Monday, February 28, 2005
Oscar Show Thoughts of the Smelmooo
We watched the whole Star Jones 2 hour red carpet debacle. Did you notice that there was a hedge in between her and the guests? That was to prevent her from eating her guests.
The red carpet debacle was horrible also because she didn't seem to know 20% of the people.
However, Kathy Griffin was hilarious. Her moment of silence for the films not nominated was golden.
Salma Hayek = Rowwwwrrr!!!!
You could rub poop on Halle Berry's face and she would still look hot as hell.
Morgan Freeman = Class
Did anyone else hear the loud crash during the Editing nominees being announced by Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom?
I laughed out loud when Mike Myers said, "I liked the part in Shrek 2 when Shrek farts in the mud."
Clint Eastwood is just so damn cool.
Wasn't it great not seeing hide nor hair of Julia Roberts for the whole broadcast...and then..dammit...she pops up at the end. It killed me.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Oscar Hopes
I hope that:
1. Chris Rock goes nuts and starts cursing out Hollywood and that the 5 second delay is completely gone. Perhaps his irreverent humor will be great as he officially rips them all new ones. Anything to see Annette Bening horrified...
2. Who wants to see Hilary Swank forget her husband again when she wins?
3. I would give up this moment if Catalina Sandino Moreno could somehow pull out the upset and win.
4. Anyone else wanna see Joan Rivers' face explode?
5. I really miss Lord of the RIngs... I really do.
Enough of this... I need lunch.
1. Chris Rock goes nuts and starts cursing out Hollywood and that the 5 second delay is completely gone. Perhaps his irreverent humor will be great as he officially rips them all new ones. Anything to see Annette Bening horrified...
2. Who wants to see Hilary Swank forget her husband again when she wins?
3. I would give up this moment if Catalina Sandino Moreno could somehow pull out the upset and win.
4. Anyone else wanna see Joan Rivers' face explode?
5. I really miss Lord of the RIngs... I really do.
Enough of this... I need lunch.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Is it Wrong? I need your input...
Is it wrong that when I walked passed a vending machine this afternoon, I saw that a particular item was hanging by a thread so I took my hands, shook the machine, and then ate the resulting item?
I have absolutely no problem with doing that.
I didn't do much except give it a little shake.
Ok..maybe I feel bad for the person that paid for it and it didnt quite fall all the way out... but I certainly don't feel bad for the guy with the vending machine since he got paid.
I asked this of someone at work. She responded that she does it all the time...except she puts in money and gets a 2 for 1 deal.
I guess that is more respectable...
Oh well...
I have absolutely no problem with doing that.
I didn't do much except give it a little shake.
Ok..maybe I feel bad for the person that paid for it and it didnt quite fall all the way out... but I certainly don't feel bad for the guy with the vending machine since he got paid.
I asked this of someone at work. She responded that she does it all the time...except she puts in money and gets a 2 for 1 deal.
I guess that is more respectable...
Oh well...
Friday, February 25, 2005
The Emotional Ups and Downs of a... Turtle.
While we were in Hawaii, muh wife and I decided to kill a couple of hours by visiting the Honolulu Zoo which was really close to our hotel. We essentially had three hours to kill before we had to get to the airport and the zoo, we figured, could take care of one of those hours.
The Honolulu Zoo is a good enough zoo - especially for the whopping price of $6 per person. At that price, our expectations immediately dropped. We didn't think we were going to see any good animals at all.
It turns out that we DID get to see some fun animals like tigers and a cheetah and some hippopotamuseseses. We even got to see a really cool looking black rhino. Very cool...
The best part of the whole afternoon was when we got to the Galapagos Turtle section. As we walked up to the section, we noticed a turtle trying to climb up onto a rock. The turtle was a good 6 feet in diameter and a lumbering sort of fellow. Muh wife and I heard at the same time a VERY loud and effort filled grunt come from the turtle as it looked like he was trying to climb the rock. It was a very disturbing grunt.
We coouldn't stop staring at the turtle as he tried to climb higher and higher on the rock and with each burst of energy, he would release a very loud grunt. It began to make us both very sad and worried for the bugger. We even discussed getting a proper park ranger to assist the turtle as he appeared to be stuck.
We walked around the cage to see if he was stuck/pinned from behind as he appeared to be. As we got around the cage, he gave one of his loudest grunts yet, causing us to flinch and become officialy worried.
Our fears were remedied as soon as our eyes cleared the tall bushes that had been blocking the rocks. The grunts were actually being caused by thrusts and the rock was not actually a rock -- but another turtle.
This turtle seemed to finish up as we got to that point and started to climb off the female turtle.
Turtles banging is quite a sight to see.
Thanks for the emotional rollercoaster Mr. Galapagos Turtle. I really appreciated it.
The Honolulu Zoo is a good enough zoo - especially for the whopping price of $6 per person. At that price, our expectations immediately dropped. We didn't think we were going to see any good animals at all.
It turns out that we DID get to see some fun animals like tigers and a cheetah and some hippopotamuseseses. We even got to see a really cool looking black rhino. Very cool...
