The MOLE... Love it... Even After Three Weeks!!!

HEY FBT AND HIS WIFE!!! THIS SHOW ROCKS.

Previously on the Mole... Booby hates Paul... Victoria is a chatterbox... Booby is carted around by Amazonian Kristen and Liz is executed... Oh yeah... don't forget ... Nicole said she was going to KILL Paul in his sleep... That's messed up. Seriously...

Boring JOhn Kelly tells us how to play the game over the credits... and I am reminded that it's time to take a nap.

The game's back on! Paul, Craig, and Ali are haning out a lot... Mark, Clay, and Bobby created a coalition as well. Nicole is hated by everyone... and the death threat is being overplayed by the editors...

It's time for the first challenge and John takes a bite from an apple... pretty contrived... Today's mission is about trust... and they separate the gang into two groups... one that can trust and one that can't... and they are going to go down a pretty awesome looking steel luge. Coolio!... The person in the front will be blindfolded and be directed by another person...

Oh yeah... there will be signs of fruits on the way down and the director has to remember what order they are in...The blindfolded player has to put the fruits in order at the end and earn $2000 for each correct fruit. They can win a total of $70,000.

Bobby directing Clay... They win $10,000.
Kristen directing Paul... They win $10,000
Craig directing Victoria... They win $14,000!
Mark directing Kristen... They win $14,000.
Nicole directing Alex... They win $2,000.

Total is $50,000 BUT THERE IS A MOLEY MOLEY MOLEY PROBLEM!!!!

Bobby & Clay AND Craig & Victoria are penalized because they broke a rule and kept talking after they crossed the finish line... even though they got all SEVEN right for $14,000... so they get nothing... The final total is $26,000 instead for a grand total of $89,000.

The players are all dressed up and they are going to the spa... and everyone is dressed in bikinis and bathing suits... They swin and they get pampered with different types of massages and pampering. While they are getting pampered, their clothes are all stolen. So the next mission begins... as they are all dressed in their white bathrobes. So what's the challenge?

Commercial.

We are back and they are split into groups. They have to get to dinner and win $5000 for each person to get there, but since there is a dress code, they gotta convince people in Santiago to give them the clothes off their backs. I love this challenge because it reminds me of the one a few seasons ago where they had to convince people to let them do their laundry in their houses.

Clay and Mark opted out of the game. If they don't make it to dinner, they don't eat... so weird. Lots of comedy ensues and the eye candy babes walking around in boots and tiny tiny outfits... so there ya go. Enough said about that. Final total?

Paul and Alex arrive dressed right. ($10,000) Ali, Veronica, and Kristen all want to quit/not quit. They push a bit more and finally get enough clothes. They arrive and earn another $30,000. Nicole, Bobby, and Craig are still wandering around. Nicole is complete... Bobby is complete... but nothing fits Craig (he's fat) so he is the only one without any clothes. Craig goes to the laundramat and they actually find THEIR CLOTHES! Craig has something that fits... God for him. I wonder if they will be able to win... They arrive fully dressed. Bobby and Craig feel like winners. There is a total of $40,000 in the game added in... Clay and Mark stare at them from outside.

After dinner (I think after a day off since they just ate a dinner and Mark and Clay are now in the game), they will take the quiz and John Kelly keeps asking them questions pointing out Mark as an obsessive player, but don't forget that he is playing for his family. Paul and Mark get into a verbal battle. Then... Paul battles Booby... and then Craig. Nicole gets into it with him. Paul claims that it's all to fire them up and throw them off of their quizzes. Interesting.

Time for the quiz and time for the players to second guess everyone.

Before they execute someone, John offers the players $20,000 to just get up and leave the game...since there are no exemptions. No one takes him up on his offer...so he shuts it down.

Kristen is first... SAFE (damn they time that music correctly.
Mark is second... SAFE
Victoria is third... SAFE
(Three of my players survive.)

John raises it up to $30,000 for the remaining SEVEN players.

Ali QUITS and takes the money.

Hrm... lame... and the prettiest contestant is gone... John lets everyone know that she would have been safe and they continue on with the execution.

Alex is fourth... SAFE
Booby is fifth... EXECUTED

BYE BYE BOOBY

Who Will Win?

I Am The Mo
Victoria
Craig
Paul

Team 360°
Bobby -- EXECUTED NIGHT THREE
Nicole
Marcie -- EXECUTED NIGHT ONE

Tucker’s Nuts
Kristen
Alex
Liz -- EXECUTED NIGHT TWO

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Mark
Clay
Ali -- QUITS NIGHT THREE

Who is the Mole?

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Paul
Marcie -- EXECUTED NIGHT ONE
Kristen

Tucker’s Nuts
Victoria
Nicole
Mark

Team 360°
Alex
Craig
Liz -- EXECUTED NIGHT TWO

I Am The Mo
Clay
Bobby -- EXECUTED NIGHT THREE
Ali -- QUITS NIGHT THREE

Cheese...

... really does make everything better.

Hot Yankees Day

Last weekend, I was lucky enough to go to the Yankees game with muh wife and friends, but it was a frigging hot day... This rise in temperature happened in about an hour.











Eventually... the signs read 95, but up in the upper boxes, it HAD to be a lot hotter than that.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

Tucker got me a card...

What did you get?

Top 10 Things to do at the Mall

Top 10 Things to do at the Mall < murphjax > 06/07 19:39:06


10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

2 Men in an Elevator

Two men are in an elevator. One says, "Can I smell your balls?" Outraged, the second man says, "NO you may not." The first man then replies, "Well then it must be your feet."

Happy Friday the 13th

Watch some spooky movies and enjoy some ice cream on this fine day.

I think I will watch Bucket List.

Book 36 of 52 -- Philip Margolin's Executive Privilege

Get ready to lose some sleep and I was not able to put this book down.

I believe this is Mr. Margolin's best effort to date.

The book was fast paced, great characters, and a very credible, entertaining plot.

If you like books that cover the U.S. from the West Coast to the East, politicians that you love to hate, lawyers, judges and law enforcement heroes that make you root for the home team and a little romance thrown in, then this is the book for you.

I was very sorry to read that Mr. Margolin's beloved wife passed away early last year.

I think that it is possible that this great loss has made him a more powerful, gifted writer, and I sure wish that she was able to read this book.

It is truly one of his best.

Scotty at the Hampton Inn -- A Masterpiece

My lovely bride and I were pleased to go to a wedding a few weeks ago in Virginia and we stayed the night at the Hampton Inn.

It was at this glorious Hampton Inn that we met................ Scotty.

Muh wife and I walked up to the front counter and we asked the man... Scotty ... to give us our keys so that we could check in.

Before he got too deep into checking us in... he asked us to go retrieve a sleeping guest in a chair just off the front desk so that he could check him in. I was astounded by this since it's his job to check people in and aksing us to get him was nuts...

We checked in and decided that we needed some lunch so we went back into the lobby. Scotty asked us where we were going and I announced that we were stepping out so that we could get some lunch. He asked us which direction we were going in and I told him that we planned on taking a right out of the parking lot and looking for something to eat. He said after thinking for 15 seconds or so... "Hmmmm... that's a good side." What?!?!?

He told us that a particular restaurant had "Crab cakes second only to Maryland." What? Second to an entire state? That's saying a lot about every single crab cake in Maryland.



And finally... the one that made me wonder the most... I have a preference on all of my accounts for the hotels I stay at -- no down or feather products. When we got to the room, I followed my usual course of action and called the front desk (Scotty) and asked him to please send someone up to de-feather the room. His response was amazingly awkward. "Oh yeah... I heard about that. Sorry, I will have someone up there as soon as possible to fix that." He "heard" about it. Yawn....

Thank you Scotty for making our stay at the Hampton Inn a truly memorable one.

We are well aware that this story is... "You had to be there" story, but we are STILL giggling about it.

The Mole... Week 2

Previously... On THE MOLE... I now remember that this new host is nowhere near as awesome as Anderson Cooper.... and oh yeah... Marcie was executed.

So after some interesting confessionals -- including one by silly pants Craig -- we get into our first challenge of the show in Santiago, Chile. They are going to race to the top of a mountain where two people ride a bike to the top before the rest of them have to take a gondola... but they need to beat a pretty good Chilean soccer team. If the two people win, no money will be added to the pot, but they win an exemption. Mark and Kristen are riding the bike. Some of the others are ex-soccer players and they are playing some little kids.

