen the most amounts of deceased celebrities. The second is whoever has the fewest amounts of players on their team.

The league will have a website that will be updated on a periodical basis. It will contain team choices and as many updates as we can of those that have deceased. The web address is: http://home.comcast.net/~stncld727/celeb.html Feel free to visit the website now to see how the current year is going.

The official length of the contest will run from Saturday, January 1, 2005 between 00:00:01 EST (12:00 AM plus one second on January 1, 2005) and 23:59:59 EST Saturday, December 31, 2005 (11:59 PM plus 59 seconds)

All submissions must be received or postmarked by Friday, December 31, 2004 at 23:59:59 EST. They must be sent to muh normal email address, muh temporary gmail account at smelmooo@gmail.com or mailed to me at my home. Feel free to email me for that information. I am not putting it out there for everyone to see. Also check the website... there might be the opportunity to submit your picks online. The important fact is that we need the money by January 1, 2005 or your submission doesn't count. Payments can be cash, check or paypal.

Good Luck

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Top Five Tuesday From Atlantic City

Top Five "Seed of Chucky" Moments
1. Chucky chops the door in much like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and sticks his head in much like Jack Nicholson in the Shining and gives a quizical look and says... "I can't think of anything to say right now."
2. The closing credits showed each of the actors and how they looked when they were killed. It was actually pretty cool.
3. Redman played himself and he was casting a Bible based movie. One of the characters wanted the role of the Virgin Mary so she tried to sleep with him. THE COMEDY!!!
4. Jennifer Tilly playing herself is upset to hear that Julia Roberts got another prime role says... You know, I should have played "Erin Brockovich" and could have done without the wonder bra.
5. The spawn of Chucky lights a chick on fire and then says... "I just fired Joan." Phew... the comedy.

Top Five Reasons Why Watching Football is Sometimes Painful
1. My fantasy teams suck this year.
2. They only have New York teams on. Last weekend, they BOTH went out to quick leads and then sucked it up the rest of the game.
3. The commercials just don't seem as much fun anymore.
4. CBS and Fox paid $6 billion to air it for the next few years. Ummm.. HOLY CRAP!
5. The Raiders just aren't relevant and won't be for a few more years.

Top Five Reasons that Colin Powell Quit
1. He realized that the President is a psychotic.
2. He is finally upset that the President made him look like a total jackass by making him defend an outright lie to the American people in front of the entire United Nations.
3. He realized that the President is a psychotic.
4. His sone needs a new press secretary.
5. He realized that the President is a psychotic.

Top Five Reasons Why I Hate Conventions
1. I get to see otherwise grown up people act like they are 16 again and have discovered alcohol for the first time.
2. I am away from muh honey.
3. I live on crappy croissant breakfasts and drink lots of soda out of bottles.
4. My ass and feet hurt after pretending to care about people for 8 hours a day.
5. People suck...especially Town Clerks.

Top Five Reasons Why I Enjoy Going to Conventions
1. Hotels -- I love staying in them -- especially in the Sheraton where there isn't any clinging and clanging of bells.
2. I don't have to sit in an office or go to any meetings.
3. I get to pick up free junk that I will never use....
4. I get to pretend I give a crap about people I don't know and people watch the weird ones.
5. Nope... I don't have five...

Top Five Ways to Build Your Confidence
1. Listen to the Howard Stern Show and realize that you are better than all of his guests.
2. Go the U.S. Post Office -- Trust me... the dregs of the Earth hang out there.
3. Buy a Self Help Book
4. Go sit in an Emergency Room for an hour...and thank god you don't have that rash that guy over there has.
5. Just remember this... there are people out there that cannot read. Go ahead... you can figure out how to connect the smoke detectors to each other.

Top Five Reason Why ER Was Finally Good This Week
1. Ray Liotta
2. Ray Liotta
3. Not nearly as much Shane West
4. Ray Liotta
5. Ray Liotta

Monday, November 15, 2004

Jewish Culture

A pair of lovely Jewish sisters sent me a pair of funny sites focussed at Jewish humor. They both made me giggle. Click on their names for the funny links.

