Poop

9 Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

The Pro Wrestler and Her Boobs... Evicted.

Outwitted...

Driving to Dover -- That's Some Crazy Shit!

So... as many of you know... I head on down to see the NASCAR Nextel race twice a year at Dover Super Speedway.

I leave really early in the morning -- 3:00 am early... so when I am driving, I am assuming that besides the other idiot people going that early, it is mostly people who are coming home from hanging out.

It's right about that time of night.

So... this year... I decided to drive down on my own and meet my friends down there instead of getting up earlier and having to drive 50 miles out of the way. (It's all about arriving home at a decent hour.)

I knew it was "that time of the night" because there were two types of cars on the road -- limos with disco balls lit up and NASCAR covered trucks and vans.

Further down the road, I pulled into a New Jersey Turnpike rest stop to get some gas.

A 90 year fellow was sitting on a grass median some 75 feet away and made his way over to pump the gas into my car.

No joke, but 7 minutes later, he arrived at my car and filled the tank.

I am all for giving people work but that seemed a bit excessive and to have him working at 3:45?!?!?!

I travelled a bit further and came to a dead stop on the Delaware Route 1 for an accident.

I eventually was allowed to pass and saw a gruesome sight -- a small car had flipped over and the driver's side window was about 2 inches high now.

Ick.

So... driving really late at night is fun and if you look carefully... you will find a lot of fun things... or not.

Survivor China -- Week Two Tonight!

WOOO HOOOOO!!!! Survivor China kicked off an awesome season last week with a truly killer episode.

I am sooooo psyched that the show has returned to its roots and and went back to less gimmicks and just 16 players in two pre-picked teams. They will play for a million dollars and slash each other's throats in the process.

It also looks like it is less of a contrived cast than normal so this should be fun.

Here are some of my early impressions...

Ashley isn't too long for this world.

Jamie forgot to wear a bra. She is my favorite...whether she is on my team or not.

Courtney is a bit abrasive but i like her a bunch. I hope she sticks around a long time.

Chicken... ummm.... he's gone... Phew... and shame on CBS for not putting up subtitles on him. They only seem to do that with black people.

Jean Robert is the same shape that Arnold Schwarzennegger was in Twins. Preggers.

Todd is a gay Mormom flight attendant... heh?

James is a grave digger and has perhaps the greatest physique of all time. That sweet monster reminds me of Michael Clarke Duncan's character in the Green Mile.

Peigh Gee -- Sweetie... could you shut up... you seem nice... now back up and relax.

My prediction for tonight? Ashley gets the boot

Thinking about the game... I am now up one player in BOTH GAMES!!!!!

Here's the picks... and... remember... the parenthesis indicate when they were picked in the draft.

GAME ONE

Tucker's Nuts
1. Courtney (1)
2. Todd (4)
3. Denise (5)
4. Peigh-Gee (8)
5. James (9)
6. Erik (12)
7. Dave (13)
8. Leslie (16)

ASSSHHHHFAULT
1. Amanda (2)
2. Ashley (3)
3. Jean-Robert (6)
5. Aaron (10)
6. Frostie (11)
7. Jamie (14)
8. Sherea (15)
4. Steve (Chicken) (7) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!!

GAME TWO

Tucker's Nuts
1. Courtney (1)
2. Amanda (4)
3. Todd (5)
4. Denise (8)
5. Peigh-Gee (9)
6. Frostie (12)
7. Jean-Robert (13)
8. Sherea (16)

FBT
1. Erik (2)
2. James (3)
3. Jamie (6)
4. Ashley (7)
5. Dave (10)
6. Aaron (11)
8. Leslie (15)
7. Steve (14) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!!

Preliminary Thoughts

Kid Nation -- It got goooooder last night.

Journeyman -- Judge is still out... I like the concept, but something is nagging me about it. Tangentwoman likes it a lot so I will watch it at least one more time.

Bionic Woman -- I dig it... a bunch... BSG Lite

One Down -- 11 to Go

Fun Fact of the Day

Did you know that the guy who played Epstein on Welcome Back Kotter is John Bon Jovi's cousin?

Dancing With the Stars -- Part Two -- The Men

The Men's Turn

Some of my friends like to state -- You watch Dancing With the Stars? You must be gay. My normal response is something to the effect of... Jesus... did you not see how hot these women are? I might also throw in a comment about performing and how much respect I have for everyone on the show. It makes me miss the old days of acting...