Let's get to the game since the adults are pretty darn confident. The kids rock and are embarrassing the adults. The chain on the bike keeps coming off the bike and it's pretty entertaining so they start running up the hill. At some point it's 8-0 kids... then it keeps going up and up.

We get lots of interviews of how wussy everyone is... after 20 minutes, it was 14-0 andthey got a chance to score with penalty kicks... Ali comes through... so they now have to hustle to the train station to catch the gondola ride up... Some people are strong and some are weak...

Part of the way up... John distracts Kristen and Mark with a taxi if they take $5000 out of the pot. They quickly reject him and I am catching a glimpse into the possible assholedomness of Mark. It's actually a pretty close race to the end and it is vague as to who wins while John interviews the soccer team team. The bike team arrives first and $35,000 is lost and Mark and Kristen earn an exemption.

Lunch after the challenge provided lots of opportunities for people to rag and yell at each other. It is finally allowing a glimpse for the audience of each player and they are starting to differentiate themselves from the rest of the group.

Paul is a hot head... Victoria is a turdy turd... Kristen is a dopey blonde... Bobby is a sissy who can't run..

The players are shipped to Pomaire for the next challenge... and it is a peaceful countryside arena with pigs running around in it. The game is convoluted... they have to get some clay piggy banks, shoot them in the air and catch them in blankets... Get it? I still don't, but there are plenty of opportunities for screwing up the challenge. It got so bad that the big tall blonde had to push sissy Bobby in the wheelbarrow.

Alex can speak Spanish... and everyone thinks that is awesome.

The pig looking was amazing... and there were SO MANY opportunities. I did learn that Bobby likes to be yelled at and blame everyone else for his problems.

People get lost... people are "weak" and people are looking for this unknown exemption that is floating around the game. No one knows what it is, and two people are left behind while they look for pigs in town. These two were also left with a free $1000 pig... Paul... intelligently... breaks the pig against the wall to see what is jiggling around.... inside... and sure enough... it is ... an exemption.

It's now time for the giant slingshot shooting pigs into the air game. They miss a whole bunch of pigs and thus... $1000 each. Eventually Craig comes in and saves the day. They start catching pigs like crazy. Eventually, they earn $28,000 so the total pot is finally $63,000.

(They are focussing on complainy pants Mark a lot... so I feel as though he might be sent home this week... or executed.)

Three players have exemptions... so one of the last 8 players will be executed so now we get the obligatory "Let's review why anyone could possibly be The Mole." The highlight is that Bobby found Alex' journal...who claims that he did it on purpose.

Time for the Quiz...to determine who is EXECUTED.

My favorite part is that the Execution Ceremony is in front of a Cemetary. :)

Clay -- Safe...
(I love the dramatic music during this... )
Alex -- Safe...
Victoria -- Safe...
(Touch screens are slightly less dramatic than Anderson's typing...)
Bobby -- Safe...
Liz -- DEAD -- EXECUTED -- MURDERED...

Still a bit early, but we get a nice little tribute to Liz as she is gracefully removed from the game...

Nicole actually threatens Paul's life in a variety of ways... it made me slightly uncomfortable...

Who Will Win?

I Am The Mo
Victoria
Craig
Paul

Team 360°
Bobby
Nicole
Marcie -- EXECUTED WEEK ONE

Tucker’s Nuts
Kristen
Alex
Liz -- EXECUTED WEEK TWO

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Mark
Clay
Ali

Who is the Mole?

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Paul
Marcie -- EXECUTED WEEK ONE
Kristen

Tucker’s Nuts
Victoria
Nicole
Mark

Team 360°
Alex
Craig
Liz -- EXECUTED WEEK TWO

I Am The Mo
Clay
Bobby
Ali

Jim McKay Passed Away

I will miss him... and all the memories that he brought me.

Dover Highlights

As you know, I head to Dover twice a year and this year has started no differently.

Before the race, me and my buddy walked around the place looking at people when we came across the new statue that Dover Speedway put it up. This is a fun picture of me in front of it. That's a real race car in its hand.



So then we finally moved into the track to see the race... So take a look below... it's a cool video.



I filmed this to show you how loud it is. You can BARELY hear me yelling at the end of it. Thank goodness I have ear phones on.

When the race was over, we decided to hang around and cook some dinner since it takes forever to get out of the parking lot... Mmmm... porterhouses... rock.

I Lost 23 Pounds Today

Go Yankees!

We are at the game today...

Go Yanks!

Cute Little Jaguar

Book 35 of 52 -- Jeff Lindsay's Dearly Devoted Dexter

This is a fantastic follow-up novel about everyone's favorite serial killer.

The book plunges deeper into Dexter's mind while racing about Miami in pursuit of "Dr. Danco," a shockingly cruel master of torture from Sgt. Doakes' shadowy Army days.

This novel grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go.

I actually enjoyed this better than the first book, which was great in its own right.

"Dearly Devoted" was more fast-paced and exciting and Dexter's humor, his narration, is priceless.

His interactions with Vince Masouka, his total bewilderment at Rita's advances, his constant internal dialogue with the reader and his Dark Passenger, are hilarious.

This is dark comedy at its best.

What I love the most about Dexter is...and he endlessly refuses to admit it...he DOES have a heart, and he DOES have emotions and feelings.

Lindsey is such a talented writer!

Book 34 of 52 -- The Blue Religion (Police Stories Editted by Michael Connelly)

The Blue Religion is a compilation of law enforcement stories. All are brief, so this makes for good bathroom reading.

Not all of the stories in this book were good.

A few were a bit boring and poorly-written.

Then again, a few were great.

There are 19 stories, so there are by far more good stories than bad.

Some are written in a manner in which only someone in law enforcement can truly relate.

The Blue Religion would make a great gift for a law enforcement personnel or someone just graduating from the police academy.

Three Word Movie Reviews

2007 Academy Award Nominated Short Films -- Some Good -- Bad...

The Air I Breathe -- Quirky Not Bad

Carnivale (Season One) -- Better Than Remembered

Cleaner -- Not Good... Tedious

Diary of the Dead -- Fun... Societal Statement

Forgetting Sarah Marshall -- Fun, Silly, Long

The Great Debaters -- Cliche, but Decent

Hollywood Dreams -- Slice My Wrists

I'm Not There -- Confusing and Different

The Jerk -- So Frigging Funny

John Carpenter's The Fog -- That's a Classic

Meet The Spartans -- Meet the Shit

Mystery Men -- Still silly... Dated...

National Treasure: Book of Secrets -- Surprisingly Entertaining... Simple

Phantasm -- Finally Saw.... Fun

Private Parts -- Still Great Movie

Rambo -- Passable Saturnoonish Flick

Recount -- Suprisingly Boring Interesting...

Saw III -- Frustrating Transitional Sequel

Saw IV -- Good Enough Sequel

Standing in the Shadow of Motown -- Powerful, Enlightening Movie

Strange Wilderness -- Stupid Inane Dumb

(John Carpenter's) The Thing (1982) -- Still a Classic

What Would Jesus Buy? -- Shopping Sucks! CONVERTED!!!!!

The Mole is Back!!!!!!!!!!!

Before we get too deep into what is the greatest game show on television, I give you the contestants... it will show you who each of the contestants are...



Same music!!!!! New Host... Darkest and Deepest voice yet... Spoooooky.... not his voice... but his huge Adam's Apple...

12 Strangers, 10 weeks, 1 Winner... And.. One MOle... the one who is trying to prevent them from winning one million dollars.

I am so psyched... so is John Kelly... as he greets the contestants... John... asks them all to guess who they think is the Mole... Marcie is the first choice... Lame so far... (Marcie reminds us that you want people to think that you are the Mole because it makes them guess wrong on the test -- the determination if you stay or go... )

At the edge of a waterfall the contestants have their first mission... where they will navigate rafts off the edge of a waterfall. There are money bags for the contestants to jump for... some with cash... some with money ($10,000 each -- 6 total and five with paper.)... Marcie.. gets to choose who jumps for what... We don't know what she has chosen...

Alex is first and we learn that they are tethered so no great harm can fall them:
Alex fails miserably...
Ali prays to Jesus... literally... comes closer than Alex...
Clay succeeds...
Kristen has no fear and grabs the bag.
Bobby is openly gay I think... and he grabs the bag.
Liz is old.. and old... and doesn't even hve to jump and grabs the bag
Paul is not old and he... misses... ha ha ha
Victoria is a former cheerleader... and she falls on the raft and fails...
Craig is the "fat one" and he takes an awkward header... and we get a commercial... he hurts himself...
Nicole succeeds...
Mark succeeds... for a total of six bags.
Nicole(Fake), Kristen (Fake), Bobby (Fake), Mark (Money), Liz (Fake), and Clay (Money) for a total of $20,000 into the pot.