Thank you Mara.

Thank you Shari.

What "Special" Month Is This?

One of the perks of belonging to the YMCA in our town is that we get educated on things that you wouldn't normally research or hear about.

For example, I am now an expert on labor and wage rates throughout the United States. I know that the minimum wage is 5.15 dollars federally. It says so... right there on one of the many bulletin boards.

I am also an expert now on different ways of stretching my back muscles. Who knew there were over 28 different exercises to do that?!?!

But... I am most amazed by the bulletin board in the stairwell between the second and third floor. On this bulletin board, the YMCA edumacates us on a new topic each month. It reflects whatever "special" month it is that month. The board contains about 10 pages of information and is informative if you take the time to review it. I generally look at a page or two evry so often as a way to get myself pumped up for the upcoming cardio work out.

I glance eagerly each month to see what the topic would be. September was National Head Lice Awareness month. That seems appropriate... it IS the first month and week of school. You need to be aware if your child's head has become a breeding ground for the little buggers. October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This is also appropriate as I always think that I see the most breast cancer fund raising during this month.

Now...I ask you this. How... appropriate is it that November is American Diabetes Month? Diabetes is a serious disease but isn't it funny that they are making us aware of this horrible disease the DAY after the holiday that helps cause it -- Halloween? Adults and kids alike are busy chowing down on piles and piles and piles of candy.

Oh well... December is around the corner... I can't wait to see what that month entails.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Today Gave New Meaning...

...to going to the movies alone.

I don't mind going to the movies alone. I can easily decide that I want to see something...get off my butt...drive to the theater ...and go sit by myself while the movie plays. I have heard some people say they can't do that. That confuses me as we are just going to be quiet for two hours anyway.

Soo... today.. I got off my butt and made my way to the local Regal to see Seed of Chucky. Anyone can make fun of me for that... but I will just laugh at you as I love that garbage. Those movies make me happy even though I recognize them as being crap.

It was an 11:20 showing. No.. not P.M... but A.M. Thats right... I got my fill of violence, gore and puppet masturbation and was home before the NFL games started.

However... I am not sure why it was... but my money today got me my very own private showing of Seed of Chucky. I was the ONLY ONE IN THE THEATER! You don't know how happy that made me. I would have taken advantage of that if I was given the opportunity.

For example, no one called me but I would have answered my phone if someone did. It would have been fun even though I hate it when people do that.

Whatever... it is time to go watch some football... I have the image of Jennifer Tilly beating a woman over the head... in my brain. I need to watch men wrestle with other to help get rid of it.

Tara Reid

What is Tara Reid's favorite Major League Baseball team?

The Expos silly....

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Just Some Questions I Need Answered...

Why are wet newspapers probably the grossest thing in the world to touch?

What exactly is a Sharona?
How was somone found guilty of a crime without any evidence?
How can anyone actually entertain the idea of changing the United States Consitution to allow a foreigner to be President? That is just nuts.
How can muh honey jinx every single one of muh favorite teams?
How the heck did Ethan Hawke ever get to be such a sex symbol?
Why could I play Party Poker all night long?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Anyone want some passes to KatManDu? Rumor has it that it is a dump.

Friday, November 12, 2004


Alright... I have a confession to make. I can't seem to turn a certain show off every time I come across it on the television. I am well aware that it is a crappy show and a complete and total rip off of Candid Camera, but like a good car crash... I rubber neck my way to the closing credits.

The show is called Motormouth and it airs about 300 times a day on VH1. It is a show where they get three friends or family members to set up their victims by placing a hidden camera onto the dashboard of a car. The camera films how dopey people get behind the wheel of the car. The people they have shown so far have ranged from being interminable flirts to American Idol worthy and unworthy to white trash losers with missing teeth.

A narrator walks the viewer through the embarassing footage and gives prizes at the end of the show to the worst offender. The show is truly a train wreck, but it taps into something that makes me nervous.

The car is where everybody is king or queen. It is for this reason that we can explain why seemingly shy and meek people can become aggressive and finger waving jerks. We feel invulnerable in our cars and it is the one piece of real estate in the entire world that we command. We choose to transport ourselves from place to place but deep down, we all know that we can cause a great deal of damage and carnage with our vehicles. It is what we can do.

