Thursday, March 31, 2005

Monster Ballads

I recently attended the wedding of a high school friend of mine and i was reaquainted with some old high school buddies that I used to run with. It was like old times and I was glad to see them again.

Recently, I also came across a CD on my iPod that reminded me of the old high school days as well.

It was the Monster Ballads CD that came out a few years ago and was pretty much sold on television and online. My copy came from a garage sale, I am proud to announce. I own it and I am proud.

Many of the songs give me some happy, sad and funny memories.

Strap in... here we go down memory least on 5 of the 20+ songs on the CD.

1. Heaven by Warrant -- Oh man did I used to love watching Star Search. Every Saturday, I would watch the spokesmodel and comedian competitions with great earnest. Bobby Brown (a hot blonde bombshell) won ten weeks in a row one season. She later married the lead singer of Warrant and was featured in the Cherry Pie video. My friends and I used to love that video... so much.

2. Something to Believe In by Poison -- Oh boy did my friends and I love Poison. This song struck some incredible memories for me from school dances. It was a slow song that us "cool" guys could actually go out on the dance floor and dance to. Sophomore Semi-formal with Maribel.... ahhh.... the mammories... I mean... ummm...memories. :-P

3. Carrie by Europe -- This song was named Carrie, yet we always wanted to get a band like Europe to write a song about our girl. I remember trying to somehow fit girls' names into that two syllable beat... it never worked....

4. More Than Words by Extreme -- My friends could play guitar and they tried to imitate Nuno Bettencourt as he did some sort of double pick thing in this song. Eric's basement was always the scene for this battle of the fingertips as I sat and watched them all have talent I didn't have.

5. Headed for a Heartbreak by Winger -- Winger... what a joke... I just wanted to mention his band because it cracks me up.... I suppose there were worse metal heros... like... uhh... Nelson...


You can get out of the car now...

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Welcome Tucker to the Smelmooo Household

IT is with great pride and pleasure that I and the Mrs. introduce you to the newest member of the Smelmooo Household.

Tucker Smelmooo

Tucker is a 14 week old mutt. His mom was a border collie and his dad is unknown. The shelter thinks his dad might be a hound of some sort. His humungus paws are fun to pet.

He is about 14 pounds as of now and he is a joy to have around the house. He loves cuddling in your lap and loves pooping on newspaper.

I thought I was bad.. but this puppy has the smell of a garbage dump coming from his butt.

On a cuter note... Tucker is available for parties and picnics for when you need the cutest puppy in the world to come over.

He works for cheap. He just needs a scratch or two on the butt...

P.S. -- If you want to see a picture... let me know... or go to my photo site... if you know the address!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Top Five Tuesday

Top Five Things You Think When Your Secretary is Yelling at a Customer Service Rep on the Phone that Doesn't Help Her
1. Holy crap... I better close my door because I don't want her brain to explode on my stuff.
2. Please don't use a racial slur... please please please... don't...
3. Watch out everyone... this is the worst we have ever seen her... even when she was 8.5 months pregnant.
4. Lots of threats... lots of phone slamming... I hope I don't get a fax... I may have my throat sliced.
5. *blink* *blink*

Top Five More Important News Stories Than the Terri Schiavo Story
1. The Minnesota School massacre
2. You know... that whole thing with Palestine and Israel... and returning some land... nothing too dramatic...but big.
3. The Kyrgzystan debate
4. Crowded House Drummer Commits Suicide
5. Iraq

Top Five Coolest Moments of the NCAA Tourney So Far
1. The last second shot of Michigan State/Kentucky's regulation. The OT's were just bonus.
2. The comebacks of Illinois and Louisville. More OT games.
3. Rutgers Women!!! Elite Eight baby!!!
4. Vindication for Louisville's crappy 4th seed.
5. One word... Vermont.

Top Five Possible Names For a Dog
1. Tucker
2. Pilar
3. Duncan
4. Smooches
5. W.

Top Five Ways to Set a Bad Example for Children on Easter
1. Pretend you can eat their fake fish -- causing Grandpa to yell at you and telling them to not do what Uncle Smelmooo does.
2. Walk around like a mummy and being the Tickle Monster... only tickling those that get in the Monster's way...
3. Inciting a riot with the ones that want to play rough.
4. Putting the candles out on the dinner table with your fingers... you just shouldn't do that with 5 year olds.
5. Putting your finger through the candle flames... that is also too dangerous for this crowd.