The players get journals... and that is the only place that you can write down notes during the game... these are awesome... Marcie will determine what four players will be sleeping outside... Nicole, Liz, Craig, and Bobby... while the other eight are sleeping indoors. That's the rules... better not break them.. Nicole is annoyed that she has to sleep outside and is making a commotion. She will stay inside and not "sleep."

So Nicole didn't sleep and the alliances were beginning... John Kelly tells them that they are going to the beach... for the next mission. He asks... who is the group's biggest whiner? Obviously... Nicole. Currently... I am buying that she is the Mole... she kept 8 other players up all night so they would be week the next day AND she was the unanimous choice for being a whiner so that she could control the game the next day.

(Why does the most obnoxious player have to be in full Yankees gear?)

Nicole gets to make some decisions and stuff. The game requires scavanging, appraising, and time keepers. It's a coplicated game that requires lots of running and stuff. I am not going to explain it... but it allowed for 12 people to judge each other... The whole event is a train wreck... and everyone makes themselves look guilty. They got 3 out of 5 right so at $5000 each, they got $15,000 more into the pot.

Nicole is left alone... to spend the night on the beach... Mwah ha ha ha ha... Everyone else gets a hotel room. That means lots of gossipping and crap. The 11 in the hotel get to eat a fancy dinner and talk at the table. They all admit that they have the quiz tonight and it scares them so far. (I am not crying for Mark.)

It's time for the Quiz. 10 questions about the Mole. The person who gets the worst score will be executed and then we will be treated to a video montage about the person. In the early episodes... especially the first one ... that makes me laugh since we barely know this person.

John goes over the quiz questions and the players all hem and haw about who they think is the Mole and discuss strange behavior... nice editting Mr. Editors.

They are all sitting around John Kelly now in their best garb when John starts to randomly enter their names into the computer by touching their face on the screen(Remember... he doesn't know who the Mole is.). Nicole is on the beach still and she cannot be executed because she didn't take the quiz and she loves to hear that she earned this exemption. If their name comes up in green, they are not executed. If it comes up in red... EXECUTED! Let's watch...

Nicole is safe... (exemption)
Ali is... safe...
Victoria is... safe...
Paul is... safe...
Bobby is... safe...
Mark is... safe...
Marcie is... EXECUTED... MWAH HA HA HA HA...

Everyone is sad or is that happiness to still be here... The MILF is eliminated. We are subjected to listening to everyne talk about how wonerful she was... after only knowing her for just a day and a half. Blah blah blah blah blah blah...

We fade out with Nicole laughing as she sleeps on the beach...

As with Survivor... my wife and two friends are playing a game and we drafted two games -- One for who will win and another for who is the Mole. Good times.

Who Will Win?

I Am The Mo
Victoria
Craig
Paul

Team 360°
Bobby
Nicole
Marcie -- ELIMINATED NIGHT ONE

Tucker’s Nuts
Kristen
Alex
Liz

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Mark
Clay
Ali

Who is the Mole?

I HEART Anderson Cooper
Paul
Marcie -- ELIMINATED NIGHT ONE
Kristen

Tucker’s Nuts
Victoria
Nicole
Mark

Team 360°
Alex
Craig
Liz

I Am The Mo
Clay
Bobby
Ali

Book 33 of 52 -- David Baldacci's The Whole Truth

The villain of this novel is Nicolas Creel.

He is the CEO of Ares Corp.

Ares is the largest weapons manufacturer in the world, and according to Forbes
Creel is the 14th wealthiest person in the world with a net worth of $20 billion dollars.

He needs unrest and conflict to help his profits and income.

Dick Pender is a spin master who works for Mr. Creel, who is a
specialist in "perception management.

He is using his talents to create a negative perception of Russia by creating the Red Menace.

The hero of this story is Shaw who works for an intelligence group, and his handler is Frank Wells.

An organization called the Phoenix Group is killed by a group posing as Russians.

The Phoenix Group is bank-rolled by the Chinese.

Katie James is a journalist who was a previous winner of two Pulitzers but is now ruined in journalism.

She stumbles across this story and hopes to use this opportunity to revive her career.

The world is on the brink of war between Russia and Chinaand it becomes
Shaw's job to stop it.

There is nonstop action in this fine book so be sure to read it.

My Trip To Dover...

Last year it rained horribly...

Let's hope it's sunny at the moment.

Let's also hope that I have a beer.

Sara Pipalini Joke -- Thanks Bro

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"

And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter .

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.

"No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

Everyone Hollah For Smelmooo's Momma

She's celebrating her birthday today.

Damn You Lost

How exactly are they going to get another two seasons out of this now?

In case you missed the fake commercial.

http://www.octagonglobalrecruiting.com/

Book 32 of 52 -- James Patterson's Maximum Ride: The Final Warning

I expected a lot more from the next chapter in the Maximum Ride saga.

After all, the first three books were all about heart-pounding action, excellent character development, and just the right amount of romance to keep it interesting -- FOR A KID'S BOOK.

Now take all of the first three books and squash them together into a single miniature version without any of the action, and you have The Final Warning.

Granted, there are some good points, not to spoil any, but most of them happen towards the beginning of the novel.

The last three quarters were, in my opinion, mainly rehashed storylines from the first three books.

The action is only seen from the point of view of two characters including Max and Fang's meaningless 'book blog', not the actual blog that exists on the Web.

Then there's the fact that the series has become a huge environmental tree-hugging plug as well.

Yeah, we know the environment needs to be saved, but you don't have to beat it into our brains by making Max Ride the Eco-Lady of Popular Literature.

Is this book what we Maximum Ride fans clicked a million times for?

I think not.

This one needs a sequel, if the Flock is to be saved.

Book 31 of 52 -- Stuart Woods' Santa Fe Dead

When we last saw Santa Fe Lawyer Ed Eagle (Short Straw, 2006) he was finally rid of his insane wife, Barbara.

Now, this book picks up a year later.

Ed has just been a witness in the trial against his ex and is awaiting the verdict.

Barbara, fearing she will be found guilty, slips out a window and escapes (as strangely unplausible that is, but I'll go with it).

This of course disturbs Ed, as she has tried to kill him before.

So begins a book of backstabbing and cat & mouse antics as Barbara remarries and uncannily her new husband dies (natural causes).

Meanwhile, Ed takes a strange case where his clients family has been murdered.

The man calls him on the phone to tell him about a ransom. Not the police, Ed.

Everything leads back to L.A. where we once again get the backdrop of Centurion Studios.

With some interesting twists and turns right to the end, this isn't Woods' best effort but it is a non-stop thrill ride from the beginning.

Book 30 of 52 -- James Patterson's Sundays at TIffany's

James Patterson has tried centering a whole novel around a gimic that doesn't work...at least not for me.

I enjoyed the beginning of the novel when Jane is a young girl... very believeable and touching.

I also enjoyed the character of Jane as an adult as Patterson's heroine is extremely likeable.

And, actually, I truly liked the hero, Michael, as well.

The problem for me isn't the characters of Jane and Michael, per se, as much as how childish the gimic of their relationship becomes half-way through.

I can usually suspend my disbelief pretty well as a reader, but this just didn't work for me.

Midway through, I started to feel I was reading a pre-teen paranormal novel because I was internally rolling my eyes during the last half of the book.

I love a love story, but this one just left me disappointed.

Happy Memorial Day

TW is away... time to memorialize it...

Congrats to Jenni and Matt

It was lovely...

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Movie Going Experience

No Commercials... 15 minutes of previews....

The Wackness

My Best Friend's Girl

Tropic Thunder

Pineapple Express

The Incredible Hulk

Wanted

Purple House From Hell

This house is like 2 1/2 blocks from us.

The town construction official says there are 180 DIFFERENT colors inside the house.



Sometimes... I truly dislike people.

Wii Story -- Karma's a Bitch...Waiting For You...

One Monday morning, I look through the Sunday paper advertisements and I see that Circuit City was guaranteeing that it would have a certain amount of Wii's in stock on Sunday.

We have wanted one for awhile, but we weren't making any effort to find one during the week with our hectic schedules and lives.

So I called Circuit City to see if they had anymore and I was told that they had 3 left.

