Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Dancing With the Stars -- Week Five!



LLLIIIIVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

In case you didn't remember... they booted Adam Carolla...

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AMERICA, PLEASE KICK MARISSA JARET WINOUKER OFF PLEASE.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff start the show... Mario is feeling a bit upset since he can't quite dance well enough for the judges so he goes to speak with his idol and dance aficionado.. Stevie Wonder... I kid about about being a dance aficionado kids... I kid. Mario -- in the most contrived method possible -- is ready to impress... Samba... Karina is wearing an interesting cstume... and in HD... it almost doesn't exist... Mario smiles his best Chris Tucker smile... His dance is fine and I smile. The judges like him... and why not? 9, 9, 9 -- 27.

Samantha has looked better....

Priscilla Pressley and LOuis Van Amstel are up next and they are the other pair that I want booted out of this show... WHAT THE HELL IS "BUSINESSWOMAN"? To me... it's code for "SPENDING ELVIS' MONEY" but I digress... I bored myself and her video introduction is over... thank god... Oh god... Louis is wearing another outfit shere his collar is higher than his ears... that freaks me out... and they are doing the Rhumba and it is slow and as boring as Priscilla's wit... Boring.............................................................................................................................................................................................................. Judges were disappointed... 7, 7, 7

Marissa Ass Face Jaret Fucknuts is up now... with Tony Dovolani... I have to admit that she and Tony were on The SOup this week and they had the Tangentwoman and I laughing our asses off... It was more Tony than Marissa though. She practiced her Samba somewhere and annoyed me a bunch... They are wearing an awful lot of purple this week... Tony is showing off his chest again and Marissa is doing her best Grimace impression. It was... ummm... her best routine... and it made me cringe a bunch... 8, 8, 8 -- 24

Cristian De La Fuente and Cheryl Burke are like brother and sister and they are dancing a sexy dance. They pull out a rather amusing comedy routine by pretending to be in a sexy Telemundo type show... that made me laugh... This Rumba is just as slow as before and oh my goodness... so much less rigid than Priscilla... The judges thought it was technically correct and competent... Their scores... 7, 8, 8 -- 23....

Half way there... I hate the Rumba...

Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez are up... They are in a Central American country curing cancer... no wait... just deafness for little kids... and it's hard to learn a new routine in four days... I feel like I have heard this before... Time to dance chickadee... This is completely off... and the Samba might be the first dance for Marlee that kicks her... but by the end ... things seem to pick up after a cartwheel thing she did... the judges know she messed up a bunch and are giving her a "curve" type review because she can't hear... I almost don't think it's fair... but whatever... Their scores... 7, 7, 8 -- 22

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up next... they were on Ellen today... still boring... but she is so incredibly sweet that it's ridiculous... Rumba is up next. She can't be sexy since she is a mom... Sooo... Mark invites her kids to come watch her be sexy with sme young hot stud fella... JESUS... WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FRIGGING PURPLE THIS WEEK??!??? Kristi is amazing... as always... and I might actually like the Rumba after watching this... Judges dug her... well... at least the male ones did... 9, 10, 10 -- 29

Derek Hough & Shannon Elizabeth are up next. Derek can't keep healthy... He was taken to the hospital earlier tonight with a bout of food poisoning... Let's hope that he makes it thorugh the dance... while puking... that would be awesome. Shannon and Derek are really touchy touchy in the pre-video... to TW and I... there seems to be something not quite right... but she is still better than everyone else but Kristi... The judges ripped her apart... and she looked really upset... I liked it better than them. 8, 8, 7 -- 23...

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up last... Jason is not feeling it, but he is going to try. He frigging pulled it off... that was a great dance... it was the only ong of the night that the singers were actually good and didn't butcher a song... 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Please vote of Priscilla or Marissa... Please America... I beg of you...

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