Sunday, December 31, 2006

Just the Right Angle

These are some silly and good photos.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Seamstress

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the water. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord! It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.”

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

Friday, December 29, 2006


Oof... Now what am I going to do on Saturdays?

Thursday, December 28, 2006

One More Game

Tonight's the big bowl game for Rutgers and thankfully, I will be able to see it. There was a lot of concern that the NFL Network wasn't going to be seen anywhere in New Jersey...

But... alas... it's the big game.

Best part of the past couple days?

Driving around the state and in between the obnoxious Christmas displays... Rutgers banners are flying.


What I Read in 2006

It was a good year.

This is what I read this year.

1. Nicholas Sparks -- At First Sight
2. Jimmy Carter -- Sharing Good Times
3. Heartbreak & Triumph: Th Shawn Michaels Story
4. Steve Martini -- Simeon Chamber
5. Steve Martini -- Compelling Evidence
6. Steve Martini -- Prime Witness
7. Steve Martini -- Undue Influence
8. Mick Foley -- Scooter
9. Stephen Frey -- The Protege
10. Stephen King -- The Cell
11. James Patterson -- 5th Horseman
12. Dan Savage -- The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriange, and My Family
13. Stephen White -- Kill Me
14. Chris Moore -- The Stupidest Angel V.2.0
15. Michael Chaippetta -- Journey into Darkness (Kane story)
16. Steve Martini -- The Judge
17. Cheating Death, Stealing Life: The Eddie Guerrrero Story
18. Steve Martini -- The List
19. Steve Martini -- Critical Mass
20. Steve Martini -- The Attorney
21. WWE Wrestlers -- Are We There Yet?
22. Jonathan Kellerman -- Gone
23. Stuart Woods -- Dark Harbor
24. Jesse Kellerman -- Sunstroke
25. Steve Martini -- The Jury
26. Chris Moore -- A Dirty Job
27. James Patterson -- Beach Road
28. John Grogan -- Marley & Me
29. James Patterson -- Maximum Ride School's Out Forever
30. Steve Martini - The Arraignment
31. Steve Martini -- Double Tap
32. Phillip Margolin -- Proof Positive
33. Thriller -- Compilation of Stories Editted by James Patterson
34. Janet Evanovich -- Twelve Sharp
35. A.M. Homes -- This Book Will Save Your Life
36. Elizabeth Kostova -- The Historian
37. David McCullough -- 1776
38. Stephen Frey -- The Power Broker
39. David Baldacci -- Absolute Power
40. David Baldacci -- Total Control
41. David Baldacci -- The Winner
42. David Baldacci -- The Simple Truth
43. Faye Kellerman -- The Garden of Eden and Other Criminal Delights
44. James Patterson -- Judge & Jury
45. David Baldacci -- Saving Faith
46. David Baldacci -- Wish You Well
47. James McGreevey -- The Confession
48. David Baldacci -- The Christmas Train
49. Nick Hornby -- Housekeeping vs. The Dirt
50. David Baldacci -- Last Man Standing
51. Audrey Niffennegger -- The Time Traveler's Wife
52. David Baldacci -- Split Second
53. Stuart Woods -- Short Straw
54. David King -- The Ha-Ha
55. Nelson DeMille -- Wild Fire
56. Jonathan & Faye Kellerman -- Capital Crimes

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Guinea Pig Dinner Redux

It worked out beautifully.

Thanks kiddies for being our guinea pigs.

Flying -- A True Nightmare Story

Muh wife and I recently flew someplace. She was lucky enough (much to her chagrin) to be bumped up to first class leaving the ole Smelmooo behind to sit next to a 13 year oldish young boy with long hair that appeared to be pretty sleepy.

It's important to the story to note that he and his big father sitting directly behind us were dressed up in camoflague and looked mean.

The flight began and about 15 minutes into the flight, the kid entered comatose stage.

Comatose stage entailed that he would drift back and forth between the two people he was sitting between which included me in the aisle seat.