Ok... so I get to Circuit City after having called them 15 minutes earlier.

I walk in.. look around... and I can't find them and I go up to the security guard to ask him where the Wii's are.

He and I chat a bit and he tells me that they are behind the customer service desk...

A random woman hears this and shoves me out of the way... physically makes contact with me to go get one.

I look at the security guard who tells me that if they are down to only one... it's mine.



So I saunter over and I wait in line behind this turd of a woman...

We both buy a Wii (there are two registers) and I leave about 15 seconds behind her.

The security guard checks her and then checks me... we laugh.

I then tell the security guard to hurry outside, because I had just seen a kid knock the lady down and steal her Wii.

So the lady is on the ground and the security guard goes and gets the Wii and kid... and now... I might be a witness if this ever goes to trial.

Whatever happens... I am REALLY good at Wii Tennis... so suck on that woman.

Dancing With the Stars Comes To An End...

LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait a minute... is this really a two hour show? Jesus...

We start with another recap... and I am not going to say anything about it... except that I need a nap... phew... with just three competitors... the recap goes by so quickly...

It's now the first time that Samantha gets to interview the contestestants and ask the stars how nervous they are...

Tom says... that in five seasons... only once has the highest point scorer won the title... interesting....

Usher sings... and I fast forward...

They are about to boot the first person, but we are subjected to other finalists and who they think will win the whole thing... and now... let's reveal.. through an incredibly slow and agonizing method... the first couple to be booted and thus... finishing third...

The third place couple is... Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke. That makes me sad and I feel crazy because I should never root for anyone... but we get his final interview and a stroll down memory lane right before his final dance... a Paso Doble...



So now we have 95 minutes left... how the hell are they going to fill in this time...

Oh... this is how... I think everyone is going to dance again...

First up... Penn... and my former girlfriend Kym Johnson.. and an interview...
Second up... Monica Seles...and Jonathan Roberts... and an interview...
Third up... Steve Guttenberg and Anna Trebunsky... and... AN OVERLY EXCITED INTERVIEW!!!!
Fourth up... Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough... swoooon

DYFS ALERT -- DANCING CHILDREN

Fifth up... Priscilla Presley and Sprout.
Sixth up... Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez.
Seventh up... Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough...
Eighth up... Mario and Karina Smirnof...
Ninth up... Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani...

Usher sings again and I want to shoot my own face off.

We now will have a final dance off to get some more scores... interesting...

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up first... They really need to screw up to wreck their chances of winning... but... as always... it was awesome... Their Jive showed why they are the best dancers of the whole season. As expected... 10, 10, 10... another perfect 30 for Kristi. 90 out of 90.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up last and they dance a lovely dance and finish the season in a lovely fashion. Their scores? (like it matters) 10, 10, and 10 -- 30... Just to make Jason feel good.

Tom now goes to the audience and interviews many of the past players this season... even Priscilla... Shannon (CRY BABY) Elizabeth... and Mario...

Time to announce our winners... drama... drama... drama....

Jason and Edyta are not the winners...



Your Season Six Winners... Kristi and Mark!

Dancing With the Stars FINALS!!!!

SOooo... LLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I would prefer Cristian winning, but if Jason wins... I will be finer than if Kristi winc, but I really don't care... even though I secretly and rooting big time for Cristian...

Get all that?

First dance tonight? The Cha Cha Face off... they will all dance the Cha Cha... They drew balls to see who goes in what position.. They will all dance at the same time at some point and the montage shows precisely what it is that I like and dislike about all of them. 1. Cristian is pretty funny... 2. Jason is just quality. 3. Kristi... *yawn*.

TW and I agree... Samantha is a bit overtan...

The Cha Cha Faceoff begins with Cristian wearing all purple and showing off his awesome physique... yeah... even I have to admit it's awesome... I liked it a bunch.. Jason and Edyta are up immediately and do some fun and great moves... Jason messes up a couple of times we think...Kristi then comes out and actually kisses Bruno in a personality changing moment ... and I have to admit that her dress is pretty kick ass too... nice job Krisiti... and nice job Mark for the choreography... Very cool ending too... with Jason and Cristian holding Kristi way up in the air...

The judges sit behind the Fancy Mirror Ball... and judge all of the dancers... They all like each other and the dancers... You can tell that if they are going to rank them... (which I think they will) that Kristi would be 1... Jason would be 3 and Cristian would be 2.

Scores for the Face Off!

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- 8, 9, 9 -- 26
Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- 8, 8, 8 -- 24
Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas -- 10, 10, 10 -- 30

Round 2 -- Free Style

Kristi and Mark are up first. The are focussing on two things... One... a WOMAN should win and Two... Mark is hurt... so they do everything in their power to avoid the fact that Kristi is a boring piece of milk toast. They bring in Julianne Hough to help out and train Kristi... So.. they start ut and... it is awesome... I think she is the best dancer...and if this was really a competition based upon dancing... they would win hands down... It didn't seem perfect to us, but we aren't experts... they were full of tons of energy and exciting to watch.... The judges did like them a bunch... Their scores (if are anything less than a 27, they have the judges' scores lined up for first) are... 10, 10, 10 -- 30

Jason and Edyta are up second... Their video montage is all about being a player and competetitor... Go Jason go... something about the dance doesn't seem natural and they are doing a hip hoppy type dance... where there is a lot of grinding and fake tans all over the place.... Jason is also lifting Edyta and tossing her around like crazy... The crowd liked him... I am just not sold... However... the judges liked it. 9, 9, 9 -- 27 (Samantha interviews and then cuts off... amusingly so...

Cristian is up last... and hey! He was hurt earlier in the season... who knew? HE hurt himself again this week too in practice... that's really gotta get into his head again when he sees that footage. Lots of green and hispanicness... they really compensate for his hurt arm.. and end well enough... I admire him and the way he is working through something that really must hurt him... Carrie says it the best in that she sees him as a winner in so many other places such never giving up and the likes. She's right.. 100%. His scores? 9, 8, 9 -- 26

Totals

1. Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas -- 30 + 30 = 60
2. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- 26 + 26 = 52
3. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- 24 + 27 = 51

Happy Birthday Sis in Law

Book 29 of 52 -- Jeff Lindsay's Darkly Dreaming Dexter

I wouldn't have heard of this book if TW and I didn't fall in love with the show Dexter on Showtime -- the first season is based upon this book and I can see why someone took this book and made into something visual.

Jeff Lindsay's first novel is gruesome but fascinating in a Silence-of-the-Lambs sort of way (the narrator, who is trying to catch the serial killer, is himself a serial killer).

Dexter is a blood-spatter technician with the Miami PD, a perfect job for someone who cuts live people up as a hobby.

Relative to Hannibal, Dexter is actually fairly likeable, and the reader finds him/herself strangely "on Dexter's side" as he simultaneously admires and tries to find the killer.

Lindsay has a real knack for plotting; the book moves very swiftly.

The end result is the best thriller in ages, and I'm sure we'll see more of Dexter in sequels very soon.

Creepy Michael's Bathroom

Soooo... not a guy named Michael's bathroom... but the store called "Michael"'s bathroom.

I went to a Michael's -- a craft store -- to buy something earlier this week...

I went to the bathroom.

In the bathroom... on the walls... were items for sale.

Did they really need to be in there?

Tucker is Simon Cowell

Tucker is CURED!!!!

Three Word Movie Reviews

27 Dresses -- Barely Watchable... Chickie

All Souls Day -- You're Kidding Me.....

Bella -- Very Sweet... Good

Car of the Future -- Nice Environmentally Friendly

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly -- INcredibly Unique... Fascinating

Doctor Who (Season 1) -- That's Just Cool

First Sunday -- Sucked Monkey Nuts

The Golden Compass -- Oof... Absolutely... Annoying

Hear and Now -- Sweet Good Flick

The Hottie and the Nottie -- God Awful Shite

The Howling -- Old Fashioned Classic

Mad Money -- Mindless... Silly Fluff

Over Her Dead Body -- Crappy TV-ish Movie

P.S. I Love You -- Nice Try.... Eh...

Ralph Nader: An Unreasonable Man -- Pretentious Stupid Bipic

Reservation Road -- Dark, Brooding... Sad

Teeth -- Incredibly Distrubing... Weird

Torchwood (Season 1) -- Dark, Brooding, Fun

Trailer Park Boys: The Movie -- Just F*cking AWESOME

Untraceable -- Surprisingly Entertaining... Saw-ish...

