Wednesday, June 30, 2004

No no no no no!

I am not liking the supreme court right now...

PLEASE DON'T ruin my movie going experience!!!!

"The U.S. high court ruled earlier this week that the way stadium-style seating is designed is unfair to handicapped patrons. Solutions are now being discussed, including retrofitting or reconstructing cinemas to better meet ADA needs."

When you have loud and noisy kids and people who don't know how to turn off their cell phones and even those that USE THEM during the movie, all I have are the big comfy seats where I don't have to see the back of a head.... EVER.

Please Ms. O'Connor... don't say its so...

Oh yeah... one more thing... don't take abortion rights away either...that would also suck.

Things You Should Know about the Smelmooo

Now it's time for another rousing edition of.... THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE SMELMOOO!!!!

1. My brother and his girlfriend came over for dinner last night... the wore flip flops...the four of us went for a walk...later that night....all I could hear in my sleep was flip flip flip flip flip.... I hate flip flops.

2. Chocolate covered strawberries are an ideal gift. Who am I kidding.. chocolate covered anything is a good gift... ok.. maybe not chocolate covered flip flops.

3. The Garden State Parkway was the second recipient of the Asphalt Pavement Alliance's Perpetual Pavement Award which is given to roads that are over 50 years old and have never had to be reconstructed. Resurfacing does not count. It still doesn't mean I hate driving on that frigging road on Friday afternoons and Sunday nights.

4. Beard and Sausage Party are phrases not liked by some of my friends.

5. The Smelmooo is going to go get tuxes today for his wedding to the lovely muh honey. I think I will go with asphalt colored vests.

6. "'Sup" is the phrase I use when I go into "ghetto mode" Watch out... I am a bad ass mofo when I do that.

7. The Yankees demolished the Red Sox yesterday. How sweet is that?

8. My co-worker mentioned fantasy football today. He set me off... I was trying to not think about it for at least another month. oh well... Here comes Priest....

That's all for now.

Is my friend gay?

My male friend tells me that he has spent the better part of the afternoon looking for shoes on the internet.

He has a beautiful son and a gorgeous wife.

Or should I say beard?

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Fountains of Wayne

"Stacey's Mom" was a recent hit and introduced me to a band that has been around for awhile. They hit it big with this kind of dopey song. They reached national prominence when Rachel Hunter agreed to play Stacey's Mom in their music video. It was a stroke of genius to get them on the map. Every red blooded American male lusted after Rachel Hunter at one point or another in her career -- most likely from Sports Illustrated.

Unfortunately, Fountains of Wayne has not shaken the Stacey's Mom monkey off its back and will most likely go down as a one hit wonder. This is an absolute shame. Their most recent album Welcome Interstate Managers is brilliant work. Entertainment Weekly even listed it as their number one album of the year.

Ok... I have to admit... Based upon the merits of Stacey's Mom, I totally wrote this group off too as a fun and goofy band that had maybe one hit in them. I never even tried any of their other music. I just wrote them off.

It was the Entertainment Weekly that actually opened my mind. It took a couple of experts in a magazine to open up my mind. Funny thing is... I don't usually agree with their opinions on anything... but this time... I decided to listen to them. Go figure. They even listed them as the best band that no one will ever hear.

I started to see other annual lists that included the album on their top ten lists. I gave them a try. I am so glad I did... The thing that gets me is that they have an extremely wide range from pop to rock to something that even sounds countryish. I hate country... but this song is awesome. If you are checking them out and you can Download a song or two, I suggest you go with Red Dragon Tattoo, Bright Future in Sales, or Hey Julie. All good songs.

Also... just as a side note... for anyone that watched the first two episodes of Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital -- that totally fun song that the writer is listening to when he gets hit by the car? Red Dragon Tattoo.

I hope that I can at least open one or two minds with this post. You must check them out.

Happy Blogging.

Monday, June 28, 2004

Long Weekend With a Sausage Party!!!

What a fun an glorious long weekend that was!