The best part of the whole afternoon was when we got to the Galapagos Turtle section. As we walked up to the section, we noticed a turtle trying to climb up onto a rock. The turtle was a good 6 feet in diameter and a lumbering sort of fellow. Muh wife and I heard at the same time a VERY loud and effort filled grunt come from the turtle as it looked like he was trying to climb the rock. It was a very disturbing grunt.
We coouldn't stop staring at the turtle as he tried to climb higher and higher on the rock and with each burst of energy, he would release a very loud grunt. It began to make us both very sad and worried for the bugger. We even discussed getting a proper park ranger to assist the turtle as he appeared to be stuck.
We walked around the cage to see if he was stuck/pinned from behind as he appeared to be. As we got around the cage, he gave one of his loudest grunts yet, causing us to flinch and become officialy worried.
Our fears were remedied as soon as our eyes cleared the tall bushes that had been blocking the rocks. The grunts were actually being caused by thrusts and the rock was not actually a rock -- but another turtle.
This turtle seemed to finish up as we got to that point and started to climb off the female turtle.
Turtles banging is quite a sight to see.
Thanks for the emotional rollercoaster Mr. Galapagos Turtle. I really appreciated it.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Sometimes....it's just too hard to celebrate for people...
I was talking to a friend of mine recently and she has a co-worker that she can't stand.
She works in a small office and she spends a lot of time with this particular person.
The co-worker is a woman and she recently gave birth to her first baby and has been so excited by the new baby that it seems to dominate every single conversation. It is obviously something that she really loves and enjoys.
However, it is dominating her life to the point that it is impossible to carry on any form of other converstaion with her without her making it the most dominant aspect of the conversation.
My friend doesn't like her and it makes it even harder for him to pretend to care about the new kid.
It got worse the other day when the woman's new baby was sick and he didn't ask how the new baby was doing. The co-worker actually got offended that she didn't care about what was wrong with the baby.
I am not sure how my friend (he or she :-D) does it. The person is a good person overall and doesn't want to appear as a Negative Nancy, but he just has problems with showing too much interest in something and someone that he just doesn't really care about.
Tough... very tough...
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Going to the Grand Canyon... in a Wheelchair!
Muh wife and I were watching television the other day when an advertisement came on the screen. It was one of those low budget infomercial type commercials that run for about 75 seconds and late at night.
The product was a wheelchair.
It was your ordinary wheelchair... it was some sort of hovering wheelchair that has all these absolutely amazing features! The commercial really jazzed up these chairs that can cut some incredibly tight corners and moves at speeds that aren't slow!
It had some pretty funny editting too. The product is a wheelchair, yet they are trying to sell it as a hip and jazzy tool. Lots of exclamation point type speaking and rhetorical comments.
For example, it exclaims that it can cut some really tight corners... then it shows a shot of a guy ... slowly... and I mean... slowly cutting a corner...
It is just absurd.
That is... until the end... the commercial went horribly wrong.
It made a point about being able to go anywhere and you never have to feel abandoned or immobile again. The question then is... How did they show this to us?
They started with a close up shot of the backs of two wheelchairs... then they pull back and start to circle... you can tell that the wheelchair and the two occupants are now in an outdoor setting....
As the camera continues to pull back, and circle the two old people, it is obvious that the camera is now on some sort of helicopter as the people get smaller and smaller and the background becomes more evident. It is the Grand Canyon.
The imagery started off so nice until it continues to pull back even farther when you realize that there are just two people in wheelchairs...sitting at the edge... all by themselves for MILES.
That was so sad....
Yet... all we could do was laugh our asses off.
The product was a wheelchair.
It was your ordinary wheelchair... it was some sort of hovering wheelchair that has all these absolutely amazing features! The commercial really jazzed up these chairs that can cut some incredibly tight corners and moves at speeds that aren't slow!
It had some pretty funny editting too. The product is a wheelchair, yet they are trying to sell it as a hip and jazzy tool. Lots of exclamation point type speaking and rhetorical comments.
For example, it exclaims that it can cut some really tight corners... then it shows a shot of a guy ... slowly... and I mean... slowly cutting a corner...
It is just absurd.
That is... until the end... the commercial went horribly wrong.
It made a point about being able to go anywhere and you never have to feel abandoned or immobile again. The question then is... How did they show this to us?
They started with a close up shot of the backs of two wheelchairs... then they pull back and start to circle... you can tell that the wheelchair and the two occupants are now in an outdoor setting....
As the camera continues to pull back, and circle the two old people, it is obvious that the camera is now on some sort of helicopter as the people get smaller and smaller and the background becomes more evident. It is the Grand Canyon.
The imagery started off so nice until it continues to pull back even farther when you realize that there are just two people in wheelchairs...sitting at the edge... all by themselves for MILES.
That was so sad....
Yet... all we could do was laugh our asses off.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
TOP FIVE TUESDAY!!!! YAAAYYYY!!!