I would feel invaded enough if I was a victim of one of these shows on the street or in a laundramat but when I saw they were invading people's cars, I was amazed. I just couldn't imagine my 2 ton palace being invaded like that.

I would feel really violated...I don't need anyone seeing me sing at the top of my lungs to "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist" from the Avenue Q soundtrack or watching me do my Wayne's World impression any time Metallica comes on... or get all choked up whenever I hear about the Raiders losing another game.

Here's to Motormouth... the scariest thing on the airwaves.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Can it Get Any Worse???

WOW! That was ANOTHER exciting episode!

We all knew that Sarge was going but the guy I like to call "The Master" Mark Burnett once again tricked me into thinking that the Sarge might not actually be the one to hit the road! I actually screamed WOW when Chris voted for him. What a stinky bastard, but I am glad that he is on muh team.

With that boot... it is looking increasingly impossible for the Ashhhhfault team to make a comeback, but trust me... it can happen. I think that one of my wins was by coming back from a 6-2 deficit so funkier things have happened (Thank you Sandra for winning...)

CURRENT SCORE -- Pork Chop Express (7 Remaining) -- MB's team (1 Remaining) -- The number in parenthesis was the position that person was drafted.

My prize is supposed to be some beer. I have so much of it... I may have to think of something else... ok... I might want a nice bottle of Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio from 2001.

P.S. Ashhhhfault won't even know he lost someone until after the weekend as he is away on a business trip.... Shhhh... no one tell him.

Pork Chop Express (Smelmooo)
Leann Slaby (2)
Ami Cusack (7)
Chris Daugherty (10)
James 'Chad' Crittenden (11)
Eliza Orlins (14)
Dr. Scout Cloud Lee (15)
Twila Tanner (18)
Lisa Keiffer (3) BOOTED. WEEK SIX!
John Palyok (6) BOOTED. WEEK THREE!

Ashhhfault (MB)
Julie Berry (5)
Lea 'Sarge' Masters (4) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK NINE!!!
Rory Freeman (9) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK EIGHT!!!
John Kenney (16) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK SEVEN!!!
Travis 'Bubba' Sampson (17) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK FIVE!!!
Brady Finta (1) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK FOUR!!!!
Mia Galeotalanza (12) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK THREE!!!!
Dolly Neely (13) --- BOOTED!!!! WEEK TWO!!!!!
Brook Geraghty (8) --- BOOTED! WEEK ONE!!!

Staying Home... On a Weekday...

I love staying home on the weekday. I love doing things around the house or not doing things around the house. I have the ability to do whatever it is that I want to.

However... each time that I stay home alone on a day like this.. I get more and more and more girlie.

Most of you are probably thinking... but Smelmooo... you are already girlie enough... how can you get more girlie?

Very simple.

I turned on E! so that I could watch the 101 Most Starlicious Celebrity Make Overs -- on purpose. I become the little gossipy 14 year old girl that I am on the inside. I love hearing about how Farrah Fawcett was the 39th most starlicious Celebrity Make Over as we learn about how she "was a really great actress" and "she still looks spectacular even at age 50."

I also get to see ads for things that just aren't on during the NFL games on Sundays. Did you know that there is a brand new kind of icing being sold out there? That's right! YOU CAN POUR IT ON! It is the first kind of its time! INCREDIBLE!!!!

Can anyone say legitimate porn? I can! SOAP OPERAS! I love to watch Victor Kiriakis or Jenifer Horton or Hope Brady! Rock on DOOL.

ALright... I need to get a life and do something masculine... maybe I will iron.

I really really really tried...

....I put in Gothika this morning to watch -- Did I mention that I am off today? -- and I couldn't bear it anymore. So much talent and watching them suck so much in a horrible movie actually made my face hurt.

Instead, I hit stop and INNERSPACE was on! How awesome was this movie?

Dennis Quaid and Martin SHort were a great team. Did I actually say that something Martin SHort did was awesome? I think I did.