I started off by experiencing something that I absolutely abhor -- Driving down the GSP on a Friday afternoon ... in the summer. I could go on a huge diatribe about people and the amazing feat of losing all ability to drive when it comes to congested driving, but I am sure other people have done it.

We enjoyed a nice dinner on the town and surprised ourselves with a pretty walk on the boardwalk. Fun times for all.

Saturday invloved an all day bachelor party. In the spirit of bachelor parties, I will not relate any of the specifics of the party, but I will make mention of the Maxim party that we attended. IT was a sausage party. For those of you that are uneducated at the term... a sausage party is a party where the VAST majority of the attendees have a sausage... or... are men.

The women were either being paid to be there... Maxim Chicks or the hot girlfriends of guys at the party. Let me say something first for those that think that Maxim chicks are all hot. No... Maxim Chicks at this party were hot Jersey girls. It isn't like they shipped in all the hot chicks to operate the Pirates ride. No... They hired local honeys to make me feel like the ride was a good idea after two to three pitchers of booze and some shots of a GRAPE VODKA.

Good idea. They all looked good to me.

Sunday was a gorgeous day on the beach with muh honey and "da pickle".

Party hearty folks.

On that note... I leave. Work beckons...

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Would you be my student?

I recently took a class at the Adult Education school at North Brunswick High School. On the form, they put in a slot for...

"What classes would you like to see taught at this school?"

I wrote down... "Selling on Ebay -- I will even teach it." -- not really thinking about it.

Well, they did... I am now a teacher... and getting paid for it! Cool.

Here is my blurb -- Thank you Maureen, Kelly and Eric for making this better than what I originally had!

Would you take this class?

How to Sell Your Junk on Ebay and Make a Profit Doing It!
September 28, 2004

Intimidated by the computer?
Intimidated by Ebay?
Keep hearing how profitable Ebay is for your neighbors and family but afraid to try it for yourself?

Take advantage of the chance to make easy money on this huge internet garage sale. Ebay is easy to master once you understand the basics. This class will walk you through the entire process from preparing your listing to packaging your items to following through once the items have sold. This class will help you learn about the ins and outs of Ebay.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity!

That was the text for the program.

This is the text for the flyer that I will hand out for "tutoring" opportunities.

How to Sell Your Junk on Ebay and Make a Profit Doing It!
Heard of Ebay but have no idea how to get in on it?
More importantly, do you have any idea how easy it is to make money on

Believe me, there is plenty of money to be made from the comfort of your
cushy computer chair selling all that old junk you have laying around the
house/attic/garage. Ebay is essentially a huge online garage sale, and
the time has come for you to slice yourself off a big hunk of the Ebay pie.
This class will walk you through the ins and outs of Ebay. You will learn
everything from preparing your listings and generating traffic to
finalizing your $ales and packaging your items for shipment. One person's
trash is another person's treasure!

Don't miss out on this opportunity!

I see funny things....

Short post to start off the day.

I was driving into work today when I saw something that made me smile.

I saw a lumber truck. On the side of the wood, it was painted "IP|Wood"

Who owns that company?

I.P. Freely?

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Things You Should Know About the Smelmooo

I am lifting this idea from another blog that I saw. I think it was a fun exercise in finding out funny stuff about your precious little Smelmooo.

1. Smelmooo has absolutely NO meaning at all to anyone or anything. It is a nonsensical word I made up years ago. I figured that if I made up a weird name like this, I would be able to use it on any web site. I was right. At the time, it was a combination of three things -- a. Smelly, b. elmo, and c. moooo (from South Park... you cows can't ride this train... it's a people train.)

2. Chicken, Cheese, and Chocolate are the three main foods of the Smelmooo

3. I am getting annoying by referring to myself as the Smelmooo

4. If I had a bad day, you will probably find me with a glass of wine while ironning...hopefully watching some WWE.

5. Netflix is my new favorite thing.

6. I never miss an episode of the World Poker Tour. I am sad that it is ending a week from tomorrow.

7. My buddy completely transforms when he plays poker into a complete a-hole.

8. Lunch time is so much more fun when you can do it at home.

More at a later date....