He leaned onto me so much that I would push him back whenever possible. I was pretty tolerant for about 90 minutes ina 180 minute flight. Muh wife thought I was pretty tolerant of the situation when she visited me in the beginning of the flight. The kid was leaning on me ... And I was letting it go. got weird. The kid was basically fighting my forceful shoves and had his head in my lap. That's when I got pretty absolutely uncomfortable. I cannot express enough how horrible this situation really was.

I called over the flight attendant and said the following "I want you to please witness this as a neutral third party.". She gave me a look of incredulity and shrugged.

That was when I grabbed the kid's head with both hands while looking at the flight attendant. It made her nervous, but oh well. I took his head and forcefully "shoved" it to the center of his seat.

He finally woke up and was startled by this.

"Please, in the name of all that is good and holy, keep your body off of mine."

He did.

Here's the amazing thing though. I use muh wife as my moral compass in situations such as these and even with the way I wrote this, she thought I was totally in the right.

So...the flight finished and we went to get our bag and it was lost... Maybe I was being punished by a greater force.

Continental gave us a bag of toiletries -- the very items that we can't take on board anymore... they better stock up on these bags.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Tangent Woman's Ample Bosom

For those of you that do not know, muh wife -- the beautiful Tangent Woman -- has an ample bosom.

Now that I have your attention, I am not kidding. She knows that I am writing this so don't give me any sh*t about being disrespectful or anything.

We were out and about recently in a rather warm climate so muh wife wa wearing a t-shirt that showed off her ampleness.

We were walking around the place we were staying at and there was some sort of golf clinic going on where there we're tons of teenage boys. All of which seemed to enjoy staring at the ample bosom of muh wife.

I refused to get muhself at all riled up by this. I also think that I may have appreciated it a bit more than I should have. Whatever...

Muh wife and I have the type of relationship where I can tell her this and we can laugh about it.

It was a great discussion piece.

Thank you wife for your ample bosom and letting me look at it as would all those teenage boys.

I was going to write more about a family member not directly related to me or her that also likes to stare at them... but I will let her do it.

Happy Boxing Day!

Monday, December 25, 2006


We wish you a Merry Christmas from the Smelmooo household -- Tucker, Smelmooo and the incomparable Tangent Woman.

Ho Ho Ho...

Sunday, December 24, 2006

IF Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

IF Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....


Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Friend,

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love , Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.


Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.


Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.


Dear Santa,
Do you see us whe n we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.


Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks! , but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater agai n.


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet dreams,

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Guinea Pig Dinner

We have recently started a new tradition in the Smelmooo/Tangent Woman household at Christmastime.

In an effort to spend MORE time with our families on Christmas, we made a case to my side of the family to have us host the holiday on Christmas at our house.

Last year, we did it and it worked out brilliantly. Muh wife and I are good cooks when we want to be and we are exceptional hosts... often times too good in that we don't get to relax much.

In an effort to ensure that dinner is good, we often try out the menu on some unsuspecting folks prior -- calling it the Guinea Pig Dinner.

Our delicious menu this year includes:

Peppered Port Tenderloin with an interesting marinade
Sausage Stuffing
Duchess Potatoes
Steamed Brocolli and Corn

I can hear the drippings of drool from my family members who read anticipation of super awesome tasty dinner.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Three Word Movie Reviews

40 Year Old Virgin -- Still "F*$%ing Funny"

Accepted -- Not entirely waste-y

The Ant Bully -- Antually... pretty good.

Bachelor Party, Vegas -- Stupid, Fun Tripe

Beerfest -- Sudsy Good Time

Borat -- Uncomfortably Brilliant Satire

The Break Up -- Three laughs... maybe...

Cars -- Visually stunning... fun!

Casino Royale -- I Realllllllly Liked

The Da Vinci Code -- Symbology Equals Boring

For Your Consideration -- Filled With Giggles

Ice Age: The Meltdown -- Good as Original

An Inconvenient Truth -- Learned a Bunch

John Tucker Must Die -- It's a movie?

The L Word (Season 1) -- Lots of Boobies

The L Word (Season 2) -- Lots of Boobies

The L Word (Season 3) -- Lots of Boobies

Miami Vice (2006) -- Long and Boring

OH In Ohio -- Oh!... ummm... alright...

