Dancing With the Stars Debut Part II (Chicks Only)

Chicks only... the men were last night and they all get to dance again next week as we will have two people booted... next week. This is quite a build up.

Weird montage to start... but hey.. this is cheese televistion at its best.

LLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVEEEEEE This is Dancing With the Stars!!!!

Oh god... how much do I love Samantha? Sooooo very much. She is lovely... and even more lovely in High Definition. The recap and intros are taking fooooorrreeever... God... I love Samantha.

Let's review the women that are about to dance. We have an Oscar winner, a Grand Slam winner, an Olympic Gold medalist, a Broadway star, a poker winner, and a chick who is famous for fucking Elvis.

Shannon Elizabeth -- American Pie "Star" Shannon Elizabeth was paired with Derek Hough. She's won some poker tournaments recently and is actually highly regarded as a woman's poker player.



In the practice sessions, it was kind of fun to watch Shannon falling down in her heels. Derek is still grating and I want to hang out with his sister far more than I would ever want to hang out with her.

So yeah... Shannon is a cutie patootie. This dance was better than 4 of the guys yesterday, but I wonder what the judges will think as TW and I liked it................................ wow... that's a lot of fans that liked it. The judges thought she was pretty good too.

Her scores are... 7, 7, 7 -- 21 Great for this stage.

Jeez.... Samantha is... LOVELY.

Monica Seles -- I am excited by this one and I really hope that she and her partner Jonathan Roberts grunt a bunch during the hard movies in the Waltz.



Monica is best known -- according to her -- for her power on the court. That sounds silly since most people I talk to remember her for getting stabbed on the court. Her introduction was pretty brutal and I like her and her perfect English accent which also surprises me so I really hope that her dance is good.

They told us that they had to soften her a bit. (Colbie Callie has made it to the big time -- now that she has had her song butchered by the abysmal Dancing with the Stars orchestra and band.) The dance was sweet and nice and not perfect but it will be interesting if she makes it further.

Her scores are... 5, 5, 5 -- 15... not ideal.

Oh boy... Samantha reviews her loveliness simply by being... Samantha.

Marissa Jaret Winokur -- The originator of the lead character in the musical Hairspray is on the show and dancing with Tony Dovolani -- the nicest person on the planet.



She spoke for 4 seconds and I immediately realized that... I hate her. I am sorry for Tony Dovolani. I want to take an uncooked fish and slap her directly in her face with it until the scales start to come off. Then... I want to take the descaled fish and drop it in her pants and have her sit down 120 times in a row.

Her biggest problem is "containing (her) energy." She has other problems. The dance begins and Tony is sparkly and wearing and an outfit that shows off his assets. Marissa just sort of moves around a bunch. This is just one of the worst dances ever... in my book and of course the audience is rooting for her.

The judges hated her dancing. They liked her personality a bunch and her dancing was beaten up.

Their scores were... 6, 6, 6 -- 18 What a load of bullshit.

Samantha who? Samantha Lovely...

Priscilla Presley -- She is paired up with Louis Van Amstel. My first thought? They both scare the hell out of me.



She looooooooks like a frigging train wreck. Louis Van Amstel has annoyed me since he was dancing with Lisa Rinna... and he continues to annoy me. Priscilla has had so much work done that I am not sure what to do with my eyes right now. I don't want to look, but I have to look, but it actually hurts my eyeballs to look. Her voice creeps me out as well. High Definition is really a huge curse to these women. Sorry women.

Priscilla dances... wow... that was better than I expected.... wow... I am not sure what to say. Louis is annoying but he does do one thing well... he recognizes the need to show off his partner since his partner is the "star" on the show.

The judges liked her a lot... her scores are 8, 8, 8 24 total. Seriously... who knew?

I am so surprised by all of this that I forgot to notice how lovely Samantha was.

Kristi Yamaguchi -- The Olympic gold medalist is dancing with Mark Ballas. I had no pre-conceptions about this when the episode started.



Hey! She's a gold medalist... fascinating... she'sa baby factory now... good for her. Mark Ballast was annoying last season because of his partner Sabrina... and now... he remains annoying... After watching her interviews and previews, I have to admit that there is something really endearing about her and I like her. Her dance was spectacular and she has to be the current favorite.

The judges were enthusiastic... 9, 9, 9 -- 27 and so were their scores.

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Marlee Matlin -- That's right... the deaf Oscar winner is paired up with a newbie in Fabian Sanchez. This will bug me, but not nearly as much as the fake leg of the creepy old british lady from a couple seasons ago. I actually really like Marlee.



What? Huh? Speak up! Oh wait... you are deaf? How the hell are you going to do this? his should be interesting. Fabian -- a newbie to the DWTS show -- is almost more excited to be doing this than Marissa and Marissa was excited. I have seen marleee around for years and I have always loved her so I hope that she does well in this. Plenty of hand signals and some great mouthings to each other later and the dance ended well enough. The lack of hearing will certainly hurt her in the long run, but that was well done. Why is the audience cheering? She can't hear it. The judges say she is inspiring and she moves well.

Her scores are ... 7, 7, 8 -- 22 total.

Psssst.... Samantha is simply... ? ??? lovely!

Final Analysis

For the men, watch out for Mario and Christian de la Fuente...

For the chickies... Priscilla showed her class and Shannon showed that she has a lot of possibilities, but Kristi is the one to watch and seems to be the early favorite for this show.

Join us next week for the booting of two people... on fella and one chickie...


Samantha kicks touche.