Perks of the Job

I vowed to myself that I would never write anything about work on here. I also vowed to never really say anything disparraging about people I care about as it would be invariably misinterpretted.

However, today I am going to break my vow and mention something incredibly awesome.

Muh boss just told me that he is sending me to Hawaii in February. When people tell me how much vacation time they get, and I compare my measley ten days to them, I remind myself that I get kick ass crap like this.

Anyone want to join me/us?

Monday, June 21, 2004

Father's Day Funnies

Some of these may not be funny to anyone else but me but I had to forever immortalize them.

We celebrated this year in far far far away Ocean City, New Jersey (a three hour ride home on a summer Sunday night...)

A fun thing about the shore is that the front lawn is generally white stones... rocks if you will.

On the way over to the table, the barbecued burgers and hot dogs were dropped onto said rocks. After lots of frustration and anger, humor was used to alleviate the situation. My brother and I were at the top of our game which is really up to evaluation right now. Here are some snippets.

"It's ok.. It's ok... no need to stone the person for dropping the burgers."

"Mmmmm.. lots of minerals..."

"Let's rock and roll."

"What do I want to drink? A glass of mineral water please."

Added June 22, 2004 (I forgot it) My second favorite one and from Chris was... "All we need are scissors and we could play Rock, Paper, Scissors.)

This is my favorite one and mine of course...."Let's not take this meal for granite."

Have a nice day everyone.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Brian + Muh Honey = Murderers

Today was an interesting day. I woke up at my usual crack of the morning time, and I was feeling like I needed to get something accomplished.

I weeded.

We have spent a great deal of our time focussing on the inside of the house and becoming a part of the community -- as per past posts.

Today, I began the arduous task of weeding and setting the outside of our house straight. The numerous flowerbeds were overrun with weeds, and we needed to curb the unwanted growth in those areas. We wanted pretty flowerbeds before we had more company over.

Why haven't we done much? We painted. We cleaned. We moved in furniture. We organized. It also didn't help that there have been some of the most humid days I can remember so we didn't want to spend time outside. This lack of attention assisted the deterioration of the habitat that the previous owner intended to be there. (side note -- she was quite the green thumb and somewhere between closing and signing the contract, she must have planted over 100 plants... but I digress...)

As much as we appreciate the beautiful pansies and flowers planted in proliferation around our new house, they are kind of a pain in the ass. The lack of rain hasn't helped their well being either.

But look at me making excuses for just not taking care of plants. They say that if you can't even keep a plant, then you shouldn't take care of a child either. Four flower boxes on the front of our house and a hanging plant recently met their demise because of these aforementioned reasons... or wait... is it because the two of us were negligent and killed the plants in an unsatisfactorily fashion?

The latter...

We have learned an important lesson today. Life is fragile and we really need to apply some tender loving care to all living creatures or they will all die an untimely and horrible death.

Blech... the real lesson learned is... flowers be damned.. I would rather have a couch and a DVD player set up to watch The Office -- Season Two then take busy time out of my schedule to water some stupid pansies.

I love life's lessons... they teach me so much.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

I am in love... with voice mail.

Thank god Verizon stinksadoodle.

With the switch to Cablevision for our phone and internet service, we have been educated on a lot of the technological changes that have occured over the years. I apologize if you already know about these technological advancements, but they are new and fascinating to me.

Is anyone else truly aware of the recent advancements in telephone service? As you know, we got our phone through Cablevision, and we couldn't be much happier. The reception is crisp and clear, and we can make unlimited phone calls to anywhere in the United States for one rate each month. That's a pretty cool deal in itself, but we get so much more...

Call Waiting
Caller ID
Call Forwarding
3 Way Calling
and... the most exciting new feature... voice mail.