Top Five Best Children's Books I Read Growing Up
1. Superfudge
2. All the Heathcliff books... Garfield sucked.
3. Choose Your Own Adventure books
4. Guinness Book of World Records books... that chick was so tall.
5. The Three Investigators... I thought Jupiter Jones was the bomb.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Help With Hypocrisy

Can someone please tell me if this is hypocritical or not?

I read an article about the judge ... Greer... that made many of the Schiavo decisions.

He had a number of death threats sent to him because he didn't rule in favor of keeping Terri Schiavo alive.

Isn't that hypocritical?


Come on people....

Moratorium Monday.

I have been debating for some time with my wife about whether I should start a new column here on the Thoughts of the Smelmooo.

I would entitle it... Moratorium Monday and the day's writing would be dedicated to identifying things that I think we need to stop perpetuating.

For example... I am not fond of the word "Dude" and it is permeating too much of our society.

Today... I want to begin discussing putting an end to Sarah Jessica Parker.

I have chosen to begin with her as I am jumping on "The Gap" bandwagon. The Gap recently dumped her from their recent so good to be a girl or something dumb like that ad campaign. The ads, they claimed, didn't help out their sales and they were receiving some horrible feedback from the public. Myself included.

Overall, I simply find the woman to be an untalented and annoying woman. Any interest that I may have ever had in watching Sex in the City was squashed when I found out she was the lead. Her annoying face and voice were the way to make many a person run for the hills.

Yet... she has a strange following. I even heard a friend once say that she wanted to look and be like SJP. I almost threw up my lunch.

Regardless, I can remember the first time I heard about SJP marrying Matthew Broderick. I was upset and hurt. Here we had an extremely talented man marrying the object of Nicholas Cage's and James Caan's desires in Honeymoon in Vegas. I didn't get it and I felt as though my Neil Simon prodigy had let me down.

I need to re-think this whole column as I am getting myself all worked up...

I need to focus on something more important... like... Deadwood or 24... that is quality.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Hoppy Easter...

...that's right... I typed it...

HOPPY Easter...

What's it to ya?

Click here for Easter fun... AGAIN.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

What Month is it Again?

I know...I know... I am running late on my what month is it column.

I was a tad sick... and couldn't make the gym for a few weeks.

BUT...the trip to the YMCA this week proved fruitful as it let me know it was National Nutrition Month!!!

You food pyramid geeks have something to rejoice about.... and now in my efforts to edumacate you all... let's review what this month really means..courtesy of ...

March offers all ADA members the perfect opportunity to highlight your services and expertise while promoting healthy eating and physical activity. As part of our ongoing National Nutrition Month publicity activities, ADA has secured a free window display in the heart of downtown New York City at 10 Rockefeller Plaza, steps from NBC's Today Show. Every month Executive Health Exams International works with a different organization to provide window space in Rockefeller Center Plaza to spotlight a preventive health-care issue. This month, ADA is promoting National Nutrition Month with our "Top Ten Reasons to Consult with a Registered Dietitian." If you happen to be in New York, make it a point to stop by and view the display! For more information, visit

Friday, March 25, 2005

Big East

How sad is it that the Big East is putting its hopes in three peating the national championship in West Virginia.


Good luck though...

P.S. Does anyone really think Nova has a chance tonight?... I thought so.

Good Friday

So... am I the only one at work today?

I think I might be.

I was a tad bit bored so I looked up the definition of Good Friday to see what it meant and where it came from. I did so...because I don't mean to be disrespectful, but the death of Christ doesn't seem to be anything but bad... especially after I saw that Passion of the Christ flick last year... it was roses... let me tell you that!

I found this description online at He seems to know some stuff. He is a minister in Virgina... I swear Virginia has all the answers... not us silly jerseyans.

"Calling the day of the Crucifixion ‘Good’ Friday is a designation that is peculiar to the English language. In German, for example, it is called Karfreitag. The Kar part is an obsolete word, the ancestor of the English word care in the sense of cares and woes, and it meant mourning. So in German, it is Mourning Friday. And that is what the disciples did on that day—they mourned. They thought all was lost. I’ve read that the word good used to have a secondary meaning of holy, but I can’t trace that back in my etymological dictionary. There are a number of cases in set phrases where the words God and good got switched around because of their similarity. One case was the phrase God be with you, which today is just good-bye. So perhaps Good Friday was originally God’s Friday. But I think we call it Good Friday because, in pious retrospect, all that tragedy brought about the greatest good there could be. I can see virtue in either terminology. If we call it Mourning Friday, as in German, we are facing reality head on, taking up the cross if you will, fully conscious that the Christian walk is seldom a walk in the park. But if we call it Good Friday, as in English, we are confessing the Christian hope that no tragedy—not even death—can overwhelm God’s providence, love, and grace. Either way seems fine to me!"