Top Five Things I Liked About Hawaii
1. It was warm.
2. We could go lie down on a beach and not have to pay a beach fee.
3. Driving a convertible on a beautiful 80 degree day.
4. Spending time with muh wife... especially looking at strange animals and eating strange food and sharing ice cream.
5. It wasn't here.
Top Five Things I Disliked About Our Trip to Hawaii The Most
1. Everything was so far away from each other.
2. I was so sick for 4 days of it that I didn't get to enjoy it to the maximum.
3. There was a 7.5 hour layover on the ride home. We left the hotel at noon on Wednesday and arrived at home at 3 pm on Thursday. That's a long time.
4. That plane ride was absolutely obscene. I still haven't separated the rest of the trip quality wise from the obscene plane ride.
5. It wasn't here... as living out of a suitcase can actually get tiresome.
Top Five Things that Surprised Me About Hawaii
1. Spam is everywhere. I heard that Spam was prevalent in Hawaii... but it was everywhere!!!
2. The fruit that I don't really like in New JErsey like papaya and pineapple really does taste different over there.
3. We stopped at a Jack in the Box. We don't have those on the west coast... and dangit... how much do I like the sourdough burgers?????? Jacks, I mean.
4. They have this dish called kalua pork. Holy crap... I could live on that!!
5. The birds were so unique. We saw one bird that looked so beautiful..with a white head and then what looked like a black mask across the eyes. Very cool and unique.
Top Five Places We Went to in Hawaii
1. Volcanoes National Park -- Walking on lava that flowed just a year or so ago is pretty cool. It sounds like you are walking on broken glass.
2. Pululo Lookout -- This is a two parter. We went to the lookout to see what it was like. It turned out that it was a place where the road came to an end. We then walked down a cliff for an hour and arrived at a black sand beach that was closed off. Gorgeous. After we made it back tot he car, we stopped for lunch at a place that was pretty much some guy's house with a small storefront and ate lunch from stuff he pulled out of his refrigerator.
3. The Zoo -- We had about 3 hours to kill in Waikiki until our plane took off so we went to the zoo. It was a lot better than we expected. Heck, anytime you can pet dead animal parts... it is a winner.
4. The Beach -- Need I say more about being able to go to a beach in February?
5. Scenic Overlooks -- We tried to stop at these whenever we could. Some were much better than others... but we stopped at one for a beautiful sunrise.
Top Five Reasons As to Why the Plane Rides Sucked
1. Ladder 49
2. The Grudge
3. The Food was bad.
4. 11.5 hours and 9 hours
5. 7.5 hour layover on the flight back.
1. It was warm.
2. We could go lie down on a beach and not have to pay a beach fee.
3. Driving a convertible on a beautiful 80 degree day.
4. Spending time with muh wife... especially looking at strange animals and eating strange food and sharing ice cream.
5. It wasn't here.
Top Five Things I Disliked About Our Trip to Hawaii The Most
1. Everything was so far away from each other.
2. I was so sick for 4 days of it that I didn't get to enjoy it to the maximum.
3. There was a 7.5 hour layover on the ride home. We left the hotel at noon on Wednesday and arrived at home at 3 pm on Thursday. That's a long time.
4. That plane ride was absolutely obscene. I still haven't separated the rest of the trip quality wise from the obscene plane ride.
5. It wasn't here... as living out of a suitcase can actually get tiresome.
Top Five Things that Surprised Me About Hawaii
1. Spam is everywhere. I heard that Spam was prevalent in Hawaii... but it was everywhere!!!
2. The fruit that I don't really like in New JErsey like papaya and pineapple really does taste different over there.
3. We stopped at a Jack in the Box. We don't have those on the west coast... and dangit... how much do I like the sourdough burgers?????? Jacks, I mean.
4. They have this dish called kalua pork. Holy crap... I could live on that!!
5. The birds were so unique. We saw one bird that looked so beautiful..with a white head and then what looked like a black mask across the eyes. Very cool and unique.
Top Five Places We Went to in Hawaii
1. Volcanoes National Park -- Walking on lava that flowed just a year or so ago is pretty cool. It sounds like you are walking on broken glass.
2. Pululo Lookout -- This is a two parter. We went to the lookout to see what it was like. It turned out that it was a place where the road came to an end. We then walked down a cliff for an hour and arrived at a black sand beach that was closed off. Gorgeous. After we made it back tot he car, we stopped for lunch at a place that was pretty much some guy's house with a small storefront and ate lunch from stuff he pulled out of his refrigerator.
3. The Zoo -- We had about 3 hours to kill in Waikiki until our plane took off so we went to the zoo. It was a lot better than we expected. Heck, anytime you can pet dead animal parts... it is a winner.
4. The Beach -- Need I say more about being able to go to a beach in February?
5. Scenic Overlooks -- We tried to stop at these whenever we could. Some were much better than others... but we stopped at one for a beautiful sunrise.
Top Five Reasons As to Why the Plane Rides Sucked
1. Ladder 49
2. The Grudge
3. The Food was bad.
4. 11.5 hours and 9 hours
5. 7.5 hour layover on the flight back.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Gettin' Reck-o-nized at the library.
Weird... weird I tell you...
Muh wife and I went to the library recently. The purpose was to get some books for our recent jaunt to Hawaii.