How the hell did he get Meg Ryan as his woman? That was one hell of a great pick me up after watching the other crap.

More later...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I may have actually peed myself...

...after looking at this site.

This is a tribute to Stevie G.

Click here.

New Words

I went to a management seminar a few weeks ago and learned a lot. The lessen was about improving yourself because once you improve yourself, you can improve the relationships with those around you thus improving their commitment to you.

Granted, there were some stretches to the whole discussion, but it was a worthwhile discussion.

One of the ideas for self improvement was to learn a new word every day. That was an easy one and I decided to pursue that avenue. (Please note... it was necessary... as I have already used the word improve at least 6 times up to this point.) Several places were suggested, but I decided that an email subscription was the way to go.

I contacted muh wife to find out the services that she subscribes to as she is the most lovely person I know AND she is also the biggest grammar geek I know -- I think Karen A. is in a close second.

I subscribed to Dr. Dictionary and Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day. Both services send me a word a day and I love getting them. Actually... I love getting them when I already know the word. It makes me feel that much smarter.

I figured that once in awhile, I would share these words with you. I recently got this word from M/W's Word of the Day.

The Word of the Day is:
mountebank \MOUNT-ih-bank\ noun 1: a person who sells quack medicines from a platform *2: a boastful unscrupulous pretender : charlatan Example sentence:
In his newspaper column, Gavin criticized the talk-radio host as "a mountebank whose 'expert' opinions and advice are complete hooey."Did you know?
"Mountebank" derives from the Italian "montimbanco," which was formed by combining the verb "montare" ("to mount"), the preposition "in" (converted to "im," meaning "in" or "on") and the noun "banco" ("bench"). Put these components together and you can deduce the literal origins of "mountebank" as someone mounted on a bench — the "bench" being the platform on which charlatans from the 16th and 17th centuries would stand to sell their phony medicines. Mountebanks often included various forms of light entertainment on stage in order to attract customers. Later, extended uses of "mountebank" referred to someone who falsely claims to have knowledge about a particular subject or a person who simply pretends to be something he or she is not in order to gain attention.

*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

Do you feel as though you have improved yourself today? Try doing it 730 times a year!

Rumor has it...

...that Ashcroft is quitting because he thinks the administration is a little TOO conservative now.

That was a joke people... it helps the healing process I have been told.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Can you believe....that this guys is single??!?!?!?


I am always fascinated...

...when I see an old woman that usually needs escorting around is obviously escorting around her SUPER old mom.

when 89 is just not old anymore....

Top Five Tuesday Kicks Your Ass!!!

Top Five New Bands That I Am Behind on Discovering AND Really Digging
1. Modest Mouse
2. stellastarr*
3. The Killers
4. Yellowcard
5. Franz Ferdinand

Top Five Bands/Singers That I Was Once AHEAD of the Curve Knowing
1. Radiohead
2. Belly
3. Barenaked Ladies
4. Los Lonely Boys
5. Jack Johnson

Top Five Things We Are Going To Put In Our New Safe
1. OUR WILLS!!! WOO HOO!!! DEATH!... (The preceding line was a JOKE!)
2. Our passports.
3. A fine selection of cheeses
4. A cocktail napkin from Larry Flynt's Hustler Club
5. Muh honey's bachelorette party "souvenier"

Top Five Rejected Ideas for Birfday Bash Activities
1. Skeet Shooting
2. Laser Tag
3. Bocci Ball
4. Streaking
5. Skinny Dipping

Top Five Reasons Why The Earth is Round
1. So the Smelmoo doesn't roll off...
2. To keep the oceans full. Water would just pour out! Right?
3. To ensure that we maintain the Circle of Life -- Elton John can't be wrong... he just can't!!
4. Because it has an axis. Imagine the Earth rotating and flopping about like a world in Missile Command.
5. To help Superman turn back time in the first Superman movie. (Makes Hollywood stronger... it really does...)