Here's why I bring this up. Tonight's episode features the men and Tom BErgeron started the episode with something like... "Last night was about the women, but tonight it's raining men!!!!"

That doesn't help my anti-gay defenses.

Cameron Mathison -- After watching his pre-interviews from last night's show, I am fully prepared to hate him and Alan Reed, but Cameron is dancing with Edyta... Ok... DAMMIT... he had a disease that made him wear braces as a child... how the hell am I supposed to hate this guy? LEt's see him dance. The first thought? The people that design Edyta's dresses are amazing. His dancing seemed rough and rigid, but the ending was nice. The judges seem to agree with me... Good judges...



Tom's second inadvertent gay reference was just said "We have only seen the tip of the all man iceberg."

Floyd Mayweather Jr. -- Before even looking at a dance, he was my prediction of the non-dancers to do well since I have seen him box many times and he has some of the smoothest moves in the ring. THat's one reason why many consider him the best pound for pound boxer in the world... currently... He's cocky... and must get used to being part of a team. His dancing seemed overexcited and slouchy, but still better than I could ever do... He will do fine once he learns to control his physical abilities.



Helio Castroneves -- Alright... dammit... I love his partner... Julianne Huff. She has aged fifteen years in 6 months. He seems like a nice fella and seems to be genuinely enjoying himself. His laughter to me is infectious. He looks so nervous out there... I want him to win... he probably won't... but I'll root for him. The judges thinks he's a natural.



Albert Reed -- No... Stop trying to be charming... you are not funny or cool. Contrived turd burglar. He keeps refrencing how hot he is... but at least he recofnizes that he is the least famous person in the competition... and will have to earn it. Is that a white man's overbite? Don't worry about his routines... they will have plenty of gimmicks. The judges were confused by the gimmicks... but still gave him decent scores. Fakers.



Mark Cuban -- I am not ready to like him either... I don't like the way he handles himself in the NBA and as a public person either. Tangentwoman barely saw him and was already hating him. He's trying too hard and he is with Kym... a dancer that we both like a lot. His competitive side is something I respect, but his personality dominates it a bit and is on the obnoxious side. He wasn't entirely terrible, but I can't seem him doing the latin dances. Good luck Mark... you will be one of the first men out...



Wayne Newton -- Is he real? Is he fake? Is he George Hamilton? I am not quite sure. He's having fun, but that was incredibly painful. I like him as a person best of all the men. His popularity will probably get him to 6th through 8th. Good luck Wayne and keep having fun...and keep shooting those choreographed GUN FINGERS!



My early impressions of the men?

Floyd and Cameron probably have the best shot of the men... and I predict that a woman will win this year.

I will stop watching it though if it is that little round turd named Sabrina.

(Should I call her a turd? What's it to you?)

Dancing With the Stars -- Part One -- The Women

Alright... in an effort to draw out one of the top rated shows of all time, they are starting tonight with a night of just female stars and tomorrow will be just male dancers. Even I... the guy who loves this show... thinks that's a bit too much.

The credits are on... who the hell are most of these people? Dancing With the Stars -- C Level.

Drew Lachey is standing in for Samantha Harris as the fill in host since she just had a baby... WAY TOO MUCH EYE MAKE UP.



I probably would have quit watching right here and now if the guest host was Lisa Rinna like some of the people predicted... I hate her face.

Now... let's meet our stars... and my thoughts... for the chicks only...

Jennie Garth -- Jennie is still a cutie...she is more normal looking now and not so "glamorous"... She was the first dance of the competition. She's a bit stiff and her timing is off, but I bet she lasts awhile. She got better as she moved along. Nerves wore off... Her husband is nice and supportive.



Josie Maran -- I didn't know this name when I heard it. Today... when I was listening to Stern, he was talking about DwtS and how much he loves Josie. He was claiming that she was beautiful and was rooting for her. Yeup... she's a cutie and dammit... she's coming off as very cute and charming in terms of personality. That's always distracting to me. She comes off as uncoordinated... She has nice posture and her facial expressions are great... and heck... she wore glitter on her body... just like a stripper. Nice work.