We arrrived mid-morning on a Saturday morning. I was dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans and hat while muh wife was dressed in jeans and a sweater.
When we walked in, a woman that I recognize as an employee of the library greeted us with a much too friendly greeting. It took both of us by surprise as we weren't expecting such a hearty welcome.
The welcome was pretty surprising. It involved a loud "Hello!!" and was followed by a turning of the body to face us and address us. It was as though she was waiting for our arrival...not what we expected at the library.
The look of astonishment on our faces must have triggered something as the employee quickly realized that we were not the person that she must have thought we were. She apologized pretty much right away and said that she was waiting for someone and it was ME that she thought she was waiting for. Muh wife and I said no problem and then went about our business.
THEN...About 15 minutes later, another employee came out of the back and did the same thing to us!!!
IT was another truly surreal moment.
I have no problem with being recognized, and I truly wonder who it was that they thought I was. Even so... it was a weird couple of moments and I can't even imagine how the famous people feel when it happens to them and it is legitimate!
Thank goodness I just have the fame of being The Smelmooo.... I couldn't handle anything else.
:)
Muh wife and I went to the library recently. The purpose was to get some books for our recent jaunt to Hawaii.
We arrrived mid-morning on a Saturday morning. I was dressed in a sweatshirt, jeans and hat while muh wife was dressed in jeans and a sweater.
When we walked in, a woman that I recognize as an employee of the library greeted us with a much too friendly greeting. It took both of us by surprise as we weren't expecting such a hearty welcome.
The welcome was pretty surprising. It involved a loud "Hello!!" and was followed by a turning of the body to face us and address us. It was as though she was waiting for our arrival...not what we expected at the library.
The look of astonishment on our faces must have triggered something as the employee quickly realized that we were not the person that she must have thought we were. She apologized pretty much right away and said that she was waiting for someone and it was ME that she thought she was waiting for. Muh wife and I said no problem and then went about our business.
THEN...About 15 minutes later, another employee came out of the back and did the same thing to us!!!
IT was another truly surreal moment.
I have no problem with being recognized, and I truly wonder who it was that they thought I was. Even so... it was a weird couple of moments and I can't even imagine how the famous people feel when it happens to them and it is legitimate!
Thank goodness I just have the fame of being The Smelmooo.... I couldn't handle anything else.
:)
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Muh Wife Surprises Me Sometimes
Sometimes... muh wife surprises me.
Take this afternoon for example.
I am in the office doing some chores and getting caught up on a lot of the mail that we had missed for the past two weeks.
I go into the living room to see what she is doing and/or watching.
She is watching a program on MTV or something. It features some silly girl acting all goofy and girlie about a dress or something.
When I ask her what she is watching, she says My Super Sweet 16.
This surprises me every single time... she has her master's degree from an Ivy League school.
hrm...
Take this afternoon for example.
I am in the office doing some chores and getting caught up on a lot of the mail that we had missed for the past two weeks.
I go into the living room to see what she is doing and/or watching.
She is watching a program on MTV or something. It features some silly girl acting all goofy and girlie about a dress or something.
When I ask her what she is watching, she says My Super Sweet 16.
This surprises me every single time... she has her master's degree from an Ivy League school.
hrm...
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Going to Blockbuster....
I had the unfortunate experience to have gone to a Blockbuster the other day. I wanted to rent a movie and all of our Netflix options were in the mail either on the way or on the way back.
I was quickly reminded why I hate going there... the lines were 800 people long and then they just charge too much for a crappy movie.
I even heard one of the employees tell someone that Troy was a quick watch. It should take him not much time at all. yeah... right... at 3 hours... that is a quick movie to watch.
The store also didn't have the movie I wanted to see most... so I decided to take my time and see if it would get returned... lucky for me..the guy in front of me returned the movie I wanted to see... lucky me.
A bit of news also came to my attention. This happened yesterday -- "New Jersey Attorney General Peter Harvey Friday said he has filed a lawsuit accusing Blockbuster Inc., the nation's top movie renter, of deceiving customers with its new 'No More Late Fees' rental policy."
The guy in front of me helped identify this bit of crappy detail out to me. Yeah..there are no more late fees at Blockbuster... there is a "Restocking Fee" that is $1.50. That is deceiving...
That should be the last time I go to Blockbuster for a long time.
This will be the first time I root for something from Peter Harvey and hope he is successful with it.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Smelmoo Returns!
The Smelmooo and his wife have returned from a 10 day jaunt to Hawaii. It was an amazing trip and I was so annoyed to see this thing called snow on our cars when I woke up this morning.
I am still walking around in this kind of daze and I want to write a good blog... so keep an eye out for it later today or this weekend!
I am still walking around in this kind of daze and I want to write a good blog... so keep an eye out for it later today or this weekend!
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The Smelmooo Goes on Hiatus
It is with great pleasure that the Smelmooo announces his hiatus from the world of blogging for 9 days.
He and his wife are going on a work trip slash vacation.
We will think of you from the sandy shores of Hawaii...
Have a great Ash Wednesday, Lincoln's Birfday, and Valentine's Day without us!
Smelmooo
He and his wife are going on a work trip slash vacation.