This represents a major change in my life. I have always had an answering machine, and I have always been sort of been morally opposed to voice mail on some strange level of technological defiance.

This is also seen in my efforts to fight electronic payments. Jesus... I am the guy that loves to write checks... virtual payments? hell no! Let me write checks for one cent out all day. That would just make me soooo happy....

Technology isn't a problem for me as most of you know, but voice mail has always seemed to be some level of commitment to technology that I wasn't ready to make. I need my internet connection for checking sports scores and managing my fantasy football teams. I love buying and selling crap on Ebay. I even met someone I care about through a mutual friend of ours on the internet! Technology isn't something I should oppose fundamentally... it was just the voice mail component of technology that always intimidated me.

Regardless of my opinions, I was bodyslammed into the 21st century this week. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why my trusty answering machine -- that has been a major part of my life for over 10 years -- wasn't working with the new system. I went online to study what our features were for our new phone service.

Voice mail was one of the features that I had to get! Machines don't register! Something about the signal not being able to be identified by the machine. CRAP! I would have to hook something up that I didn't want to! I bit the bullet and set us up with voice mail.

I then looked into it greater. Not only do we have voice mail, but we can access our voice mail in a variety of methods! At least four that I can think of.

1. When I am home, I can pick up the phone and get my voice mail.
2. When I am on the road, I can call the voice mail number from afar, type in some codes, and get my messages that way.
3. When I am in front of my email, I can listen to the message that has been forwarded to my email!
4. I can also log into my voice mail through a web browser and listen to them there!

THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it and muh honey can attest to the fact that I spent a good hour trying out so many different possiblities.

Hell... I must have called us about 10 times that night. I can only hear myself say ..."Test... Test... Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssstttttttttt... Buh Bye." so many times.

I still call home once in awhile... just to see the emails pop on my messenger.

My co-workers think I am nuts... they hear my voice coming out of the computer and I have a shit eating grin on my face.

I might very well be insane... but then again... would an insane person enjoy listening to himself leave fake messages on the answering machine?

I don't know...

I will say one thing though...

Verizon stinksadoodle and cable rulesadoodle.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Member of the Community

Last night, we finally became a part of the community.

We began our evening by getting in the family Buick and booked our tooshes over to the marvelous Metuchen Public Library. A quaint building right off of Main Street and Route 27, the building sits among other older buildings with 7 parking spots.

We entered the building and I was reminded again of how librarians lack something that most people I encounter do not -- a sense of humor. I poured on the charm and even got muh honey to giggle a few times. I was on fire. Did the librarian laugh at all? The answer is a big fat NO. Was she diplomatic and pleasant enough to process our library cards? Yeuppers. She was all business.

All business at the Metuchen Public Library -- all the time... At least she didn't say library like those people in South Jersey do. Libary. LI-BARY !!!

As my first official act as a card holder at the Metuchen Public LIBARY, I put a book on hold. The process is interesting. You pay them a quarter for postage for a postcard and you even address it to yourself. Once the book comes in, they mail you the postcard with all of your handwriting on it. What an excellent system. I made an offhand remark about how North Brunswick library calls you when the book comes in. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. "Well, we aren't the North Brunswick library, we are the Metuchen library and we don't call anyone." Thank you very much.

Muh honey and I took our new library cards excited about our further evidence that we are residents of the fine town of Metuchen -- the town where libarians don't call people. All busines... all business...

Our next stop on the tour of Metuchen was the Metuchen YMCA, which is rather close to our home. After wading through the mass of people that huddled at the front door, we finally made our way to the front desk. Without batting an eye, they let us sign up for the family plan. Good times! I don't even have a ring on and the girl thought we were a family. How cute right? I actually think so.

We went on a personal tour of the facilities and I was amazed. For a YMCA, this place is pretty darn nice. They have a basketball court, a huge workout room for classes, a weight room and aside from the cardio equipment, two full systems of weights for us unbuff folks. Also -- Two... count them... TWO swimming pools. We signed up right away.