Top Five Reasons That Swiss Cheese Has Holes
1. Can the Swiss do anything normally? Damn banks and Swatches...
2. The taste is so strong -- the holes are there to detract from the taste...
3. Bugs need someplace to vacation.
4. To make it that much closer to god... get it? HOLY!! I crack me up.
5. Because it is not good...

Top Five Reasons Why Computers Hate Me
1. I play too many fantasy football games...
2. I like to have 6 or 7 programs open at once... why can't I just focus?
3. I try to blog...
4. I run a death pool with muh buddy Biggie...
5. I speak disparrangely about gigabytes...

Monday, November 08, 2004

Raking Leaves --- Ahhh... the Memories....

Muh honey and I spent about an hour yesterday taking care of our backyard and driveway. It was a lot warmer than we anticipated and we enjoyed the crappy chore that is cleaning up your lawn. The back lawn was covered in leaves so we raked them up and put them in bags.

Believe it or not, but this is the first time that I have ever raked leaves and placed them in bags. I have extensive experience in leaf raking, but never have I been involved in a project where the leaves went into bags. We filled up our two big bags, went inside, peered outside later and mourned the big piles of leaves that replaced all the ones we had already picked up.

Our next door neighbor was raking the leaves on his lawn too. He was complaining but I had to smile as he doesn't know what REAL raking is all about. This all reminded me of the times my family used to get into giant raking days growing up.

We used to live on an acre of land in Hunterdon County which was surrounded by a woodsy area. Every fall, the front lawn primarily would be covered from front to back in leaves. Not just a small layer where you could see the underlying lawn, but a thick layer of leaves. Raking the front lawn at the Smelmooo residence was not a one hour chore. It generally lasted a good 7-9 hours -- two to three times a year -- with five people working the yard.

Our set up was simple. Muh father and I were the expert rakers. We would begin by making big piles. Muh mother, brother and sister were the "draggers." The rakers would put the leaves onto a large sheet and the draggers would drag the leaves through the backyard to a compost pile that we had on the border of the woods. They would dump the leaves and return to refill their sheets. Once the operation got going, the three draggers were constantly moving and didn't have much time to rest. Our raking was that efficient.

As a point of reference... sometimes the piles we would create would be as high as our waists. It was productive and we physically paid for it for the next two weeks. It really was worth it though. The lawn looked great and we had a GIANT pile of leaves that we could literally run and flop onto without risk of getting injured. The piles got to be over 6-7 feet high in some places.

You may wonder how they got that high considering no one in my family is over 6 feet tall. The pile was on a slope and we were able to drag leaves onto it and sort of maneuver to the other side. It was fun and worth it.

Raking leaves taught us the responsibility of hard work and finishing what seems a monumental project. Today, muh father has a leaf blower to help assist in the leaf raking but I am sure that he has some fond memories of the day long leaf raking projects.

At least I do....

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Miss Congeniality

I was shocked and surprised this morning when I woke early and put in a movie that many others have reaved about and I was afraid to watch.

Miss Congeniality.

Sandra Bullock who has never really been a favorite or "unfavorite" of mine was actually really funny in this movie and she made me laugh out loud sometimes. That was a perfect role for her.

Also perfect were WIlliam Shatner and Candace Bergen. I find it funny that Candace Bergen would play such a character as I grew up with her as Murphy Brown so I expect all sorts of feminist rhetoric to spew from her mouth whenever I see her, but she was ideal as a beauty show director who takes the whole pageant idea a little too seriously.

If you want some mindless fun... check out Miss Congeniality.

Peace out.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Our Lawn Looks Great!

Muh honey and I are lucky that we have a lawn that gets very few leaves on it. This is unlike the raking projects that we used to have at my parent's house growing up. We would sometimes dedicate three or four SaturDAYS to deal with all the leaves that fall on a lawn that is primarily in the woods.

With this said, I planned on raking what few leaves we have yesterday, mowing the lawn one last time and laying down the Winterizer I recently bought so that the grass could hibernate this winter. It was a simple project and I planned on doing it during my lunch break.

When I pulled up to the house at lunch time, I was irritated to find a huge landscapers truck and all the equipment parked in front of the house. I was irritated becaue i knew how hard it was going to be for me to pull around it and make it into the driveway. I couldn't even see the lawn... that's how much space all the equipment was.