We will think of you from the sandy shores of Hawaii...
Have a great Ash Wednesday, Lincoln's Birfday, and Valentine's Day without us!
Smelmooo
Monday, February 07, 2005
Power of a Scent
I was reminded again last week of the power of a scent.
I was at an office building for a meeting last week. I am not entirely familiar with the layout of the building and I took some of my early time to wander the halls instead of asking for directions.
My efforts struck a chord with me that brought back thousands of unpleasant memories.
As I walked by an open door, I smelled a whiff of the occupant's perfume. It immediately sent a signal to my brain that sounded like one of those annoying car alarms. This was not a pleasant smell according to my brain.
The smell wasn't bad... it wasn't body odor... it was just the smell of a particular individual that used to drive me up a wall. I associated that smell with horrible experiences.
Sooo... I stopped in my tracks, stepped back and looked into the office. I thought, "No way... it can't possibly be her. Why the hell would she be working here? My old boss doesn't have the experience to work in this location.... "
Upon looking in, I saw a woman that was "thicker" than I expected and her hair wasn't as blonde. I only saw the back of her... and I was 50% sure that it wasn't her... so I went to the meeting.
Rattled, I began mingling with the attendees and 10 minutes later, my fears were realized. It WAS her and she came barrelling into the room with her distinctive gait.
My olfactory senses hadn't let me down, while my eyes had. It is amazing at how the power of one scent can manipulate your emotions and feelings in less than a second. I was merrily walking along minding my own business when I was completely thrown for a loop by the scent of a former boss.
I wished it was the smell of pizza or brownies... but them's the breaks.
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Saturday Night Live with Paris Hilton
I just found out that Saturday Night Live is being hosted by the socialite whore named Paris Hilton.
I will consider moving to Canada if the United States makes her the highest rated host of the season.
I am serious.
Please don't support her untalented crap.
Thank you.
I will consider moving to Canada if the United States makes her the highest rated host of the season.
I am serious.
Please don't support her untalented crap.
Thank you.
That's a good Question!!!
That's a good Question!!!
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Why do you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you
Friday, February 04, 2005
Just A Funny Convo
Me: http://www.nd.edu/~bloy/bush-lieberman-z.avi
Him: Yeah, I noticed that that night! Reminded me of Michael Corleone giving Fredo the kiss of death in Godfather II!!!
Me: bush was a little aggressive ..huh?
Him: maybe he's a turd burglar!!!
Me: he is a man of god...
Me: no way.
Him: heh heh. You mean, he's rich blueblood with a penchant for alcohol and coke!
Me:That made me guffaw
Me: thank you.
Him: Yeah, I noticed that that night! Reminded me of Michael Corleone giving Fredo the kiss of death in Godfather II!!!
Me: bush was a little aggressive ..huh?
Him: maybe he's a turd burglar!!!
Me: he is a man of god...
Me: no way.
Him: heh heh. You mean, he's rich blueblood with a penchant for alcohol and coke!
Me:That made me guffaw
Me: thank you.
The Smelmooo's Super Sign of Springs'acomin'
It is with great anticipation every year that I look forward to be what I believe is the REAL indicator that Spring is here.
Traditionally, it is when you see the first Robin and her red breasts but not me... I look at it differently.
Some people feel that when you finally reach a point where snow couldn't possibly come anymore and you see a 50 degree weather day as a sign of Spring... but not me... I look at it differently.
Other sticklers view the 20th or so of March as the beginning of March... well sure... if you want to be a stickler for facts and details...but I STILL look at it differently.
This year... the first day of Spring is February 15th.
That is the day that the first set of pitchers and catchers show up for Spring Training in the Major Baseball League. It is this indication that tells me that I am very close to hot and sweaty nights where the electricity goes out and all I have is a transister radio to listen to the ball games or being outside with a cold drink listening to the game as you hear kids playing and screaming gleefully from down the street.
It is the beginning of another 9 month adventure of super happy funness.
Three teams -- The Cincinnati Reds, The Washington Nationals, and the New York Yankees have players reporting that day... and I thank them for it.
Spring Training games don't start until around March 1st which is a more prominent indicator of Spring to many, but I need that feeling earlier... so pitchers and catchers it is!
Traditionally, it is when you see the first Robin and her red breasts but not me... I look at it differently.
Some people feel that when you finally reach a point where snow couldn't possibly come anymore and you see a 50 degree weather day as a sign of Spring... but not me... I look at it differently.
Other sticklers view the 20th or so of March as the beginning of March... well sure... if you want to be a stickler for facts and details...but I STILL look at it differently.
This year... the first day of Spring is February 15th.
That is the day that the first set of pitchers and catchers show up for Spring Training in the Major Baseball League. It is this indication that tells me that I am very close to hot and sweaty nights where the electricity goes out and all I have is a transister radio to listen to the ball games or being outside with a cold drink listening to the game as you hear kids playing and screaming gleefully from down the street.
It is the beginning of another 9 month adventure of super happy funness.
Three teams -- The Cincinnati Reds, The Washington Nationals, and the New York Yankees have players reporting that day... and I thank them for it.
