Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dancing With the Stars -- Week 1.5

They danced last week... we voted last week... they get to dance AGAIN this week... and we get to vote again this week... that's a lot of points and votes to count...

There are a ton of rumors that maybe more of these pseudo-stars might be hurt like reformed Jackass.. Steve-O, but we shall see what is going on... on the show itself...

We are.... LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not really... since we are watching it on DVR... a bit behind... )

It's a cold opening and Samantha Harris is wearing a god awful purple dress that totally covers an entire arm and exposes the monster muscle other arm. Time for the "stars" to walk in and Lacey walks in without her partner Steve-O... WHAT?!?!?!

Steve-O hurt himself earlier today... and Samantha forgot to remove whatever was in her mouth when she was speaking.

Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin are up first and it is good to see that Nancy O'Dell was replaced with a much hotter chick. Take that Nancy! They are going to learn the Quick Step, but they play a game of 20 Questions to get to know each other and learn that they are complete opposites... wow... so.. um... exciting. Her strategy is to have people look at her face... but I was watching her feet! and they were all over the place.... not in a good way... The judges were critical of her... but I bet they will give her decent scores regardless. The scores are (6, 6, 6 - 18) + 18 from last week for a total of 36.

David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson dance second. During his video segment, David is his normal hilarious self, but shows his willingness to learn and try things hard... so that's cool. It's the Salsa! (I like Tostito's with my salsa...) To my incredibly untrained eye... it looks great... but we shall see in about 30 seconds... The judges were rough... really rough... I cannot judge this shit. The scores are (6, 5, 6 - 17)+ 19 from last week for a total of 36.

Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy is third... and it kills me that they call her an actress, because she sucks... They are doing the Quick Step. She hates the creator of the Quick Step and frankly... shows me her shitty personality side.. since she wants to critique someone... Phew... She is dancing to Grease... I hate that too... Her mouth is open the entire time and my wife is yelling... "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" and she's not even talking... pretty damn awkward dance... The judges liked that?!?!?! blech. The scores are (7, 7, 7 - 21) + 18 from last weekfor a total of 39.

Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts dance fourth. Belinda took last week's criticism a bit to heart and uber nice Jonathan Roberts talks her off the ledge. They are going to add some Go-Go's moves into their Salsa (which I like with Tostitos) to make her feel more comfortable. They are all blue!... What?!?!??!?!?!?? Now... I thought the dance was a bit stilted, but we shall see. Uber moderate criticism... The scores are (6, 6, 6 - 18) + 17 from last week for a total of 35.

Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower dances fifth and the rodeo champion was "roped in" to do this... get it?... Tom is so awesome. He claims that his Cha Cha Cha was just a Cha since he forgot half of it. I watch Ty speak and I am reminded of the Larry the Cable Guy roast I watched earlier. Early on.. they try to high five and they missed.. oof... that is an auspicious start... For him... the rest of the dance isn't that bad... and the crowd really likes him. The judges liked him too. The scores are (7, 6, 7 - 20) + 14 from last week for a total of 34.

Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas dance sixth and they are forced to show motion... and Shawn has to show a loose butt and hip... She can't do it. Mark dances female parts too... America is not surprised. More people would watch Olympic gymnastics if she wore outfits like that. The dance seemed fine, but not for first place... The judges think... it was good... The scores are (8, 8, 8 - 24) + 23 from last week for a total of 47.

Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff has at least one part of the pair who is enjoying himself tremendously. Steve... Karina doesn't seem to enjoy anything. Steve's foot hurts like hell and goes to practice anyway... even with a hurt foot... He dances the Quick Step... I think. He is soooo oenjoying himself... It's cute... The ending was awkward... The scores are (6, 5, 6 -17) + 13 from last week for a total of 30.

Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough dance the hump dance of the evening. Here's the point in the show where one member of the real life relationship is trying to teach the other one how to be sexy. I want them to break up so I can poke them in the eyes. Chuck is having trouble dancing the feminine dancing style... why do I not beleive that? Julianne's pants are... ummm... horrific... it's basically Julianne dancing around him.... not good. They agreed and were pissed! The scores are (6, 7, 7 - 20) + 20 from last week for a total of 40.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska dance ninth. LT was frustrated with his score... and announces that he will keep trying... and be there every week. He is dancing the Quick Step and Edyta is basically non existent in the video packaage. Edyta is completely covered in clothes... so I don't know what is going on... It seems good to me, but what the hell do I know tonight... The judges liked it better than last week. Good... even though I don't like him personally... I might actually change my mind. The scores are (7, 6, 7 - 20) + 16 from last week for a total of 36.

Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer are tenth. Tom announces that he hurt himself during the dress rehearsal by landing on his back... and landing on his microphone pack. He went to the hospital to get it checked out. We get to watch his video package. They are going to judge him based upon his performance during dress rehearsal. That almost doesn't seem fair. It's a Salsa and he does some weird things... but good for the most part... except for his couple of mess ups... They hated it... The scores are (5, 4, 5 - 14) + 17 from last week for a total of 31.

Lil Kim & Derek Hough are up eleventh... and I think I hate Lil Kim a great deal. Her speech pattern and her eyeballs annoy me. They are dancing the Quick Step. Good dance and the judges like it a lot. The scores are (8, 7, 8 - 23) + 21 from last week for a total of 44.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani dance second to last. Ok... here's my normal rant. SHE'S NOT A FRIGGING STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn't even acknowledge her, but she's actually pretty good so I better pay attention to her. She's really good and her Salsa seems the best of the night... and the judges agree... The scores are (9, 8, 9 - 26) + 23 from last week for a total of 49.

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke dance last. Also... HE IS NOT A FRIGGING STAR EITHER. He is the guy who was sexy in a movie.... a chick flick. That doesn't make him a star... They are dancing the Quick Step... and of course he takes his shirt off... Also.. he hurt himself. Blah blah blah... pretty boy. It has a neat Superman theme and ends with him stripping. The scores are (9, 9, 9 - 27)+ 24 from last week for a total of 51.

I hate that the two people who are the LEAST on the level of stars... are the two front runners. It's just plain bullshit.

Scores... Just a reminder!

Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke -- 51
Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani -- 49
Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas -- 47
Lil Kim & Derek Hough -- 44
Chuck Wicks & Julianne Hough -- 40
Denise Richards & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- 39
Lawrence Taylor & Edyta Sliwinska -- 36
David Alan Grier & Kym Johnson -- 36
Holly Madison & Demitri Chaplin -- 36
Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan Roberts -- 35
Ty Murray & Chelsie Hightower -- 34
Steve-O & Lacey Schwimmer -- 31
Steve Wozniak & Karina Smirnoff -- 30

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think Jonathan is a crappy choreographer. Belinda was definitely winded, but his choreography was boring. I think Steve-O is terrible and hate DR. I am not rooting for anyone at this point which pisses me off a little.