Sabrina Bryan -- What the hell is a Cheetah Girl? Well... it seems like she is a High School Musical wannabe... Alright... Sabrina and her partners... Annoying Face are going to be the most annoying people in the world. I wish I could against people and not FOR people. I would knock her out... without even seeing her dance yet. I bet she stays a long time because of her Disney Channel influence. So... for the dance itself... ANnnoying Face did all the dancing and Cheetah Face did not much of anything. THen... half way through... they kicked it into high gear... and impressed me... Sh*t... I will say one thing... she ... in her Cheetah Girl side... has to dance. It seems unfair that she is in this.



Marie Osmond -- I want to like her. I really do. I am giving her a shot to have some fun out there and maybe lose a couple pounds, but I can't really see her winning this thing. If she does... then watch out... Mitt Romney is going to win the Presidency because all those dang Mormons stick together.... no? Either way... her dance was sweet and classy. Good work.



Mel B -- Before she even steps onto the floor, I want to say that it really seems unfair that thiese two women who have experience as singers and are "performers" are on this show. They can obviously be coordinated and understand choreography so I don't get it in the long run. That British accent is tough... and she just had a frigging baby? You have to be kidding me. Her pre-dance interview was annoying.... oof... She dances well... and another GLITTER HOOKER chick. Nice.



Jane Seymour -- She is my sentimental favorite although I don't think that she has a chance in heck. THe older ladies don't stand a chance on a show like this, but I will root for her each each. I love you Dr. Quinn. I do...



Ok... Sabrina and Mel B are the favorites coming out of week one for the women. Jennie isn't bad either... but a woman hasn't won since season one and that was up for debate with many.

BIG RU NEWS

St. Louis Rams running back Steven Jackson will miss at least one week with a partial tear of his left groin, an injury sustained in the fourth quarter of Sunday's 24-3 loss at Tampa Bay. Rookie Brian Leonard, a second-round pick from Rutgers, will get his first start Sunday at Dallas. Coach Scott Linehan said Jackson would be week to week.

# 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Book 49 of 52 -- South Park: You Know, I Learned Something Today (The Blackwell Philosophy & Pop Culture Series)

I am a huge South Park fan.

I love it.

It really is the best show on television when it is dead on.

One of the main reasons that I like the show is that I think it is much deeper than what you would expect it to be... and I mean on a level that I have difficulty explaining.

We live in an age where it seems that every philosophy enthusiast is obsessed with achieving relevance.

So here is a collection of serious essays in which 23 American academics (from such institutions as the College of Staten Island and the University of Central Arkansas) try to squeeze philosophical significance out of the manic world of Cartman, Chef, Big Gay Al, et al.

It might help if the essays weren't given such titles as "Flatulence and Philosophy" or, my personal favourite, "Aesthetic Value, Ethos, and Phil Collins: the power of music in South Park".

The book's underpinning argument is that philosophy has practical application in everyday life and, whatever the catalyst, the debate can turn serious and intelligent if you strip the issues from their humorous context.

Thus much of the book is about gender issues, gay marriage, voting rights, evil, religious pluralism and existentialism.

A Young Farm Boy...

A Young Farm Boy...

A young farm boy goes off to college, but about one-third of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog, Ole Blue how to talk!" "That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks. "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives in town?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to become a successful lawyer.

Two Ways to Look at Everything

Two Ways to Look at Everything

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

So you see, there really are 2 ways to look at everything!

Book 48 of 52 -- Gregory Maguire's Son of a Witch

It's been awhile since I finished a book (tee hee).

Gregory Maguire's Son of a Witch is an experiment in frustration.

Son of a Witch is the sequel to Maguire's book Wicked.

It is the story of what happened to Liir, the son (probably) of Elphaba (the Wicked Witch of the West).

While Wicked had a very broad scope where you were always aware of the world around Elphaba full of political, social and religious depth, Son of a Witch generally has a much narrower view, largely focussing just on Liir and the people around him with little concern for the broader picture.

The result of that shift is that readers have much less of a grasp of what is going on in Oz and why certain things might be happening.

The political situation is extremely fuzzy and unclear and the religious issues are much harder to understand.

This kind of hurts what could have been a very interesting book.

In general, I wasn't terribly happy with this book. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't recommend it either.

I could have lived without reading.

Chicken Without a Head

That's the opposite of what my Survivor opponents have.