The Proposition -- Ooof. Long winded...

Pulse -- Pulsatingly Stupid Dull

Queer as Folk (Season 1) -- Strangely Addictively Interesting

Scoop -- Classic Woody Allen

See Arnold Run -- What You'd Expect

See No Evil -- Typical Slasher Flick

Strangers With Candy -- Good Fun Ride

Superman Returns -- Unnecessary Boring...Superpoo

Who Killed the Electric Car? -- Informative Yet Preachy

Wordplay -- Delectably Delightful Doc

You, Me, and Dupree -- You, Me, Shit

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Also why it's better...

I go home to this cuteness...

It's All Better Now

I love the power of comedy...

I was having an especially rough day the other day at work.

My normal modus of operadni is to come home, disappear in my thoughts, and do something productive like cook a meal or fix something around the house.

It was pretty late at night so I came home and stole the remote from muh wife and flipped channels until I found Dazed and Confused.

I don't normally laugh out loud at movies, but dammit... this movie makes me laugh every single time I see it.

Thank you Dazed and Confused... you rock.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Happy Birfday Gina

You go girl... you don't look a day over 25.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


Survivor 1 in Borneo -- Richard Hatch (No Game)
Survivor 2 in Australia -- Tina Wesson (Ashfault!)
Survivor 3 in Africa -- Ethan Zohn (Ashfault!)
Survivor 4 in Marquesas -- Vecepia Towery (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 5 in Thailand -- Brian Heidik (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 6 in Amazon -- Jenna Morasca (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 7 in Pearl Islands -- Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 8 ALL STARS -- Amber Brkich (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 9 in Vanuatu -- Chris Daugherty (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 10 in Palau -- Tom Westman (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 11 in Guatemala -- Danni Boatwright (Ashfault!)
Survivor 12 in Panama (Exile Island) -- Aras Baskauskas (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 13 in the Cook Islands -- Yul Kwon (Pork Chop Express)

Overall Total
Pork Chop Express -- 9
Ashfault! -- 3



Ozzy (Oscar)(9)-- FINISHED SECOND
Candice (13) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN
Rebecca (17) -- BOOTED WEEK NINE
Sekou (16) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE
Side Bet
Caucasian Americans -- 0 Left
African Americans -- 0 Left

Jonathan (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWELVE
Nathan (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN
Jessica (14) -- BOOTED WEEK SEVEN
Anh-Tuah (Cao Boi) (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX
Christina (10) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX
Stephanie (18) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE
Cecilia (2) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE
Billy (19) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO
Side Bet
Hispanic Americans -- 0 Left
Asian Americans -- 1 Left

New Trend in Commercials -- STOP IT!

Ok... so there I am.. watching television when one of these new trends in commercials appears before me in my screen.

Companies are beginning to take pre-established and recognized material and have the "character" break the fourth wall and talk to the audience.

It was cute in the beginning and now... it is just getting too crazy.

It started off innocently enough for Direct Tv or something when Peyton Manning was calling a play at the line and then spoke to the audience about Direct TV. Got ya... It was neat and innovative and I smiled each time I saw it...

Then... it got crazier...with more examples of this stealing of originality.

Just last weekend during the football game, I was treated to the destruction of A Christmas Story -- the famous scene where Ralphie asks for a gun from Santa while hanging on to the ramp.

Then... I saw Office Space destroyed for a stupid video game commercial...

Then... perhaps the MOST egregious example of all!!!!!! They wrecked the sexy Daisy Duke (Jessica Simpson) scene where she kicks some guy's ass to have her shill for a product.


Please stop... it was bad enough ten years ago when you figured out how to have Fred Astaire dance with a vacuum cleaner... Now this needs to stop as well.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Happy Birfday Tucker

You are 2 today!

Tucker got a birthday card this week from his pet insurance company. We opened it and smiled as it is really cute. It was a small token from the company and an example of why we switched our business over to them.

Take a look!

Friday, December 15, 2006

Taking a Break

I am fried... and I need a break...