I grumbled and eventually made it around the truck and pulled into the driveway. When my vision cleared the truck and I could see the front lawn, I was treated to a perfectly mowed lawn without a single leaf anywhere. The guy landscaped our lawn and the lawn next door. As you might know, my next door neighbor normally mows our front lawn for us as our lawns are extensions of each other so it is beneficial to both of us to have lawns that are the same height.

This was a new level though. I think it was a friend of his that did the final touches on the lawn. This was a really nice surprose and I even felt bad for grumbling at the big truck.

I just hope we don't get a bill.... muh honey is sysnical enough to believe that we just might... I might agree with her...

Friday, November 05, 2004

Huey Lewis & the News Moment

The Power of Love is really one of the greatest songs ... EVER.

Sorry Everybody -- How Can We Make It Up To You?

This is funny... no matter what side you are on...

Click here...

Random Thoughts On a Friday

Random Thoughts On a Friday

1. I went home yesterday for lunch hoping that the latest DVD that we ordered would be awaiting me in the mailbox as I wanted to begin to watch it over a healthy bowl of old Halloween candy. I opened up the mailbox and saw that the mailbox was indeed full. My eyes went searching for the welcoming red envelope and much to my excitement, I saw red! I pawed through and was immediately disappointed that the envelope was actually a "SmartMailer" envelope. Depressed, I began to work through the rest of the mail when I came across a bright GREEN envelope! NETFLIX was promoting Shrek 2 and the movie I wanted was inside! What a rollercoaster of emotions...and all for..

2. ....Ali G Indahouse! This is a feature length film starring one of my new favorites. Ali G. He basically took his gansta rap wannabe character and made a 90 minutne movie around him. Long story short, he ends up in Parliament and addresses feminists and makes fun of anti-bully programs in schools. The movie was non-stop hilarious... but I laughed for a good amount of it. The best part of the movie was watching the guy who plays "Tim" in The Office play a gangsta wannabe. That was funny.

3. Why is the new Presidential dog so frigging newsworthy? It makes me feel as though there really are that many empty people in the world who don't care about all the soldiers dying and getting maimed in Iraq because what they want to read about is the President's new frigging dog! MSN has a list of top searches. "President's New Dog" is in the top five alongside "election results" and "Britney Spears." Two out of three ain't bad I suppose.

4. Did Arafat die or not?

5. Muh honey and I realized something very important last night. ER really stinks now. We have both known it for a couple of years, but it is just not good television anymore. Shane West actually makes me feel pain in my temples each week at 10:10. Does he have any other facial expressions except "squished?"

On that note...I am off for now... enjoy the weekend.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Survivor A$$ Kicking Continues

WOW! That was an exciting episode! I gotta admit that my heart skipped a few beats when I thought that my favorite Survivor Playboy Playmate model Ami Cusack was getting the boot.

Good old Rory took the boot up the backside this week. He was beginning to approach super annoying level. My buddy even refered to Rory as being on his "Shi Ann List" Clever play on words there my friend... clever play.

Oh wait... now the good news. Rory isn't/wasn't my player! The Pork Chop Express kicks even more a$$ this week! I can taste the beer... mmm... beer....

CURRENT SCORE -- Pork Chop Express (7 Remaining) -- MB's team (2 Remaining) -- The number in parenthesis was the position that person was drafted.

Pork Chop Express (Smelmooo)
Leann Slaby (2)
Ami Cusack (7)
Chris Daugherty (10)
James 'Chad' Crittenden (11)
Eliza Orlins (14)
Dr. Scout Cloud Lee (15)
Twila Tanner (18)
Lisa Keiffer (3) BOOTED. WEEK SIX!
John Palyok (6) BOOTED. WEEK THREE!