Survivor Returns in CHINA and so Does My Total Survivor Game Domination

Survivor returns to television for the 15th season and I am proud to once again be kicking some major toosh in the game. I had two victims last season and I see that both have returned for another beating.

For the long time folks... I have beaten Asshfault 9 times out of 12 and now... my second victim (FBT) has taken one beating out of one time (Hey FBT's wife... I am an enabler... and an alcoholic now that I keep winning.....)

Here's the picks... and... remember... the parenthesis indicate when they were picked in the draft.



GAME ONE

Tucker's Nuts
1. Courtney (1)
2. Todd (4)
3. Denise (5)
4. Peigh-Gee (8)
5. James (9)
6. Erik (12)
7. Dave (13)
8. Leslie (16)

ASSSHHHHFAULT
1. Amanda (2)
2. Ashley (3)
3. Jean-Robert (6)
4. Steve (Chicken) (7)
5. Aaron (10)
6. Frostie (11)
7. Jamie (14)
8. Sherea (15)

GAME TWO

Tucker's Nuts
1. Courtney (1)
2. Amanda (4)
3. Todd (5)
4. Denise (8)
5. Peigh-Gee (9)
6. Frostie (12)
7. Jean-Robert (13)
8. Sherea (16)

FBT
1. Erik (2)
2. James (3)
3. Jamie (6)
4. Ashley (7)
5. Dave (10)
6. Aaron (11)
7. Steve (14)
8. Leslie (15)

Jim Broadbent to Play Slughorn In Potter 6!

Hooray!

Tucker's Vacation -- A Photo Retrospective

Our vacation was great and I have been remiss about writing about some of the awesome adventures we had.

Tucker came with us on our vacation and he had an awesome time.

He ran and ate and slept and ran and ran and ran.

It was dog heaven for Tucker.

I have shown a picture of him when he returned looking all dead and the likes, but here are some of his best memories.

I know this... because he told me so.

On most mornings, Tucker and I would sit on the lake watching the sun rise. Tangentwoman snuck up on us and took this picture.



Earlier in the week, I had caught my first fish and I showed it to Tucker. This was him smelling the Yellow Perch. He had NO IDEA what to make of the flopping fish. The fish eventually flopped its way off the hook and back into the lake making Tucker hide under a chair.




Tucker was hanging out ... and I must have been offering him some evil string cheese or something for him to pose like this!



I love this... he is so freaky shaped that when he sits... his little feet and legs do all sorts of wierd crossings and stuff to create this.





Ahhh... I miss those days.

GAGNE!!!! GAGNE!!!! GAGNE!!!!!

String Cheese Stresses Me Out

Here's a surprise for you.

String cheese... stresses me the F out.

I can't deal with it.

I hate eating it and ... for the love of everything that is good and holy... I love cheese...

I think that if you were to take a cross section of my body, you would find a layer of cheese somewhere in my person.

When I was in Maine, our vacation partners offered me some string cheese and I looked at it with dread.

I didn't tell them, but I was scared of the package.

I took it anyway...because... afterall, it was cheese!

I took it downstairs and timidly opened the package.

The smell of glorious cheese filled the air and I felt my stomach tighten up in excitement.

Then... my big nubby fingers ruined it all and tried to pull the cheese apart.

"CRAP!" I exclaimed. "I hate my stupid fingers."

I couldn't get it to peel and all of my old deep seeded hatred for string cheese came to the forefront.

Three minutes later after holding my breath longer than David Blaine's peasant attempts in a recent special, I bit the top off of it and gave up.

Too much stress... just too much stress.

Brett Somers Died....

...this makes Smelmooo ________











SAD!

Happy Birfday M

Yeah.... I didn't know.

Stupid Raiders

Seabass is showing you exactly how I feel about being a Raiders fan.

Damn you NFL gods... Damn you all...

Rutgers Accomplishes Something Neat

Yeah... Norfolk State and Rutgers had no business playing each other even though it was scheduled before Rutgers was good.

Yeah... Rutgers' third string was scoring touchdowns... but this is pretty neat...

It's from the AP.

"The six-touchdown avalanche produced 277 yards in just 11 plays and 91 seconds. The scoring drives covered 52, 28, 92, 46, 42 and 53 yards and lasted two, one, two, two, three and two plays."

That... was a description of... the second quarter.

The Norfolk State coach was understandably upset... but hey... their band was f*cking awesome at half time.