Youth Without Youth -- Pretentious Overdone Poo

Happy Birfday Smelmooo's Pop

Book 28 of 52 -- Tom Perrotta's The Abstinence Teacher

As anyone who follows my reading patterns, I enjoy Tom Perrotta's books immensely...

All of the characters were interesting and well-developed.

You see them grow and change throughout the book.

I must admit, the book was much less interesting to me when told from Tim's point of view.

While none of the characters were really likeable to me, I found myself being drawn in and wanting to know what happens next.

There were times when I could not wait to get back to this book to see what happens next and other times when I thought of skipping ahead to get around slow, dull moments.

The ending leaves you hanging a bit.

I am not one of those readers who likes my stories tied up neatly at the end, but this one needed it to me.

An epilogue would have been wonderful and made the book more enjoyable for me.

Dancing With the Stars Week 9 Results

I am watching the results show alone and I can't help feel sad since Tucker is wearing his E-Collar since he was beaten up by another dog this weekend. Here's a picture of him in his collar... to make you feel bad for him.



Soo... it's time for an elongated hour of results... Will it be Jason, Kristi, Cristian or WENDY JOE... PLEASE... FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY.... LET IT BE WENDY JOE MARISSA JARET GRIMACE WINOUKER.

We get our normal recap and I am disgusting myself by making gross smells...

Argh... Wendy Joe is up and I want to shoot someone in the face. THey are also going to have the kid's dancing finale on... I hate those really creepy kids. Blech... This is NOT looking to be a good episode so far. Seriously.

I know I say it no matter what... but Samantha really does look stunning tonight. Red is her color.

Tom B is in ... Hyperbole mode... Usher is NOT one of the greatest performers... ever. Cmon Tom. Cmon...

For the repeat dance... Kristi and Mark are asked to dance the Tango again... She is still expressionless and boring... They finish and everyone loves them...

It's time for the kid's dancing... and Jon Benet Ramsey II and her partner -- the under 9 champions -- are dancing first... OH FUCK... I don't care... they are all just creepy and creepy and creepy... FAST FORWARD....

Time for Samantha to interview the final four dancers.... Let me sum it all up for you. Samantha's drunk and Kristi bores... Wendy is shocked she is still here... Cristian is hurt and Jason is ... friendless...

This week's special dance is a group of dancers doing a very energetic tribute to Thriller... or Michael Jackson in general... It was good until the stupid rapper joined it... Omarian ... I think his name is.... he was trying to upstage the dancers... stupid face.

More kids dance... This is just wrong... someone call DYFS.

A video montage!!!! We see that they all want to win... *yawn*

The first couple saved (This is at 9:52 -- ABC bastards) is... Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas (Duh)

Commercial! HA! DVR rules... :)

The next couple saved is... Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski

The last two couples (and not necessarily the bottom two are...
Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani and Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke

Which couple will leave one week short of the finals... ???

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani

Thank f&cking god... Get the hell off my television you obnoxious jerk. (I will miss you Tony)

Dancing With the Stars Week 9

Three months ago... 12 stars began their journey... 8 are gone... and we are down to 4 left... and it the SEMI FINALS.... Tom is full of his goofy charm... and I am forced to see a lot of attention paid to Wendie Joe Sperber.

The dances of the stars are chosen completely at random... and there are no lifts allowed this week...

Round One

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Up first... they are excited that they picked the Foxtrot and the Paso Doble. (It's cold in my house... is it May?) Edyta decides that she will talk to Jason in football lingo and she gets tough with him by using a chalkboard and wooden stick. Nice and tough... She also pulls out a video of Dan Marino... it looks like everyone is wussing out...even one of the greatest football players of all time. Jason starts with the foxtrot and looks very dapper in a tux and Edyta is wearing a full dress! It's a purple theme and the dance is extremely graceful and Edyta has choreographed another sweet and fabulous dance.... TW would be very proud of Jason's arm extensions... The ending was nice and it was a great way to kick off the show. The judges? Len thought it was fantastic... Bruno liked it too... as did Carrie Ann... Their scores? 9, 10, 9 -- 28

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- Marissa Jaret Winouker (her real crappy name... screamed a lot last week and SHIT... she called in Stacy Keibler, my ex-WWE girlfriend, to help her out. Wendy is having problems viewing Tony as sexy so they bond over that. That annoys me... and she didn't pull any cancer of ugly people card... she is just going to dance on behalf of everyone that believes in her. She is wearing a VERY purple dress and I am reminded of my desire for a McDonald's milkshake... Damn you Grimace!!! They dance the Quick Step... Please don't ask me to critique... I hate her so much. The judges... Bruno points out her errors and says that she needs to improve because she is in the Semi-Finals. Carrie says the same thing, but likes her more. Len finds some things wrong with it but still likes it... pansies... Her scores? 9, 9, 8 -- 26

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Yay... go Cristian! They picked the Viennese Waltz and the Samba (the dance that hurt him). The Samba is in his head... He was walking around the beach...to drum up votes and I have already seen these outfits because my friend AO was down there and saw them... She took pictures and the outfits... are just in HD... that's it. He starts with the VW... Harold Wheeler is killing a song I don't even like... Satellite by the Dave Matthews Band... and two dance a beautiful dance without injuring his arm. Last week they compensated and Cristian did a lot of the work...but this week, it seems as though... Cheryl is doing a lot of the spins and stuff... (I wouldn't say this if I didn't know aobut his injury... The judges think? Carrie Ann loves it. Len says it was awesome. Bruno will give good scores... I know it. Their scores... Tom makes fun of Cheryl's dress and riles her all up... it was pretty funny. 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- Kristi hates being second and she and Mark have to dance a Tango and Jive this week. Jesus... can Kristi get any more boring in her interviews... They go to a real ballroom class to let lots and lots of professionals critique her and tell her that she is a boring face with no chemistry. Kristi says the same damn thing every week... "I am going to (Insert dance name here) to the top." Something seems off to me... she is trying to smile and looks like she wants to poop... but then... something else happens... she "perks" up a bit... Depends? The judges say? Len hated it in a weird way and that encourages Bruno to yell and scream about it. Carrie Ann loves it too... The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29

I forgot to mention that Samantha looks stuning tonight... You Go Girl!

Round Two -- Latin Round

Goofy video montage... Len is going around giving personal advice to each and make them do a step that he wants... interesting... or not... IT SUCKED.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- Jason is dancing the Paso Doble... and Edyta is up to her old tricks by not wearing many clothes... Jason looks mean during the dance... and he should... He's dancing the Paso Doble. I think he just lifted Edyta... during a spin move... Carrie Ann will say it is... no matter what... Bruno says... awesome... LEn and Carrie Ann agree... The scores will be great. The scores? 9, 9, 9 -- 27

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- They are dancing the Rumba and Wendy Joe has to lookk sexy during it... I quit... I quit on her... stop being such a shit America... just cut it out. I fast forwarded it... and it's a weird ending because her dress gets stuck on Tony... whatever... Carrie Ann hated it and she really does hate it. YAY!!!! Len... continues to fuel this bullshit and encourages her some more. Bruno does as well... blech... Her scores... 8, 9, 9 -- 26

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- The one armed warrior is out to dance the Samba... why do I think this will be wonderful... even though it was the dance that hurt him... I was right... it was fun and there was good chemistry... and it seemed to be successful... plus the crowd liked it a whole bunch... Tom is right when he says... That left arm was holding him back... He was forced to do more with the adversity and it really has made him better. Len agrees. Bruno and Carrie loved it too. The scores? 10, 9, 10 -- 29 (Cristian was really excited... )

Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- For the final dance of the night... Kristi and Mark dance the Jive... and it is a good dance, but she is just too rigid... even though it is a really technically sound dance... I am slightly.... bored... to say the least... Her face never changed the entire time... like a creepy Barbie friend doll. Bruno loved it... Carrie saw it was out of sync... Len agrees with Carrie Ann. The scores? 9, 9, 10 -- 28

Final Scores

1. Kristi Yamaguchi & Mark Ballas -- 29 + 28 = 57
2. Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- 27 + 29 = 56
3. Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski -- 28 + 27 = 55
4. Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani -- 26 + 26 = 52

SURVIVOR COMPETITIONS -- AN UPDATE

SURVIVOR COMPETITIONS -- AN UPDATE

Survivor 1 in Borneo -- Richard Hatch (No Game)
Survivor 2 in Australia -- Tina Wesson (Ashfault!)
Survivor 3 in Africa -- Ethan Zohn (Ashfault!)
Survivor 4 in Marquesas -- Vecepia Towery (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 5 in Thailand -- Brian Heidik (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 6 in Amazon -- Jenna Morasca (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 7 in Pearl Islands -- Sandra Diaz-Twine (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 8 ALL STARS -- Amber Brkich (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 9 in Vanuatu -- Chris Daugherty (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 10 in Palau -- Tom Westman (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 11 in Guatemala -- Danni Boatwright (Ashfault!)
Survivor 12 in Panama (Exile Island) -- Aras Baskauskas (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 13 in the Cook Islands -- Yul Kwon (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 14 in Fiji -- Earl Cole (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 15 in China -- Todd Herzog (Pork Chop Express)
Survivor 16 in Micronesia -- Parvati Shallow (Pork Chop Express)

Overall Totals

Pork Chop Express -- 12
Assshfault! -- 3

Tucker's Nuts -- 2
FBT -- ZERO

Survivor Micronesia Fans Vs. Favorites Comes To An End

Wow... another season is almost in the book.