Not wanting to ruin our figures after signing up for the gym, we walked back home (Because it is good exercise)and we both smiled knowing that all the way home was just across the street. When we got there... we made a huge salad for dinner. We had to eat the greens that we got last Thursday... time to clear it out for the next type of vegetables that we get next week. We busted out a shower gift... something called a Salad Spinner... I am amazed. Muh honey was super excited and used it spin our salad. She said it was super cool because it had a brake on it. A brake. Funny...

Alright... enough for now. I need to do some actual work.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Moving In

I am 30 years old and I am still asking my friends to help me move my furniture. I had successfully removed everything that wasn't significant furniture by myself and I was excited to get my other furniture into our home. We wanted to make this a place that we could relax ... and the arrival of our furniture has made that possible.

Regardless of the end result, I was blessed to have three friends volunteer to help me move my crap. It took us just over 3 hours and everything made it over in the same amount of pieces it started in... except on drawer. That drawer is now back to its original form and is holding my fancy schmansy sweatpants.

The more important thoughts I am having are... when is it appropriate to stop asking people to help you move your crap? Even with the impending combination of our earthly possessions, it was still a move of just my stuff as her stuff will slowly arrive over the next four months.

When I got to the truck rental spot, I was the first person on line and two groups were behind me. The first was a 40ish year old gentleman that seemed to be renting a van with 12 seats. I am guessing that he got the van to transport a group of people someplace. Hopefully, it was someplace fun with a bunch of alcohol.

The other person was a chick and her three stallions. They were all about 23 and all they could talk about was how wasted everyone was the night before. Hello friends... was that ever important to me? If it was... I apologize to all the strangers that had to listen to my inane babble about how drunk I was or how drunk my friends were. It is something I should be proud of...

Anyway... they were getting the truck to move all of her crap. It was a group effort and they expected to be done by 12 but dammit.. they got super drunk the night before.. this waking up at 8:00 am for them was something that none of them "enjoyed" or "appreciated."

SO how old is too old? I am not sure it is really something that can be measured by age. This was certainly the easiest move I have ever had as there were four of us... we were all strong... and we got the job doen well and efficiently. Age made the job easier to complete... our experience made it easier and effective.

I suggest a different means of measurement. I think that now that muh honey have stuff -- real stuff and now that all of our stuff is combined, we will be moving to using a moving company. It was only a matter of time.

Aside from supplying beer and pizza to my super duper friends, I don't know how to thank those guys enough. Thanks guys.

Friday, June 11, 2004

Brian = Satan?

We live in Metuchen and thankfully so. They have quite the policy for when it comes to parking on the street in Metuchen. During peak hours, you sure as heck better have a parking permit sticker on your car or you are going to pay dearly for it.

On weekdays, parking permits are required for 5 - 9 p.m.

The day we moved in, we went outside to check something out. At 5:03 p.m., the police officer was out there writing up a ticket for some chump who was parked in front of our house. GOTCHA!

We waited diligently and in fear and always parked our cars in the driveway for fear of the police ... in our own neighborhood. We waited for the DMV or MVC to send us our new stickers for our new licenses so we could prove to the police we were living in the town.

Finally! My sticker came and I rushed right over to the police station during a lunch break. I went in, applied, and a police officer escorted me to my car. He walked over carefully, inspected the license plate number and asked me to open my back window. He painstakingly applied the sticker perfectly and sent me on my merry little way.

What cracks me up is that I have this sticker on my car that has a permit number. That permit number is essentially my identification for the police... to identify me as a resident of the beautiful town of Metuchen.

That number?


Think about it....

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Fun Times -- Sopranos?

First... a shout out to muh boy and his lady... Go Jamie and Barbara... We wish you many hours of happiness. What the heck... we wish you many years of happiness too. heh heh.....

Time to keep myself awake as I try to wade through the minutiae of my day. There are tons of issues going on right now at work and it makes everything look that much hazier.