F*cking awesome.

Rutgers -- Screwing Up a Good Thing

Crap... I am currently on a trip in Washington, DC (Staying in Arlington at a new and really good hotel even though it is a Clarion).

Rutgers is having a kick ass year... again... and all people can do is point out the behavior of 30 people towards Navy.

Geez... just leave me alone.

On a more positive note... Rutgers is up to 11th now.

Cool....they have this week off.

Happy Birfday Hande

WOO HOOO

stupid survey/quiz thing

75 Random Questions

Do you have any pets?
Tucker!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't know that by now... shame on you.

What color shirt are you wearing?
White and blue and light blue and some sort of clear thing I dropped on it weeks ago and a yello stain over here and a green one too... how the hell...

Name three things that are physically close to you:
Tangentwoman, Tucker, Animal Crackers in the shape of cats

What is the last book you read?
Son of a Witch -- Don't ask me what it was about.

Are you or were you a good student?
Who studied?

What's your favorite sport?
Football is my favorite sport to watch and play.

Do you enjoy sleeping late?
Hate it... I really do.

What's the weather like right now?
Do you really care?

Who tells the best jokes?
Me... of course... but often times... I am not actually telling jokes. My life is that funny.

What was the last thing you dreamed about?
I don't dream.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
Is it me or are these questions getting dumber?

Do you believe in karma?
No... I run a death pool for goodness sake.

Do you believe in luck?
Depends on my mood for the day.

Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
Both...

Do you collect anything? If so, what?
I collect fantasy football wins.

Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah I think so.

Are you reliable?
Certainly... almost annoyingly so.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yes... and I hate to admit it but it is normally to leave me alone.

What's your favorite food?
Chocolate.... cheese... there are so many.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?
Yes... but I would officially describe her as a stalker. She broke into my apartment. That was not a fun confrontation.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
AHHHHHH. yes... but not on my fingers.

Do like to draw?
No... I like to doodle.

What's your favorite invention?
The Internet... Al Gore rules...

Is your room messy?
I pay a mortgage... I don't have a "room." I own a house (with my wife of course).

What do you like better: oranges or apples?
If they are cut and prepared... I would rather an apple. Otherwise... I'll just stare at them and consider them too much work to eat.

Do you give in easily?
Nope

Are you a good guesser?
Yeup.

Can you read other people's expressions?
I always read way too much into them, but I’m usually pretty much on target.

Are you a bully?
In board games... I am the biggest bully onthe planet... but I warn you ahead of time... and yet... people still get pissed at me.

Do you have a job?
Yeup... (more boring questions)

What time did you wake up this morning?
about 6ish

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
I forget... but I can tell you ... it wasn't an apple or orange (see above)

When was the last time you showered?
this morning

What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
eat, sleep, poop

What's your favorite day of the week and why?
Every single day that I wake up. I have a fear that I just won't wake up one day and since I don't dream... it will be doubly sad.

Do you have any nicknames?
Not really... I hate nicknames. I have actually stopped talking to people because they ignore me and kept calling me by my last name. Very few people call me that and I will stop talking to you if you don't stop.

Have you ever been scuba diving?
Nope

What's your least favorite color?
probably blue

Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
Tucker's mom. Thank you Tucker's mom!!!!

Would you ever go skydiving?
Absolutely.

What toothpaste do you use?
Colgate

Do you enjoy challenges?
For the most part I do.

What's the worst injury you have had?
broke my thumb, but at least I had lunch! (inside joke)

What's the last movie you saw?
Hot Fuzz (I don't remember... but damn.. Hot Fuzz is an awesome flick.)

What do you want to know about the future?
Can I get a woo woo?

What does your last text message say?
STOP FUCKING SENDING ME TEXT MESSAGES! (I am assuming I can put this... even though it was an outgoing message.)

Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
Tangentwoman.

What's your favorite school subject?
Math -- surprise you? I was a math genius.

What's your least favorite school subject?
English. Screw you Ms. Richardson... may you rot in "proverbial" heck.

Would you rather have money or love?
How about a love of money? That would satisfy both.

What is your dream vacation?
sitting in Santorini as high up as I can go with my wife and Tucker... and not having but a beer and sandwich as I look over the Mediterranean Sea

What is your favorite animal?
Dogs of course.

Do you miss anyone right now?
Nope...