Before we begin... TW predicts Cirie will win and I will go out on a limb ... even though I think Cirie will win, and I wil actually guess Natalie for the... anti-been here before -- argument. She is a "fan" and someone who fought hard and made it the farthest of them all.

Alright... it's time for the 15 minute recap of the entire season... We are reminded of several things:

It is hard to be outside in the raid...
Injuries suck and forced some people out of the game...
Women were the better alliance makers this season...
There were a series of blind sides that were awesome...

Now... who do we have left?
Cirie says some wise words.
Natalie is talking smack... finally... on day 35
Amanda is having fun...
Parvati is a no holds barred player...
One of them will be the SOLE SURVIVOR!!!!!!

(It doesn't matter to me because I have all four of them and Assshhhhfaulllt lost... again... MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA)

We get a few minutes of the "girls" bragging about how great they are and the Women's Movement is set back about 50 years with all these "girls" references.

Time for another challenge... an IMMUNITY challenge and no one wants to vote the other one's off because of the love fest that has been going on for the past 15 minutes... I am annoyed and it is editted 15 minutes... it was about 24 hours worth on the island... blech.

Once again... Immunity is up for grabs... They stand on a pole... oh wait... there's more! They fill a bucket... pour into a tube... keys float up... they swim back.. unlock a box and first one to finish the puzzle wins......

Lots of gratuitous boob and cleavage shots... and Natalie and Parvati dominate the challenge in the early part of the challenge... Cirie... is last.... There are 16 ladder wrungs... Amanda catches up and she is kicking some ass... but she gets near the end and realizes that she must have messed up... but it's a ruse and she wins immunity... I fear this means that Natalie is now going home...

It's Day 37 and they now have to negotiate some stuff... Natalie is going to calmly and cooly try to do some more manipulating... Good luck to her...

Look... I love my wife and I adore every second with her... but as I watch these women rationalize and manipulate, I can't help but be ecstatic that I don't have to date anymore...

Time for Tribal Council and I must admit that I really have no idea who is getting voted out of this one... It could be any of them but Amanda unless something with rocks happens... They keep talking about blindsides and they all have weird smiles on their faces... The entire Tribal Council... I have to look at Ozzy's goofy and smug face and it annoys me big time.

There is a lot of drama as Jeff teases that it might be a bottom two... tension between Cirie and Amanda builds and it becomes rather uncomfortable for everyone... Natalie caused this and it is amazing... you gotta give her "props" for this even if you don't like her... right TW?

Time to read the votes that were just cast...

Cirie
Natalie
Natalie
Natalie

Thanks for playing Natalie... you made a good show of it. The Tribe Has Spoken and TW stands up and cheers...

Jeff says... "Once again you have survived and made it to the Final Three." That's vague enough that I am not sure it is a real Final Three or just the last three players...

Amanda and Cirie continue their drama back at the beach.... there's yelling and screaming, but they all make up in the end and there's crying and hugging and then... the making out... oof... that was gross...

Much like last season... Amanda is breaking down in the final two days... This will probably lose it for her again...

Now... let's get on to Day 38... finally... They let the chicken free (Gloria is her name). What a good time... but the chicken sticks around. They go get Tree Mail... and they are to honor each of the Fallen Comrades... before they begin the FINAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE...

They are all upset because it will be a FINAL TWO... Jeff Probst is the greatest game show host of all time... and this all makes AMANDA cry again... I am so in love with her crying... not her... I just want to see her cry her stupid eyes out.

Cirie makes the greatest point of Survivor history... when she says that a Final Two is pretty poetic because they have been blindsiding everyone that they have now been blindsided... very true... very true...

Time to honor the fallen comrades... even though these three didn't know many of them... Johnny Fairplay, Mary Surtain, Yau Man, Mikey B., Joel (Meathead), Jonathan Penner, Chet, Kathy (Quitter), Tracy (Big Fake Hooters), Ami, Eliza, Ozzy, Jason, James, Alexis, Erik, and Natalie. This "tribute" was more annoying than usual since they didn't do anything but walk on the beach and pick up torches... and then lit them on fire... yawn... I have to pee...

So they arrive for their final IMMUNITY CHALLENGE and they walk up to some platforms... There are cylinders and balls... and they have to balance the ball on the cylinders... every few minutes... they add some more cylinders making it harder... I hope this one didn't go for hours...

Because I am sure he gets bored... Jeff constantly talks... and tells them all that they have to gut check themselves... Round two begins... Jeff... continues to talk...

It's almost ironic that all this "Girl Power" has to balance a ball... Jeff keeps saying... "Don't Blow It" and I am sure that that makes him giggle like a little boy.

Parvati drops her ball... hee hee... in a cool shot... we they zoom in on the metal balls that everyone is holding and you can see 3-4 people reflected in the ball... Pretty neat shot...

Last and final round... they are now to 9 pieces each and it is sudden death... no more five minute intervals... Jeff babbles.... and babbles... he is so amazing in that he is encouraging them and at the same time... fucking with their minds.

Cirie loses her concentration and Amanda is going to the finals... again... Both TW and I think that she HAS to boot Cirie in order to have a chance. I am sure they will all talk about it... a bunch... yap yap yap yap.........

We arrive at Tribal Council and what have I learned over the past 10 minutes? Amanda hates making any kind of decision.... Parvati and Cirie are trying to convince Amanda that they pissed off more people so she'll take her with her.

Amanda has to make a choice and is bawling her eyes out at Tribal Council and I want to vomit... she doesn't want to "hurt someone's feelings" and both TW and I are royally pissed off and annoyed at her. I hate her now...

Cirie is voted out so it comes down to two hotties in the final two and I am now firmly... FIRMLY rooting for Parvati to win.

Cirie has a really nice boot video that makes us both sad... she acts as though she really disappointed her family. That's not fun at all.

Day 38 took forever...

Day 39 finally begins... and the girls celebrate way too much... they are all huggy and kissy and I don't think that I am going to be able to type anything about their hanging out and self glorifying comments about how awesome they are.

Final Tribal Council begins... It's time for the other people to decide...

Opening Statements Begin... Amanda is first... and Parvati is second... They are both so nice that I am not amused by either of them.

Eliza is first... she doesn't ask a question and just takes personal shots at each of them.

Jason is up next and asks two decent questions to each of them that will probably shed some light for him... and... ummm.... him only.

Alexis is up third and she is looking lovely... She wants to know who is a better role model from Parvati and she chooses herself. She thinks Amanda is a faker and disingenuous.

Natalie is up next and she respects the other "women!!!!!" She confronts Parvati's flirt card and asks her how her flirtiness takes her into the bedroom... no one understands... but Natalie admits that Parvati even flirted with her! IT was awkward. She then asks a backhanded question at Amanda and basically insults her and calls void.

Erik is up fifth. He would have voted for Amanda... now... he is not so sure... and doesn't really do much but call Amanda a jerk.

James... comes in ... in sixth... and his feelings are hurt by Parvati. James walks away...

Cirie... steps up to the niceness fest and speaks seventh... She pulls out a classic question and asks Amanda to tell her why the other one should win the million dollars. She then asks Parvati to tell the jury why Cirie should be there instead... and she gives her real answers.

Ozzy is up and it is going to be all drama with him. His feelings are hurt. You put a price on the friendship is his crazy card... Ozzy would have done the same thing. He hates Parvati. Oh shit... he's not even in it for the million and he's pulling some sympathy cards... The hardest part for him was that Parvati took away 14 days that he could have been spending with Amanda... Oh dear...