I finally saw the finale of the Sopranos this morning and I must admit that it was far better than I thought it was going to be. This season has been another huge disappointment to me and I basically used the show as a warm up for that fantastic show Deadwood.

13 episodes of the Sopranos and I watched every single one of them. 11 of them made me shake my head in disappointment.... 11 of them made me wonder why the hell I continue to watch this trash.... 11 of them made me go... STEVE B SUCKS?!?!?! THAT GUY USUALLY ROCKS EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES!!!?!?! Also... why isn't the homosexual wise guy taking out Meadow's fiance? He is expendable... make him disa--frigging-pear!

For those that have seen the show, you know that the Adrianna episodes were the best especially the one where she met her untimely death. Some folks argue the epidose where Christopher ceremoniously jumped from the wagon was a good episode but I beg to differ. He should have been killed. I wish fictional violence on too many people.

Whatever... back to last night... Tony did what he had to do and we finally got to see him ravel the world that was unravelling around him.

I do have one complaint about the finale -- Johnny Sack. I am annoyed that he is off the show. He was consistently the best character on that show. I will miss Johnny Sack.

Enough discussion about this show... BRING ME SIX FEET UNDER!!!!!!!

Final shout out... GO AVENUE Q!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, June 04, 2004

Fresh Produce In Stock Form

We joined our fellow blogger Gina in a program at Cook College at Rutgers University. She discovered that the school provides fresh produce to any private citizen that pays a fee. You are essentially buying a stock in their agriculture school and they reward you with fresh and exotic produce.

We got our first stash this week and it was certainly as eclectic as I thought it would be. The items included some standard fare of sage, lettuce and spinach. It was the HUGE stalks of pok choy and lemongrass that struck my interest though and I am ready to cook these up tonight.

What would you cook these with you may ask? I have no clue. The program supplies you with a weekly newsletter as well. In the newsletter, they provide recipes. Tonight, I am going to try and grace our table with grilled salmon in a red curry Thai sauce. Anyone want some leftovers?

I thought so... you know where to find us.

P.S. rowr... and go Yankees!

Dust Bunnies

As muh honey and I cleaned out my old condominium for it to go on the market tomorrow, I was surprised to see how much dust and dirt can accumulate over three years. I may not have been the most diligent vacuumerer......but dang... I thought I kept a much neater house than that.

I pulled the computer away from the wall and I was floored by how there were PILES of dust. So much dust that I might be inclined to just call it dirt.

Finding this dirt made me sad. As I said before, I keep a pretty neat place and to find this knocked me off my feet. I had to run the vacuum over these piles several times just to get the majority of it. I still don't think that I got all the dust but I tried... nonetheless.

We did what we could to save the place. Muh honey focussed on things that had a floor while I unhooked and packed all electrical equipment and anything with a wood surface. The place will sell for more than it should and we will put the money into our nest egg -- otherwise known as 23 Thomas.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Verizon Sucks BIG TIME

Verizon Sucks BIG TIME

So… we got a new house recently as you all know. I was the diligent homeowner and called Verizon to hook up a new line. I was put through and got the phone service to be hooked up. Nothing different than in past years. In 12 years, I have stood by Verizon and never switched to another company through all my moves. This story made me switch to the cable company.

Our new line was to be set up on May 24, 2004. On that date, I excitedly plugged in some phones into all the jacks in the house. Not one of them worked. Granted, in two of the jacks, there was some static but we couldn’t hear anything when dialing out nor did it ring when we called it from our cell phones. When we closed on the house, we checked a phone line to see if it worked as the former owner didn’t shut down the phone until May 20th. We even dialed our cell phones to see if it truly worked. They worked beautifully – no static… nothing…

I waited a couple of days to call Verizon as nothing ever improved. I called them today to see what they could do for us... armed with information from my friend (who shall remain nameless for now) who used to work in the telecom industry. He knows his stuff.

I was starting to wonder more about my problem when I opened up email this morning… my DSL connection date got pushed back a week this morning. It was supposed to go in today... now... not until the 9th. I am thinking it is all related.