What's the last sporting event you watched?
RUTGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you need to do laundry?
I always do... it's a compulsion

Do you listen to the radio?
yeup... and satellite... that counts... right?

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
In the office... we left early.

What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
kick the shit out of them.

Have you ever caught a butterfly?
Yeup. I filetted it and made a tasty butter sauce out of it.

What color are your bed sheets?
tan and white and whatever... they are uber comfy.

What's your ringtone?
The olde time phone ring... preceded by two vibrations.

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Tangentwoman

Do you have any obsessions right now?
RUTGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you like things that glow in the dark?
Who cares?

What's your favorite fruity scent?
Watermelon -- but I hate eating it.

Do you watch cartoons?
Yes... but not kiddie cartoons. Just adult cartoons.

Have you ever sat on a roof?
All the time.

Have you ever been to a different country?
yep – Greece, Italy, Croatia, Germany, Dominican Republic

Name three things in the world you dislike:
Gwentyth Paltrow, Gwentyth Paltrow, Gwentyth Paltrow

Name three people in the world you dislike:
Gwentyth Paltrow, Gwentyth Paltrow, Gwentyth Paltrow

Has a rumor even been spread about you?
Yeup... I was the fucker who started it. I swear... no joke... 11 inches.

Do you like sushi?
Most of it.

Do you believe in magic?
nah

Do you hold grudges?
Obsessively so. Not that you care... but stay off my bad side.

IF I Did It

This is the cover...of a book entilted IF I DID IT.

See the word IF anywhere in there?

It's a Simple DUMB Thing

I like animal crackers... love them actually.

It gives me great pleasure eating them.

It also... for some stupid ass reason... gives me some great pleasure to feed the cat shaped ones to Tucker.

My big ass pansy cat dog loves animal crackers too and in my mind... he loves the cat crackers the most.

I envision him drooling at the opportunity to rip the head off a cat.



He is a bad ass ... in my mind...

He rules the world of cats vs dogs and his doman requires that he eats all of the inferior cats.

It is my world... and I live in it alone sometimes.

Another Reason Why The Raiders Are Awesomer Than Most Teams

Records and skills be damned....

Click here to get your own.

Three Word Movie Reviews

The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. -- Safe Sturdy Show

The Astronaut Farmer -- Sweet, Cute, Predictable

Broken English -- Slow but Decent

The Contract -- Definition of Mediocrity

Delta Farce -- Oof... That's SHIT.

The Ex -- Dumb but Entertaining

Georgia Rule -- Better Than Expected

Kickin' It Old Skool -- Kick to Curb

Monk (Season 5) -- Still Got It!

Muderous Intent (Like Minds) -- Gripping Yet... Not.

Offside -- Engagingly Informative...Different

Perfect Stranger -- Somewhat Predictable Throwaway

Reno 911! (Season 2) -- Had Good Time

Starter For 10 -- Cute, Light Hearted

Superbad -- Laugh Riot...Dirty

Wind That Shakes the Barley -- Long and Tedious

Year of the Dog -- Dark Comedy... Unique

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia -- TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT's politically incorrect!



It's wrong!



Watch it... Tomorrow... Thursday....

Taking the Short Bus

Book 47 of 52 -- Not to Be Announced

I wish that I could write about the 47th book.

It is a book by one of the people (companies) that I work for.

Writing his name and what the book was about will give away too much about who I am...

I will say that they were true story anecdotes about his personal life and I will recommend it to anyone who wants to know that I know.

It's a fun story... but mostly funnnier because I know the people involved...

Moment of Silence

Thank you.

Rutgers vs Norfolk State

I have one ticket available to anyone who is interested.

let me know ASAP

Upstream Red Team, Red Team Upstream

13 Baby.... 13!

Book 46 of 52 -- 7 Measures of Success

In an effort to always improve myself and the work that I do, I read 7 Measures of Success -- a book about applying the Good to Great principle of Jim Collins to association management.

7 Measures of Success: What Remarkable Associations Do That Others Don't follows the matched-pair research techniques used in the Jim Collin's book Good to Great and applies this methodology to associations.

Over several years, a team of association professionals undertook extensive research and on site visits examining the differences between the study group and comparison associations.

With Jim Collin's mentorship, they defined seven key elements that characterize the most successful associations.