Eight jurors... that could be interesting since there could be a tie...

Time to get to the vote... after a 15 second long commerciall... (God bless DVR.)

Erik votes for Amanda for no smart reason...
Dopey Jason is confused.
Alexis loves Parvati.
Natalie might actually love Parvati.
Ozzy actually says he loves Amanda...
Eliza thinks and thinks... and thinks... the camera cuts and moves to her over and over again... she can't make up her damn mind.

Jeff will see us back in the US for the reading of the votes...

WE ARE LIVE.... Jeff has longer hair and he wants to start reading the votes... (Don't forget... you WANT to see your name on the paper now......)

Parvati
Amanda (stupid earrings)
Parvati
Amanda
Parvati
Amanda
Parvati (4-3)
Parvati....

I am strangely happy....

Parvati is genuinely happy and I think that is the first time that I have seen a winner actually thank the jury that way... The non-jurors walk in and it's time to begin the after show...

I am not going to post anymore... GO PARVATI!!!!!

Tucker's Nuts
6. Parvati Shallow (12) -- WINNER OF SURVIVOR 16
3. Amanda Kimmel (5) -- FINISHED IN SECOND PLACE
4. Cirie Fields (8) -- FINISHED IN THIRD PLACE
1. Natalie Bolton (1) -- FINISHED IN FOURTH PLACE
2. Alexis Jones (4) -- Booted Week 12
7. James Clement (13) -- Removed from Game by Medevac Week 12
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14) -- BOOTED WEEK THIRTEEN!!!!
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Happy Mother's Day!

Oldie But Goodie -- The truth behind Mayo

Thanks Bowman.

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course,


As Sinko De Mayo.

Smelmooo Equals Psychic?

I had a long sleeved shirt on this morning...

For some reason that I cannot explain, I switched to a short sleeved shirt.

Phew!

There is no A/C in the building because they are working on it.

HA!!!

Survivor Micronesia Fans vs Favorites Week 13

La la la la la la la la la la la.... previously... Amanda pulled some pretty awesome shit by pulling off the hidden immunity idol.

Who will be voted out tonight... only five are left...

I saw an interview this morning with Jeff Probst that said... Even after 15 other seasons of Survivor, this is the episode that makes you get angry at someone for being so naive... It's pretty much a spot where you just think someone is really really stupid.

We awake on day 34 of 39... and Erik is trying to make sense of everything... This is an interesting season because people WANT to get sent to Exile Island because they can find an idol for immunity. It's kind of funny. They are all trying to get people to send them there and not others.

Time for the reward challenge.

Cool challenge... they are getting asked questions based upon past seasons to test out who the real fans are... they get plane rides, meals, and times to clean up. Erik is best suited for this game... and that is right so he wins... First decision is who he is sending to Exile Island... he picks Parvati... exactly what the "female" alliance wanted. He then snubs Natalie and takes Amanda to reward.

What does this mean? Natalie gets to complain off camera and that is truly one of my guilty Survivor pleasures...

What else does this mean? Cirie gets to stealthily gloat to Natalie and make her stress out more...

Soooooooo..... we now get a lot of time of Erik and Amanda on the reward challenge and he wants to enjoy his time with Amanda... how cute...

We then get to Parvati on Exile Island who is sexing herself up and tanning herself... She brags about how she is only there to prevent others from getting the idol... (Others being Erik and Natalie) And she thinks so because she, Amanda, and Cirie are strong.

Erik is worried... b/c he tells all the women different things and now he knows that they have all talked and figured him out... so... like a shitty sports interview... he says that he needs to work really hard and win the Immunity Challenge to stick around.

Immunity Challenge is a three puzzle game. It involves placing ropes across some sand and using coordinates... I thoroughly enjoy these types of challenges... what makes this one different is that they are all digging near each other... Erik takes a huge lead... They then focus on Erik repeating the symbols out loud over and over again... That should mean that he won't find them... but alas... it is fake drama as he finishes his last puzzle and everyone else hasn't even found their second set of puzzle pieces. Loud music drama finish... and Erik wins... and he is "guaranteed a spot in the final four."

That guaranteed seems weird right now... since the women are smarter than him and will probably find a way to talk him out of it.

OH SHIT -- the women have a plan... convince Erik to give Natalie the necklace. Oh brother... I am totally believing that he is going to give her the necklace...

The discussion of Natalie and Erik begins and Erik actually starts to consider this... I am now in completely agreement with my brain that Erik is a f&cking moron and I need him to go because he is so frigging stupid...

Stupid is a bit strong... but he is just so incredibly NAIVE.

We go into Tribal Council not knowing if Erik is going to buy it and give the necklace to someone else....

Tribal Council begins and there are some questions asked... and the women berate him. This is so mean and manipulative because they are obviously trying to make him feel bad and guilty.... He now thinks that giving his idol to someone will give him a better shot at wining... to "make up for things"...

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME... but ERIK GAVE THE IDOL TO NATALIE...

Both TW and I are annoyed and preturbed... that poor kid...

Here come the votes... like I need to read them... this is the first time that we know who is knocked out before Jeff counts the votes... We had to see all teh women invididually berate Erik... and even the jury knows how dumb Erik was in this one...

PREDICTION FOR THE FINALS... I think that Natalie is totally going to win this thing... for some reason ... I think the others have pissed off more people... ... Maybe Cirie... but Natalie wins and gets at least one vote because she is a fan and there are others who have had their "chance."

Tucker's Nuts
1. Natalie Bolton (1)
3. Amanda Kimmel (5)
4. Cirie Fields (8)
6. Parvati Shallow (12)
2. Alexis Jones (4) -- Boted Week 12
7. James Clement (13) -- Removed from Game by Medevac Week 12
5. Ozzy Lusth (9) -- Booted Week Ten
8. Eliza Orlins (16) -- Booted Week Nine
10. Tracy Hughes-Wolf (20) -- Booted Week Seven
9. Kathy Sleckman (17) -- Out Week Seven -- Quitting Poop Face

ASSSHHHHFAULT
7. Erik Reichenbach (14) -- BOOTED WEEK THIRTEEN!!!! I wish I could say it was a boot... but oh my god....
8. Jason Siska (15) -- BOOTED WEEK ELEVEN!!!!!
1. Ami Cusack (2) -- BOOTED WEEK EIGHT!!!!!
4. Chet Welch (7) -- BOOTED WEEK SIX!!!!!
6. Jonathan Penner (11) -- Injured Week Six :(
3. Joel Anderson(6) -- BOOTED WEEK FIVE!!!
2. Michael Bortone (3) -- BOOTED WEEK FOUR!!!
5. Yao-Man Chan (10) -- BOOTED WEEK THREE!!!
9. Mary Sartain (18) -- BOOTED WEEK TWO!!!
10. Jonny Fairplay (19) -- BOOTED WEEK ONE!!!!

Shelley Duncan Signed My Ball

Heh heh...

Here's his autograph on my baseball and I tried to get him (17) in the picture as well.

WOOO HOOOO!!!!!

Boof 27 of 52 -- Jasper Fforde's The Big Over Easy: A Nursery Crime

I always had a thing against modern nursery rhymes, which is why I loved the super violent original ones instead since they were just so damn nice.

I thought they were just a little too "un-violent" for their intended audience.

Thankfully, Jasper Fforde had the mind to expose the seedy underbelly of Humpty Dumpty's world and the truth is finally out.

Oh, to get a peek inside of the creative and imaginative mind of Mr. Fforde.

"The Big Over Easy" is a skillful work of art and it was a pleasure to read although I did do a little too much eye-rolling.

It's a perfect summer read, full of satire, wit, and plenty to make you chuckle out loud. I loved it!

Yankees -- Smelmooo on the Telly?

If you are watching the Yankees game tonight and you see the Smelmooo on the telly with two attractive blondes and FBT...

Tangentwoman already knows.

We'll be sitting just to the left of the dugout next to Steinbrenner's tickets.

GO WANG!!!!!

UPDATE -- Actually... we were about 7 Rows back and really close.

Dancing With the Stars Week 8 Results

We start off with an hour long special episode where the judges go through their favorite ten dances of the first 6 seasons or 100 episodes. The judges introduced each dance and it was awkward and weird since they are far more interesting when they speak off the cuff.