With that knowledge in teh bank... I can go back to getting a lot of other stuff done... stuff that I am sure will be rewarded well when I return on Monday.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Two Men, One Misguided Mission

Read this... my friend matt took some creative license with the Schiavo thing... pretty funny.

Seriously... it is pretty funny... Matt is a tremendous writer.

Click here....

My Hotel Experience in Tempe, AZ

I recently had an interesting stay in a hotel in Arizona...

The hotel stay wasn't perfect and generated this letter of complaint... I figured that you might all get a kick out of it.

I have changed the names of the hotel and people to protect the innocent.

March 18, 2005



I regret that I have to draft this letter. On Sunday, March 13, 2005, my wife and I checked out of your hotel after a 3-night stay. I was part of a wedding group but I would have chosen your hotel regardless because of the HOTEL name. However, my recent stay has reduced my overall impression of HOTEL properties.

On July 1, 2004, I made a reservation with your hotel for a two-night stay. I was going to use my HOTEL Reward points for the trip. A few months later, I extended the stay to a three-night stay with the understanding that I would be paying for the third night at the wedding rate. For both of these arrangements, I received a confirmation email. A copy of the original email and a reconfirmation email from March 6, 2005 are attached.

When I arrived on Thursday, March 10, 2005, I was eventually supplied with a room. Upon entering the room, it was obvious that the person residing in the room had not checked out yet. This was not the most auspicious of beginnings. I returned to the desk and was given another room.

During check in, I asked the front clerk named SUZIE to add my wife to the room as she was coming in on another flight and I needed her to have access to the room upon her arrival.

On Saturday morning, we received an express check out form under our door (attached). The form indicated that my wife would be checking out even though it was my name that was on the account. I went to the front desk to alert them of the error and to make sure that we still had another night. The young lady at the front desk assured me that all was fine with my reservation. She indicated that she would correct the problem of the erroneous check out date.

At 5:00 p.m. that evening, we received a phone call from the front desk asking us why we hadn’t yet checked out of the room.

I went to the front desk and spoke with CHUCKIE. He understood the problem and listened to my concerns about how all the small things added up to a much larger problem. CHUCKIE offered to credit my last night in the hotel and I accepted.

On Sunday morning, I woke up to another Express Check Out form under my door. This time, the form indicated that I would be receiving the previous night’s stay for no charge, but it charged me for the first two nights! Not only was I charged in error for the stay that my Marriott points had been used to cover, but the charge was a standard rate despite my having initially secured the group-wedding rate. I immediately went to the front desk to rectify the situation and spoke to Jason. Jason was as helpful as he could be but he still passed on the responsibility to CHUCKIE's arrival later that morning.

It took 3 more phone calls from the airport to finally receive confirmation that all was finally resolved with my bill. I have recently returned and received another Guest Folio that indicates a zero balance with your hotel.

When people stay at a HOTEL , they expect comfort and ease. The anxiety created each day made my stay at your hotel a difficult one. I stay at HOTELs whenever possible and as evidence of that, I was using HOTEL Reward points for my stay.

I wanted to draw your attention to this matter because this particular stay did not meet our expectations. Although we were compensated for our aggravation, I wanted to write in the hope that future stays for me and other guests will be marked by HOTEL's usual excellent standards.

Thank you for your attention; I remain open to you at any time by telephone or by email.



Cc: VP of Customer Relations or Customer Service – VIA EMAIL

Welcome to the World of Public Blogging

A friend of mine has had a blog going for some time now and she didn't feel as though she wanted to show everyone in the world her blog.

I want to welcome the cute, engaging, and endearing Minnams in joining our world and I am glad that she doesn't mind you reading her blog anymore.

Just don't tell her mother what she says.

Check her out here....

Happy Birfday

My sister turns 30 or something today...

Ok... just 26...

Happy Birfday.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Terri Schiavo Case

I was reading a friend's blog... and she wrote the following....

"How awful the Terri Schiavo case is, and how you can simultaneously feel so awful for her husband and her parents, but more for her husband, I think, since he's being completely vilified."

It is this comment and others that have me thinking a few things.

1. I tend to agree with my friend here 100%.

2. I am completely entrenched in the 68% that believe the tube should be removed. I am so as I feel that her quality of life has been completely removed. Let her have some dignity. (see below regarding method of death)

3. I find it hypocritical that the traditional conservatives have found it necessary to impose big government -- something so implicitly incongruos with their normal beliefs -- on an issue of personal liberty.

4. We give nice lethal injections to convicted murderers, yet we are going to let this woman starve. Something seems wrong about that as well.