You wouldn't have know it by this thing, but I basically took off almost all of last week sick...

Give me a couple of days... or one...

You never know.

Survivor Redux

So... Parvati got booted last night which means that I have 4 of the final 5 players going into the final episode.

Sundra is my only possible loser...

I cannot see her winning, but I have been surprised by a lot of more surprising things.

I can only wonder what is going to happen on Thursday... the Aitu4 seem to be perfectly aligned so how wil lthey get down to a final 3 (assuming that Adam is the next boot...?

Boot Ozzy? -- Nah... he probably wins the rest of the challenges.
Boot Yul? -- Nah... he's got the immunity idol...
Boot Becky? -- Nah... she's got Yul wrapped around her finger...
Boot Sundra? -- Nah... no one knows who she is...

I have an idea of how it happens... but I don't want to ruin it for anyone... if you are curious... just shoot me an email and I'll let you know my theory.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Survivor Cook Islands -- Two More Shows

Holy smoly.... TV Guide released some new information this week about the finale of the 13th season of Survivor -- It is going to have THREE FINALISTS.

That's right... 9 jurors (two more than usual) and 3 finalists... It should make for some really catty and interesting speeches this Sunday night.

That's right... It's on Sunday night after tonight's final regular season episode.

The season has been on the slow side this year in terms of storyline and ratings, but I stille njoy the show -- simply for the interaction of human beings. I still don't ultimately think the show is about winning a $1,000,000 but more about watching what people will do to win it. All human interaction.

I am rooting for a Yul, Ozzy, and Becky final so I don't have to worry about my game... with the Aaassshhhhfffaaauuullltttt fellas.

Thank you Mark Burnett for another decent seasons. Rumor has it that you only have one more season signed up... as much as I love the show... may I recommend that you quit while you are ahead and not sign up for more?

Just a thought.



Reminder -- (The number in parenthesis represents the position in the draft they were chosen.)

Adam (1)
Yul (4)
Becky (8)
Ozzy (Oscar) (9)
Candice (13) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN
Rebecca (17) -- BOOTED WEEK NINE
Sekou (16) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE
Side Bet
Caucasian Americans -- 2 Left
African Americans -- 1 Left

Sundra (3)
Parvati (15)
Jonathan (11) -- BOOTED WEEK TWELVE
Nathan (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN
Jessica (14) -- BOOTED WEEK SEVEN
Anh-Tuah (Cao Boi) (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX
Christina (10) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX
Stephanie (18) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE
Cecilia (2) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE
Billy (19) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO
Side Bet
Hispanic Americans -- 1 Left
Asian Americans -- 2 Left

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The L Word

Anyone ever heard of The L Word?

It's a show on Showtime that follows around a close knit group of lesbians in Los Angeles and it has totally and completely warped my view of lesbians.

Essentially... the show is a Hollywood incarnation of the lesbian world. The actresses on the show are gorgeous and they do "fun" things and interact with each other as regular people.

Yes... I have always known that lesbians are just like everyone else in how they act and treat each other. I have never had a horrible thought about them as I am a pretty liberal person on that front in that whatever you want to do is fine by me...

But the L Word has ruined my view of lesbians... completely...

So much so that muh wife and I were watching something else on a different show and all I could think... hey... that's not like the lesbians on The L Word... it can't be true.

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha....

Who cares about anything I just wrote... I just wanted to see how many times I could type the word lesbian.

I am such an immature putz sometimes....

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Valet Parking ... Evil?

The holiday season has meant that there has been a great deal of interesting trips and parties to go to. I have had a series of meetings and trips to the city where I have had to park my car in garages.

I hate doing this. I really do.

I don't care so much that I have to park it in a garage persay, but I hate the idea that someone else has access to my car.

I feel somewhat on the vulnerable side when I hand the keys over to the valet. I think it goes back to an old 20/20 episode I saw years before I really attended something like this.

The 20/20 crew went to a party and showed just how vulnerable you are... it is more than the car... There is probably some sort of paper in your car with the address on it... AND... most people give their entire set of keys to the valet. At that point... they now have access to your house... So the 20/20 crew went to the people's house and took pictures to the unsuspecting participants...