Ashhhfault (MB)
Lea 'Sarge' Masters (4)
Julie Berry (5)
Rory Freeman (9) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK EIGHT!!!
John Kenney (16) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK SEVEN!!!
Travis 'Bubba' Sampson (17) -- BOOTED!!! WEEK FIVE!!!
Brady Finta (1) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK FOUR!!!!
Mia Galeotalanza (12) -- BOOTED!!!! WEEK THREE!!!!
Dolly Neely (13) --- BOOTED!!!! WEEK TWO!!!!!
Brook Geraghty (8) --- BOOTED! WEEK ONE!!!

I HAVE A DISEASE!!! Or so I have been told...

I think I am suffering from some sort of disease and it has me very concerned.

Today... I might be suffering from bi-polar depression. I meet some of the symptoms and now I might qualify for free tests that a research facility is performing in the Princeton area. All of this because I am a little sad about the events of the week. With muh marriage early last month and then the sharp fall of the Yankees losing... it has been a roller coaster of a month.

Last week was a whole other issue. I had myself convinced that I was suffering from female urinary incontinence. You can find more information at http://www.afud.org/conditions/ui.asp

I am not female and no, I don't leak when I laugh or sneeze, but I was convinced. It is primarilly due to the soothing tone of the person reading the copy on the ad. They put me at ease, hypnotize me, and make me feel....sick.

These are the same ads that had me believing that although I have never taken a mind altering drug in my life, I was suffering from some sort of drug problem. You would help a friend if he was in trouble... wouldn't you?

I say all of this because I am starting to believe that advertising is beginning to get pretty specific. I have heard that ad looking for women who pee themselves everytime they sneeze or laugh no less than 10 times since returning from muh honeymoon and my commute to work is 5 minutes maximum! When did this start to happen?

I first noticed the medical study advertisements in 1997 and I found that they were pretty much limited to those with borderline mental conditions like bi-polar whatever or depressive that. They were on sporadically and didn't mean much.

Then the drug companies started to advertise. I began to develop serious side effects (mentally only) to the allergy medicine that I was on. I would believe that I would get momumental nose bleeds much like the one when I had surgery back in 1993. The ads were good. I still don't know what the "purple Pill" does, but I am pretty sure that I need it.

Now... I am hearing ads for studies for leaking women and for men who can't find their keys. Translation -- Urinary incontinence and memory loss of men over 65. I am neither a woman nor am I a man over 65, but I almost called.

The ads are that good, soothing and interesting........ I think I want to call just so I can find out where the studies are being held so I can meet some of these people with the problems. My travel time will even be paid for.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Johnson Family Vacation

I watched Johnson Family Vacation with Cedric the Entertainer.

It isn't a great movie... but damn... I laughed a lot.

He is so funny.

Good mindless entertainment.

Top Five Tuesday -- A Day Late

Would you believe that when I sat down to write a blog yesterday that I completely forgot the actual day? I am serious. Sooo... here is Top Five Tuesday... A Day Late.

Top Five Things I Didn't Miss About Walking Door to Door This Year
1. Old women's robes "accidentally" falling open.
2. My feet afterwards
3. Having the door slammed in my face.
4. Being told to F off.
5. Staying out too late worried that my job is gone.

Top Five Things I Have Found In My Car Right Before Turning It In
1. A petrified gummy worm.
2. A petrified french fry -- half eaten.
3. A Matchbox car in the shape of the Mystery Machine -- I have never had one of those.
4. A Big ball of black and gray hair.
5. A $50 bill.

Top Five Places I Want to Visit One Day
1. The museum that contains the world's largest rubber band ball.
2. That dinosaur that was in Pee Wee's Big Adventure
3. Some caves in Virginia
4. Neil Diamond's House -- I am such a star F'er sometimes.
5. Boulder, Colorado during a blizzard

Top Five Most Important States During This Year's Election
1. Maine
2. Hawaii
3. Rhode Island
4. Confusion
5. Apathy

Top Five People I Want to Meet Some Day
1. Stephen King -- Is he really that weird?
2. Peter Jennings -- Is he really that huggable?
3. The guy who invented the Stress Free shirt from the Gap. Liquids bead up and roll off!!! Stains don't hold!!! NO JOKE!!!
4. Cedric the Entertainer -- He just makes me laugh.
5. Neil Diamond -- He is a god.