5. I heard someone chastize Michael Schiavo for moving on with his life and starting a new family. Literally, that seems like an incorrect action since his marriage by law is to another woman -- a woman in a vegetative state -- but another live woman. However, I feel as though the mitigating circumstances here are unique. I wish they would stop vilifying him.

6. When they got married, that pretty much took the say out of the parent's hands. As much as I want to say that my parent's might know what I want, muh wife knows my thoughts about this a lot better than she does.

If this case has done anything, it has increased the value of living wills. The reason this whole case is where it is is because the couple didn't take the time to create one. None of this would have happened if there was a living will.

It is for this reason that I am glad that my wife and I have prepared living wills and that she knows... in writing... my explicit wishes are spelled out and there is no mistaking what I want if I ever reach a point like this.

I just add one final thought... I wish this would come to an end... it is making me sad that there are so many people out there who just don't get it... the blinders need to be put down once... just once.

The Venetian and its Class

Las Vegas has a ton of "BIG" hotels and many of them have some amazing themes. Even if the theme isn't such a great theme, they make up for the problem by just being so frigging HUGE.

Excalibur is a medieval castle. The casino floor hasn't been updated in years, but the place is so tremendously huge, no one seems to mind it.

MGM Grand is large... and has live lions for people to see. It is supposedly the largest casino in the world.

New York, New York is like stepping in Times Square on a Saturday night. It is packed with people and there is more neon that a run of strip clubs in Sayreville, New Jersey on Route 35.

Caesers and Paris have simplistic themes yet find a way to manage them all with class.

However... I have to mention my favorite one of them all -- The Venetian.

The Venetian is simple. It is based upon the gorgeous and romantic city of Venice, Italy and the hotel's creators have done a fantastic job of creating a smaller and simplistic version of the most romantic city in the world.

The clock tower of St. Mark's Square is outside the hotel.

St. Mark's Square is replicated inside.

Performers and an orchestra perform under a fake setting sun sky.

Gondolas navigate through a canal placed right in the middle of a shopping center.

It brought back so many wonderful memories of my beautiful honeymoon that I didn't want to leave.

At least this one isn't/wasn't so garrish. I really enjoyed being there and I would go back again...

Simplistic over the top....unlike New York, New York.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Bunny Rap

I am not sure if that is cute, the sign of the Apocalype, or fun. :-)

Click here.

Top Five Tuesday Makes Its Triumphant Vegas Influenced Return

Top Five Coolest Things/Sites in Vegas
1. The St. Mark's Square section of the Venetian -- It isn't that grand but it brings back some spectacular memories.
2. The Bellagio Conservatory -- It is small and if you are allergic to flowers avoid it, but they manage to get so many pretty plants into such a small area.
3. The Eiffel Tower at Paris -- The tower goes into the casino!... excellent...
4. Me winning a ton of cash playing $2-4 Limit Hold Em.
5. Something about those tigers at the Mirage... something about them...

Top Five Grosser Than I Expected Sites/Things in Vegas
1. The Plaza -- Otherwise known as my hotel...
2. Excalibur -- The premise is there... it really just fails in execution.
3. New York, New York -- I can get my over the top set ups in Vegas... I don't need a reminder of home also.
4. Fitzgerald's Casino... oh heck..pretty much every casino in the Downtown section but the poker room at Binion's Horseshoe
5. Circus, Circus... I need not say anything else.

Top Five Shows That Seemed to Be Advertised Everywhere
1. Barry Manilow
2. Celine Dion
3. Some show featuring the songs of Queen
4. Nude Revues..."for any sexual preference"
5. The impressions guy... damn.. what was his name...

Top Five Ways To Incite Your Poker Mates
1. Show them that you bluffed them out of a huge pot.
2. Sing with your iPod - I swear I did it by mistake.
3. Talk to the waitress when it comes around to your turn... act as though you don't care about your bet ... get and win the pot with 3 aces. All planned. :-P
4. Wink at your opponent when he is trying to figure out your raise.

Top Five People I Want to Meet The Next Time I am in Vegas
1. A poker dealer that doesn't take his winnings to another casino to double or triple the night's tips.
2. A rude taxi driver. I swear... those drivers were FAR... the nicest drivers I have ever met. Way above the rest.
3. Steve Wynn
4. Mitch Albom ... get it?
5. Anyone who performs day in and day out in those shows... not the advertised ones... the ones attached to lounges.