That freaked me out then and it still freaks me out today...

That's why I hate valetting a car or parking in a garage. I think muh wife wonders about me sometimes... since I seem to do whatever I can to avoid valet parking...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Book 56 of 26 -- Capital Crimes by the Kellermans

Jonathan and Faye Kellerman are a married couple who are each famous writers in their own rights. They are both exceptional mystery writers and should be read for their good writing (unlike my blog writing...)

However... when they write "together"... I can't stand it at all...

Their latest is Capital Crimes and I wanted to shoot myself in the head while reading this. They tried to sugarcoat the whole thing by brining in some of their more recognizable characters for cameos, but the fact of the matter is that it is a tough read no matter how you cut it.

I think I really need to take a break from reading... as the last couple (save Nelson DeMille's book) have been struggles....

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I'm a Yankee Hypocrite

I like Andy Pettite a lot... and I am glad he is coming back to NY.

I don't like old guys being "bought" by the Yankees...when I would prefer they develop young talent... but this one... I like... so ... ultimately... I am a hypocrite...

Oh well... Welcome back Andy.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Perfect Husband -- A Joke

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen...

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape...

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?..."

Friday, December 08, 2006

Death Pool 2007

Ok... Ok... It isn't right.. but..

.... my friend and I run a Death Pool. That's right... you pick celebrities and if you get the most amount of points by the end of the year... you win... This year's first prize is worth almost 600 beans but we would love to see many more people participate thus ensuring a much higher first prize. I have posted the rules below for your benefit. Feel free to enter... as many times as you want... each entry will cost ya 20 beans.

ANYONE CAN ENTER! Even if I don't know you... you just need to be very clear about your contact information!



Welcome to the official 2007 Celebrity Death Pool game! For those of you that are new to the concept, it is our time to take back from the celebrities and famous people out there that do nothing but take our money, sweat and tears as we buy their music, watch their games, read about them in the paper, or purchase their movie tickets. The object of the game is simple – Be the contestant at 12:00 Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) on December 31, 2007 to have accumulated the most amount of points. How easy is that?

Let's Get Started -- Think long and hard about the current health or possible health of our society’s famous folks. They can be from any forum. They can be athletes, entertainers, politicians, writers or just folks who are famous for being… famous. They can be from any continent. The main criteria is that someone else can identify who they are by name only and their death will be reported in a published account. Choose the 20 of these famous people that you think will die in the year 2007 and write their names in a list.

Entry Fee – The Entry Fee is nominal. (20 "beans" per entry. You can enter as many times as you want. It is just going to cost you 20 beans per entry.)

Point Structure – The Point Structure is simple, and it remains the most exciting way of scoring the game. Points are determined by beginning with a 100 base point system. The age of the deceased celebrity will be deducted from the base score of 100 and a final number will be achieved. For example, if Britney Spears were to die on January 6, 2007, she would be worth 74 points. 100 base points MINUS 26 years old = 74 points.

Prize Breakdown – The most important part of this game is the prize! The total prize will be determined by how many people enter and dollar values will be determined from the following percentages: First Place will receive 80% of the money and Second Place will receive 20% of the money.

Tie Breakers – In case of a tie, there will be a tiebreaker -- whoever has chosen the most amounts of deceased celebrities. If two players tie for first with the same players, they will split the entire pot. If two players still tie for second, they will split the second place pot.

The league will have a website that will be updated on a periodical basis. It will contain team choices and as many updates as we can of those that have deceased. The web address is: Feel free to visit the website now to see how the current year is going.

The official length of the contest will run from Monday, January 1, 2007 between 00:00:01 EST (12:00 AM plus one second on January 1, 2006) and 23:59:59 EST Monday, December 31, 2007 (11:59 PM plus 59 seconds)

All submissions must be received or postmarked by Sunday, December 31, 2006 at 23:59:59 EST. They must be sent to my normal email address, my email account, or mailed to me at my home. Feel free to email me for that information.

