Monday, December 15, 2008

Survivor Gabon -- The Finale

The show begins incredibly late since CBS covered the end of the Steelers/Ravens game so now we are annoyed and glad that we are home to make sure that we can see the whole show... I am guessing that before the show starts the final three are going to be: Bob, Susie, and Sugar with Bob winning it all with all or 6 of the 7 votes.

And... that will be fine by me... I really like him and Sugar a whole bunch.

The episode starts with a 2000 minute recap of the first 12 episodes of the season and we are reminded of some of the assholes and awesome people of the season... since the theme this season seemed to be a good vs evil and the good finally triumphed in the end in the last episode with the defeat of Kenny's deceptive alliance and letting the "goodie two shoes" players progress.

We are FINALLY Live at 8:40 at night... after all the fluff recap and NFL game stuff... we should find out who wins about 2 am tonight... We come back after Tribal Council and Kenny is feeling a bit betrayed... Kenny is having selective memory...

We wake up on Day 37 in the NOBAG tribe... Sugar and Bob are in a new alliance and Sugar would like to vote out Kenny and Matty... next. Sugar is the boss all of a sudden and Bob recognizes it... making me think that Bob will be the eventual winner since he is letting everyone else do all the dirty work.

They get their tree mail and they have a challenge coming up and they have to uniquely dress themselves up as warriors with cloths and face paint... Susie loves doing this... I am bored by her...

They will dig and get into some huts and there will be puzzle pieces as they go through a maze... the puzzle pieces will eventually build a hut... It's a pretty cool challenge and anyone can really win it... Sugar is the first one back with puzzles to build as Bob comes in a nice second in terms of building... and BOb wins immunity with Sugar close behind... It's important to note that Susie never found her last bag is wandering around the huts aimlessly.

We get back to camp and Kenny thinks that everyone is going to vote out Susie... Matty and Susie remain good colleagues and neither of them have any idea of where they are going to end up... It's time for some more strategy and I am mildly annoyed by all of this... They can't seem to decide about who to vote out.. Susie or Kenny... Sugar remains in control and through it all... Bob still wears a bow tie... and flaunts it to the camera.

Tribal Council arrives and Corrinne is still nto wearing a bra and Randy is still sporting that damd mohawk. Jeff keeps pointing out how awesome Bob is... and he is... Kenny is in his 12th Tribal Council and surprises me with his calm demeanour... even though he is still the "bad guy" left... he is better than most bad guys. Susie speaks and re-enforces that she is way under the radar... again... The idol deal comes up again and Kenny is feeling slighted. Bob gets himself out of it by reminding Kenny that he was going to stab him in the back... Kenny tries to talk himself out of it and looks foolish... even to the jury (save Crystal...)

It's time to vote after Kenny looks petty and stupid... even though he claims that he is safe and the editting shows Sugar squishing her face.

The results of the tallying end up being... Kenny or Susie is going home...


Hasta Pasta and MB is yelling curse words at the TV... I am now rooting for Sugar to win simply because she was the last person picked by me since I didn't want Gillian at all (or Sugar) and was forced upon my team... I have won twice that way before.

We are now in Day 38 and Susie thinks she needs to win immunity in order to stay alive... and both she and Matty recognize that Bob and Sugar are way too confident ... and they should be.. TREE MAIL!

March of the Dead Survivors

Ugh... this is one of our absolute least favorite parts of the whole show and every single finale... ever... We are forced to remember each of the people voted off during the season... Let's walk down memory lane as each of the finalists are forced to say something nice about each of them... even Randy...

Michelle Chase -- Who?
Gillian Larson -- Blech...
Paloma Soto-Castillo -- She "killed" herself...
Jacque Berg -- She got screwed...
Danny Brown aka GC -- Just a plain dope...
Kelly Czarnecki -- I forgot all about her...
Dan Kay -- He was too dopey for his own good.
Ace Gordon -- Slimy and yet... lasted this long...
Marcus Lehman -- He was a perfect person and yet... I liked him.
Charlie Herschel -- Broken up "bromance" led to his defeat.
Randy Bailey -- I wonder what he did each week since his only friend was his dog.
Corinne Kaplan -- *crickets*
Crystal Cox -- Probably poorly editted, but not my favorite...
Kenny Huang -- Gamer that took the appropriate beating in the end...

It's time for the FINAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE... This is the first time that I can remember that it isn't an endurance challenge... they have to be the first person to build a 10 foot tower out of tiles... If after 30 minutes, no one has done it... the highest tower will win...

There are a lot of collapsing towers and Bob -- who you would think would win the thing -- can't seem to do anything right... Sugar and Susie keep building weak and collapsing towers while Matty builds a solid... solid tower and the suspense starts building as it hits the 25 minute mark... With 30 seconds left... Susie is in the lead... and no one can catch up in time...Susie actually wins... Who saw that one? Not me. Our gut reaction is that Bob goes home... but I doubt that Sugar and Bob will let that happen easily.

They get back to the camp and everyone is wishing Bob good bye and Sugar is crying... and they all admit to him that they have to write his name down since they all think that he will win in the Tribal Council. Then... Susie starts talking... and I get nervous... since she should just shut the f*ck up... especially she shouldn't want to alienate Bob's vote...