Top Five Shows I Would Like to See Come to Vegas - Theater or Television
1. Taxicab confessions with the nicest drivers in the world.
2. Shotgun weddings... caught on tape!
3. Elvis -- Yes... he is stilo out there and he works in the dessert.
4. Following Steve Wynn -- Let's see what he thinks of next.
5. World Poker Tour with the Smelmooo at the Final Table.

Monday, March 21, 2005

The Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas -- AN Overview of Where I Stayed.

As you know, I was recently informed that I was going to go to Las Vegas for a work convention. I was informed about 8 days before I had to be there. It became my job to find an inexpensive enough hotel for the trip. I say inexpensive enough as I was finding rooms that were $800 a night and I know that my company was not going to pay that for four nights.

After searching for 2 hours, I finally picked up the phone and called Travelocity. They looked for 30 minutes. I would check the hotels they would come up with to see if the hotels were anywhere near where I was to be for the convention. Sometimes, they tried to get me into 800 dollar rooms or into hotels that were 40 miles out of town. The internet search WITH THEM prevented me from being booked into one of these hotels.

Eventually, the Travelocity guy gave up and I clicked on the reservations link of one of the hotels I looked u p. THe place had a room and for a total of $300 ish for all four days. I was just happy to be within three miles of the Bellagio.

I stayed "Downtown" at the Plaza Hotel and Casino. The hotel was right around the corner from the Golden Nugget. It was rated three stars by Travelocity users so it couldn't have been that bad... right?

Let me tell you how bad it was...with two stories...

1. When I got into my room, I wanted to turn the television on... but I couldn't find the remote control. I called the front desk asking where it was. THey informed me that the rooms in that tower didn't have remote controls. I said... they have all been stolen? He replied with... no..those televisions were before remote controls. Umm... hrm...

2. They had a billboard in front of the hotel... itwasn't neon... it had lettering that was those big black letters that you slide in. To simply illustrate my point... let me share the text "Magnum P.I.'s Larry Manetti Presents Celebrity Lunch...Weekly Celebrity Guests" Ok... do you remember him? There were four main characters... Magnum, Robin, the black friend... and Larry Manetti's character.. the white weaselly friend... He promises celebrities at Brunch... yeah... ok..

Aside from these... the room itself wasn't bad.. perhaps it was mostly the really old or really white trash clientelle that threw me off. I mean hey.. I watched a blackjack table my first night there... there was a full set of teeth...when you added all four people together!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Taking Advantage of the SItuation...When a Taxi Is Needed

While in Vegas, I had a revelation.

Taxi stands had lines that were long and arduous. I heard the nightmare of one fella that waited over an hour for a cab while standing in front of one of the city's largest and most popular casino/hotels.

I was determined to never fall in that trap!

Whenever I was in need of a taxi and saw tat the line was really long, I would do the unthinkable to many and the brilliant to others. I stood at the front of the group and announced -- "Is anyone going to ______?" If someone said yes, I would ask them if they wanted to share a cab.

I heard grumbles everytime someone who say yes and agree to share a cab. I am not sure if the grumbles were complaints or they were just frustrated that I would do that... as they should have done it first.

I thought about it though. Sharing a cab is a good thing....for several reasons.

1. I didn't have to wait in the long line.
2. Cab rides became less expensive for BOTH me and the other passenger(s).
3. The cab driver would most likely get a higher tip.
4. The hotel had a shorter queue to get rid of.
5. I must have irritated at least one person!

There you have it... use it the next time you are travelling alone and there is a long line. It really is a great time and money saving tool!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Level of Frustration

There are two reasons for frustration.

As I write this... I am frustrated with Blogger. That's right... I am biting the hand that feeds me.

I have a couple of well intentioned blogs that I wanted ya'll to read and I posted them yesterday and Thursday. Blogger won't let them appear on my site. Why? I can't figure it out.

I went to the help site...they were no help.

I wrote to the blogger support staff...they have yet to be a help...

I even asked a friend of mine what I should do... he supplied me with...nothing...

I just wanted you guys to know.... and you won't know until you read this... that Blogger has bee depriving you of your ability to read muh thoughts... and I have a bunch of things to write about Vegas....

See you on the flip side... when they finally release my information.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Saying a Prayer...

I was at a pretty big conference recently and I was eating lunch with a group of people that I knew fairly well. There was one guy at the table that I didn't know and he was pretty quiet throughout the entire meal until the hot part of the lunch came around.

That is when he bowed his head and said a prayer. I have seen that before...and I have absolutely no problem with it. In fact, I find it kind of nice to see that people are comfortable enough to do that kind of thing in public.

It was what he did next that threw me for a loop.

He went from praying silently to praying out loud to praying very loudly. It was loud enough so that I could barely hear the person next to me when she was saying some things to me.