Also check the website... there might be the opportunity to submit your picks online. The important fact is that we need the money by January 15, 2007 or your submission doesn't count. Payments can be cash, check or paypal.

Good Luck

Thursday, December 07, 2006

People Watching is Fun

One of my favorite things to do is watch people -- mostly those I do not know. I like to watch people go about their normal activities and act as though the odd things they are doing are in fact, normal. ( I may even make this a regular I love watching people and their idiosyncracies....)

I just seem to have seen so many "odd" people recently that I feel that I need to share with you some of the totally insane things I have seen. I can sit back and notice people and they really have no idea of how much they are entertaining me.

1. I was walking down my block when I saw a woman running. She was in her workout clothes and seemed to have worked up a good sweat. When she passed me, I noticed that she had on a telephone head set and was talking about some sort of transaction. That was the ultimate I have seen in saving time. She was working and working out. What a combination!

2. At the gym, I watched a gentleman completely disrespect the free towels that you are handed when you walk in the door. When you are finished working out, you return the towels and the gym will wash them and redistribute them to future people. I watched a guy completely jam it up his nose and blow all of the contents onto the towel. He then took said towel and tossed it into the "to be washed" container. Disgusting.

3. At the barber, I listened to my barber and a lawyer in town discuss the merits of a particular woman's breasts. The problem was... the woman they were discussing was in the barbershop. It made me cringe... yet they really think the woman had no idea... as do I or I would think she would have left.... or ....... maybe not.

You gotta know folks like these... what other wacky nut jobs have you seen?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Congratulations to Steakbellie

I happened to be in the area and listening in the car.


Good luck in Wing Bowl!

Three Reasons I Love Muh Wife

We were watching My Name is Earl and there was a scene where Earl is making 247 bologna sandwiches for some people he offended years ago. Muh wife cringed with a loud..."EWWWW" when she saw that he had laid out a bunch of the bread on a hotel bedspread. She is so predictable.

She appeases me when I get upset about certain movie castings. One of the most upsetting rumors I have heard in awhile is that they are remaking Evil Dead -- simply one of the best horror movies of all time. That isn't as upsetting as the rumor that pretty boy stupid face Ashton Kutcher will be playing the lead. I read this and screamed in agony like the guy at the end of Planet of the Apes. Muh wife looked at me... asked me what was wrong... let me tell her...smiled... and said something to the effect of... "It'll be alright honey..." Thank you.

We were listening to the Rutgers/WVU game on the radion on the way home from a family event. Every single time the announcer said the word "penetration" I heard a giggle come from my wife. Apparently... that word is one of the few words that evokes a reaction such as that from muh wife...turning her into the 9 year old boy she can be.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Top Five Tuesday Guest Appearance

Why... why Smelmooo? Why bring out Top Five Tuesday randomly today?

I have no idea...

Top Five Uses for Leftover Turkey
1. Doorstop
2. Petrify it and use it as a weapon against unwanted intruders.
3. Turkey soup! -- Find a bone... go to bed early...
4. FOOTBALL!!!! Remember to have at least one "girl" play.
5. Cat food -- Special cat food... with arsenic... to keep that DAMN random cat out of our damn yard!

Top Five Things You Shouldn't Say at Thanksgiving With the Family
1. What is this? (Pointing at the food on the table.)
2. Ok... ummm.... tell me again...why do I care about you people?
3. Come here sis... give me a BIIIIG ole kiss.
4. !$$$%?@@)%#%#$?
5. Sperm (This is especially inappropriate when you just blurt it out after scooping mashed potatoes.)

Top Five Things You Shouldn't Say at Your In-Laws Thanksgiving Dinner
1. We've gotta go home... trying to make twins.
2. Your daughter is the best cook in the world... if you count people who never actually turn on the stove.
3. Why didn't you tell me she does that in the bathroom when I asked you if I could marry her? I would have reconsidered!!!
4. When I signed up for this detail... no one told me that "dish washing" was going to be involved.
5. I need a beer. Go get me one...