Spring Training games don't start until around March 1st which is a more prominent indicator of Spring to many, but I need that feeling earlier... so pitchers and catchers it is!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
This is classic...
I recently read the following news tidbit. The funny thing about it is... RICHARD MERKT is often considered the most conservative member of the New Jersey Assembly. He sometimes votes against helping kids with cancer... like some people I know would.
"About to become New Jersey's newest resident is former Crossfire host TUCKER CARLSON. The Washington Post reported today that the newly-signed MSNBC personality has 'put in a bid on a home in northern New Jersey.' Carlson on his new home state: 'When you live here, it's just Jersey. I'm embracing every aspect of it. 'The Sopranos' is a blueprint for life in New Jersey, as far as I'm concerned. I think we're going to live off Exit 13. I'm serious: Take a left at the chemical plant, those are the directions.' Republican Assemblyman RICHARD MERKT thinks Carlson might want to consider New York: 'Tucker Carlson hasn't even arrived here yet, and already he's declaring his complete ignorance regarding his new 'home' state. Do us all a favor, Tucker: find somewhere else to live! We already have more than our fair share of jerks without you swelling their ranks.' "
"About to become New Jersey's newest resident is former Crossfire host TUCKER CARLSON. The Washington Post reported today that the newly-signed MSNBC personality has 'put in a bid on a home in northern New Jersey.' Carlson on his new home state: 'When you live here, it's just Jersey. I'm embracing every aspect of it. 'The Sopranos' is a blueprint for life in New Jersey, as far as I'm concerned. I think we're going to live off Exit 13. I'm serious: Take a left at the chemical plant, those are the directions.' Republican Assemblyman RICHARD MERKT thinks Carlson might want to consider New York: 'Tucker Carlson hasn't even arrived here yet, and already he's declaring his complete ignorance regarding his new 'home' state. Do us all a favor, Tucker: find somewhere else to live! We already have more than our fair share of jerks without you swelling their ranks.' "
Bush's Speech
I watched the whole speech and one section resonated the most with me. I find the man to be extremely hypocritical with these statements.
"Our second great responsibility to our children and grandchildren is to honor and to pass along the values that sustain a free society. So many of my generation, after a long journey, have come home to family and faith, and are determined to bring up responsible, moral children. Government is not the source of these values, but government should never undermine them. Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be re-defined by activist judges. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage."
I am sure someone will find fault with my statements as well, but I find the whole argument for supporting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages to be entirely hypocritical.
1. He states that the government should not be the source of our nation's values. Yet... isn't codifying it in the United States Constitution -- in fact -- making the United States Government, through its fundamental governing statement, the source of values of a country? I think so.
2. These statements represent my primary problem with organized religion in the 21st Century. Organized religion used to be about inclusion... about accepting people who needed help and spiritual guidance and promoting the beauty and love of a higher power. Whether you agree that there is a higher power or not is your own choice, but the fundamental nature behind religion was to include... Now... I find that religion is about EXCLUSION. You are not like me or us so you can't belong. It is the same logic that goes into establishing an antigay marriage amendment in the United States Constitution. Whatever happened to by the people, of the people, and for the people? It is there... but not if you are different. The next step in this whole argument scares me... I hope it doesn't get anywhere near a Constitutional amendment... and I really suggest that people just let people be people for goodness sake. God would want you to...
"Our second great responsibility to our children and grandchildren is to honor and to pass along the values that sustain a free society. So many of my generation, after a long journey, have come home to family and faith, and are determined to bring up responsible, moral children. Government is not the source of these values, but government should never undermine them. Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be re-defined by activist judges. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage."
I am sure someone will find fault with my statements as well, but I find the whole argument for supporting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriages to be entirely hypocritical.
1. He states that the government should not be the source of our nation's values. Yet... isn't codifying it in the United States Constitution -- in fact -- making the United States Government, through its fundamental governing statement, the source of values of a country? I think so.
2. These statements represent my primary problem with organized religion in the 21st Century. Organized religion used to be about inclusion... about accepting people who needed help and spiritual guidance and promoting the beauty and love of a higher power. Whether you agree that there is a higher power or not is your own choice, but the fundamental nature behind religion was to include... Now... I find that religion is about EXCLUSION. You are not like me or us so you can't belong. It is the same logic that goes into establishing an antigay marriage amendment in the United States Constitution. Whatever happened to by the people, of the people, and for the people? It is there... but not if you are different. The next step in this whole argument scares me... I hope it doesn't get anywhere near a Constitutional amendment... and I really suggest that people just let people be people for goodness sake. God would want you to...
International Star Registry -- My Blog Will be Stored in Book Form
I was driving up Route 1 yesterday listening to the esoteric ramblings of Sid and Joe when they took a commercial break. The first commercial was for the International Star Registry and it wasn't one of the normal commercials that the company normally plays.
Normally, the commercials feature some lame guy telling us that the best gift is to have a star named after your loved one and you will even get corresponding paperwork identifying it as named after your loved ones!!!
The new commercial features a man and a woman talking and the man gives the woman the lovely paperwork stating that a star was named after her. That's fine. It was her reaction that threw me for a loop. She reacted as though it was the greatest gift ever!