Does this happen often? I go to meetings like this all the time and perhaps it is the type of people that I see at these meetings and the fact that I can pretty much sit with the same people at each of these meetings so I might not be around a lot of them.... but it just seemed borderline rude to me.

Like I said earlier...I have no problem with most public displays of religion as I have no problem with public displays of approval. It is when it is taken to a point that interferes with my personal space.

For example, if someone at the lunch said... "This is really good beef," I would nod my head and concur. If the next person said at the loudest he possibly could, "I AGREE! THIS BEEF ROCKS!" I would be annoyed. Keep that stuff to yourself or quiet.

This is similar to the guy across the table from me. I respect your right to pray... just keep it to a whisper or something...

I digress....

Thursday, March 17, 2005

The Smelmooo Returns

After a week in Phoenix and Vegas that included a brief meeting with Doyle Brunson and playing poker for the first time with other people that weren't my friends.... The Smelmooo has returned and will be ready to post any day now.

Damn the time zone differential.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

On Vacation-ish

The Smelmooo will be onhiatus for another week as he is in Phoenix for a wedding and a tip for work to Vegas.

See you on Friday of next week!

P.S. Happy Wedding Day to Jamie and Barbara. They are good people.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

This gives NEW meaning to the phrase... PHOTO SPREAD

Yahoo! News - Sports Photos - AP

The Notebook....The Movie...

I often like to make fun of my friends for doing things that I think are borderline pansy-ish or girlie.

For example, a friend of mine is looking into buying a dog for his new place. He is looking to buy a new cross breed and it is half golden retriever and half poodle. Personally, I am under the belief that no one should own an animal that has the following five letters ... in succession ... in its name...


It just sounds wrong.

I also have another friend who is really into the music of Lindsay Lohan. I have to admit that I have no problem with Lindsay and sexiness being out there for all of us red blooded men to watch, but to actually enjoy her music? I think you might need to take up some sewing classes.

Anyway... this does come back to me somehow...I have an admission.

I really liked The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks as a book and recently... I watched the movie... and dangit... I was impressed by the film as well. It brought a smooshiness to my heart and made me feel happy and sad at the same time.

I can't believe I admitted that.... I guess it's time for me to go to the pet store and buy an oodle dog while listening to Lindsay on my iPod.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Top FIve Tuesday

Top Five Things I Felt When I Heard I Was Being Sent To Vegas This Week
1. WOO HOO!!!
2. Dang.. I ain't gonna be seein' muh wife for another week.
3. How easy is it to get there from Phoenix?
4. Can I play gambling games everywhere and I mean everywhere?
5. Yay!!! ANother state that I have never been in!!!

Top Five Most Challenging Things About Planning My Trip To Vegas
1. I was going to be in Phoenix for the weekend at a wedding and had to change flight plans to accomodate the new mandate.
2. Finding a room was impossible. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with an agent from Travelocity who couldn't find a room that entire time.
3. I was surprised to see how inexpensive flights were only 8 days out. Surprised as heck...
4. That Thursday ... the day I want to come back is a huge day in it is the first day of the NCAAA tourney... therefore...most rooms are 600 a night.
5. Realizing that I am going to be away from my wife for another 5 days..... that was tough.

Top Five Things I Think When I Listen to the Soundtrack to Avenue Q
1. It is easy to make fun of every possible person in the world.
2. This is the best show I have ever seen.
3. Gary Coleman is funny again.
4. Trekkie Monster is the funniest character in the play.
5. Stephanie D'Abruzzo is my favorite performer in the show... such..DICtion.

Top Five Ways to Embarass a Blind Person So He/She Doesn't Know
1. Party Hats
2. Silly String
3. Kick Me signs....
4. Party hats and silly string on their dog!!!!
5. Mix up their wardrobes

Top Five Big Trouble in Little China Quotes
1. Which Lo Pan? The little old basket case on wheels or the ten foot tall roadblock?
2. We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?
3. I know, there's a problem with your face.

4. Tall guy, weird cloths. First you see him, then you don't.

5. Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it."

Monday, March 07, 2005

Embarassing Blind People - IT HAS TO STOP!!!!

Muh wife and I watched the movie Ray recently.

It reminded me of something that I hve believed for a long time.

I am not sure that you should ever put party hats on blind people.

Party hats are bad enough on regular people. As soon as you put on a party hat, you have admitted to yourself that you have no need for any dignity. It is an insult to the head and to the normal people in the world.

But... I digress...

Ray was sitting at his son's birthday party with a party hat on and he looked just down right ridiculous. I turned to Maureen and I made the following declaration.