These measures are: a customer service culture, alignment of products and services with mission, data-driven strategies, dialogue and engagement, CEO as a broker of ideas, organizational adaptability, and alliance building.

The book is a quick read, but should be foundational for all interested in association management.

Mwah Ha Ha Ha

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because
You're Not In the Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ! "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity ..

Rutgers vs Navy Tonight!

My seats this game aren't as good as the seats I had against Buffalo, but it should still be a great day and game.

Since I am a child... I wanted to share with you a real picture I took at the last game.



You can also see that his arm is broken... so that makes him a Broken Hyman.

Mwah ha ha ha ha ha

Book 45 of 52 -- Ted Bell's The Spy

To finish off the short series of Ted Bell books, I labored through The Spy.

The Spy is essentially bringing back the same characters from the first three books to fight the latest absurdish combination of bad guys.

Throw in a bunch of Arab terrorists and have them attack the United States through Mexico with a bunch of Mexican nationalists who want to take the southern staes back and you have yourself an interesting recipe for mediocrity and absurdity.

The writing is good ... if not safe and predictable.

IT is another long and enjoyable read, but I can't help but wonder if there is another formula in the world besides this one.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Congrats!

See? It isn't so bad afterall.

Rest Stops on Our Trip to Maine – A Retrospective

On our trip to Maine, I was amazed to see how incredibly different the rest stops in the six differing states were.

New Jersey rest stops amaze me. They incorporate food, rest rooms, tourist information, and sometimes stores. For the most part, they are clean and modern. I actually enjoy stopping at the rest stops (insert McGreevey joke here) when the need is there.

Next… we stopped at a New York rest stop. We have stopped at a few of them in the past few weeks. New York has a similar philosophy as New Jersey. It combines all the necessary food, store and restroom facilities.

Now… we move on to Connecticut, which drove me incredibly nuts. We stopped at two in a row, out of necessity, and neither had an operational toilet. Vending machines that barely took our crumpled dollars were the food and if you were lucky, there was a brochure on camp grounds. Yeah… dirty and unpleasant.

Massachusetts was abysmal as well. We stopped at one and the lack of food and clean facilities made the stop about as appealing as having to rake my own eyeballs out with a plunger.

Rhode Island was cool. The rest stop was humungous and clean. It had two really nice employees who gave out information to anyone who asked nicely. There weren’t any food facilities, but hey… beggars can’t be choosers when the place was gorgeous.

Maine took the cake. Stuck in the middle of a coniferous forest, the rest stop is large, has friendly tourist personnel, and even has signs all around the parking lot teaching entrants how to stretch their legs. It was extremely user friendly.

On an 8 hour trip, we peed a couple times and bought some refreshments. We let Tucker pee and poop as well when he needed and we listened to music on the iPod.

It was a great trip.

Look! She Made It!

And doesn't look a day older than 23 -- the day I met her.

Still beautiful sweetie... still beautiful.

Just 7 Hours & 43 Minutes To Go

Now This IS Breaking News

-- AP: Rep. Paul Gillmor, R-Ohio, was found dead in his apartment Wednesday, a Republican leadership aide says.

Book 44 of 52 -- Haruki Murakami's After Dark

I finished Haruki Murakami's After Dark in a relatively short period of time.

The dialogue was great... but... ummm.... WHAT?

I am going to let Mercimek review the book for me...

It's just easier that way... it really is.

Click here.

Rutgers Moves Up to 15th

awesome...

Book 43 of 52 -- Ted Bell's Pirate

oooooohhhh...

I have been waiting for someone to write about what China is going to do with the rest of the world when it feels ready to act.

Pirate sets up a fantastic premise where China and France create an alliance and work to mutually promote their own agendas in the oil market while France steps up its activities with a descendant of Napoleon Bonaparte who thrives on his ancestory to create nationalist fervor with the peeps of Frenchydom.

The plot is absolutely insane yet somehow makes sense when it is all said and done.

Give it a shot... if you are looking for a good time.

Happy Labor Day

Go labor something.

Seriously... go do it...

I am sure something needs to be done around the house... and all you are doing is farting around the house.

Spectacular

Simply spectacular....

Seriously....

Spectacular.

Superbad Movie Going Experience

Commercials -- 3

Previews -- 6

Laughs -- Hundreds and Hundreds

It's September Already?

Where the hell did the summer go?