For five minutes... Susie just keeps talking and annoying the viewing audience... Why don't they work together... ???? and then... they DO!... Sugar can't stand that Bob is going to go home... so they discuss pursuing a tie... Bob goes off into the woods and practices starting a fire in case he has to do that in a tie breaker...

Tribal Council begins... and Bob is the one who identifies that he has the target on his back... Matty admits that he has no choice since Sugar saved him once and Susie has the idol... Sugar can't decided b/c Matty is a "brother" and Bob is like a "dad." Matty is looking better after this... Everyone feels really and it's hard to vote for anyone since Susie has the idol... Bob breaks down and this is the nicest Tribal Council EVER.

Matty -- TIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firemaking Tie Breaker Challenge Between Matty and Bob
First person to build a flame long enough to bust a string wins... and they start... Bob is deliberate... and Matty is a bit more anxious... Bob gets a fire and tries to build around it... it goes out... and then... like a Phoenix... it comes back! At this point... Bob can't lose... and he doesn't... Bye Bye Matty... you played a good game and survived it... as long as you could... (the whole time...we had to look at shit face Corrinne making stupid faces and we actually hate her... it's sad that we can dislike someone that much... )

The final three are Susie, Bob, and Sugar...

Day 39 arrives and they are all really proud of themselves... I am not going to write about any of it... Ok... they do light up the camp and it went FAST...


It's time for the petty and bullshit questions from the jury after opening statements.

Susie thinks she deserves it simply because she "tried." Bob thinks he deserves it because he played with gusto and his heart. Sugar thinks she deserves it because she played a perfect social game even though she lied a few time... and of the three, she played the best strategic game.

Charlie is up first. He asks the ladies the first question and it's a good question about why they should vote for them for first when in a previous episode they were ranked last and second to last. Sugar's answer blows. He focusses on Bob next and Bob accepts him for being gay. (Seriously...)

Crystal is up second. She attacks Susie for riding coat tails. She tells Bob that Sugar "remote controlled" him up and down... huh? Bob agrees with that. Crystal is upset that Sugar voted her out... why? Sugar was upset that she was rude to people and asks for forgiveness.

Kenny is up third. Why do you deserve my vote -- to Susie? Sugar really scarred a future The Pick Up Artist contestant forever... and Sugar voted out Kenny b/c she thought he was a bigger threat... Kenny will never trust another woman. The DEAL b/t Bob and Kenny comes out again... and nothing new is revisited.

Turd Face is up fourth. Susie -- if I give you my vote, will you have your vocal chords removed? OF course not. Bob... make me hate Sugar... and he does it in a nice way. Sugar... You are unemployed, uneduated, and leech to society. She gets meaner and ruder to her... She is the worst human being ever.

Marcus is up fifth. He is a physician and sees people in their worst moments. He attacks Susie for something... and he asks Sugar if he will use part of her $ to honor her father... Of course she will. Bob... when were you ever responsible for your decisions out in the jungle? Bob says... I never had a chance to.

Randy is second to last. Randy HATES Susie.. and is almost as much of an asshole as Corrinne is. Sugar laughed at him when he was voted out and why did she do it? He was a jerk. Bob did the same thing... why? Randy doesn't want to vote for Susie... and Bob apologizes for something.. even selling out Sugar.

Matty is up last... Susie... why are the other two less deserving... I am not sure what her answer is or means... Sugar, please reveal something that she did that is evil... Good answer with... "I broke Kenny's heart." Bob, why are they more deserving? "I don't think they are..." Matty's stumped...

No final statements... it's time to vote...

Marcus' vote is hidden.
Matty votes for Susie.
Crystal's vote is hidden.
Corinne votes for Bob
Charlie's vote is hidden.
Randy says "ALl three of you... kiss my ass."
Kenny takes his time and picks... who knows?

See you in December... in Los Angeles...

Jeff walks away and then onto the live set... time to tally the votes.


WOW... that actually made me nervous... and I am glad to see him win... We are shocked that Sugar got NO votes... interesting...

Tucker's Nuts
8. Bob Crowley (16) -- WINNER
5. Susie Smith (9) -- FINISHED IN SECOND PLACE
9. Jessica Kiper (17) -- FINISHED IN THIRD PLACE
6. Matty Whitmore (12) -- FINISHED IN FOURTH PLACE
7. Randy Bailey (13) -- Booted Week Nine
1. Charlie Herschel (1) -- Booted Week Eight
3. Jacque Berg (5) -- Booted Week Three
2. Paloma Soto-Castillo (4) -- Booted Week Two
4. Michelle Chase (8) -- Booted Week One

Assshfault Warriors
7. Crystal Cox (14) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!
3. Corinne Kaplan (6) -- BOOTED WEEK TEN!!!
8. Marcus Lehman (15) -- BOOTED WEEK SEVEN!!!!
2. Dan Kay (3) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!
4. Ace Gordon (7)-- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!
5. Kelly Czarnecki(10)-- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!!
6. Danny Brown aka GC (11) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!!
9. Gillian Larson(18) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!!

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