Top Five Ways to Make Yams More A"peeling"
1. Add brown sugar.
2. Market them with those "twins."
3. Sell "pictures" of them to Playboy magazine. Everyone loves a good pair of yams.
4. Make jokes about them in the Smelmooo's blog.
5. Eat them... on national t.v.... in front of a live studio audience... in muh pajamas....while throwing confetti on a pair of puppies. (I went into a weird zone there...)

Top Five Inappropriate Things I Feel Like Doing In Public Sometimes (JUST FOR LAUGHS -- NOT BECAUSE I LIKE DOING THEM!)
1. Say "masturbation" in every single sentence. Proper term but still makes people cringe.
2. Pour sodas on people's shoes.
3. Eat with my mouth open... a cottage cheese and apple sauce mixture would be best....
4. Sing Christmas carols in July....
5. Stand in the middle of the mall and scream... "Where's my mommy!!! I CAN'T FIND MY MOMMYYY!!!!!"

Monday, December 04, 2006

Rutgers' Regular Season Comes to an End -- One More Game to Go

I am a Yankees fan, a Raiders fan, and a Rutgers fan. Those are the three teams that mean something to me.

During the baseball season, I will check out the scores of a Yankee game on the computer and I am almost always aware of where they stand in terms of injuries and supporting staff. I don't get emotionally invested, but I really enjoy rooting for them and against the Boston Red Sox. It's inherent to me.

During the football season, I am so used to the Raiders sucking that I don't get surprised or hurt when they lose. I have recently seen the heartbreak that is Giants' fans watching their team hit the shitter in what should have been a very promising year... but... I don't get emotionally involved... except when I was at a Raiders game in Oakland this year.

During the college football season, I was so used to Rutgers just absolutely sucking rotten eggs and being the joke of the NCAA football world that I just shake my head every time I watched one of their games.

This year was different. There was excitement and glory and energy. I loved going to the games for this excitement and fun. I have never had this much fun at anythign Rutgers related since Rutgers beat a top ranked Temple at the RAC in a basketball game in the mid 90s. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride.

This year... I got emotionally invested.

I waited a couple of days to write this but Saturday night was pretty rough on me. It was like being dumped by a girl I really loved (don't think about it Tangent Woman!). So many different emotions all at once... and all involved sadness in one way or another.

Now... after an amazing season and the most awesome game of the program's experience against Louisville, they are relegated to the Texas Bowl. Plane tickets are currently over $400 a person and it doesn't look like something I want to go to right now.

We shall see in the upcoming week what we shall do... but I can tell you one thing...

I was proud of Rutgers on Saturday night. They were supposed to get creamed. They were supposed to be embarrassed. They played hard and literally lost by inches.

Congrats muh Rutgers Scarlet Knights... Congrats and good luck in 4 weeks!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Italian Bread

Two old guys, one 70 and one 67, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 67-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 70-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 67-year-old said; "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 70-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any Italian bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard!"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this Italian bread thing but me."

Saturday, December 02, 2006

So Sorry...

... just make this face at anyone that you have done wrong to... and they HAVE to forgive you... Just have to...

Friday, December 01, 2006

Everyone Loves a Parade?

Do you see the Question Mark in that title?

I do... I put it there on purpose. I forget that not everyone likes parades. I am firmly in the camp of those that love parades. I am not entirely sure why I love them, but every time that I see there is a parade in my town, I actually get excited.

It is the same damn thing over and over again.

We get:

Firetrucks with really loud and annoying sirens

Bagpipe bands with really loud and annoying bagpipes
Whining kids on floats
Really crappy costumes in convertibles

Antique cars
150 Boy and Girl Scout Troops

There is no variety with these things ever... yet... I love sitting my fat ass on the street with muh wife and dog and looking at all the people.

This year... we went to the Winter Festival Parade after Thanksgiving and we saw the same parade again... on an absolutely gorgeous day.

But here it comes to this... I don't know why... but I expect muh wife to be excited by it because I am. She never is and it seems to run through her family too. So she comes along and smiles at me and my unexplained excitement for parades.

She and Tucker are such good sports.