10. Kelly Monaco and Alex doing their Mambo from Season 1
9. Sabrina Bryan and Mark Ballas' Paso Doble from Season 5
8. Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke's Cha Cha Cha from Season 3
7. Apollo Anton Ohno and Julianne Hough's Quickstep from Season 4
6. Joey Fatone and Kym Johnson's Jive from Season 4
5. Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough's Quickstep from Season 5
4. Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke's Freestyle from Season 2
3. Stacy Keibler and Tony Dovolani's Samba from Season 2
2. Mel B and Maks Chmirkovsky's Paso Doble from Season 5
1. Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff's Tango from Season 3

and with that depressing final dance -- I abhor Mario... let's get to celebrating!

Time to kick off the show with a bunch of professionals and stuff... it looks like Ashley is back... that makes TW very happy.

Samantha's hair is HIGH as Doug Benson.

Samantha mumbles through interviews with Wendy Jo, Jason, Mario, Kristi (I am just going to dance as well as I can and see what happens... get boringer please), and Cristian.

The first special guest are Rascal Flatts and Julianne Hough is dancing with Apollo and god dammit.. .I have to fast forward just because I hate country music.

Time for Tom to improvise with stars that were on the show before... Lisa Rinna is still fake and Vivica Fox and others announce that they have gotten work because of their appearances...

ARE THEY STARS?!?!?!?!?!

Mario Lopez is dancing with the cast of A Chorus Line right now... I love A Chorus Line... it is one of my favorite shows.

We are now 35 minutes into the show and no one has been saved and no one has been booted and Rascal Flatts is goign to sing another song they covered.

Samantha is now interviewing Kelly Monaco, Apollo, and Drew... They all pick someone like them... sooo... woman (Kristi), athlete (Jason), and actor/Cheryl Burke partner (Cristian)...

The boring video montage of the week is what the current dancers can learn from past dancers and champions... I hate these video packages.

It only took 50 minutes... to get to the first saved couple and TW and I want to kill our families because ...

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani are saved.

The second couple saved is Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas.

Kristi and Wendy Jo are interviewed and I FUCKING HATE MARISSA JARET WINOUKER.

Fuck America... Fuck them all.

The third couple saved is...Cristian de la Fuente and Cherly Burke

It's down to the final two.... and the red lights come on to illuminate the possible losers....Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwnski OR Mario and Karina Smirnoff

The latest couple booted... is... (not wendy joe... screw you America...) Mario and Karina.

Dancing With the Stars Week Eight

Sooo ... before the show begins, all I can think about is how Cristian is doing since he hurt himself last week. I hope he heals nicely.

Also... don't forget... they get to do lifts this week... one lift each... in each dance...

LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Tom and Samantha are here and neither the TW or I are really sure what is going on with Samantha's hair...

The stars enter down the stairs and for some reason Cristian is wearing one sparkle glove so I make an early guess that he is doing a Michael Jackson song...

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up first and they remind us that they got their lowest scores of the year and yet... they finished in second place... what a tough chick... She is going to step it up... wow... can she be more boring? They start with the Quick Step. They do a lift at the end ... and always... the dance is nice and they can dance and are really the best of everyone... and the judges agree. Let's see what the scores are... 9, 10, 10 -- 29.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff are up next and I can't help but note that Karina wears too much really really red lipstick. They practice lifts in the pol and Karina is in an extremely revealing bikini... I wonder why they are doing that... interesting... He reminds us about 15 times that he is 21 years old... The first dance is the Viennese Waltz. The dance was good and the lift was really cool... The judges liked it and they were raving... The judges decide to give some scores after Samantha mumbles through another interview... 9, 9, 9 -- 27.

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani are up next and Wendy pulls out her battle with cancer! Fuck you Wendy for pulling that bullshit! That cancer card is absolute bullshit. Then... she babbles some more and there are stupid antics and then she pulls the ... "I am fat... and you don't have to be a size 2 to win this." Screw her... she is a turd... She gets to be lifted at the end of the dance... and the judges like her... Bruno liked it the least... 9, 8, 8 -- 25

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are up fourth. Jason feels silly doing the samba so Edyta puts him in some funny clothes and gets a spray tan. why? He starts off doing the Tango and I am left wonder why Edyta bothers to wear any cloths at all? (Thanks LA -- I agree) The dance is crisp and good and if I were to score, I would give it a really high score. Edyta is my new favorite female dancer... oh who am I kidding... Julianne is my favorite. His scores -- 10, 9, 10 -- 29.

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke -- Tom makes a very comment about Cristian in that... he is willing to risk further injury to win "our odd little trophy." You had to be there. I am laughing... even today. He is determined to do lifts even with his injury... okie dokie... they delay us by throwing us into commercial... hhhaaa hhhhaaaa we have DVR... I was right... they are dancing to a Michael Jackson sing... it's Beat It... Tango... The dance was really good with the limitation of only one arm. TW and I agree in that we think he is pretty brave for dancing like this and it was really good. His scores... 10, 9, 9 -- 28

It's the middle of the show... and we have Marissa in last place... thank god.

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas are up for their second dance and they are dancing the Samba... and oof... the outfits are simple and look a bit... extravagant. Something was missing in the dance for me, it seemed good... maybe I just don't like the Samba... Carrie didn't care for it. and the other two weren't entirely nice either... their scores were 8, 9, 9 -- 26 plus the 29 makes a total score of 55.

Mario and Karina Smirnoff step up to do the Jive. He messes up right away by missing his cartwheel.He somehow recovers and keeps ffering his infectious Chris Tucker face as he dances... I also notice something else... of all the dancers... he does the "white man overbite" the most... He ends really poorly by trying to overdo a lift and spin and stuff. I didn't like it at all. His scores 9, 9, 8 for 26 plus the 27 from earlier gives them a total of 53.

HEY HEY HEY HEY!!! THE MOLE... JUNE 2nd!!!!!

Wendy Joe Sperber and Tony Dovolani come out for their second dance doing the Mambo... I am not talking... since her parents are in the audience. Bruno liked it... Carrie Ann calls her on her crap. Sometimes I love her. Her scores are 8, 8, 9 (25) plus the 25 equal 50.

Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinski are dancing the Samba and Edyta somehow... is wearing less clothes... than before. How is that possible? It was a struggle and the ending was cool. Carrie was rough on him as were Bruno and Len. His scores were 8, 7, 8 (23) and combined with 29 give them... 52

Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke dance their second dance... the Mambo. His bandage is the victim of the Bedazzler! There are a bunch of turns and such and I am reallly impressed with how Cheryl has worked around it. This has probably has made him a much better dancer. Len loves it... Bruno loves it... Carrie Ann loves it... His scores are 10, 9, 10 (29) plus the 28 give him 57 and put him in first.

Cristian & Cheryl -- 57
Kristi & Mark -- 55
Mario & Karina -- 53
Jason & Edyta -- 52
Wendy Jo & Tony -- 50

Book 26 of 52 -- Jonathan Kellerman's Compulsion

In Compulsion, one of the world's most popular authors returns with the twenty-second entry in the Alex Delaware series, a chilling tale about a
serial killer with an irresistible impulse to perform irrational acts.

When a young woman, Katrina Shonsky, disappears and a bloodstain is found in a stolen sedan, Lieutenant Milo Sturgis of the Los Angeles Police Department and his close friend and associate, psychological consultant Dr. Alex Delaware, investigate a case that turns out to be the brutal handiwork of a "shape-shifting" psychopath.

Paradoxically, a blatant oxymoron describes the killer's modus operandi: "evil altruism." With his rational side in control, he is a "do-gooder" whom everyone trusts and admires. Beware, however, his compulsive fascination with the macabre.

From the stately mansions in the hills above L.A. to the seamy haunts of the city's slums, Milo and Alex patiently and persistently gather information that points to other horrific crimes.

Early in this police procedural, it becomes apparent that the killer is a transvestite with thespian pretensions and a twisted sense of irony. If the world is a stage, he seeks to make it a bloody stage. We learn also that it's not prudent to attempt to stare down a cross-dresser or laugh at a psychopath.

Filled with fascinating characters, convoluted plot twists, and witty dialogue, Kellerman's latest entry will surely delight his many fans. As usual, Dr. Delaware brings his "shrink's deft touch" in theorizing a psychological profile of the killer.

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha ha ha...

You have no idea what I am talking about...

Doctor Tim

Doctor Tim had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in awhile he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: 'Tim, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go Tim.' But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality whispering:





Tim............




Tim............






YOU'RE A VETERINARIAN, YOU SICK BASTARD!!!

(Thanks Chris B... you sick bastard...)