Now... including muh wife and the last two girls I have dated... no woman that I have ever given gifts too has ever expressed an interest in having a star named after them. In fact -- especially my wife -- has been completely adamant at how they DO NOT want such a lame gift!
So... this commercial has finally inspired me to go to the website and look up the International Star Registry (www.starregistry.com). They have a variety of options but here is the main gist.
"For $54, plus shipping and handling, you can name a star. Naming stars since 1979, our list of satisfied customers include celebrities, dignitaries, and individuals worldwide. We have named hundreds of thousands of stars for people from all walks of life. So, whether it be for your sweetheart or your top sales agent, a star name makes a unique and welcome gift. The International Star Registry gift package includes a beautiful 12" x 16" parchment certificate, available framed or unframed, with the name of your choice, dedication date, and telescopic coordinates of the star. You'll also receive an informative booklet with charts of the constellations plus a larger, more detailed chart with the star you name encircled in red."
I have immediately begun to laugh at the prospect... I want to buy a star... I really do..but I have a wife that doesn't want one and dangit... if I buy it for someone else... I will be accused of possibly cheating.
I know... I will buy one and call it Smelmooo ... that way when I hear Casey Kasem tell to keep reaching for the stars... I will be reaching for muhself instead of some lucky lady.
Or.... I could buy a star and call it .. Mrs. Smelmooo. Could she really argue with that? I am not sure.
Or... I could buy a star and call it Asphalt... They would probably think I was being a dirty birdie...
Or.... I could buy a star and call it George W. Bush... nah... he is a putz... why ruin the whole system for everyone else. Besides... he already thinks he is God anyway...
Screw it... I am just going to keep giggling at the commercials when they come on... it makes me feel better...
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I am almost my age...
|
You Are 29 Years Old |
|
29 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
Happy Birfday
The Smelmooo's brother turns 29 today folks. You are allowed to harass him if you so please.
Also... fellow blogger Minnams is 29 as well...
Congrats!
Also... fellow blogger Minnams is 29 as well...
Congrats!
American Heart Month - A Lesson
I encourage you all to be educated this month on this important month. I have seen too many good an young-ish guys bite it this past year because of their hearts.
American Heart Month
Cardiovascular disease is the single greatest cause of death in the United States each year. According to Injury Facts® (2003), it was responsible for more than 2,406 deaths per day - that's nearly one cardiac death every two minutes!
For over 40 years, Congress has designated February as American Heart Month. Please join the battle this year to recognize and fight heart disease in your work place, home and community. You can make a difference. Learn how to reduce these deaths through prevention, education and emergency response training.
Prevention.
Good News: Heart attacks are almost entirely preventable.
75% of American adults already show traces of dangerous fat in their arteries that contribute to cardiac arrest. To protect yourself from heart disease follow these guidelines:
Maintain a healthy and balanced diet.
Exercise regularly for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week.
Avoid preventable risk factors such as stress, smoking and high blood pressure.
Education.
Learn the warning signs - early detection saves lives.
Half of all heart attack victims wait more than two hours before seeking help. If symptoms are recognized and treated sooner, fatality rates drop drastically. If you or someone you know has chest discomfort for more than two minutes, call emergency medical services immediately. The following symptoms are warning signs of cardiac arrest:
Pain or discomfort centered in the chest area, which may radiate to left arm, neck, back or jaw
Sweating and shortness of breath
Nausea or vomiting
Dizziness or fainting
Palpitations or rapid heart beats
Emergency Response Training.
Every second counts! Immediate response is critical.
95% of people who suffer sudden cardiac arrest die before reaching the hospital. Knowing what to do before help arrives can mean the difference between life and death. Administering cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) within 4 minutes greatly reduces the risk of brain damage. Furthermore, automated external defibrillation (AED) within 5 minutes increases chances of survival by 40%. AEDs are accurate, easy to operate and now commonly found in our work places and communities.
Whether you take a First Aid, CPR, and/or AED course, your time will be well spent. You will leave these courses with the knowledge and skills to make a significant difference in someone's life.
American Heart Month
Cardiovascular disease is the single greatest cause of death in the United States each year. According to Injury Facts® (2003), it was responsible for more than 2,406 deaths per day - that's nearly one cardiac death every two minutes!
For over 40 years, Congress has designated February as American Heart Month. Please join the battle this year to recognize and fight heart disease in your work place, home and community. You can make a difference. Learn how to reduce these deaths through prevention, education and emergency response training.
Prevention.
Good News: Heart attacks are almost entirely preventable.
75% of American adults already show traces of dangerous fat in their arteries that contribute to cardiac arrest. To protect yourself from heart disease follow these guidelines:
Maintain a healthy and balanced diet.
Exercise regularly for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week.
Avoid preventable risk factors such as stress, smoking and high blood pressure.
Education.
Learn the warning signs - early detection saves lives.