"I don't think people should put party hats on blind people."

Please note that I made no reference to a blind person putting on a party hat on him or herself. It is an important distinction.

People put these god awful hats on blind people. I don't see or remember ever hearing of a blind person saying... PLEASE STRAP ONE OF THOSE THINGS ON MY HEAD!! It just doesn't happen.

Others fight for breast cancer awareness... I want to start a new group that promotes the dignity of blind people... no more party hats!

Sunday, March 06, 2005


Survivor is back and there are three episodes in the books. Personally... I like the season so far but it isn't my favorite season yet... I have to remember that we are only 3 episodes in.

I am playing in the same game with the Assshfault fellas... and I will share the standings in an upcoming blog...

BUT... FOR NOW!!!!

For those of you that watch the show... here are my immediate impressions.

I like Angie a lot... I know you don't...
I am not sure if Willard has said anything yet.
Jeff needed to go and reminds me of that annoying pretty boy in high school that got everything he wanted.
Bobby John finally spoke and is now high up on my list.
Ibrehem could be one of the most mentally challenged players ever.
Tom kicks some major ass.
Caryn needs to be bitten by a large shark.
Ian rocks....and I just do not want to admit that I like him too much.
Jen is my personal favorite in terms of hotness.
Coby needs more airtime...but with Ulong sucking so much... we don't get much of Koror
Gregg is growing on me too...

I have other comments too...I just can't remember...


Saturday, March 05, 2005

Oh the Places I Will Already Gone... heh?

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Hating someone in the building...and I don't know him!

Ok... I have to admit and write about somethign that I view as a aprt of everyone's life.

I don't hate often. I strongly dislike and I can be a snob about many things, but there is a person in my life that I absolutely hate and he works in my building... but... there is a catch.

I work in a three-story office building and there are about 15 different businesses that house their offices in the building. On a typical day, the parking lot houses about 250 cars and the building is bursting at the seams with people. On a busy day, parking can spill over into the next office building's lot.

I work on the second floor and I take the stairs to work every single day. I ONLY ride the elevator when I am carrying things that are too heavy to navigate through stairways or dragging something.

There is a guy that I see almost every single day... I have no idea what his name is but he also works for a company on the second floor.

I hate him.

If you were to ask me why, I would simply shrug my shoulders and not have an explanation... but he always seems to be the guy who does things that irritate me.

Two examples:

1. I went to the bathroom and he was at an adjacent urinal. He finished his business, washed his hands, and dried his hands with paper towels. I followed suit with a 25 second trail. When I got to the paper towels, they were gone. This guy I hate .. took the last one. Argh...

2. When you arrive at my office building, you are approximately five stories above the parking lot and you drive down a large sloping ramp. You have the entire parking lot in view. I was coming down the ramp on an especially busy day when I saw a very close and empty parking space. It was mine. As I pulled aroudnt he bend and close to the space, a car beat me to the space by about 10 seconds. Yeup... it was this guy.... Now... I had to walk 15 times as far as that spot. My happiness was squashed...

I really don't know anything about this guy or the company that he works for... but do I dislike him more than anything.

Happy weekend everybody!!!

Dammit... today's the big day....

Can't we all agree that maybe she needs more cooking?

Put her back in for more!!!

Click here...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Learning to Drive - Car, Garage... Garage, Car....My Bad Experience

I recently picked up one of my favorite books, Jack by A.M. Homes.

In the book, the main character - a teenage boy - has some "scenes" in which he is learning to drive with his father and/or a driving instructor. Some of the moments are genuine and the author does a fantastic and insightful job in expressing the feelings of a teenage boy.

My favorite scene is when he is pulling into his driveway and he sees his next door neighbor backing out of the driveway. He immediately slams on his brakes thinking that the car might strike him. The driving instructor reacts and yells at Jack. He doesn't yell at him because Jack does anything wrong, but he yells at him to remember to NOT panic when he is driving. Jack allowed himself to get panicked and slammed short on the brakes.

I had a similar circumstance when I was learning to drive.

In the house I grew up in, we had a long driveway and in our initial driving lessons, my mother would put us in the driver's seat and we would cruise up and down the driveway...She would be kind and sensitive to us as new drivers and explain softly the way to slowly step on the gas and release the clutch. It took great patience...

Then... one day....

On one of the days we were doing this, the gas truck came to the house. He pulled into the driveway as I was about half way down. I hit the brake, put the car in reverse and went as far back as I could go. This wasn't out of the way for the truck driver. My mother told me to turn to the left and pull the car into the driveway. I was scared to do it as I had never done something like this before, but I hit the gas, released the clutch, turned the steering wheel, and headed the 30 feet towards the house.