I politely called Verizon this morning and spoke to someone in Customer Service who quickly informed me that they would charge me close to $100 just to come take a look at something that I was having trouble believing was my problem.
I was armed with useful information about the NID device which you should all learn about. Just in case you have an emergency and your power goes out… you can always call from that central box. Old houses may not necessarily have an NID. Just keep it in mind.
Regardless, Verizon kept telling me that my signal was fine from their end. They told me that their signals were going through so the problem must be inside the house. I believe that one. There are over 30 jacks in the house… one of them has to work. I mean damn… there are THREE in the sun room…what do I need even one in there for?

As a side note… I took a picture of what I thought our NID device looked like… I showed it to my telecom friend who had this to say about it….. “This type of equipment is used in business applications. You have the main line come in from the NID to this, then you run all your lines from this piece of equipment to all the locations…cool, after that I'd love to visit and look how they ran these lines, whether they ran them serial or in a star topology as this appears to be…” ok… now I just feel F’ed.

So… now Verizon tells me that it is all our fault and that we will be charged an S load of money to fix all the problems inside the house. They don’t even ask if we have an NID in order to check the lines. Their little computers have all the answers. How could I have been so mistaken? There were many things said by them that made me feel like an uneducated jerk. Oh well. I feel as though the following comment is one of my best. It was said in response to the manager telling me that they have been providing me with service since May 24, 2004 and that I am going to have to pay for it.

“You keep saying that you are providing service and that your company thrives on good customer service. I even have a letter from you welcoming me to Verizon and it states there is a customer satisfaction guarantee, but let me get this are a telephone company… your sole purpose is to provide me with service... Service - to me -equals a dial tone. A dial tone that I can use to call other people with dial tones...I do not have a dial tone. How are you providing me with service?” They didn’t like that response and became more argumentative.

After 45 minutes on the phone with them… I hang up with them without a thing resolved and I decide to research other phone options. I discovered a slightly higher plan through Cablevision that will supply us with phone and internet and at a price that is approximately $16 more a month than the DSL and phone service Verizon was going to charge us. Aside from that… Cablevision isn’t going to charge us anything to hook up the jacks or the modem. Good Cablevision…goooood….

FYI -- This is what a NID looks like… it can be much smaller than this though.

Just for my own edification, I went home and checked out the NID when I got home. There was a very staticky dial tone. I could barely hear it. It wouldn’t let me dial out either. Stupid Verizon calling me a liar (in so many words.) How the hell do I have service!?!?!?

I don't...

So… we now have Cablevision coming out in a week to hook us up.

I also called Verizon to cancel our plan and it was such a pleasant conversation. We were cancelled in 30 seconds... just like that…. So nice… why couldn’t they have been that nice earlier on?

I am going to write a letter... it was just not satisfying. I hope they bill me… it will make it all better…. Another great old man letter from Brian…. I want it.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


Muh honey wrote me this email.

"This guy on the train is wearing a camouflage shirt that says 'ha! Now you can't see me.' It made me laugh; I think it's something you would wear."

Would I actually wear that? I don't think so... but I do think it is pure genius. Genius I tell you. I wish I had that shirt... I would probably wear it to the NASCAR race I am going to see next weekend. I think it would be fun to watch the morons try and figure out what it meant.

My Lawn... The Mullet

So... I was painting with my good friend and Best Man... Mike this past Saturday morning.

My lovely fiancee and her friend were sitting in the new sun room that we have when my next door neighbor does the nice favor of mowing our front lawn... as... we don't have a lawn mower yet.

That is very nice... but there is a slight problem... our backyard hadn't been mown yet.

I yelled from the dining room to muh honey... "Is that Terri mowing our front lawn again?"

She responded with "Yes!"

My immediate response was... "That is so nice but Dammit... our lawn has a mullet! All business in the front... party in the back!"

Muh honey laughed for minutes on end.