Half of all heart attack victims wait more than two hours before seeking help. If symptoms are recognized and treated sooner, fatality rates drop drastically. If you or someone you know has chest discomfort for more than two minutes, call emergency medical services immediately. The following symptoms are warning signs of cardiac arrest:
Pain or discomfort centered in the chest area, which may radiate to left arm, neck, back or jaw
Sweating and shortness of breath
Nausea or vomiting
Dizziness or fainting
Palpitations or rapid heart beats
Emergency Response Training.
Every second counts! Immediate response is critical.
95% of people who suffer sudden cardiac arrest die before reaching the hospital. Knowing what to do before help arrives can mean the difference between life and death. Administering cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) within 4 minutes greatly reduces the risk of brain damage. Furthermore, automated external defibrillation (AED) within 5 minutes increases chances of survival by 40%. AEDs are accurate, easy to operate and now commonly found in our work places and communities.
Whether you take a First Aid, CPR, and/or AED course, your time will be well spent. You will leave these courses with the knowledge and skills to make a significant difference in someone's life.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Top Five Tuesday -- GETTING THE HELL OUT OF NJ Edition
Welcome to the latest installment of Top Five Tuesday. Today's edition will be entirely devoted to my looking forward to getting the hell out of New Jersey in 8 days. In eight days, the Smelmooo and his beautiful wife will be ehading to gorgeous and sunny Hawaii. I know you are all jealous...
Top Five Things I am Looking Forward to About Hawaii
1. Just being in a place that I have never been to before.
2. It will be like a second honeymoon.
3. Wearing a bikini.
4. Seeing others who look better in a bikini than I do.
5. Being warm again...
Top Five Things I am Least Looking Forward to About Hawaii
1. Pinapple Pushers...
2. Burning my leg off at a volcano
3. The 13 hours travelling there.
4. It is supposed to snow on the day we leave... why does that always happen?
5. Possible short and curlies
Top Five Super Awesome Things That Could Happen in Hawaii but Won't
1. I would get to meet one of my new favorite authors that lives there -- Chris Moore.
2. I would get to meet super bounty hunter -- Dog.
3. I could get cursed by a Tiki God and have to go to a special two part episode... I mean... trip.
4. A spy could put a killer tarantula in the bed and I could kill it as it crawls on my head.
5. We could get flown back over to Honolulu for the NFL ProBowl Game.
Top Five Issues Facing Us on our Trip to Hawaii
1. Do we take the train or drive up? The shuttle bus would take as long as a train anyway...
2. How many books do I bring for our trip?
3. Will I be able to watch "The Grudge" on the plane...a scary-ish movie..from 30,000 feet up?
4. How will I deal with pineapple pushers?
5. When I get leighed... will muh wife kick that person's ass?
Top Five Items That Will be in My Carry On Bag
1. Ichabod iPod
2. Camera... I hope to finally use my camera. I don't use it too often.
3. Paperback books.
4. Snacks... such as Swedish fish....
5. Continental airlines super duper fun headphones...11 hours with those things on will give me cauliflower ears.
Top Five Things About Work I Won't Miss
1. Waking up at 6 am for a meeting at 7 on Tuesday.
2. Being tempted by bagels every single morning....since they are from the previous morning...
3. The cold air...
4. Brushing my overcoat on my car and having my coat get filthy from the dirt on the car...
5. Anything that involves thought....
Top Five Things I am Looking Forward to About Hawaii
1. Just being in a place that I have never been to before.
2. It will be like a second honeymoon.
3. Wearing a bikini.
4. Seeing others who look better in a bikini than I do.
5. Being warm again...
Top Five Things I am Least Looking Forward to About Hawaii
1. Pinapple Pushers...
2. Burning my leg off at a volcano
3. The 13 hours travelling there.
4. It is supposed to snow on the day we leave... why does that always happen?
5. Possible short and curlies
Top Five Super Awesome Things That Could Happen in Hawaii but Won't
1. I would get to meet one of my new favorite authors that lives there -- Chris Moore.
2. I would get to meet super bounty hunter -- Dog.
3. I could get cursed by a Tiki God and have to go to a special two part episode... I mean... trip.
4. A spy could put a killer tarantula in the bed and I could kill it as it crawls on my head.
5. We could get flown back over to Honolulu for the NFL ProBowl Game.
Top Five Issues Facing Us on our Trip to Hawaii
1. Do we take the train or drive up? The shuttle bus would take as long as a train anyway...
2. How many books do I bring for our trip?
3. Will I be able to watch "The Grudge" on the plane...a scary-ish movie..from 30,000 feet up?
4. How will I deal with pineapple pushers?
5. When I get leighed... will muh wife kick that person's ass?
Top Five Items That Will be in My Carry On Bag
1. Ichabod iPod
2. Camera... I hope to finally use my camera. I don't use it too often.
3. Paperback books.
4. Snacks... such as Swedish fish....
5. Continental airlines super duper fun headphones...11 hours with those things on will give me cauliflower ears.
Top Five Things About Work I Won't Miss
1. Waking up at 6 am for a meeting at 7 on Tuesday.
2. Being tempted by bagels every single morning....since they are from the previous morning...
3. The cold air...
4. Brushing my overcoat on my car and having my coat get filthy from the dirt on the car...
5. Anything that involves thought....
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