That's when the panic set in. I can not explain even to this day why I panicked. Instead of calmly driving towards the garage, I panicked and felt as though the gas truck was coming straight at me and was going to wreck the car...stupid... I know.

Well... instead of actually getting the car IN the garage, I HIT the side of the garage on the outside. Imagine a large two car garage door. It is a pretty big whole and hard to miss, but yours truly found a way to do so. The right side of the garage was a bright red and I directed the right side of the car into that. I wasn't going very fast, but I must have moved the house about 5 feet with the front of the car. It took a guy with a crowbar to literally move the house back into place.

The rest of the night is a haze. I don't remember being yelled at and I don't remember much else about the specifics of the event... but I do remember getting a valuable lesson about not panicking. It has served me well and I have spun out several times while driving in poor conditions and not once have I ever panicked.

When all is said and done... I love being able to say things like this..."You hit a deer? That's nothing... I hit a house"...

And my wife wonders why I am I absolutely paranoid about hitting other cars in parking lots...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Proliferation of the ABC Stores

There are many jokes out there about how many Starbucks stores there are in the world and especially in Seattle. When I was in Seattle recently, I didn't really notice any different amount of Starbucks as say a New York City or Washington, DC but I certainly noticed that there were a lot of them.

On a recent trip to Hawaii, muh wife and I were the witness of something far more odd.

We got to the hotel really late that first evening and decided to sneak out for a quick bite to eat. We left the hotel and walked the block to the beach and its main strip. The main strip consists of businesses on only one side of the road while the beach consists the other side. In the one block walk to the beach we passed two ABC Stores. They seemed to sell similar stuff, but we didn't pay much attention to it.

If you want to know what an ABC Store is... click here... I would call it a WaWa or 7-11.

We walked about 5-7 blocks on the main drag. In that walk, we must have passed about 20 ABC Stores. That's right... about 20 and they all sold basically the same thing.

That doesn't really bother me... it was the fact that they had so many of them and all so close to each other AND...they were all full of people!

That seemed a bit excessive to us.

I gotta be honest... I figured that I was just imagining it was about 3 am in East Coast time... so it couldn't really have been going on... right? I waited until the next morning to reserve judgment....and they were still there the next morning.

Man... how many of the ABC Stores are really needed?

At least we bought stuff in them.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Top Five Tuesday -- Oscar Style

Top Five Hotties
1. Salma Hayek
2. HIlary Swank
3. Emmy Rossum
4. Catalina Sandino Moreno
5. Halle Berry

Top Five Not Hotties
1. Star Jones - Recognize your limitations woman!
2. Scarlett Johansen - Tha hair piece!
3. Louis Gosset Jr.'s Wife - You showed belly... shame on you!
4. Natalie Portman - The Frumpmeister is in the howse!!!
5. Laura Linney - Who got loose with a pair of shears on your dress and dropped a bucket of mousse on your head?

Top Five Most High or Altered Actors
1. Antonio Banderas
2. Melanie Griffith
3. Johnny Depp
4. Scarlett Johansen - She has to be to expect me to believe that that hairpiece was serious.
5. All of the Counting Crows

Top Five Reasons Why Star Jones is the Host of the Red Carpet Show Even Though is Worse than Anyone Else in the History of Hosting Crappy Pre-Shows
1. She has naked pictures of an executive with little boys.
2. Everyone's Mom called E! to tell her to do it. (If you listened to all the guests... they smirked and were like... My Mom said to make sure to say hi to you...)
3. To show how dead the word BLING really is.
4. She bribed someone... with... NOT eating them.

Top Five Oscar Moments
1. Chris Rock ripping Bush a new one.
2. Jeremy Irons saying... "I hope they missed."
3. Michael Myers saying ... "I liked it in Shrek 2 when Shrek farted in the mud" after two eloquent quotes.
4. Yo Yo Ma's beautiful playing over the "Who We Lost This Year" video package. Breathtaking.
5. I really hate to admit it... but Jamie Foxx's speech was nice.

Top Five Worst Moments
1. Anytime Renee Zellweger smiled... there is something wrong with that woman.
2. Sean Penn's garbled mess of a speech.
3. Even though he is my favorite, Johnny Depp is a train wreck in public events.
4. Penelope Cruz making me work to understand her...while Salma saved the day..even though she waxed on a bit too long while introducing the song.
5. He is an acting God... but Al Pacino looked like a homeless person so when he gave a lifetime achievement award... I really wanted him to be given a new, better fitting coat.