Top Five Reasons I Feel I Should Be President
1. I can iron my own clothes.
2. I can be diplomatic.
3. My extensive movie knowledge.
4. My friends and family are so cool, I would have to hire them all.
5. Cheese would be the national fruit.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Wolf Blitzer...

...is a putz.

Look people... Wolf isn't the only one doing it. I am just focussing all my anger at him. This is bothering me as much as the way that the President mispronounces NUCLEAR bothers muh honey and Karen.


It isn't electorIal. It is elECtoral....

Thank you for your support and cooperation.

Muh Boring Voting Blog

There are so many people out there waxing poetically about who is the better candidate today, about why you should vote one way or another, or about who is the best for this country.

I don't wanna do that. I want to suggest something completely different. I just want to encourage you to vote. I firmly believe something. If you don't vote, then you can't exercise your First Amendment right to free speech to complain about the elected officials.

Aside from that, you might experience some "get out the vote" efforts today. Young kids and adults will be walking the streets with lists encouraging you to get out to vote. I ask -- as someone who has been doing that for over 10 years -- to treat them with the respect they deserve and say thank you politely to them. They didn't ask to be belittled...they are just encouraging a higher participation of the electorate.

I will leave you now as I have already voted. It looks like it will be a high turnout year.

I was number 42 and muh honey was number 36 at about 6:30 this morning. That is encouraging.

Now..it is your turn... say something....

Monday, November 01, 2004

Halloween in Metuchen

Our first Halloween in Metuchen was a fun and inspiring day.

The holiday is quickly becoming one of my favorites and I am finally glad to be living in a place where Trick or Treaters come by. For most of my adult life, I have lived in apartment or condominium complexes or renting a room in a person's house. Trick or Treaters never made it to where I was living. I suppose I cannot complain -- especially during the years I was living on the second floor. Small blessings... small blessings...

With Halloween being on a Sunday and with it being a gorgeous day, we knew we were going to get a lot of little kiddies in our neighborhood. We were right. By 8:00 last night, we had totaled 75 children that visited us. Some nice and some horrible. Let me share some quick snippets about some of them.

1. We were sitting in the living room watching some football and writing some thank you notes when the doorbell rang. It took us about 20 seconds to get to the door each time the bell rang. Standing up... getting the candy dish and putting on a bright smile. Once... the doorbell rang, we got up and started to make our way to the door. We could see three small kids at the door and we saw one small boy. Then ... we heard the boy. "Who lives in this dumb house?" We chastised him when we opened the door but the kid was too small for it to register. Let's just say that when I put in candy in his bag... it was actually the wrapper from one of the pieces of candy I had pilfered with the kid before.

2. Why was I sad to see some kids show up by themselves? They were about 10 years old without any friends, brothers, sisters or parents. Just sad almost.

3. The first kid came at 3. The last set of kids came at 8. We ran out of candy pretty much and we thought that we bought too much. Just a suggestion for next year...don't "think" that you have bought too much and you will not eat as much...taking away candy from the kids.

4. Most popular costume this year was easily the Disney Princesses line. Lots of bright pinks and muted blues on little girls.

5. If the kid is less than a year old, does he REALLY know what Trick or Treating is? I was wondering that and sort of asked one parent who was carrying around is 9 month old or so pumpkin cladded kid. I said... "What does Daddy want?" To which, Daddy responded... "Daddy wants Twix, but he is eating chocolate so that would be best for him." That is a good Dad.

6. Kids don't seem to know how to say Trick or Treat anymore.

7. Muh honey answered the door once without me. It was a little rock band and some of the kids played instruments and the "manager" collected the candy for the group. That sounded like the most clever group.

8. There really was a kid this year that took a sheet and cut a couple of eyes cut out. It was the most traditional and WORST costume.

9. I thought that a kid who took a leaf disposal bag from Home Depot...cut holes in it... taped leaves all over it and put some in his hair and wore it was pretty clever and cute.

10. Muh honey and I ended the evening with a viewing of Fright Night, which is almost impossible to find in video stores! It was good fun and muh honey was so creeped out by the end. Thanks muh honey!